Lou from hollywood, its Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight meg ryan and David Duchovny, plus joe walsh. With cleto and the cletones. And now, jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. How are you doing . Very nice. Thanks. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in our studio. Its a big day. If you follow this sort of thing, you know its a very big day. After three long weeks with no one driving this filthy Greyhound Bus we call america [ laughter ] we finally have a speaker of the house. And the gavel goes to [ drumroll ] mike johnson of louisiana. I never heard of him either, but i learned about him today. Mike johnson defended trump in one of his impeachment trials in the senate. He has been called the most important architect of the Electoral College objections, contesting the results of the election in 2020. He voted to decertify the results of that election confirming biden as president. So, he checks off all the important boxes. [ laughter ] also, antigay, antichoice, proconspiracy theories. He seems terrific. [ laughter ] not only is he not the best choice for speaker, you cant even definitively say mike johnson is the best mike johnson they could have chosen. Theres mike johnson from louisiana. Hes a republican state representative who may have been a better johnson overall. Mike johnson might not make the list of the top ten Mike Johnsons. You have quadruple olympic Gold Medalist mike johnson, canadian bodybuilder mike johnson, swedish chef mike johnson would make everyone little meatballs every day. You couldve given the gavel to any one of the at least five Mike Johnsons from the nfl or even country musics number one black yodeler mike johnson would have been great. [ cheers and applause ] fun. You could go to the middle of the phone book and pick any of the hundreds of Mike Johnsons, and each one would be a better choice for speaker because not one of them tried to overthrow the president ial election. In the house he now represents. But instead, republicans swiped way right on this mike johnson, who looks like a kid dressed up as a congressman for halloween. [ laughter ] thank you. Democracy is messy sometimes, but it is our system. This conference that you see, this House Republican majority, is united. Is united. Jimmy thats right. The new squeaker of the house. [ laughter ] last night, when johnson locked up the nomination, he gave a press conference. And Pay Attention to the older lady on the right side of the screen. Any questions . Well take a couple but were all pretty weary. You asked your question, go away go away. Were not doing policy tonight. Jimmy go away before memaw whacks you with her rolling pin [ laughter ] that unpleasant woman is Virginia Foxx from north carolina. She put herself in charge of yelling at journalists who dared ask johnson about his role in trying to derail an american election. When you helped lead the efforts to overturn the 2020 Election Results shut up jimmy somebodys centrum silver kicked in extra hard. [ laughter ] the old bat was shoulder to shoulder with lauren boebert. Look at those two, beetle and prune juice together. [ laughter ] but the biggest loser of the day is former speaker kevin mccarthy, who yesterday floated the idea that he would be reinstalled as speaker with jim jordan as his assistant speaker. Which is, as far as i know, not even a thing. How would an assistant speaker work . Mccarthy says something, then jim jordan says, i also say that . [ laughter ] but that isnt happening now that johnson is in charge. By the way, even though mike johnson tried to decertify bidens election win, biden called johnson to congratulate him winning the election because thats what normal people do. Biden said he looked forward to working together to find Common Ground and johnson said he looked forward to burning democracy to the ground. [ laughter ] he had all the backing of all the major caucasians, by the way, including mike pence, who wrote mike johnson is a proven conservative leader with a servants heart. I urge every member to vote to elect this good and decent man as next speaker of the house. I guess january 6th is all water under the bridge they tried to hang mike pence off that day. [ laughter ] these republicans, you almost feel for them. They had to bend over backwards to find someone who wouldnt get kneecapped by donald trump at the last minute. He pulled a beauty. Just so everyone would know how important he still is, trump posted a series of frantic texts from one of the speaker candidates embarrassing himself, trying to please his master. Chuck fleishman of tennesse texted im in speaker race now. Please tell President Trump thanks. Five left. Voting now. All candidates now. 100 percent trump. All five. I preached trump in my speech. Can you imagine . These guys still have to kiss his donald trump, not only is he not president anymore, he is basically sitting on the stoop outside prison waiting to be escorted in. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and not just one prison, three of them. Hes this close to being in an orange jumpsuit with cuffs on his little wrists, and these sad, scared little ducklings in congress are trembling in fear like a collection of hummel figurines on your moms shelf at the beginning of an earthquake. [ laughter ] hoping he approved of them. Groveling for his blessing. Begging a man who is going to be eating his meals off a tray in the cafeteria of a penitentiary every day for the rest of his stupid life to please like me. Please, your magasty pick me i have news for you people. Hes not el chapo. [ laughter ] when he goes away, youll all still be here. And my god are you going to be ashamed of yourselves. Hopefully half as embarrassed as we are for you now. [ cheers and applause ] hairy mason had a dramatic day in court. It was the second day of facetoface testimony with his former lawyer fixer, michael cohen, in that 250 million fraud case in new york. Trump got so worked up, he stormed out of the courtroom after the judge refused to dismiss the case. Like it was some kind of lifetime movie of the week. [ laughter ] according to reports, trump shouted im leaving and waddled right out of the courtroom. Jimmy yeah, that didnt happen at all. [ laughter ] the last time he was this mad was when mcdonalds told him they stopped serving breakfast at 11 00 a. M. [ laughter ] a lot of people, including donald trump, seem to be confused about what this trial is. He already lost. The judge already ruled he is liable for fraud. This trial is to determine what the financial penalty will be. And that number seems to be going up every day. Trump is under a gag order from the judge. Hes not allowed to attack members of the court staff after he attacked the clerk a few weeks ago. Then, of course today, he did it again. Jimmy to be fair, donald trump thinks partisan is a hard italian cheese. [ laughter and applause ] then a reporter hears this and asks trump, did you just violate the terms of your gag order . Jimmy well, the judge had some questions. After the comment he put trump on the witness stand and made him swear to tell the truth, which got a huge laugh. [ laughter ] asked trump who he was talking about when he referred to the person sitting next to the judge. Trump said, oh, mike, i was talking about michael cohen. The judge said, i find the witness is not credible and fine him 10,000. Its the second time now hes been fined. [ cheers and applause ] which, honestly, if youre going to gag donald trump . Fines arent going to work. If you want to gag him, use one of those giant turkey legs from disneyland. [ laughter ] at least three of trumps former lawyers now accepted plea deals in georgia. And in the case of january 6th, his former chief of staff mark meadows was granted limited immunity in exchange for his testimony, which means its only a matter of time before trump denies he ever met mark meadows. [ laughter ] or even visited washington, d. C. The walls are closing in theyre taking a long time. Theyre like the walls in the star wars trash compactor scene. [ laughter ] but they are closing in nonetheless. In friendlier news, the matchup for the world series will be the Arizona Diamondbacks playing the texas rangers. Diamondbacks beat the phillies in game seven of the nlcs last night. After being down two games to one, they pulled out a clutch road win that left fans in philadelphia displeased. We had home field for two games, two games you let them come here and beat us . [ bleep ] idiot, [ bleep ] honestly. Trade the whole [ bleep ] team, this team [ bleep ] blew. Feeling like i want to go lay in traffic. [ laughter ] jimmy philadelphia really is the happiest place on earth. And as the baseball season wraps up, a fresh new nba season has begun. One of my favorite Young Players is a guard for the lakers named Austin Reaves. Watch this. Thats austin. Reaves, three, a bang. It will count if it goes oh jimmy i love this kid, whos a killer. But tonight, were going to put his killerness to a festive test. Tonight, Austin Reaves will face his most terrifying opponent of his young career. That is me. Please welcome from the los angeles