[soft knocking]] you wanted to see me . I have some news, and i wanted you to be the first to know. Well, like, 40th. But the first here at mmn. No, i suppose not. The point is, ive been promotedagain. [gasps] wow. Congratulations. Like a boss. Mm, very much so. Starting next week, i will be the new coo of waffen spielzeug fernsehen, the conglomerate which owns mmn, nerf, and lockheed martin. Mm. Congromelate. Yes. Ill be working from stuttgart, but on the weekends, ill be able to meet my children halfway on an Aircraft Carrier in the bering sea. Children love the bering sea. So you wont be around . But youre my mentor. Could you appear in the clouds when i have a moral conundrum . I do have mufasa technology, but its very expensive. Oh, one last thing. I know that you have been trying to figure out your next move, but i think youve earned a title bump. How would you like to be senior associate producer . [gasps] katie wendelson, senior associate producer. Oh, man, i wish i knew how to change my email signature, cause it still says, go, paramus high field hockey i wont let you down. Im sure you wont. Mom mom, huge news. Diana just gave me a promotion. Oh, katie, thats great oh [gasps] oh, i can see it now. Corner office, fancy desk, gold nameplate. Hey, why arent there more pictures of me in there . Well, no, its just a title, but i finally feel like im headed in the right direction. Oh, thats great, katie. Oh. Oh, speaking of highlevel corporate shakeups, brayden r. Is going back to rutgers for his sophomore year, which means theres an opening for a new head intern. Wait a minute. Brayden r. Was only a freshman . He was over 18, though, right . Mmmmmm. So are you gonna apply . Me . Oh, no, i dont think that im leadership material. Mom, dont underestimate yourself. If you want something, you should go for it, like i did with diana. Youre right, katie. I should apply for that job. Wow, you give good advice. Mm. What do you know about lesbian bed death . Because i think its happening to daddy and me. [upbeat news broadcast music] wow, diana got another promotion . Shes, like, my hero. It used to be tavi gevinson, but then she got old. I wouldve been back sooner, but the lady at the pathmark bakery counter wasnt super on the ball. Mmhmm, congratulations diana in blue icing with an exclamation point after diana should i put from katie on the cake or just tell her it was from me hey what are you. Too bad dianas leaving. I totally couldve hit that. Come on, man. Um, uhhuh. Right. Like the time you told us you hooked up with lorna doone. Thats a cookie. So it wasnt technically a lie. Dont be disgusting, justin. Diana is our boss. Youre just jealous. Im telling you, she came into my edit bay and tried to french all over me. Mmhmm. Okay, youve said a lot of stuff recently that makes me think you dont know what sex is. [gasps] so you heard the news . Its true. I got the head intern job. Thats great, mom. Wait, no, thats for diana a cake for me . So you heard about my big endorsement deal. Its true. Youre looking at the new face of the tomato juice council. Tomatoestake a sip. Please . Wait, no, no, no, ju [groans] [knock at door] you wanted to see me . Hmm . Oh, yes, its about tonights panel. Jeff sessions has agreed to be on the show, but we dont have enough telephone books for his chair. [laughs softly] im sorry. I seem to have dropped my pen. Would you mind bending over and picking it up . Oh, yes, of course. [pen clatters] clumsy me. [laughs] [ominous music] slower this time. Mmhmm. Ive been sexually harassed. Oh, my god thats how you say harassed . To f. Nerve pain shoots and burns its way into your day. I hear you. When that pain makes simple errands simply unbearable. I hear you. I hear you because my dad struggled with this pain. Make sure your doctor hears you too. So folks, dont wait. Step on up. And talk to your doctor. Because you have places to go. And people who cant wait for you to get there. If you have diabetes and burning, shooting pain in your feet or hands. Step on up and talk to your doctor today. Infallible proglow foundation by loreal. The pro look in longwear. Go pro with an allday glow. Resists dryout and fadeout. Infallible proglow foundation. From loreal paris. And conceal, reveal, and glow. With new infallible proglow concealer. You imagine who i am. What i look like. Where i live. But look past the things that wont make a difference to find someone who will. Search for greatness. Search indeed. From only real ingredients. Oh my gosh, you did it. You must be a wizard. Hfor just 20 per month per line with 5 lines. Plus, switch and get up to 5 free select Samsung Galaxy phones. So get more, save more and get down. