Senator ted cruzs twitter account last night liked a pornographic video about a woman who finds a couple having sex on her couch. Ew, gross, said the porn stars after hearing that ted cruz watched them. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. Ted cruzs twitter account was caught liking a pornographic post last night. Its the secondmost embarrassing thing cruz has been caught liking. [ laughter and applause ] President Trump will reportedly visit china in november. Oh, can you pick up my handbags, asked ivanka. [ laughter and applause ] in a recent interview with Time Magazine white house adviser Kellyanne Conway said that the key to her success is to, quote, think like a man and behave like a lady. Also dress like no one is watching. [ laughter and applause ] eric trump announced today that his wife has given birth to a baby boy. You know, we here at late night have made a lot of jokes about eric trump [ laughter ] congratulations, eric. The kangaroo population in australia has grown from 7 million to 50 million in ten years. Scientists are blaming the population boom on carl. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in honor of the new horror movie it, a theater in austin, texas, hosted an allclown screening of the film, which would explain the parking lot. [ laughter and applause ] just a good oldschool joke about clowns. [ light laughter ] apple today unveiled a special edition iphone x, which will have two more hours of battery life than current iphones. Wow, three hours of battery life [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] dont know how they do it. Thats right. Apple today unveiled the special edition iphone x, which will have two more hours of battery life and edgetoedge screen with superretina display and it will doublecheck with you when you accidentally like a porn tweet. [ laughter ] weve got a great show for you tonight, everybody [ cheers and applause ] shes in an upcoming episode of American Horror story on fox and created the online book club, belletrist, emma roberts is here tonight, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] he is here to chat with me and play a song from his new record. Hes his new record, pure comedy. Hes one of my favorites, Father John Misty is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] as you may know, if youve been watching tv tonight, the handinhand Hurricane Relief telethon ran on all Major Networks tonight. And you can still give. Call this number or go to the website and give whatever you can or you can just text the word give to 80077 to make a 25 donation. Thank you so much for your support, everybody. I really appreciate it. [ applause ] moving on, you know, im in my 40s now. Im married, i have a kid. But nothing, and i mean nothing makes me feel older than when i dont know the new slang terms teenagers are using. And it seems like these days teen slang terms are evolving so fast that sometimes its hard to keep up. So we decided to give you a little primer on new teen slang terms in a segment we call seth explains teen slang. [ cheers and applause ] seth our first new teen slang term is snaperone. Lets see the definition. Its someone who accompanies you to a party to make sure you dont post anything embarrassing to snapchat. [ light laughter ] for example, ians wasted and about to send a video of himself singing i will always love you to his ex. Where the hells his snaperone . [ light laughter ] moving on, this next one was inspired by the british superspy james bond. Its james bong. This is someone who has multiple gadgets that conceal weed. [ light laughter ] for example, everyone thinks glen is weird because he brings a pen, a watch and a nighttime camera on field trips, but when he opens them up, the names bong, james bong. [ applause ] next up, we have butterfingers. Lets see what it means. Its a girl who is totally attractive except for her fingers. [ laughter ] here it is in a sentence. Dude, jasmine used to be hot as hell, but then she spent all summer working in her uncles metal shop. Total butterfingers. [ laughter and applause ] our next new teen slang term very popular, bolshedick. Its the kid who just got into communism and is really annoying about it. [ laughter and applause ] see it in a sentence, mrs. Wallace asked jacob why he didnt do his homework, and he said, because i refuse to be a slave to your capitalist system. Shes going to send that bolshedick to siberia. [ laughter and applause ] next we have storyoke. Heres the definition, its when you take someone elses story and try to pass it off as your own. [ light laughter ] here it is in a sentence. Reese is telling everyone that he is the one who punched that cop at last weeks tailgate when i know it was kyle because kyle is still in jail. [ light laughter ] storyoke. Moving on, you might be familiar with the slang term get swoll, which means to lift a bunch of weights and build muscle. This next term is get swell. Its when theres no chance youll ever be muscular so you have to settle for being nice. [ laughter and applause ] its a helpful one, its very helpful. For example, brock asked me how much i could lift and i said one heart. [ light laughter ] he still punched me in the stomach but im pretty sure hes coming around. Getswell. Our next teen slang term is j. K. Rowling. Heres its definition, to take ecstasy and watch all the harry potter movies. For example, dude, want to go j. K. Rowling tonight . I heard half blood prince lines up perfectly with the new migos album. And lets lets just look to see what that looks like. Records on records cool cool i take your right from you bitch im a dog [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth perfect. Lined up perfectly. Our next slang our next slang