Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Impeachment trial and quoted the 1950s tv show dragnet to explain one of his points. Dragnet . [ light laughter ] oh my god, dude, are you afraid the glasses werent making you look old enough . [ laughter ] why dont you just put a bandaid on your face and be done with it [ laughter ] President Trump performed the coin flip before this weekends Army Navy Football game. Its the first recorded instance of trump intentionally letting go of money. [ laughter ] im going to need that back. [ laughter ] the House Judiciary Committee this morning published its full report on the impeachment inquiry, which describes President Trump as the Founding Fathers Worst Nightmare though, from what i know about the Founding Fathers, they wouldnt have been too crazy about the last guy either. [ laughter and applause [ audience ohs ] just sayying things were different at the founding. [ laughter ] senator Elizabeth Warren is reportedly trying to boost her poll numbers by shortening her stump speech to 10 minutes and biden is trying to boost his by not talking at all. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause President Trump yesterday attacked House Speaker nancy pelosi, tweeting, quote, nancys teeth were falling out of her mouth and she didnt have time to think. And, hey, man, you may not like what he said but he can say whatever he wants because this is united shashes. [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause seth congress is reportedly close to passing a bill that would raise the National Smoking age to 21. Said france, youre raising it 15 years . [ laughter and applause [ applause ] abc today announced the 30 women who will be competing on the Upcoming Season of the bachelor in case you wondered just how many ways there are to spell the name ashley. [ laughter ] and finally, rapper diddy held his 50th Birthday Party over the weekend. And it took a few tries to get the cake right [ laughter and applause ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause he represents californias 28th Congressional District and is the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee representative adam schiff is joining us tonight [ cheers and applause we have a lot to ask him about hes currently in his first season as a cast member on saturday night live, which returns this saturday with host eddie murphy and musical guest lizzo. Bowen yang is here, you guys [ cheers and applause im so excited to talk to bowen. And fresh off his grammy nominations for best country solo performance, well have music from Tyler Childers. [ cheers and applause hes fantastic youre going to love him before we get to our guests, as a new poll Shows Majority support for impeaching President Trump, republicans are doing everything they can to rig the senate trial in his favor. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth on friday, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against trump, setting the stage for a vote of the full house this week and as cnn reported, trump is aggravated by the fact that hes about to become the third president in history to be impeached. We are hearing President Trump is growing increasingly aggravated over the likelihood that he will be impeached. A Trump Campaign adviser i spoke with earlier today told me simply, the coverage bugs him. Seth bugs him . [ light laughter ] i dont think bugs is ever the right word for trump hes never just bugged he only has two modes, blind rage or spaced out [ laughter and applause either screaming like he just ate a fistful of ghost peppers or [ light laughter ] looking straight down to the table like a eighth grader in detention. Trumps definitely more than bugged by the impeachment coverage i mean, look at him. When he gets angry, he looks like the love child of the hulk and an old bean bag chair full of farts [ laughter and applause also trump has made it pretty clear in his recent public statements that hes more than just bugged by impeachment, including at a rally last week and in the oval office on friday when he claimed the democrats had somehow been trying to impeach him since before he announced that he was running for president back in 2015 [ laughter ] they cant win on election day. So theyre pursuing an illegal, invalid, and unconstitutional bull [ bleep ] impeachment and then they announced there was no bias. No, you know what were doing . And its not easy. A regular president would have been under a table, thumb in the mouth, saying, take me home, mommy. This is too tough for me. I have to tell you, as bad as it is, it meant something when you had serious high crimes and misdemeanors the impeachment is a hoax. Its a sham. It started a long time ago probably before i came down the escalator with the future first lady seth all right, first of all, whats with all the slurring, man . Trumps going to be the first president to get pulled over for a sobriety test in the middle of one of his rallies [ laughter ] can you say the alphabet backwards . I cant say it forwards. [ laughter and applause second, dont say i came down the escalator like you were George Washington crossing the delaware [ laughter ] it wasnt noble or cool. You rode an escalator to announce your campaign for president like you were at a macys looking for mens underwear. [ laughter and applause im running for president also, where do you keep your dumpiest khakis . [ laughter ] third and most important, you think democrats were secretly plotting to impeach you before you announced that you were running for president . Howd that work . You think president obama, Hilary Clinton and nancy pelosi were all in a secret room together saying, okay, you know that famously dumb Game Show Host you know, the one who spends most of the time yelling at meatloaf well, hes about to ride an escalator down to announce his campaign so heres our plan to bring him down were going to win the popular vote by three million votes. But then well lose the electoral college, because, you know, its a dumb, antiquated system and then were going to wait three years until he calls the president of ukraine and ask him to dig up dirt on joe biden, who will announce that hes running for president. And also Rudy Giulianis going to go on tv and confess to everything thats the plan. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause that is our plan. Actually, you know, the last part right there is probably the only thing they could have predicted right there. [ light laughter ] this is just the world we live in now the president s a deranged, conspiratorial lunatic whos fundamentally untethered from reality. In fact, on friday, trump lied and claimed that his poll numbers have actually gone up since impeachment began. My poll numbers, as you know, have gone through the roof the polls have gone through the roof for trump because people, especially with independent voters, and especially in swing states i could show you numbers that nobodys ever seen numbers like this before. [ laughter ] seth what are you talking about . Were getting numbers no one has ever seen . [ laughter ] eleventeen, bleventeen. Something called a thricks [ laughter and applause thats the first thricks weve ever seen, you guys. [ laughter and applause but we know trump is lying, because polls have consistently shown that about half of americans want him at least impeached if not removed from office altogether. Even a new fox news poll over the weekend confirmed that and it was a poll that surprised even fox friends morning host, Brian Kilmeade who said this morning that he was stunned to see how high the number was in the latest fox news poll, 50 of registered voters think the president should be impeached and removed from office, up one point since october. Four percent think he should be impeached, but not removed from office and 41 do not think he should be impeached at all. The fox poll came out and i was stunned by this. It says 50 of the country want the president impeached. I was stunned to see that thats the number, because i thought that things were trending away seth you know why you thought that because you only listen to trump. And you only watch fox news. [ laughter ] youre like a guy who works at arbys who eats an actual burger for the first time and says, what . This burger doesnt taste like horse. [ laughter ] when kilmeade saw that poll, he was probably like, but i thought trumps Approval Rating was up to eleventy bleventeen thricks. Thats what i heard. [ laughter and applause so trump is clearly both been watching impeachment coverage and also getting enraged about it although hed love for us to believe hes not on friday, for example, he insisted he was working on other more important issues, like a supposed trade deal he keeps claiming hes negotiating with china. Mr. President , your reaction to the vote in the house judiciary this morning well, i was actually, believe it or not, finishing up the i was doing the final touches on the china deal seth i do not believe it [ laughter and applause also, if you do anything, its not the final touches. They maybe let you help out in the beginning a little bit so you have ownership you know, the way you let your toddler stir the frosting, but not put the cake in the oven so now that impeachment is almost certain to pass in the house, it will move to the senate for trial, where the senators themselves will act as jurors and republican senators, who will act as those jurors, are already on tv defending the president before the trial even begins for example, there was senator rand paul who kept insisting in a contentious interview with cnns jake tapper that trump was just worried about corruption in general. Even though several of trumps closest associates have been arrested and jailed. And paul just kept mindlessly repeating his talking points all of them have been convicted of federal crimes. You really think President Trump is concerned about rooting out corruption i think most of what you listed, and most of the people that were indicted or convicted, were alleged to have been part of some sort of huge russian conspiracy im asking about President Trump and corruption i just listed a number of Close Associates of President Trumps who are either in prison or facing sentencing right but i think its based on opinion. These are sentences its based on opinion on foreign aids these are criminal sentences. His opinion his i just wanted to know, do you really think President Trump is concerned about corruption just a yes or no is that something you really believe . Yes, i do think you do. I do think that ukraine i think ukraine has been one of the corruptest countries on earth. Thats not what i asked the western back all the governments of ukraine have been corrupt. Seth he just kept ignoring the question theres no way to break through with these guys. They just recite their preprogrammed lines. Anchors have to yell at them the way you yell at one of those Automated Customer Service agents hello . Thank you for calling verizon, how can i help you . Seth yeah, i want to cancel my service i heard i want to upgrade my service. Is that correct . Seth no no, no, i said i want to cancel. I heard please add a second phone line to my account. [ laughter ] is that correct . Seth no, i want to cancel. I heard i love verizon. Thank you, goodbye. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth the argument the argument that trump was just concerned about corruption in general is obviously absurd on its face in fact, as we speak, trumps lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, whos at the center of this whole scheme, is back in the u. S. From a trip to ukraine where he was still digging up dirt on trumps political rivals and the wall street journal reports that rudy is still reporting directly to trump. When he returned to new york last saturday, the president called him as his plane was still taxiing down the runway. What did you get . Trump asked. More than you can imagine, giuliani replied he was loudly committing crimes on the plane as soon as the plane landed [ light laughter ] at this point whenever rudy flies, the flight attendants are going to have to announce his miranda rights [ laughter ] you are now free to use your mobile devices and remember, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. [ light laughter ] not only are they continuing to cheat in the election as we speak, but theyre also trying to cheat in the trial about the cheating remember, the senate is supposed to be a fair and impartial jury. But both Senate Majority leader Mitch Mcconnell and Senate Judiciary chairman Lindsay Graham have said explicitly their only goal is to end the trial as quickly as possible, call zero witnesses, and take their marching orders directly from the president himself. I dont need any witnesses at all. Okay, and then in terms of i am ready to go. My goal is to end this as soon as possible. For the good of the country. I wasnt in any doubt at this point. Im not trying to pretend to be a fair juror here everything i do during this, im coordinating with white house counsel. There will be no difference between the president s position and our position as to how to handle this. Seth theyre supposed to be the jury, and theyre literally going on tv admitting theyre not going to be impartial. And theyre going to take their orders from the president. Only in the senate can you openly brag that youre not pretending to be a fair jury Lindsey Graham sounds like a dude who is just making stuff up to get out of jury duty. I cant serve on a jury my grandmas sick, and im her caretaker. And im cat sitting. And i live far away. And i dont speak english. And im biased against cops. [ laughter and applause this is the Republican Party of trump. A party that sees any challenge to its power as illegitimate, thats fine with cheating to win elections, and that rigs trials to avoid consequences for that cheating they dont care what they have to do to win, even if it involves cheating. And then defending that cheating by going on tv and spouting bull [ bleep ]. Seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with representative adam schiff, everybody. [ cheers and applause makeawish child i got this for you. vo when you share the love, you change lives. Over twentytwo hundred wishes granted. More than fifty seven thousand pets supported. Over one hundred National Parks protected. Over two million meals provided. Through the subaru share the love event, subaru will have proudly donated over one hundred seventy Million Dollars to national and Hometown Charities over twelve years. shelter attendant thank you. grandfather thank you. senior thank you. makeawish child thank you. The inlaws have moved in with us. And our Adult Children are here. So we save by using tide. Which means we use less. Three generations of clothes cleaned in one wash. Anybody seen my pants . 1 stain and odor fighter, 1 trusted. Its got to be tide. Wnongenemodi. Nongen. Oh, triscuit is nongenetically modified. Nongenemodiscuit. Triscuit is nongmo project verified. Triscuit. Make scuit happen. I am also not geneticallymodified. Well if inspirations what youre searching for. Follow me to a place i know with Endless Possibilities so you can check your list off rowbyrow. Im making this song up as i go come on look around so much in store, youll spend much less but gift much more at the stores that youve been searching for spend less, gift better. At t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Ah, that worked well at t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Hvr dips. You either love it or you really love it. thud crash grunting whistle play it cool and escape heartburn fast with tums chewy bites cooling sensation. Tum tututum tums [ cheers and applause seth give it up for the 8g band right over there, everybody. [ cheers and applause also, so excited in this Holiday Season that we have fred armisen back with us on the drums. Always such a delight to have our friend fred here [ cheers and applause and, fred, its always so great to see you, because and i hope youre okay with me saying this, because i know youre very humble you are a renaissance man. Fred yes seth yeah. [ laughter ] comedian, musician, writer, theres really nothing you cant do except i didnt realize this, you are also a connoisseur of art. Fred yeah, i love art. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] to a level i did not appreciate, because you were saying backstage, you have an art historians knowledge of every painting ever painted. Fred yeah, every single painting ever created. [ laughter ] seth and you can just i can show you a painting, and you can just share details that even art historians might not know. Fred i can go on and on, yeah [ laughter ] seth all right well lets put it to the test once again in our segment, fred armisen, art aficionado. [ cheers and applause seth ready this is raphaels 1512 painting sistine madonna. Fred, what can you tell us about this painting . Fred oh, yes theres a lot of story behind this you see the greens seth yeah. Fred and you know, you see the figures . So there are figures in it there are angelic figures at the bottom seth uhhuh. And there are other figures in the middle of the painting. And what raphael was trying to do is, at first, he had this painting made, and it didnt have the green curtain so his friend came in, and was like, hey seth again, because youre a historian, what was raphaels friends name . Fred david [ laughter ] so david comes by. And hes like, lets go out to eat, i see youre working on a painting. And so, raphaels like, oh, yeah, okay, let me finish this up. And hes like, are you going to add curtains to that . And hes like, no, but why did you put that in my head . [ light laughter ] you know, why did you put this image in my head . So like it got into him and hes like and so, he actually put those in, and he didnt want to. Seth okay. So those curtains are sort of something [ laughter ] seth so this was this was just added cause david mentioned it [ laughter ] fred yeah, he just mentioned it so then, he gave it to david as a gift hes like, you know what, i dont want this, you take it. [ laughter ] and davids like, i dont want i dont want the painting, i i you know, i get to see all this work all the time. Why are you giving this to me . And hes like, well, because you wanted me to add curtains to it what do you want from me . [ laughter ] so they just left it in the hallway in between where they live seth really . Fred yeah. [ laughter ] seth this . Fred yeah. Seth this painting of this sistine madonna yeah. Seth was just in a hallway . Fred yes seth did they live in the same Apartment Building . Fred its a sort of they didnt have Apartment Buildings, it was like a complex where the buildings were near each other, but they would have these atriums. Seth oh, gotcha. Fred where they could sort of join up so yes, in a way, sure in your language, yeah [ laughter ] seth give it up for fred armisen, everybody. In my language [ cheers and applause fred english seth our first guest tonight represents californias 28th district in the house of representatives and is the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee please welcome back to the show representative adam schiff, everyone [ cheers and applause seth how are you im good, im good, how are you . Seth im well. A lot has changed since the last time you were here you are a very recognizable person now, even more so than i think the last time you were here and i feel like as someone on the Intelligence Committee, when youre this recognizable, it kind of means at its core that somethings gone wrong [ laughter ] yes, it can it can seth do you find that youre recognized more . Oh, yes in fact, i had a rather unusual experience on my way here tonight. I was on the phone with one of the Major Airlines trying to get back into my account, because i couldnt remember the password seth uhhuh. So i finally get through. Seth youre on the Intelligence Committee [ laughter ] i just want to remind you that it is a little scary. Seth yeah, okay. Well, the password was so secret, that not even i could seth sure, sure, sure, right. [ light laughter ] so im on the phone i finally get through the voicemail hell and i get this disembodied voice walking me through the login screens, whatever. And im answering a new security question and the question is, what is your first dogs name . And i enter the dogs name, but its too short it wont accept it so i say, wont accept my dogs name so the voice says, try impeach. And i said, what and it said, try impeach. And i said, i thought thats what you said. I was trying to be professional, but i couldnt help i said, im not going to use that as the dogs name. [ laughter ] but, yes seth yeah. So even your voice on the phone with a major airline, they know who you are now. They apparently do. Seth they apparently know who you are. I think one of the things, obviously the latin term were all familiar with now is quid pro quo we even had, you know, during some of the testimony, Gordon Sondland basically laid it out this is a trump appointee. He said, yes, there was a quid pro quo. And yet, a lot of the republicans, most of the republicans in the committee, still continue to say there was no quid pro quo. That it is clear as day as some would say, there is, it is just as clear to them there isnt is this a do you think they at their core believe this, or is this just a gaslighting maneuver to let their let their base, let the president , know that they have their backs in this . Mostly the latter i dont think they really believe this and we had exactly that phenomenon where we had sondland testify. He quite clearly said, you know, most people want to reduce this to a simple question. Well if you do, the answer is yes, there was a quid pro quo. Seth interesting to know that i believe it was in his opening statement. That was something that he just offered up yes, yes. And nonetheless, republican members walked out of that very hearing saying, see, he said no quid pro quo. And you listen to that and you think, okay, were you in the same room that i was in . [ light laughter ] because he very clearly said, thats exactly what happened here, and not only that, everyone was in the loop. And whats more, these were the orders from the president on down Rudy Giuliani acting as his agent was implementing essentially this scheme to condition the white house meeting. And then, later, 400 million in military aid, to help the president coerce ukraine into basically cheating for him in the next election. Its rare to have a case this strong, this unequivocal, this overwhelming and the astonishing thing about it is, normally, a complex whitecollar crime case like