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. Helen fand every year, we get a giwe split it equally. Except for one of us. I write them a poem instead. And one for each of you too. And one for each of you too. Helen cool. That actually yours. That one. Yeah. Regardless, were stuck with the bill. To many, words are the most valuable currency. Last i checked, stores dont take words. Man some do. Oh. alert beeps not everyone can be the poetic voice of a generation. I know, right . Such a burden. Pay back a friend day is october 17th. Get the bank of america mobile banking app today. Was it chuck . I wasnt gonna say anything, what do you mean. You got harassed . But i think he might think youre a girl. No, it was diana. Wait, diana . Yes, justin was right. She made me feel like a piece of meat. Okay, what did she do to you . [sighs] we were in her office, and out of nowhere, katie, she dropped her pen. Dropped her pen . Im sorry, i dont know that many sex moves. According to a cosmo quiz, im pretty enough to just lie there. No, no, she dropped her pen and made me pick it up. Wait, thats it . Ugh. Men always think that women are trying to sleep with them. If a woman is even the slightest bit nice to a man, he thinks its because shes in love with him. [mellow music] relax. Ive got a girlfriend. I expect that kind of thing from justin, but from you, greg . Maybe it was innocent. Butbut it felt wrong. Trust me, okay . This is diana effing st. Effing tropez. If she wanted you. [laughing] she wouldnt throw a pen. She would just take you. She would just take you and just grab you and just take you and she would just shove it. [groans] katie. Anyway, it didnt happen. Hey, someone dressed up for their first day as head intern. Very profesh. I got the suit from my neighbors sons bar mitzvah. Gay. [sighs] good morning, underlings. I am carol wendelson, and i am your new head intern. Look, we all loved brayden r. , but lets be honest. He didnt run a very tight ship. That ends today. Under my watch, were gonna start washing the coffee mugs before dumping them out and putting them back in the cabinet. You dont wash them . Its a new day at mmn. If we put our minds to it, we might even get that old balloon everyone complains about down from the ceiling. They say its been there since these were the offices for yo mmn raps. Serbs, slavs, albanians, and more those are the fighters in the kosovo war [mic booms] you know what . Richard, this is not gonna work. I dont know; that balloons pretty high up there. Even brayden r. Couldnt get it down. Well, brayden r. s not here anymore. He abandoned you. All you have is brayden c. , the other brayden r. , tall brayden, and me, carol. Whats your name, anyway . Moana. My parents named me after the movie. How old are you . [scoffs] well, it wasnt just me. Diana harassed gene and wayne too. Yeah, just like she did me. Thats definitely a lie. [all contesting at once] she told me that shed fire me unless i ate a banana in front of her. [ominous music] yeah. You like potassium . Take it all. Take all that potassium. What the hell is wrong with you . So . Maybe she was just trying to get you to eat healthy. Well, what about me . She promised to approve my request for the new 8k s41 camera if i danced for her. Of course i said no. Can i at least put some music on or something . No. Case closed. Chungchung. You know, from law order. In england, its called barristers decorum, and every role is played by dame maggie smith. Okay, i dont know whats going on here, but i refuse to believe that the future coo of a multibilliondollar congromelate would risk her promotion just to molest. This. How many more men have to come forward before you believe us . Um, in the words of the cosby jurors, duh, i dont know, more than 60 . This always happens. Men just cant stand seeing a woman in power, so theyll do anything to tear her down. Hillary did benghazi. Catherine the great had sex with horses. Portia brand teeth whitener is just Leftover Paint from her gazebo. Well, theres only one way to settle this. Exactly, chuck. We need to report her to human resources. I will weave a web of seduction and catch her in the act. It is time for a good oldfashioned honeypot. What would you even report, that gene ate a banana and that wayne didnt dance . Even if diana made you guys uncomfortable, what were you doing in her office . In the middle of the day . Alone . Are you saying that we ask for it . No. No, no, no. Im just saying. What were