term, is very is blowing up with teens. Its very important because teens have never had a way to express this before. Its grammar time. And lets see what grammar time means. Grammar time is that rare magical time when a rerun of frasier is on one channel and cheers is on another. [ laughter ] here it is in a sentence, wow, i practically cant change the channel without seeing kelsey g. Crushing it as dr. Fraz. Guess its time to stop. Grammar time. [ laughter and applause ] before that before that teens had to explain the whole thing. There wasnt a slang term. [ light laughter ] if you were a teenager and you saw frasier on one channel and cheers on the other and you wanted to call your friend, you just had to say that. [ light laughter ] now you can just say grammar time and they know what you mean. Can you imagine what life was like for teens before that . I dont think you guys are impressed enough with grammar time. [ laughter ] our last teen slam term is trump presidency. [ laughter ] its a noun used when youre pretty sure the teacher doesnt understand the material. [ cheers and applause ] here it is in a sentence. History class today felt like a real trump presidency. Mr. Solomon just said, the teapot dome scandal was a very big scandal. Huge scandal. Lots of broken teapots, lots of unhappy people without tea. A tremendous scandal. Everyone says so. Sad. thats was seth explains teen slang. Well be right back with more late night. Grammar time. [ cheers and applause ] when you dont get enough sleep, and your body aches, youre not yourself. Tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night, youre a better you all day. And for your daytime pain relief, try tylenol® extra strength. Fortyeight hours of protection. I dont have to reapply this, not once. Its really soft and almost velvety as you put it on. Thats like really soft. Try dove advanced care for softer, smoother underarms. 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Just get it done. Reliving the glory days isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Unlock instant savings now and earn free nights to use later. Hotels. Com. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. After the devastation caused by hurricanes harvey and irma, dozens of cities and millions of americans are beginning the rebuilding process. In doing so, they will have to rely on the assistance from the federal government, especially the department of housing and urban development otherwise known as hud. So how prepared are hud and its secretary dr. Ben carson to deal with this National Emergency . Its time for the checkin. [ cheers and applause ] seth millions of americans depend on hud for Housing Assistance and other programs including our most vulnerable citizens like the elderly and the disabled. And to lead the agency, President Trump appointed former republican president ial candidate dr. Ben carson. Ahem. I said, dr. Ben carson [ light laughter ] this whole thing is going to be about you. Now, regardless of what you think of his politics, dr. Carsons own story was remarkable. He was raised by his mother who had to work several jobs to make ends meet and he went on to become one of the most respected pediatric neurosurgeons in the world. But his qualifications to head hud were rightfully questioned almost immediately after trump announced his nomination. And those concerned were not just pointing to his lack of experience, but also highlighting that trump was putting carson in charge of an agency whose core mission he did not seem to believe in. Hes never really done anything with housing policy, with urban development policy, and hes never run a major organization. During the primary he criticized housing regulations to address segregation in Public Housing. Ben carson actually doesnt believe in the fair housing act. Being a neurosurgeon doesnt make you qualified to be the head of hud. Leadership skills are not transferable. You know what i mean . Like Ghostface Killah is the leader of wutang clan, right. Lebron james, the leader of the cleveland cavaliers. Doesnt mean they should be the leader of housing and urban development. Seth and speaking of the wutang clan, carson definitely isnt qualified to lead that either, as evidenced by this failed attempt to try to appeal to African American voters during the president ial campaign with this radio ad. America became a great nation early on. If you want to get america back on track we got to vote ben carson as a matter of fact go out and vote im ben carson and i approve this message. [ light laughter ] seth that rap was so bad the mike dropped him. [ laughter ] and then during his confirmation hearing, senator Elizabeth Warren questioned dr. Carson about whether or not the trump family would benefit financially from his tenure as hud secretary and carson gave in unfortunate answer. Listen closely. My concern is whether or not among the billions of dollars that you will be responsible for handing out in grants and loans, can you just assure us that not one dollar will go to benefit either the president elect or his family . It will not be my intention to do anything to benefit any any american. [ laughter ] seth and so far hes succeeding. [ light laughter ] now, obviously, obviously carson misspoke there. But he didnt exactly put critics at ease with his introductory speech to hud employees back in march. A speech that his wife had tried her best to build up. Were really excited about working with well, hes really im excited just because youre doing it. So, thank you so much. And im going to leave it to the secretary now. Seth all right, that was a great setup by mrs. Carson. Ben is excited to be here. Now its time to prove it. Well, i must say its really quite a new exciting