[ cheering and applause ] jimmy thank you. Welcome. Very nice. Hi, everyone. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us in please, relax, here in hollywood, ca. We had a beautiful weekend. You know what i did this weekend guillermo . Went to disneyland. Guillermo thats nice. Jimmy no kids. I went by myself. And i texted them pictures of me on the rides. They were good sports about it. We are in week three now of the people vs donald trump. Yes, week three. Trumps hush money trial had the day off today in new york, giving our former president a welldeserved chance to nap and fart at home. According to one of his friends trump has been miserable in court. And that, there is no more horrible thing for donald trump than just having to sit there and be quiet. Well, if thats the case, hes really going to love prison hes going to have a great time. The toot fairy was in and outside court on friday where he got the weekend off to a hilarious start. I want to start by wishing my wife, melania, a very happy birthday. It would be nice to be with her, but im in a courthouse for a weak trial, a weak trial. Terrible. Were doing very well in this rigged trial. Everybody knows it. Yesterday was a big day, but i do have to begin by wishing melania happy birthday. Jimmy oh, how sweet, how sweet. You know, you could also call her on the phone. How oblivious do you have to be to wish your wife a happy birthday outside the courtroom where youre on trial for paying off a porn star . Melania spent the day at home in florida quietly celebrating with her prenup. On friday. This cant be good for trumps mood. You know, hes been asking people to show up to protest outside of court and some of them actually have. New york hates you new york hates you new york hates you new york hates you jimmy or maybe that was his building. I dont know. Leave it to new yorkers to welcome their Hometown Hero back with open arms. Trump was in miami yesterday for a little gettogether with a favorite punching bag named ron desantis. Ronny and donny met for several hours. They say the team said they knew the meeting went well when desantis came out of the room with trumps body bronzer all over his face. Word is desantis promised to raise money for trumps campaign. Man, would i love to have been in that room. Trump going, no, i called you meatball in a good way poor ron desantis, what a sad, pathetic little worm. They say he did this because he wants to run for president again in 2028. That seems like a good idea. What he doesnt realize is trump is also going to be running for president again in 2028. But for now trump has Ron Desanctimonious as he called him, he has his little white boots in his corner, and hell need them, because he isnt getting much help from his dummy sons. Theyre going after the guy because they shut down fdr drive . Every time it costs 50. You cant go into duane reade. You cant go into cvs and buy skin lotion because it has to be locked behind plexiglas because theft is so high. Jimmy you can tell by the use of the word skin lotion that eric trump has never been in a duane reade or a cvs. I cant get my skin lotion without asking poor guy hasnt been able to touch himself for months. And of course no eric trump fox appearance would be complete without another thick round of my fathers. My father is feeling great. My father went up to harlem. They want to torture my father. My father, my father, my father, my father, my father, my father, my father feels great. Jimmy im sure. Probably because of all the skin lotion he has been hoarding. Listen kid, i dont know how to put it to you, but your father thinks your name is derek. Speaking of disappointing sons, over the weekend, trump posted five times about rfk jr. He wrote, why did juniors family go so bonkers at the thought of him running against Crooked Joe Biden . Because they are radical left lunatics, and they cant conceive of their even more liberal brother running as anything else . Maga 2024 dont waste your vote on kennedy trump wants to position kennedy junior as a left winger, because he knows he might siphon off some of the antivax vote. Hes expected to get. You can see the overlap here. Trump needs to do everything he can to protect the crazy vote. Including, are you familiar with a boxer named ryan garcia . If you are not, this will give you an idea of what ryan is about. You guys hate on me because im pretty. Jesus is coming back. And i have predicted that there will be earthquake june 6th. Thank you, jesus, thank you, jesus, jesus is king, king of kings, king of kings [ bleep ] you, mother [ bleep ]. Yeah, that fear coming into your mouth like a bitch, thank you, jesus, king of kings, lord of christ, thank you, jesus, thank you r, jesus, than you, jesus, thank you, jesus. Jimmy you can see he is a pretty solid individual. So youll never guess where ryan garcia showed up over the weekend. Oh, did you guess maralago . In that case, you got it right. Uhoh, uhoh, lets see what you got . Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Vote for trump 2024, oh jimmy remember Smokin Joe Frazier . This is smokin everything frazier. If you told me that was video from an insane asylum, i wouldnt bat an eye. In football news, the nfl draft wrapped up on saturday in detroit. And of all the players drafted, id like to give an Honorable Mention to wide receiver brian thomas, jr. Brian was selected 23rd, by the jacksonville jaguars. But his mom ran away with the award for most valuable parent. Im just happy for him because he put in a lot of work, you know what im saying. Its awesome. Thats all i can tell you, its awesome. Its awesome feeling. Sondra, how far has this family come . We came from baton rouge, louisiana. Jimmy its more than a thousand miles. Another standout from the draft, was Buffalo Bills first pick keon coleman. Who, clearly, has interests other than just football. From here . I forgot i went to school in michigan for two years. Guess where i got this from, though . Im going to tell you. Guess, youre going to be wrong, though, but guess. Tom izzo. Nah macys. What you mean . They be on sale on the rack, all the colors. Right. 79, 89, nice little deal. You get the trench coat for like 100. I take you there personally. I might go get some more colors. I need a blue one and another red one. Jimmy its like a text from my mother, you know. And the best part about that clip is theres more of it. Whats your thanksgiving sales too . I dont know about thanksgiving. You see, i shop with my mom. I get my coats in the summertime. You got to shop a season or two before, just in case. Anything cheaper. Because you go at thanksgiving, everybody at thanksgiving, you know what im saying . Jimmy i do, yeah. But i feel like others might not. Smart guy. He also buys turkeys on the 4th of july. You know there are a lot of characters vying to be Donald Trumps running mate. One of them is south dakota governor, kristi noem. Part of what you do when you run for you want to be a running mate, you write a book, you outline your world view and tell your life story. Governor noem, did that, in her forthcoming memoir no going back the truth on whats wrong with politics and how we move america forward. The book comes out next month. But what we know from the excerpts released by the guardian is that kristi noem shot her 14monthold dog. She wrote i hated that dog, cricket was untrainable, dangerous to anyone she came in contact with and less than worthless as a hunting dog. And when cricket got out of the car and chomped on the neighbors chickens, she said at that moment, i realized i had to put her down. Cricket was a puppy, a wirehair pointer, that she was training to hunt pheasant. By her own account, she dragged cricket to a gravel pit , and shot it. It was not a pleasant job, she wrote, but it had to be done. No, it didnt. But she also says she shot the family goat in the gravel pit. And then i guess somebody realized this wasnt a great story to share with the world, so she posted, we love animals, but tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm. Sadly, we just had to put down three horses a few weeks ago that had been in our family 25 years. So, just to recap, for those who were horrified that she shot a puppy and a goat, she would like you to know she shoots horses too. Who would write this . This is a great example of how stupid these people are. This woman, not only does she want to be Vice President , she is the governor of south dakota. I dont know how big her staff is, but im guessing she has at least a dozen people working for her, probably a lot more. Not one of those dozen or dozens of people raised a hand and said, uh, governor, do you think maybe not a great idea to share that story about shooting a whole petting zoo at your house . Maybe we save shooting a puppy in a gravel pit for the next book, you know . This is a crazy person. Im afraid of what she might do when she finds out how many chickens her favorite president has killed. Obviously this is a pr disaster, completely of her own making, but team noem is working hard to try to somehow give this a positive spin. South dakota isnt just the best place in america to do business. Its also the best place to live, work, and play. If you like what you see, if you value our approach to reducing government and increasing personal freedom, wed love to have you come join us. [ barking ] come grow your company. Live your life, achieve your dreams [ whenning ] we can make it happen right now. Because south dakota means business. Jimmy and that