this, and thats what this is analogous to, is very documentdriven. But here because the white house said, you get to see no documents, we were able to make the case with these career Public Servants who did their duty, came and testified, suffered the insults and the attacks, and because of their patriotism, we know the truth. And the truth is, the president of the United States tried to shake down an ally to help him cheat in the next election seth these were so many of these Public Servants either served under both president s or were appointees of a Republican Administration were you surprised as it went on how quickly they were attacked for being never trumpers was certainly the term that was used the most. Were you surprised that your colleagues across the aisle were so quick to attack them for that you know, i have the usual sensation we have in the era of trump, which is, youre shocked on the one hand, youre not surprised on the other seth yeah, thats about where i feel every night, yeah, yeah [ laughter ] you described it well. So, you know, here you had people like bill taylor, who, you know, as his testimony revealed, graduated top of his class at west point. He chooses to go to vietnam during the height of the war and i loved when he was asked, because hes so selfeffacing, you know you got some distinctions while you served in combat he said, well one im most proud of is the combat infantrymans badge. You know, i also got a bronze star, but, you know, the one i really care about this is a guy whos basically downplaying a bronze star. Seth sure. And this is a guy theyre attacking. Colonel vindman got a purple heart. Theyre attacking him. Ambassador yovanovitch had dangerous posts around the world. Theyre attacking her. There is nothing beyond their willingness to debase themselves for this president and, you know, i keep making the point, what are you going to tell your grandkids when they ask you what you did while this awful man was in office, to stand up to him . And seth he doesnt like you [ laughter ] i get that impression seth we know that, yeah. And a lot of the judiciary committee, a lot of the republicans there, they actually felt that you you had a right to be there, and you had a right to answer questions. And then, weve referenced the fact that they have terrible props. But this is a milk a poster board of you on the side of the milk, because you were missing now, of course, you werent missing, you just were not there was no reason for you to be there and yet, they frame it as though youre sort of hiding, you know, somewhere in congress because youre too afraid to go in front of this. Has this been strange to watch them use you as a prop, being a colleague of theirs . Even though of a Different Party . Well, i mean, the reason is because this is what trump wanted so trump is tweeting out, he should be a witness, he should be a witness. And they will do whatever the president asks one of my colleagues said, were going to get you a tshirt that says, im right here [ light laughter ] that you can wear on the house floor, and just point to it but you know, my favorite sign, frankly, was one a couple of days earlier that said, its been zero days since adam schiff followed the rules, which means that i was constantly following the rules. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] and [ cheers and applause im like, thats seth yeah. Finally an accurate sign. But my staff member said, did you see the signs whatever today . And actually, i never paid attention to signs seth yeah. You know, i just tried to keep my focus on the witnesses seth that means the signs arent working the whole reason you make signs is for people to see them. I do want to ask this as well, ive been asking people, do you think trump is a worse client or Rudy Giuliani is a worse lawyer . Where do you come out on that . [ laughter ] well, this is a very difficult question seth it is, right . [ laughter ] i would say seth this is like question that like, in order to get like over a bridge, like, a troll would ask you. [ laughter ] monty python and the holy grail. Seth yeah, exactly i would say that Rudy Giuliani is perhaps the worst lawyer that anyone could have seth yeah. And, you know, and i would point to this, which just came out within the last 24 hours seth mhm in the new yorker, giuliani quoted as saying, we had to get rid of yovanovitch this courageous former ambassador to ukraine because she was going to get in the way of these investigations. And it was just another fullthroated confession and so, i dont know what kind of malpractice that is [ light laughter ] but nonetheless, you know, on a serious note, what he has admitted, what the president has admitted, when the president is out on the white house lawn and hes asked, what did you want on that phone call . When the president in his own words asked for this favor ukraine president brings up, we need more military help, and the president said, but i have a favor, though. What did you want him to do . And the president says, well, if were being honest about it, its a simple answer, he should investigate the bidens. And it was interesting because hes asked about, what did you want at the time . But his answer was what he wants right now. He still wants an investigation of the bidens. Seth yes if not by ukraine, then by china. And this was why we felt an imperative to move forward with the articles of impeachment that we did because the threat is ongoing. The plot has never stopped his efforts to get Foreign Countries to help him cheat in the next election are a continuing threat to our democracy. But he continues, and his lawyer continues, to make the case for his own removal. Seth and