adventure for me coming to the this. [ laughter ] seth its an exciting adventure coming to the this . [ light laughter ] you gotta have to have no cards, buddy. [ light laughter ] this has been looking forward to this. This is the so great the me. [ light laughter ] also, thats the excited ben carson . What does he look like relaxed . His beach vacations must be constantly interrupted by people giving him cpr. [ laughter ] now, in that speech carson was dressing hud employees who were eager to learn about their new boss vision for the agency. But instead, they heard a weird collection of personal stories and scifi tidbits. I even liked going to the doctors office. Tells you i was a strange kid, you know. I would gladly sacrifice a shot just so i could smell the alcohol swabs. [ light laughter ] but there is nothing in this universe that even begins to compare with the human brain. And what it is capable of. I could take the oldest person here, make a little hole right here on the side of the head and put some depth electrodes into their hippocampus. Seth what does that have to do with housing and urban development . [ light laughter ] you see, the head is the house of the brain. [ light laughter ] how many alcohol swabs did you smell . [ light laughter ] though carson wasnt just making bizarre statements. He was also making changes at hud, which critics have called a near dismantling of the agency. An investigation by propublica new york magazine, for example, found that new leadership was often actively discouraging initiative on the part of the employees and was also actively slowing down new initiatives. Secretary carson said Public Housing shouldnt be too comfortable for anyone so people wouldnt actually want to actually stay there. And he made that statement even after this happened while he was touring Affordable Housing in miami. Hud secretary ben carson got stuck on an elevator while touring a housing complex in miami. Weve just been visiting with secretary ben carson of housing and urban development who was touring this overtown apartment complex here and hes been stuck in the elevator. You can see firefighters from the city of miami there trying to figure out how to free him. Seth of course, theres a good chance carson didnt realize he was stuck in an elevator. [ light laughter ] this apartment is too nice. Its got buttons to play with and a little bar to hang your clothes. [ light laughter ] and when hud isnt busy hiring unqualified people, theyre not hiring people at all. According to reports, and this is something secretary carson also admits, almost all of the top legal jobs below him are not filled. But if theres anything we know about ben carson is that he likes to take his time. [ cheers and applause ] dr. Ben carson. [ laughter ] seth ben carson could get stuck on an elevator when hes not on an elevator. [ laughter ] and all this is especially troubling right now because more and more people will come to rely on hud as it faces its greatest challenge yet under this administration. Two of the most important agencies involved in houston now and maybe for the next year, hud, ben carsons hud, and the epa. Hud obviously will play a key role because there are a lot of people facing real housing crises after this storm. Seth thats right. Many americans impacted by the storm will have no choice but to turn to hud. And although secretary carson has promised that his agency would take care of families left homeless by the storm, thanks to his boss, the money may not be there to do so in the near future. You have a budget, though, where hud has been cut for 2018 for the trump administration, 13 reduction from 2017. A 6 billion cut to hud including ending the Community Development block grants. Those are programs that were used, for example, after new orleans, to rebuild new orleans, also after hurricane sandy, so theres some alarm among housing advocates that when you say get the government out of your life, youre meaning get the government out of poor peoples lives or peoples lives who need it in a crisis. Seth thats right. Money to help homeowners and businesses to rebuild after a disaster go through huds 3 billion Community DevelopmentBlock Grant Program that trump has proposed getting rid of altogether. And according to reports its unclear how Disaster Recovery money would be affected or delivered without the program. Now trump did sign a 15 billion hurricane related aid bill, which would give emergency funding to agencies like fema and hud for the very same program that trump had asked to eliminate in his initial budget proposal, further underscoring this administrations lack of understanding about how important these programs are. And not just in times of national crisis. And its not just hud, while trump is busy praising agencies that are helping with Disaster Relief, theyre also the same agencies whose funding he wants to slash. Now is not the time to cut back on Disaster Relief programs. Especially not when hurricanes are lining up like they have numbers at a deli. [ light laughter ] so lets hope trumps housing secretary ben carson doesnt walk away from the American People the way he walked away from this reporter in my favorite clip from last year. We just saw mr. Trump here. We asked him how did it go. He said great and he learned a lot of things. What do you think he took away from today . My luggage. [ laughter and applause ] okay. Looks like dr. Carson is going to try to find his luggage and hell be right back with us. Seth this has been the checkin. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with emma roberts, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] big news from advil, advil liquigels minis. 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