is the end of kristi noem. Even trump wont pick a puppy killer, right . This is a bit of a blow because trump would probably benefit from selecting a woman as his running mate, and she was probably his top choice. According to a new poll from the new york times, only 31 of american females think trumps respects women, whereas 54 of men think he does. They think he respects women either a lot or some. Oh yeah. Mr. Grab em by the [ bleep ] has total respect for women. Hes a regular gloryhole steinem. Trump has a long history of respecting women he respected his exwife so much he buried her on the best hole of his golf course i know its just a poll, but its just shocking to hear that a majority of men believe donald trump respects women. Not as much as i do, jimmy. Jimmy sorry, what was that . Sorry, i was just saying donald trump doesnt respect women as much as i do. I respect women deeply. Jimmy ok, good to know, but im in the middle of a monologue no matter what beth says. Jimmy look, i dont have time for whatever is going on here. Whos beth, you ask . Sure, we can get into all that. Excuse me, ally coming through. Jimmy no, i didnt im not at all just to recap for everybody, beth is my ex who thought i fundamentally misunderstood what it means to respect women, or whatever. But look at this. Beyonce. Jimmy i see that, but womens stories matter i saw barbie, i loved it. Jimmy i dont know why youre being defensive. I loved barbie even more than a lot of real movies. Jimmy real movies . What do you mean real . And how about that caitlin clark, huh . Come on, really . I honestly prefer womens basketball. Thats just me. Jimmy okay. Hey, you name a second female basketball player . Steph curry . Jimmy steph curry is a man. Okay, okay. All right. The sexy bunny from space jam . Jimmy not technically a woman. Look, were not so different, you and i , okay . Our love languages talk. We both respect women. And because of that, we both watch a lot of lesbian pornography. Jimmy thats not true and dont touch me. Hey jimmy do you know how long its been since ive gotten to respect a woman in the flesh . Jimmy a really long time . A really long time. But you know what . Thats what being an ally is all about, respecting women from a distance. And for me, that distance is legally 500 feet. Happy now, beth . Jimmy its time for you to go. Its not history, its herstory this is what a feminist looks like. Wheres emily blunt . Im going to respect her. [ applause ] jimmy anyone else have anything . All right. Hey, we have a fun show tonight. From kingdom of the planet of the apes, owen teague is here with us. [ cheering ] we have music from carin leon and leon bridges. And well be right back with emily blunt. So stick around. [ cheering and applause ] lou Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live brought to you by Liberty Mutual insurance. So dont just play. Stay at northern californias premier casino resort. Book your getaway now. At cachecreek. Com. Jimmy hi there. Welcome back. Tonight, his new movie is called kingdom of the planet of the apes. Owen teague is with us. [ cheering ] then later, from sonora, mexico, here to celebrate the summer of mexicana with the song,it was always you carin leon and leon bridges from the don julio stage. This week, i have to say this might be our week of best guests ever. Guillermo, you be the judge. Let mow maine know what you think. Ryan gosling will be here. John mulaney, jeff ross, and Jerry Seinfeld. With music from Rhiannon Giddens and gary clark jr. With stevie wonder. Guillermo oh, wow thats a great week. Jimmy what do you think about that . Guillermo perfect. Jimmy gary clark jr. Is bringing stevie wonder. Thats a good one. We have a great guest tonight. She is an oscarnominated actress and a fivestar individual overall. Her highly anticipated new movie with ryan gosling is called the fall guy. It opens in theaters friday. Please welcome emily blunt. [ cheering and applause ] good to see you. Yeah. Jimmy are you getting all thor . I have massive platforms on tonight. These are just my legs. Jimmy how you doing . Im good. Jimmy i heard you on with howard stern this morning. How did you think i did . Jimmy i think you did great. Not only did i think you did great, you and howard have great chemistry. I think i have great chemistry with howard stern. You know we spoke on the phone for half an hour after. Jimmy he didnt get enough. Didnt get enough, yeah. Jimmy these two should do a show together, really. But i do feel like you probably, you have Good Chemistry with anyone you choose to have Good Chemistry with. Well, its easy with him. He is a great conversationalist. Its like playing pingpong with someone exciting. Jimmy it was fun. Say anything you wish you hadnt . I always say stuff