yet, obviously, were in a situation, based on what would have to happen in the senate, it is very unlikely that he is going to be voted to be impeached and out of office. You mentioned like this is something where youre going to say to your grandkids what you did in this moment do you feel as though, you know, if the outcome is, what can be expected, which is hes not going to leave office from this. Has it been worth it to impeach him in the house which obviously will happen on wednesday [ cheers and applause again, if they were if they were senators, wed be in a whole different situation right now. The answer is yes and i say that and i was someone who was reluctant to go down this road but two things changed my mind the first was this latest misconduct involving this shakedown of a country at war, and a shakedown that damages our own National Security was just a bridge too far but also, it was the issue of timing the day after bob mueller testified, the day after he talked about russias interference in our last election, how they might interfere in the next election, trump believes its finally over and the next day, hes on the phone with zelensky. Asking for yet another country to intervene in yet another election that said to me, this president believes he is above the law, accountable to no one, cant be indicted, hes got his roy cohn and bill barr at the justice department, cant be impeached, hes utterly beyond any form of accountability, that is too dangerous a situation to go unchallenged and so, we do what we must the fact that the republicans may or may not honor their constitutional duty doesnt mean that we relinquish our own seth all right, thanks so much for being here. [ cheers and applause thats adam schiff if you see him, call the side of the milk be right back with bowen yang, everybody. [ cheers and applause so josh, you going for our drive safe and save discount . Yup, using the app. Driving safe. You wanna go bro . Do not mess with my discount. Woooo sighs get a discount up to 30 with drive safe and save™. Save on last minute gifts with target holideals by sam smith] save on samsung tvs. Save on toys. Save on sweaters for the family and more. Doors open until 10pm christmas eve. Only at target. Ok you dont have any thank you. Thank you, i appreciate it. Ns . daughter come on, slowpoke yes dad thank you thats it. Thank you. daughter Merry Christmas mom thank you, sweetie. The wait is over. Tmobile is lighting up 5g nationwide. While some 5g signals go only blocks, tmobile 5g goes miles. Beyond the big cities to the small towns. To the people. Now, millions of americans can have access to 5g on tmobile. And this is just the beginning. Tmobile, the first and only nationwide 5g network. Aveeno® with prebiotic striple oat complex balances skins microbiome. So skin looks like this and you feel like this. Aveeno® skin relief. Get skin healthy™ the ones that make a truebeen difference in peoples lives. And mikes won them, which is important right this minute, because if he could beat americas biggest gun lobby, helping pass background check laws and defeat nra backed politicians across this country, beat big coal, helping shut down hundreds of polluting plants and beat big tobacco, helping pass laws to save the next generation from addiction. All against big odds you can beat him. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a very funny writer, actor and comedian you know from his work on saturday night live. The saturday night live Christmas Show airs this saturday with host eddie murphy and musical guest lizzo. Please welcome to the show bowen yang, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the show, bowen. Hi thank you for having me. Seth im so happy youre here im very happy to be here, wow. Seth and this is this is a workday for you. This is the monday pitch day its a workday. Seth and when i first met you, when i hosted, you were a writer on the show yes seth and then you became a cast member. You had auditioned before you became a writer. Yeah, a few times seth and what did you what were your audition pieces so i never thought it would happen, so i just had fun with it so i would do this like really just silly people. I did my soul cycle instructor, i did the choking poster guy seth uhhuh. [ laughter ] and then they would ask you to do impressions every time seth yeah. I had to go back in a few times, and then i at a certain point i just ran out of asian public figures [ laughter ] seth yeah. So then i really like scraped the bottom of the barrel and i did, like, Michiko Kakutani do people know who she is . [ light laughter ] seth a New York Times book reviewer thank you seth yeah. Thank you, seth seth and was like i mean, ripe for the taking. So ripe she [ light laughter ] seth and i mean, for years lauren would be like, we dont have wheres michiko . Whos going to use the word limn in a sketch [ light laughter ] um, she so the thing about her is that she was never shes never really been photographed, and no one knows what she sounds like seth perfect for an impression [ laughter ] but, it gave me free reign to do whatever i wanted seth yeah, there you go. So it was great it was fun seth one of your first characters you did on the show was, i guess, the minister of trade, yes yeah. Seth the trade daddy trade daddy [ cheers and applause yeah seth how did this how did this come to pass . This was this was part of my, i think one of my in one of my auditions, i did him right as the trade war was starting and i was like, it feels topical, but, like, how do you make this funny . And then really the only way to do that is just to make him catty and mean seth yeah. [ light laughter ] so thats just who he is. Seth it paid off you you also this was before you were a full cast member yes seth you played kim jongun. Yes seth and [ laughter ] k. J. U, k. J. U. Seth k. J. U. He loves it, right . He loves it seth he loves it, right . He loves k. J. U. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] and you but this is fantastic. Because again, this was before you were a full cast member, so you also had a sketch that youd written in the show, independent of this. I was going through, like, a superlong dry spell when you first start out as a writer, youre just getting your bearings and you dont really get stuff on, and thats fine. Its part of, like, the crucible you have to walk through but then that show, i i helped write two pretaped sketches and i was helping anna on her monologue. And it was the busiest, busiest i havent had as busy of a week as that since. Like, even as a cast member. And we did this. I was in my kim jongun, and then had to run under the bleachers during dress rehearsals so, when youre running a sketch, you have to got sit next to lorne, under the audience, and hes watching and hes giving you notes hes like, maybe we cut to kenan sooner, or something. And then [ laughter ] but i was still in the full k. J. U. [ light laughter ] fit and then just, like, sat next to him while he was, like, giving me feedback. And i was like, yeah, uhhuh. Seth but thats the only way lorne respects you is if you dress like a dictator. Absolutely. [ laughter ] absolutely seth hes like, you could do or not, or not just depending on yep its up to you today. [ laughter ] you also, that was a sandra oh hosting was yes seth just exciting in its own right. But she was a big deal for you, yeah she was a big deal for me i remember seeing her in the princess diaries and thinking, who is that woman . And then i stumbled on an episode of arli and it was like, okay, this is not age appropriate for me as a child. [ light laughter ] and then and then, like, watched greys anatomy and thought, oh, im gonna be a doctor. [ light laughter ] seth just because of sandra oh playing one on tv . Just because of absolutely seth yeah. And then, really, its an example of bad representation, because it tricks asian people into going into the medical field. [ laughter ] seth yeah. When they should be doing Something Else [ laughter ] seth now i do want to point out, like, people you grew up around had some ideas that this was going to happen. This is really cool. Your superlative was most likely to be a cast member on saturday night live. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thats kinda crazy. Thats wild. Seth thats really weird seth so doing, like, if im doing the math right, you had a 10year reunion. Did you get to go . I did not go, because our student body class president is nowhere to be found. Seth oh no [ light laughter ] so, i hope hes doing okay. Zach glenn if youre doing okay, please let us know [ laughter ] but no, it never came together but i would have loved to go seth well, its really its really sweet. Yeah. Seth that they the fact like, you have to see them again collectively, because they will feel so right. Sure. Seth like, no one got it. Seth no one who writes superlative like, at Donald Trumps high school, it wasnt like, most likely to be impeached. [ laughter ] sure, sure, absolutely. They should all be agents or something. Seth they should all be agents you so youre born in australia grew up in colorado, born in australia. Yes and then montreal was in between. So my dad and my mom met in china, then they moved to brisbane was born there with my sister, and then we moved to montreal, and then we moved to denver. So, ive lived in all these places that used to be owned by england. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] im a little commonwealth baby yeah [ light laughter ] seth so your parents are chinese. Are they were they excited when they heard you were on snl . They knew i liked the show. They knew it was a big deal for me when i got hired as a writer. But then, they asked me they did not know what the show was. And, so, they were like, does this mean you have to move to hollywood now . [ light laughter ] or something they dont know that its here seth so they didnt know the first detail about the show. Exactly seth yeah. [ light laughter ] truly the first piece of information thats given out on the show is that its in new york, and they didnt know seth have they been able to come and see it . They have they came a couple times they came last year for my birthday during Liev Schreibers show seth oh, thats good and they really liked lil wayne. [ laughter ] my dad was like, hes really good [ light laughter ] hes got bars. And then and then they came for the premiere this season, too, which is so great seth oh thats great yeah. Seth hey, im so happy that youre on the show and im so happy to have you here today its just absolutely fantastic talking to you thanks so much, seth. This is so great seth bowen yang, everybody [ cheers and applause saturday night live, Christmas Show, this saturday at 11 30 eddie murphy and lizzo well be right back with music from Tyler Childers. [ cheers and applause finally a little quiet time, huh . Oh my goodness. I love you, yes its true theres no one else id choose this may not completely rhyme but id be totally lost without you. Save on a gift that says it all. Jared may your holidays glow bright and all your dreams take flight. Lease the c 300 sedan for just 399 a month at the mercedesbenz winter event. Hurry in today. Npacked with plantbased protein antioxidants and real superfoods new protein shake new snack break new emergenc protein fuel superfoods. Emerge see paul at spr sprintern lidays