[ cheers and applause jimmy oh my goodness oh, wow, oh. Oh please, welcome. I feel the love. Thank you very much. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Thank you very much for being here [ cheers and applause guys, we had a Beautiful Day here in new york city. It was 85 and sunny. It was so nice over at laguardia. Whited pilots switched from [ light laughter ] it was really a beautthe democratic president ial candidates are visiting the iowa state fair. Yep, its the time of the year where they all pretend to be relatable by wearing jeans [ light laughter ] you fellas like the crease on these bad boys [ light laughter ] but the fair is a huge event featuring deep fried twinkies, bacon wrapped sausage and brownies on a stick. Or as one guy put it, wow, its just like the white house [ laughter ] thats just breakfast. [ light laughter ] the fair is massive. Organizers set up literally hundreds of food tents and this is nice, they also set up a prechewed food tent for Bernie Sanders and joe biden [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] thoughtful that is very thoughtful. Steve sweet. Jimmy i just thought it was sweet of them. Steve love them. Jimmy the fair can be rough though its basically the time when a a candidate is cruising in the polls and then theres an unfortunate photo of them eating a corn dog. And thats really just [ laughter ] happens every year happens every year and get this the fair has a 600 pound cow made out of butter its tough for democrats to try to the make the case for universal health care and people are, like, move, youre blocking the butter cow. [ laughter ] they think its funny. They also have bumper cars steve love it. Jimmy yeah, thats pretty fun, yeah. Bernie will spend the whole time looking for his turn signal buttigieg [ light laughter ] buttigieg isnt tall enough to ride [ light laughter ] and the minute it starts, biden will get slammed by every other candidate. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] so its interesting. But all the candidates are excited to be there and meet the people of iowa facetoface while Mary Ann Williamson decided to drop acid and run naked through a corn maze. [ laughter ] i read that the first iowa state fair was held in 1854. Yeah, even crazier, it also featured a speech from Bernie Sanders [ laughter ] steve really jimmy he was just 95 then. Steve wow. Jimmy heres another big boory. Afotting the spin classes. Meanwhile when trump heard that his donor owns a spin class, he boycotted the donor. Ght ughter ] i want nothing to do with it. Speaking of the president , in a new interview, Woody Harrelson er w th trump. It got awkward when he stepped melania was already out there n [ laughter ] you too yeah it works, it works. And finally, this is going viral. After disney announced that theyre doing a remake of home alone, Macaulay Culkin posted a photo of what kevin would actually look like today check this out [ laughter ] i saw that and laughed and realized i was in the exact same pose. [ light laughter ] we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause jimmy what a show [ cheers and applause we have a very special guest we also have lil rel howery is here hes the funniest man working today. I love that guy. And we have great music. Oh man, i am so excited and rehearsal was off the chain today. It was so great. I just love her. I love Natalie Merchant is here natalie [ cheers and applause candy, give them what they want i like that one. Because the night you know her from 10,000 maniacs, but also her solo stuff. Shes incredible one of the best voices in music. I asked her a super favor. Im, like, can you please do these are days. [ cheers and applause ] she said no. [ audience aws ] [ laughter ] just kidding, she said yes [ cheers and applause these are days Natalie Merchant and the roots tonight. I had the weirdest dream last night. Steve really jimmy yeah yeah, it was bizarre i mean i had the oddest interview ive ever had in my entire life. It was just jimmy our first guest was featured in two documentaries about his life, anchormane nti. He has his very own podcast. Season two launched earlier today. Please welcome, our special guest, the one and only ron burgundy [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy wow. Wow. Thank you jimmy ron burgundy what a wonderful ovation. Jimmy, do you mind if i just do some standup comedy . Thank you. [ cheers and applause thank you, thank you so much oh, thank you. Thats what im talking about. How is everyone doing tonight . [ cheers and applause whoa, what a crowd what a crowd new york city in the house [ cheers and applause [ light laughter ] am i right am i right [ cheers and applause what does that mean, by the way, in the house . Are we in a house . No, were in a building. A Tall Building that no one would mistake for a house. [ light laughter ] new york city in the house [ laughter ] how could 17 Million People fit in a house anyway . [ light laughter ] thats a lot of toilet paper if you ask me [ laughter ] what about an episode of the real world that took place in a house that fit new york city [ light laughter ] imagine Binge Watching that. You would be 100 before you get halfway through episode one. [ light laughter ] but these are the things that keep me up at night. [ laughter ] people like to say not in my house. Well, of course not in my house. I dont know you, so i dont want you in my house [ laughter ] am i right or what [ cheers and applause what else . What else . [ light laughter ] what else . You all having a good summer [ cheers ] yeah believe it or not, ive already done all my Christmas Shopping [ light laughter ] i like to get it done before labor day