[ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Very nice. Thank you. Hi, im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in sunny california. We welcome you. We embrace you. I dont know if you know this, the president was in california today. Did you know that, guillermo . Guillermo no, i didnt. Jimmy you havent been tracking him . Guillermo no. Jimmy joe biden was in california to survey the damage from the storms and catch a quick taping of ncis, his favorite show. [ laughter ] President Biden was upstate, near san jose and santa cruz, where he surveyed the damage from the recent floods. He left the White House White and early this morning. Then you can see he just kind of continued walking. [ laughter ] and walking. [ laughter ] and kept walking all the way to san jose. [ laughter ] they say he should be here by september. [ laughter ] i dont know i guess hes getting his steps in, thats for sure. [ laughter ] and if youre wondering why biden had to come in person, instead of just looking at photographs, its because jitterbug phones cant receive photographs. [ laughter ] because hes so old. We got a lot of rain, like 32 trillion gallons of rain. I dont know how they measure that. They say were still technically in a drought. I feel like we could sink into the pacific ocean, and theyd be like, its still drier than wed like to see. [ laughter ] remember when trump told us we could prevent wildfires by raking the forest . [ laughter ] he has a lot of good ideas. Maraloudo lashed out at joe biden on truth social today. Hes been doing everything in his power to whine that he, the guy who refused to return the top secret documents he stole for so long the fbi had to go in and take them, is being treated unfairly. We have two standards of justice in our country. One for people like you and me jimmy wait a minute, who is like you . [ laughter ] i mean, nobodys like you. Youre the only one. One thing i can say about him, he is unique. And thank goodness. I dont think we could handle more than one. Can you imagine two Donald Trumps . They would, first of all, hate each other. [ laughter ] i love this idea he throws out there thats hes a regular dude just born into billions, boarding school, wharton business school, joe six pack with a gold toilet and his name on every flat surface he sees. [ laughter ] hes one of us this is funny to watch, because, while on the one hand, trump is ecstatic they found documents at bidens house. But it also reminds everyone they found 15 times as many documents at his house. So now his goal is to make it seem like the golf mausoleum he lives in in florida is some kind of fort knox. And one for the corrupt political class, of which there are many. At the very same moment when my ultrasecure maralago home was raided by the fbi, joe biden was harboring classified documents in his chinafunded penn center and his unsecured garage, right on the floor, piles of paper, the floor was probably very wet and damp, as many garages are. [ laughter ] jimmy he really takes you on a journey of the imagination, you know . [ laughter ] first of all, the thing about piles of paper on the floor. He made that up. He doesnt know that. And what if the documents were damp and wet . Is he worried that spies wont be able to read them . This is joe bidens house. Theres secret service there. Maralago is a wedding venue. There are hundreds of strangers, drunk and doing the chicken dance, in that building, every weekend. [ laughter ] and ill add another thing. This chinafunded penn center he now keeps talking about . Thats where donald trump went to school. Its his alma mater penn [ laughter ] what a pennis head. [ laughter ] its a travesty. Biden lied to the American People and weaponized the justice department, or as i call it, the injustice department. Jimmy good one. [ laughter ] the difference is that while i did everything right, i did nothing wrong. Biden did everything wrong. [ laughter ] jimmy let me see if i have this straight. The difference is, one guy did everything right and nothing wrong. The other guy did everything wrong. I guess when you put it that way, he does make a really solid point. Trumps not the only one trying to sell this bidens was worse nonsense. Fox news somehow managed to connect this to hunter biden. This newly surfaced image shows then vice President Biden in 2013 holding a folder with a cover sheet marked code word in big red letters. See right there . Take a look at this as well. Its hunter biden outside the president s delaware home behind the wheel of the nowfamous chevy corvette. It was the same sports car that was locked in locked up, rather, alongside recently discovered classified documents, of course. Jimmy