i wish i hadnt. Jimmy did you have to text anyone . I didnt have to text anyone. But i knew he would ask the types of questions where i would have to snake my way out of it somehow. You good in bracing for impact a bit. Jimmy i liked it when you he was talking about he was asking you if you and john walk around naked around the house. What did i say . Did i say yeah . Jimmy you said you do. And you did not answer whether john did or not. Well, i dont think its fair to sort of reveal that. I think maybe when john does howard stern, he can talk about anything nude. Jimmy maybe they could be nude during the interview. Oh, see that . Howard sounds like a never nude. Jimmy and you described it quite beautifully, because howard hides his body from his wife. And you said when youre slithering into bed. [ laughter ] i get that feeling with him, surreptitiously slithering into bed before she cease him. Jimmy i think it rang a bell in his head. He thought yes, i am sitting into bed. He is the best, though, isnt he . Jimmy he is. He is like a sweet pea, which is a ridiculous thing to call howard stern, but i think he is a sweet pea. Jimmy he has definitely changed a lot over the last 30 years. Yes, he has. I think he said a lot of those times just ruined his life. He said i cant do that again. I have to be nice now. Jimmy youve been promoting the fall guy for quite some time now, months. For like too long. Jimmy you and ryan were great on the oscars. You were so funny on the oscars. You were great. No. Jimmy no, you guys were really great on the oscars. Because there is a lot of theres a lot of planning that goes in. And then a lot of times like the writers will write stuff for the presen presenters, and sometimes they will do it. Sometimes they wont. It almost never feels natural. But you guys, and speaking of chemistry, you and ryan gosling have really great chemistry. I mean, ryan, ryan gosling has more chemistry than a meth lab, lets be honest. He has it just brimming out of him. Jimmy he does, yeah. He does. Hes got all that banter in him just locked and loaded. Its just easy. Jimmy even as a vaguely heterosexual man, its hard not to blush in his presence. I mean, it really is. You know, we were being interviewed by this male journalist, and he said, you know, ryan gosling, you just got that thing where someone walks in, and you just look them up and down and you ah says them, and it makes me really nervous. And then ryan did look very suspicious and looked him up and down, and oh my god, he does do that. I mean, ryan has an expression that i like at most times he looks a bit suspicious, like if you compliment him, its like hes lost his glasses . He is looking for the nearest exit. Jimmy he doesnt like it . Oh my god, he withers. He just hates it. Jimmy so when you guys are doing stuff together, do you jump in and help him . With what . Jimmy when he is being complimented . Yes, i have to. Jimmy do you feel uncomfortable when youre getting compliments from people . I used to. I think if youre english, you feel everyone is being insincere. I feel we have that common trait. You sort of bat away nice things people say too. Jimmy i am uncomfortable with it. But it doesnt necessarily mean i think theyre being insincere. Okay. Jimmy it just makes me go eggg. I think thats the inner sound i make, eggggh. But i think when i first came to america, it was alarming how easy americans find it to look someone in the eye and go you are amazing, you know. And i was what . What is that . I had like an allergic reaction to it. Jimmy your parents, ive met them. Theyre lovely people. Theyre the best. Jimmy are they effusive in that way about you . And your sisters and brothers . Something with age. Jimmy that makes sense. Your whole family is super talented. I think so. Jimmy its almost ridiculous. Yeah, its not right. Jimmy it is competitive . Did you feel like that made you who you are, having so many talented people in your house . I think i definitely grew up in a family where it was everyone was embraced for who they were. I didnt grow up in a family where my parents were too pushy, nor did i grow up in a family where they were overly complimentary and blowing smoke up our asses. I dont know. Jimmy i think you told me when your mom met ryan, she was quite smitten by him. She was very nice in that white suit. I was like i was all right. Jimmy it is weird. Youre at a 10 on the creep factor right now. Jimmy we dont want our parents to have any sexuality. No. Jimmy but we would not be here if they didnt. I know. Have you had to have the birds and the bees talk with your kids yet . Well, i told my son, who is 30, i just told him a couple of years ago. Jimmy okay, good. Im glad kevins grasped it now. Thats why he looked different today. He look