and i get everyone the same thing every year. A subscription to playboy magazine. [ light laughter ] oh, sure, some people complain and ill tell them fine, ill just leave you off the list for next year. And they say wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait just give me one more year [ light laughter ] am i right or what [ cheers and applause am i right [ light laughter ] show of hands. How many people here take the subway ] i love the subway whenever i come to new york its the only way i get around town yeah you know, you ever take the subway in the summertime and you find the one car that is empty and you think, great, im going to have this cool car to myself but once you get in, you realize it is empty because the air conditioning is broken well, i love to hide in that car and when people realize they pick the hot car with the broken ac, i pop out and say hey, surprise [ laughter ] its hot as [ bleep ] in here because the ac is broken and thats why it is empty [ laughter ] you got tricked. Lets wrestle. [ laughter ] it will make the time go faster for our journey. Am i right or what [ cheers and applause am i right or what [ applause ] we got any yankee fans here tonight . [ cheers and applause yeah, yankees. For those of you who dont know baseball, the new york yankees are a big deal theyre like the new york jets of baseball. Just phenomenal history. [ laughter ] no, its true. Its nothing to laugh at i like to sit out in the right field bleachers with all the hecklers and yell things at opposing players really, really get into their heads. Hey, number 12, why dont you go back to college and finish your bachelor of arts degree, huh . [ light laughter ] theres really no excuse you can do it online or take night classes. Or go back to school in the offseason [ light laughter ] hey, mookie betts, youre a bum. In between innings you should read use your time and read the Mueller Report unredacted. [ light laughter ] i know you wont, though you know why because youre a bum youre a no good bum [ laughter ] am i right or what [ cheers and applause baseball players, though thats a weird lot what else . Do we got any sean mendes fans here tonight [ cheers and applause yeah dont like him never have [ laughter ] first of all, is he canadian or mexican . Make up your mind. You cant be both, not in todays world. No way secondly, he stole some of my songs and my singing style when he goes to that falsetto everything means nothin if i cant have you yeah and i wrote that song about Camilla Cabello because she broke my heart but now all the fans think he wrote it about her, but he didnt i did. I wrote the damn song. I swear to you i wrote the song and now im the laughing stock of the pop music world and i want to tell you, sean, one thing. I dont like it its bush league thats my time [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy ron burgundy, everybody. Ron burgundy [ cheers and applause wow. That was some funny stuff. Well, it must have gone well you invited me back over to the couch. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats some funny stuff over there sorry, i got a little hot under the collar about mendes. Jimmy yeah, no problem i didnt even know that you did standup. Oh, yes its been a lifelong passion of mine for about a week now. [ laughter ] and i just love it its all about the benjamins you know what i mean, jimmy . Jimmy no the benjamins jimmy yeah i dont know what you mean you know. Jimmy no, i dont. [ light laughter ] are you on tour . Well, im on tour right now tomorrow night im opening for Jerry Seinfeld at Madison Square garden. [ light laughter ] jimmy really Tickets Available on ticket master jimmy is that right . Jerry seinfeld, ron burgundy, and the Rolling Stones [ laughter ] special guest star k. C. And the sunshine band. The roots are going to be playing. [ cheers and applause jimmy hey, congratulations thats great and jazz vocalist Bobby Mcferrin [ light laughter ] jimmy what a bill. What an absolute bill. Oh, i dont want to miss that one. Its tough to land bobby. Jimmy you got there though we got him. Jimmy you got him man. You got him. I said im not doing it without mcferrin jimmy yeah, you said that . And they said well, wait by the phone, but we got him. But tickets are Still Available for tomorrow night, Madison Square garden. Jimmy Madison Square garden, a lot of people. A lot of people. Huge. Jimmy i have to be honest, i miss you doing the news. Well, thank you jimmy do you miss doing the news of course i do. Of course i do jimmy yeah anyone who has walked away from the news game, any former journalist who says theyt and im talking to you, tom brokaw [ light laughter ] get your [ bleep ] together and get back on the air. [ laughter ] jimmy hold on now, ron [ laughter ] get back on board here lets talk about the podcast the run burgundy podcast, season two launched today, iheart radio iheart. Com, the app. Where do you podcast from . A room. [ laughter ] a room with a microphone and chairs jimmy yeah thats the set up there . Its myself, my assistant and producer carolina and a bottle of scotch we just keep it loosy goosy. Jimmy wow. Interesting. Its all about the benjamins. Jimmy yeah well, you say that because every episode starts with a sponsor on all of your episodes of the podcast. Yeah. Jimmy is there any sponsor you turn down . Oh, of course all the time jimmy oh really . Yeah. Im not you know, i dont have to listen to the man, no. No, no so i turn things down all the time jimmy who have you turned down unless they offer me cash [ light laughter ] jimmy then, its all about the benjamins. Ill say it, its all or the Grover Clevelands [ light laughter ] hes the face of the 1,000 bill. Jimmy oh is he really . I carry thousands i usually walk around with thousands. Jimmy you carry a wad of a a thousand dollar bills . Thousand dollar bills and people hand it me back and like i cant cash this. [ laughter ] jimmy you use this it creates more problems than it solves [ light laughter ] jimmy you hand someone a a thousand dollar bill and they hand it back to you . So, ill get like a pint of milk at the grocery store. [ light laughter ] jimmy you go out and get a a pint yeah. What does that run you about 1. 