you wearing . That is not right. Victim shaming. I dress sexy because it makes me feel good. Okay, okay. Just, before you go to hr, just let me talk to diana. Im sure theres a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this. There has to be. Dianas innocent. She wasnt interested in me, which proves that shes a very serious, very professional lady. Case closed. [leather shorts squeaking] carol has one more obstacle to complete before she becomes the next american ninja warrior. Can she slamdunk these scripts into the recycling bi [loud thud] [yelps] and the judges say its close enough, and the crowd goes wild. And shes, like, a million years old. [laughter] when i told her to venmo me the 5 she owed me, she gave me these weird paper tickets. Theres no way she deserves to be head intern. I heard she only got the job cause her daughters, like, a producer on the show or something. How lame is that . [laughter] [mellow music] carol . I consider myself a keen observer of the female psyche, and i can tell youre feeling, uh. Gassy . Right as always, chuck. Im also beginning to worry that i dont deserve my job. Executive producer. Head intern. All the other interns go to fancy schools and they know news stuff. They can lift a box without getting permission from their chiropractor. Of course you deserve it. Those kids are a bunch of spoiled brats. Listen, i dont trust anybody who can afford to work for free. When i was in college, i made my own way, giving tug jobs down at the docks. Huh . You know, tugging the boats out of the port with my hands. Well, i dont get paid either. But youve got something those jerk interns dont have. Bangs . No Life Experience. All the things youve accumulated over the years. The things youve gathered. Theyre worth more than all the money and connections and young brains that remember names, rachel. You are right. Im gonna show those kids that i deserve to be head intern. Thank you, chuck. [leather shorts squeak] oh. [laughs] [leather shorts squeaking] [straining] come on. Damn it, i shouldve asked her to cut me out of these things. [straining] [loud thud] [knocking] ah, katie. Come in. Im just looking at pictures of my new office in stuttgart. Ooh, is that a real Jackson Pollock on the wall . No, the previous coo shot himself because the job was too hard. What can i do you for . Hey, i dont i dont wanna get anyone in trouble, but i thought you should maybe know what some people on staff are saying about you. [laughs] dont worry. Ive heard it all. Steve ballmer once called me an. [sustained bleep] muncher. But thats just steve being steve, you know . We own the clippers together now. Well, this is so stupid. [laughs] but, um, some of the guys downstairs are saying that you sexually harassed them. Isnt that crazy . [scoffs] theyre insane. That is what i said. That wasnt sexual harassment. They wanted it. [ominous music] theres as staying at a magical Disney Resort hotel. So imagine. Complimentary rides to and from the park. Even extra time with your family in the park. And now, create a 6night 7day package, including a select Walt Disney World resort hotel room and Theme Park Tickets for as little as 96 per person per day for a family of four. Hey, its me, your dry skin. Im craving something were missing. The ceramides in cerave. 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I may have made a few offcolor comments, but, you know, thats just locker room talk. So i told a couple guys they had nice bulges. Take the compliment. [laughs] i mean, im leaving mmn in a couple of days. I just wanted to cut loose and have fun. What can i say . Im a very horny gal. Right. Well, some of them wanted to report you to hr, but you stopped them. That shows loyalty. Thats exactly what i would expect from a senior associate producer. Us gals gotta stick together, right . Give me a perverts high five. You know how to do it. Mmhmm. I do deserve to be head intern. [inhales deeply] see you in hell, brayden r. [suspenseful music] [exhales] [grunting] [straining] [sighs] [grunting] [grunts] [soft thud] [sighs] oh, here we go. Oh, ugh ughoh, there we go. [groans] how do i get up there . Ugh. Oh. Almost there. I think im right above it. Uhoh. [yelps] [loud crash] ugh [groaning] [sighs] hello, dave. Im home. Hello, dear. Dinners almost ready. [objects clattering] dave, i told you i needed a new shed for all my vacuum stuff. You got it, dear. Ill just demolish my prized tulip garden to make room. Ugh. Everything youve accumulated over the years. Everything youve gathered. [ethereal choral singing] get it, carol . [indistinct