lakers, Austin Reaves, everybody [ cheers and applause ] jimmy first of all, im so impressed by the way you play. Im glad the lakers locked you down and signed you. Do you enjoy living here . Yeah, i love it. Great weather year round, obviously. The traffics not the best. [ laughter ] but, you know. Happy to be here and be a part of this organization. Jimmy were happy to have you here. You were undrafted which means none of the scouts were smart enough to make you a draft pick. You played your way into the starting why do you think youre undrafted . Is it because you look like everyones nephew, do you think . [ laughter ] that probably has a little bit to do with it. Obviously i went to school for five years, so my age was a little bit of, you know they didnt like that. They want young guys that have potential. Jimmy right, you are pretty old, yeah. Live [ laughter ] i am. 25 now. Jimmy does lebron ever invite you over for taco tuesday . No, i still havent got that im mad at him. Jimmy i wonder when that will happen. Ive been waiting on it for two years now. Jimmy youre obviously one of the best shooters in the league. Thats with a basketball. What im wondering is, have you ever made a shot using a seasonal gourd . I have not, no. [ laughter ] jimmy the nba season started yesterday. Tomorrow is, i dont know if you know, National Pumpkin day. We thought it would make no sense but were doing it any anyway [ laughter ] for you and i to go head to head in a pumpkin shootout. [ cheers and applause ] these are real pumpkins. Right there is good. Im going to put my jacket right there. These are real pumpkins, heavy, about eight pounds each. We got a regulation hoop with dangerous lights just near it. [ laughter ] and our defender is going to be some defense here, the defenders are the hottest halloween decoration in the country right now. A team of louises. Its not like baseball where you swing a heavier bat. I hope it doesnt screw you up for the game. I hope not. I didnt shoot great last night, i hope its better tonight. Jimmy all right, all right. All right. Just whatever . Jimmy yeah, well alternate shots. Stay behind the line . Jimmy dont go crazy. Oh, all right. Those are the dangerous lights i was talking about. Yeah. Jimmy yeah, its really heavy. Its very [ audience moans ] that looked good. Jimmy all right. [ cheers and applause ] all right, let me take one shot. I shouldnt have taken i should have quit while i was behind. Well, thank you. Congratulations, austin. I mean, this is better than an nba title, right . No, no, no. I cant say that. Jimmy all right, well thanks for being here. Do you want to slam dunk a pumpkin . I could try. Jimmy do you think you can do it . Austin reaves, everybody. I can barely thats a little high, though. Jimmy dont hurt yourself. Please god, im praying right now. There he goes. [ cheers and applause ] Austin Reaves, everybody watch him win the home opener against the suns tomorrow night. We have a good show tonight. Joe walsh is here. Be right back with meg ryan and Dave Duchovny jimmy hi, there, welcome back. Tonight, hes one of the alltime greats, a monster on guitar, the one and only joe walsh is with us. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, Tiffany Haddish and jeff ross will be with us with music from tate mcrae. So please join us then. Our first guests have been an important part of our romantic and paranormal lives for many years. Theyre joining forces for the first time in a new romantic comedy called what happens later. It opens in theaters a week from friday. Please say hello to meg ryan and David Duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how about that. Its great to have you here. Meg, youve not been here before, this is your first time here . Yeah, ive heard youve been on air 20 years. Jimmy more than that, ask and youve never come. Davids come many times. I dont remember. [ laughter ] . Do you remember any face at all . Vaguely. It could be like a relative. [ laughter ] jimmy im your uncle tommy, yeah. Its good to see you guys, thank you for coming. How long have you guys known each other . Just really two years now since we started talking about doing this. We met a long time ago very briefly. In an elevator. Jimmy in an elevator . Or an airport, i cant remember. Was it an elevator . I dont know. Seems like that. But it was brief. Now we know each other fairly well. Jimmy interesting. Did david make an impression on you in that elevator . You remember that, yet he have you ever seen me press a button . [ laughter ] jimmy no. Youd remember too. Jimmy you think it