oh my god, and it all played out right in front of our eyes [ laughter ] who are these blurry women in the car with him . [ laughter ] some hardhitting journalism there. Trump, meanwhile, is desperately trying to get back on facebook. His team sent a letter to Mark Zuckerberg requesting that they unblock his account. Im actually surprised trump wants to get back on facebook. Isnt facebook just an unpleasant annual reminder that don jr. And eric were born . [ laughter ] facebook said they are going to look to experts to assess whether the risk to Public Safety has receded. This is like Jurassic Park saying theyre going to ask around to see if its cool to let the raptors out again. [ laughter ] i dont know why hes doing who needs facebook when you reach almost a dozen people a day on truth social . [ laughter ] the my pillow man, mike lindell, is almost out of i dont know whats going on but hes getting sued by dominion voting systems for 1. 3 billion. Mikes lawyers say he doesnt have that kind of money, they claim that dominion says after he started spreading this gobbledygook about the election, profits at my pillow skyrocketed because he was on the news all the time. Which has now forced mike lindell, whos in litigation, to cry poor. Let me tell you the facts about my pillow. When i tried to get this out to the people, my pillow lost 100 million in retailers. We are not up 30 or 40 , were down. We are down. Ive had to borrow money. Jimmy i dont know who would lend this man money. [ laughter ] but are they on crack too . I dont know. [ laughter ] mike claims hes even had to cut costs at my pillow. Now, instead of his patented interlocking fill, theyre stuffing my pillows with packets of splenda he steals from the caribou coffee down the street. [ laughter ] most of the rightwing crank channels on cable have given up on mike lindell because they dont want to get sued too. So now, once again, hes looking to me for publicity. Jimmy kimmel, theres another thought from the past, jimmy, i havent heard from you, its not funny anymore, right, when all this stuff is getting revealed. How about we get together, jimmy, and say old mike was right . Wouldnt that be fun . I know you want youre afraid because im not vaccinated. Ill go sit in that crane game across the street like you made a joke out of. Jimmy okay. [ laughter ] so just a little bit of backstory, when he says the crane game across the street, hes talking about the claw machine at dave busters. I told him that i would be happy to have him on the show if he did his interview from inside that claw machine. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats an artists rendering of what the interview might look like. And listen, i dont care if youre vaccinated, youll be sealed up in a little stuffed animal zoo, youll be fine. Come to l. A. , get in the claw machine, and well talk. I dont know how many times i have to say it, the guy cant take yes for an answer. [ laughter ] there are a lot of characters running around. The shenanigans keep coming from congressman George Santos of new york. So far weve learned he lied about his job, his background, his education, he said he was a volleyball star at a college he never went to, and his name isnt necessarily even George Santos. He also uses the name anthony devolder. He is being accused of keeping 3,000 he raised on a gofundme that was supposed to go to help a veteran keep his service dog alive. And as a result of all this controversy, hes been forced to play hideandnospeak with reporters in congress. Congressman, did you misuse Campaign Finances . New york republicans are calling you a disgrace. You will not resign . What is your response trying to get in the elevator. Do you have any statements about your campaign and how you hope to govern . Whats your reaction to members of your own party calling for your resignation . Are you planning to resign . Why did you lie to voters about your qualifications, your past, being jewish, why did you lie to them . Give me a little personal space, please. Thank you very much, guys. Why wont you take my questions . Congressman, you seem to be dodging questions. I will not resign, i will continue to hold the office elected by the people. How do you feel youre able to serve your people . Is there anything you have to say to new yorkers who feel disappointed that you were not truthful in your biography . Jimmy oh, never has anyone been happier to hear the ding of an elevator button than that. [ laughter and applause ] so anyway, now the most recent development involves his claim, his mom died as a result of the attack on 9 11. His website says his mother was in the south tower during the attack and later died of