20 . Jimmy 1. 20. Ill slap down a Grover Cleveland and they go, is that fake . A crisp Grover Cleveland jimmy crisp Grover Cleveland [ laughter ] you dont even fold them i dont even fold them. Jimmy you make pockets longer so that you dont have to fold your money right, keep it jimmy flat in a sleeve, a plastic sleeve and i pop it out, snap it, Grover Cleveland and theyre like first of all is this real [ light laughter ] and like we cant cash it. Jimmy theres nothing we can do yeah im, like, can i take it though because all i have are thousands. Jimmy yeah do they let you have the milk . Usually jimmy yeah ive listened to some of your intervws there ever been an interview thats gone wrong . There has two words. Kylie minogue. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats unfortunate i mean, youve been in that situation before you never want to meet your heroes [ light laughter ] boy, kylie and i from the moment she came into the studio, we just looked at each other and it was on. [ laughter ] jimmy thats terrible. I mean, Kylie Minogue . She just bit me right in the ass. [ laughter ] jimmy what does that mean . I dont know what that means then when she was done, she bit me in the the [ bleep ] balls. So it was [ laughter ] i mean that thing, it broadened. Jimmy what are you what are you talking about . We didnt even get a word out. Jimmy what are you talking about . We didnt even get a word out. Jimmy what are you talking about . It was just jimmy what the hell are you talking about . We just jimmy what do you even want [ talking over each other it turned into a knife fight minogue. Jimmy great, beautiful Kylie Minogue show [ talking over each other jimmy a knife fight . Heres the irony. I mean, i looked like the mummy. I had bandages all over me and were lying next to each other and were, like, what the hell happened . [ laughter ] i think youre great shes, like, i like you too. Were good friends now [ laughter ] jimmy i couldnt take you as a Kylie Minogue fan to be really honest. I was so nervous around her jimmy really i think i wanted to tear her down jimmy name one of her songs. Ill name you 50. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont have time for that give me one give me three songs. Three songs onhreeyep. By Kylie Minogue any Kylie Minogue song that you love [ light laughter ] oy, take e river. Jimmy okay [ light laughter ] and sydney night. Jimmy okay, she is from australia. Shes australian, yes. We only have time for a couple of rapid fire questions. Oh sure, sure, sure jimmy is that okay yeah. I love this. [ light laughter ] jimmy favorite food. Pop tarts [ laughter ] jimmy favorite animal . Meer kat. [ laughter ] jimmy favorite article of clothing brass knuckles. [ laughter ] jimmy favorite mode of transportation pass. [ laughter ] jimmy favorite kitchen accessory . What s jimmy favorite kitchen accessory . Oh, belt sander [ laughter ] jimmy ron burgundy thanbein here thank you for everything youve done with this world [ cheers and applause ron burgundy, everyone season two of the ron burgundy podcast, launched today. More tonight show after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause people know aflac. Aflac but not when to use it. Do i use aflac when the kids get slime in the plumbing . No. Thats home owners insurance. Slime in my motorcycle. No. Thats motorcycle insurance. Slime everywhere . Ughhh nooo, theres no insurance for that. Do they help when i have bills Health Insurance doesnt cover . Yeah thats it aflac gross guys. Get help with expenses Health Insurance doesnt cover. Get to know us at aflac. Com ok who. Iall of us. Old navy . 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Yeah, what was your dream anyway jimmy oh, it was nothing i just thought i had an odd interview, but maybe not [ light laughter ] anyway, im just so excited. I mean, weve got lil rel, we have Natalie Merchant performing these are days. Im so excited [ cheers and applause im so excited, i love that. Guys, it is time for tonights show hashtags, here we go. [ cheers and applause we do this thing every week on our show where i send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to respond to that topic on the internet and since fast and the furious presents hobbs and shaw is the number one movie right now, i sent out a hashtag called car fails. And i asked you guys to send us funny or weird stories about your car or driving. And within 15 minutes, it became the number two trending topic in the u. S so thank you very much everybody. [ cheers and applause did you ever have any car steve so many. Jimmy so many. Steve so many. Jimmy yeah steve one time, we had a a friend of ours car and he had this big mat by the drivers side jimmy yeah steve were going, why get rid of this mat. My brother is driving. He goes over a puddle and it, like a fire hose there was a hole in the floor. [ laughter ] hits him in the face he has to pullover jimmy yeah steve almost died. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, you didnt though yeah do you remember my friend dennis you know my friend dennis . Steve yeah jimmy he was driving once and he everyones fine, but he hit a we a