chatter] now tell me i dont deserve this job. How did you get it down . With everything ive accumulated all these years. [straining] [vacuum whirring] but i guess they dont teach Life Experience in your fancy schools. Or hoarding. Wow, you really do deserve to be head intern. I guess i was just jealous that i didnt get the job. Yes. [laughs] i win. But before i lift my fist in victory, i have to call my chiropractor. Hey, dr. Bob. Okay, i wont. Also, i fell out of the ceiling earlier. Guess what, katie. I am a great head intern, and this piece of plastic garbage proves it. [sighs happily] whats wrong . I dont know what to do about diana. I really looked up to her, but i think she might be a bad person. How bad are we talking . Like, cousin jimmy bad . Or cousin frank bad . Shes a sexual harasser, mom. I wanna be loyal, but if i stay quiet, im just as bad as she is. So you know. Huh . Well, its true. Its all true i dont deserve to be head intern. The only way i got this job is that diana made me. Do things. So you wanna be head intern. Yes, ms. St. Trapeze, and here is my resume. I might be able to help you out if you. Play your cards right. What do you think of this guy . He looks strong, huh . Yes, real strong. Um, what . Oh, god my own mothers being harassed and ive been covering it up she made me play go fish with her nudie cards. I won by getting four butts. Score bigour plans start at only 30 month. Weve got more 4g lte coverage than tmobile or sprint. And if you switch now, you can get a brand new smartphone for free. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. Infallible proglow foundation by loreal. The pro look in longwear. Go pro with an allday glow. Resists dryout and fadeout. Infallible proglow foundation. From loreal paris. And conceal, reveal, and glow. With new infallible proglow concealer. From the minute i wake up. Im on. And on. And on. Thats why i. Make time for myself. And give my body some love. With aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion. Its active naturals® oat formula. Locks in moisture to improve skin wellness in just one day. I really needed that. I bet you do too. Aveeno® naturally beautiful results® you guys were telling the truth about diana, but i didnt believe you. We are all going to hr together to report her. I will do the talking. [anguished] diana was. Was. I cant remember. Im so nervous, i cant remember. It doesnt matter what you say. No one is gonna believe any of you normies over someone as powerful as diana st. Tropez. My mentor, roger ailes, had been whipping it out in front of women for decades. By the way. Bad penis. Mm. Its actually why they started calling penises junk. So theres nothing we can do . Well, rog didnt get in trouble until Gretchen Carlson secretly taped him. Were gonna need proof. Course honeypot. Im on it. Please dont, chuck. No, no, no. Let me do it. No, wait. Hes right this time. But we need a honey we know shell go for. A sympathetic victim. Someone who wouldnt mind putting themselves in the line of fire. Someone so appealing, she cant refuse. [speaking mandarin] come in, im just saying good night to my children. [speaking mandarin] [smooches] hey, boss lady. [playful music] so you did get that new camera . Uh, what had happened was, she shh. I want another promotion. What do i have to do to get it . Im gonna ask you a question, carol. And i want you to think about it very seriously before you answer. Have you ever heard of a dance called the dougie . Have i then do it for me. [humming] nice, carol. Very pretty, carol. Tres jolie, carol. Yeah. Thats the hot soup mama wants for supper ugh, i cant do this. What is wrong with you people . What . I have been disgusting. I have harassed the men. Ive harassed you. I admitted all of it to katie, thinking she would report me, and she didnt. No one did. Wait, you wanna be reported to hr . Of course i do. Basically, the only person in the whole building i havent hit on is justin. Oh, god, justin. [giggling] ew. Gross. I have fought for Workplace Equality for 25 years. I just want what the men get 40 million to go away. Roger ailes got 40 just for whipping it out. Billy bush got 9 just for giggling about boobies. Bill oreilly got 25. But no, i just keep succeeding and succeeding and succeeding and using westbound International Flights to create a 175hour workweek. And now they wanna promote me again. I just wanna go away, carol. Why wont they let me go away . Aw, your poor thing. I know youre all out there, by the way. Youre very bad at hiding. [door opens] thats a nice story, sweetheart, but it just h