cancer because of that. He also said she decided not to take any 9 11 donation money so it could go to people who needed it more. No one has any record of this. And, in fact, they just found her immigration documents that said she was in brazil from 1999 to 2003. But other than that, his story totally checks out. [ laughter ] i have a lot of questions. Hes not answering questions. I thought maybe we could plant a camera just outside his office. See if we can open that door and get straight to the source here. Oh, hello, congressman, its jimmy kimmel. I said hello, congressman, its jimmy kimmel. [ laughter ] i can still see you. Yeah, yeah i can i can see you too. [ laughter ] jimmy youre facing the wrong way. So im right yeah, just right ahead of you there. Great, put on your glasses. Hi, there. Hi. Listen, i am very, very busy right now working for my constituents. Jimmy okay, this will only take a second. Also, five seconds ago you were painting your toenails. No, i was not, no. Jimmy well, congressman, you were just named to the House Committee on science, space, and technology. Does that make sense to you . Well, yeah, yeah. Because i was the first openly gay jewish republican latino to walk on the moon, do you have a problem . [ laughter ] jimmy and youre also excuse me, youre also on the Small Business committee, even though as far as i know you have no experience running a Small Business. Look, i im very busy right now, im running late for my appointment with my gynecologist. [ laughter ] jimmy gynecologist . Whats your gynecologists name . Name is dr. Santos. Jimmy wait. Wait, isnt santos your name . Oh, right. [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] jimmy congressman, youve been accused of lying about a lot of things. Just name ten. [ laughter ] jimmy okay, how about the pyramid scheme in florida you deny having any knowledge of . What do you say about whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pyramid scheme is an offensive term. Okay, my people actually built the pyramids when they were slaves. [ laughter ] jimmy you also claim to be jewish but there seems to be no evidence that youre jewish. Yes, there seems to be no evidence at all wait a minute [ laughter ] [ applause ] you know jimmy are you jewish . You would not be saying i wasnt jewish if you tasted my bubbes kagels. Jimmy i think you mean kugel. Since you brought up your family, you claim your nowdeceased mother was in the trade center on 9 11 and died in it. Turned out her paperwork showed she was in brazil at the time. That is a complete lie. She was in the twin towers. Getting a brazilian, okay . [ laughter ] and thank god i am a volunteer fire chief because i was able to carry her and five other freshly waxed women right out of there to safety. Which was almost impossible because they were so smooth. [ laughter ] jimmy okay, youre saying thats the ladies room right there. [ laughter ] wait a minute, did you congressman, did you just steal that womans starr of . Scarf . Im borrowing it jimmy okay. Oh, you have a phone call. Okay, well wait. Hello, this is prince mobutu. [ laughter ] jimmy who is prince mobutu . Yes, wonderful. As i said in my email, send me your routing number and i shall deposit your share of the treasure tomorrow, and Many Blessings upon you, madam. Jimmy wow, now youre a prince, that is remarkable. Ive always been a prince, okay . My father is king mufasa. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the lion king, so i doubt that. But congressman im having im having trouble hearing you right now, i have a little tinnitus when i was a drummer in limp bizkit. [ laughter ] jimmy you were a drummer in limp bizkit . I have to get to work for my constituents jimmy be careful, that looks very dangerous. No, no, its okay. I am batman. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy congressman George Santos. He did finally answer some questions. Weve got a good show. From the new movie house party, Jacob Latimore is here. [ cheers and applause ] and well be right back with the cast of 80 for brady. Lily tomlin, jane fonda, rita moreno, and sally field. Im a bear. Im coming out of hibernation after the best nap of my life. And papa is hungry. And while youre hittin the trail, im hitting your cooler. Oh, cheddar ive got hot dog buns and your cutrate Car Insurance might not pay for all this. So get allstate, and be better protected from mayhem, like me. Roar. sfx family screams in background im jayson. Im living with hiv and im on cabenuva. It helps keep me undetectable. For adults who are undetectable, cabenuva is the only complete, longacting hiv treatment you can get every other month. Cabenuva is two injections, given by my