was in an airport . I think it was an elevator. I think it was an airport. Jimmy could have been both. You could both be right for sure. An airport elevator. Jimmy yeah. Which would be interesting because you made a movie in an airport. Yeah. Jimmy the whole most of the movie is in an airport. Yeah. The story is that we went out together long ago in the 90s. And we get stuck overnight in like a snowstorm. And we have sort of some unresolved issues from 20 years ago. Like a hanging chad or two. Right. Whos chad . [ laughter ] who is chad . They have a lot to work out, jim. Jimmy it sounds like you do, yeah. I am hoping i can help you work through it together. Was this an actual airport where you shot the movie or a set . Yeah, and you havent lived until youve spent all night in an airport 18 nights in a row. In an airport. We shot in northwest arkansas. But its a sort of magical reality of pretend airports. We used a museum as well and a real airport. We shot with real passengers coming in and out of the airport. Theyre not youre not allowed to talk to anybody in an airport when youre filming a movie. Youre not allowed to say, excuse me, sir, could you wait 3 seconds because were sheeting. Jimmy is that true . Its illegal to hold up anybody in an airport. Wed be shooting, somebody would say, thats meg ryan. Id say, thats not helpful. [ laughter ] jimmy you say 18 it in nights. This was an overnight thing . Yeah, it happened in one night. We spent the whole shoot was 21 days or something. Jimmy meg, you directed the movie. Yeah. Jimmy cowrote the movie, costarred in the movie. [ cheers and applause ] i assume you cast david to be in the movie. When that happened, were you honest, up front . Did you tell him he was going to be in the airport for three weeks . No. [ laughter ] jimmy no, you did not. I did not. I realized well, if id been a conscientious actor, i could have figured it out by looking at the schedule. But i wasnt. Two or three days into it i was like, oh my god. Theres nothing quite as depressing as watching a cinnabon break down and watch the same person bring it back up eight hours later. [ laughter ] jimmy did you get to know when you go through tsa, yeah, okay, you guys go right through . No, its a whole world. Also, like we had to we didnt have trailers or anything. They put us in various tents or in davids case, he was in the quiet room, in the yoga room. In the yoga room at the airport. [ laughter ] hours and hours no windows. Foam rollers around, and nobody came in to do yoga. [ laughter ] jimmy really . I was waiting in my leotard. Jimmy what town was this in arkansas . I thought yoga was super popular there right now, no . [ laughter ] bentonville, fayetteville. Jimmy thats the home of walmart, right . Yes. Jimmy thats where walmart did you go to the original walmart . Yes. Yes. [ laughter ] jimmy and . [ applause ] its a crazy sweet town. Its so sweet. It really seems like marty mcfly could come out at any point. Its just an old walmart. Youre like a five and dime. Fan tat tick. I wouldnt have bet on it, but good for you guys it worked out. It worked out. [ laughter ] . David, did you find meg to be a giving director . Was she mean do you ever . Did she yell at you . It would be funier to say she was mean to me, but meg was wonderful. And as charming and as giving a director as she is a performer. Oh my god. [ applause ] jimmy thats nigce. Theres only two actors [ bleep ] up and be funny. [ laughter ] it was just the two of us. Only the two of us talk in the whole movie. Right. Just two actors not to turn you off from going to see it. [ laughter ] theres nobody in this movie except us. Except us. You are stuck with us. A couple of extras who are saying [ bleep ] that doesnt make sense. Thats meg ryan [ laughter ] jimmy there is a third character in the movie. Actually, what were going to do is take a break. When we come back from the break, i want everybody to really Pay Attention to the clip and see if you can figure out whose voice and i dont know the answer to this question. See if you can figure out whose voice is coming over the p. A. System. Can you say its a famous person, right . Is that you could say that. You can say that. Jimmy i can say it. We are sworn to secrecy. Jimmy all right. You can give us that much . Yes . Only that we are sworn to secrecy. Jimmy all right. Trust me, its a famous person. [ laughter ] well be back, meg ryan and Dave Duchovny. Their movie is called what happens later. Well be right back. Lou portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by vinfast. For more information, go t