Healthcare Provider, every other month. Its really nice not to have to rush home and take a daily hiv pill. Dont receive cabenuva if youre allergic to its ingredients or if you taking certain medicines, which may interact with cabenuva. Serious side effects include allergic reactions postinjection reactions, liver problems, and depression. If you have a rash and other allergic reaction symptoms, stop cabenuva and get medical help right away. Tell your doctor if you have liver problems or Mental Health concerns, and if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or considering pregnancy. Some of the most common side effects include injectionsite reactions, fever, and tiredness. If you switch to cabenuva, attend all treatment appointments. Ready to treat your hiv in a different way . Ask your doctor about everyothermonth cabenuva. Every other month, and im good to go. I used the wrong paint. Snickers satisfies. [stomach growling] its nothing. Sounds like something. When you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion upset stomach, diarrhea pepto bismol coats and soothes for fast relief when you need it most. Jimmy hi, there welcome back to our show. Tonight, from the new reboot of the movie house party, Jacob Latimore is with us. [ cheers ] next week, i want to mention, we first of all, weve got new shows with julia louisdreyfus, david duchovny, rose byrne, bobby cannavale, darcy carden, the new bachelor, zach will be with us. Well be running some tests, i think. Music from halley whitters, lukas graham, and mickey guyton. And on thursday night, were celebrating our 20th anniversary with a very special show because its our anniversary. Also, we have the same guest lineup from our First Episode in 2003. George clooney, snoop dogg, and chris martin from coldplay will be here with us, just as they were. That is a big one for us, 20 years. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo going to be good. Jimmy when you think about it, guillermo, one more year, well be old enough to drink, can you imagine . Join us for that. Our first guests tonight, forget 20 years. They have 250 years in show business combined. They have every award and collected every accolade imaginable. And now theyre out to win a super bowl, too, in the new comedy 80 for brady. It opens in theaters february 3rd. Please welcome, lily tomlin, jane fonda, rita moreno, and sally field. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome, welcome. What a i mean, look at this. I dont think weve ever had a foursome as impressive as the four of you. So thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] did you carpool here together . [ laughter ] no, we should have though, the way jane thinks, we should have done that. Jimmy yes, janes very she cares about the environment. You really do, jane, dont you . We all do, its not just one person. Shes a great influencer. Thats important. Jimmy yes, thats for sure, yes. [ cheers and applause ] i dont want to argue right off the bat wet you, rita. Jane cares more than everyone else does. [ laughter ] i agree. Jimmy she really does. Who among you has known each other the longest . Which duo . Me and fonda. Jimmy right. Yeah. But i think then fonda and i are second. Jimmy you guys are second, you guys are first. You met is it did you meet on 9 to 5 . Is that where it happened . I admired her from a distance. She never noticed. One day she came to see me on stage. Jimmy okay. Then she offered me the part in 9 to 5. Jimmy oh, wow, how about that. While i was driving home from the theater after being smitten by this one, i turned the radio on and dolly parton was singing two doors down. And i suddenly got this image of dolly parton at a typewriter. She cant see her hands. But wow, shes never done a movie, that would be really something. Jimmy is that true . That is really true . On the way home from seeing lily, you thought about dolly . Yeah. They both had the same manager. Took me a year to convince them. Jimmy who was the holdout, you or dolly . Both of them. [ laughter ] dolly held out too . Oh, yeah. Then a week into the shooting, she wanted to quit. Shes so neurotic. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i dont know why you say that. Jimmy what tipped you off that she was neurotic . The fact that she was wearing a klute haircut when she met you . No, the fact that she is working for first of all, it took a year to convince to be in the movie. She was in it and said, i need to quit, im no good. Jimmy oh, you were insecure . Yeah. Jimmy oh, surprises me. First of all, fonda was there. You know, and dolly. Dolly was there. Be a lot of reason to be insecure. Jimmy have you guys have you and rita worked