are a paul. R giving. paul aw thanks. And did you know you can give your family the gift of savings with both an unlimited plan. sprintern . And the powerful new iphone 11 included paul . For just 35 a month when you switch . sprintern whoa, what a deal paul and, sprint has a 100 total satisfaction guarantee so you and your family can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. sprintern so cool, now open it paul is it the iphone 11 . sprintern what . Howd you guess . For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Puberty means personal space. So sports clothes sit around growing odors. Thats why we graduated to tide pods sport. Finally something more powerful than the funk. Tide sport removes even weekold sweat odor. Its got to be tide. Save on last minute gifts with target holideals by sam smith] save on samsung tvs. Save on toys. Save on sweaters for the family and more. Doors open until 10pm christmas eve. Only at target. i love watching the weather. Hello, my name is itsy bitsy. Rain again . robin hahahaha statler thats impossible. I always plan ahead lets try one more time. kermit ha robin, what do you think of the story so far . robin gee, ive always liked arachnids. Solid opening. Boy, cant wait to see how it ends. waldorf what a coincidence i cant wait for it to end too Waldorf Statler oh hahahaha statler vo portal from facebook. [ dramatic music ]ing ] ahhhh ahhhh elliott. You came back this week on late night with seth meyers, john mulaney, john lithgow and chat and music from ana gasteyer. Head over to itunes to subscribe to the late nigh with seth meyers podcast. Youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. Charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. We all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . Seaonly abreva cany to help sget rid of it in. As little as 2 1 2 days when used at the first sign. Abreva starts to work immediately to block the virus and protect healthy cells. Abreva acts on it. So you can too. Wnongenemodi. Nongen. Oh, triscuit is nongenetically modified. Nongenemodiscuit. Triscuit is nongmo project verified. Triscuit. Make scuit happen. I am also not geneticallymodified. Thanks, stef no more driving that old handmedown. Surprise no, im not gonna get a date in this. We had a lot of great dates in this car. Ugh, no. No, ew. Itheres my career. s more to me than hiv. We had a lot of great dates in this car. My cause. And creating my dream home. Im a work in progress. So much goes into who i am. Hiv medicine is one part of it. Prescription dovato is for adults who are starting hiv1 treatment and who arent resistant to either of the medicines dolutegravir or lamivudine. Dovato has 2 medicines in 1 pill to help you reach and then stay undetectable. So your hiv can be controlled with fewer medicines while taking dovato. You can take dovato anytime of day with food or without. Dont take dovato if youre allergic to any of its ingredients or if you take dofetilide. If you have hepatitis b, it can change during treatment with dovato and become harder to treat. Your hepatitis b may get worse or become lifethreatening if you stop taking dovato. So do not stop dovato without talking to your doctor. Serious side effects can occur, including allergic reactions, liver problems, and liver failure. Lifethreatening side effects include lactic acid buildup and severe liver problems. If you have a rash and other symptoms of an allergic reaction, stop taking dovato and get medical help right away. Tell your doctor if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis b or c. Dont use dovato if you plan to become pregnant or during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy since one of its ingredients may harm your unborn baby. Your doctor should do a pregnancy test before starting dovato. Use effective Birth Control while taking dovato. The most common side effects are headache, diarrhea, nausea, trouble sleeping, and tiredness. So much goes into who i am and hope to be. Ask your doctor if starting hiv treatment with dovato is right for you. Shouldnt mean a change in standards. Thats why thanks to you were rated number one in Customer Satisfaction by j. D. Power. [ cheers and applause seth tonights musical guest is a 2020 grammy nominee for best country solo performance. Here to perform the title track of his critically acclaimed album Country Squire, please welcome Tyler Childers [ cheers and applause well tonight i up in chillicoth downwind from th paper mill im out here spittin on the sidewal takin in th factory smells and i know she tend to smokin out the windo in the air of that gas pipe leak i wonder if shes cringin at same tim thinkin pretty thoughts of me i was up for hour this mornin pullin traps before i said goodbye i plan to tan mysel a fox hide and hang it on my darlin bride cause they tell me tha its gonna be a big on and the snow is settin in and i dont want her cold while i aint at hom the way that ive been spendin my night in a bar roo lord turnin them song into two by fours dreaming bout the da that i sit by the fire huddled with my hone in our Country Squire well tomorrow we hi the Country Music highwa on our way to circleville were off to do some weekend warrin while we sin and drink our fill and when i aint ou playin on my six string with the nickles i acquire im tryin to fix her up a castl its called th Country Squire its a twentyfou foot long vessel it measures eigh feet wide its a fiftythre year old campe its made to pull behind and ive gutted to th studs and the rafter and im buildin it back piece by piece im tryin to fix her up a templ my lady of the Estill Springs spendin my night in a bar roo lord turnin them song into two by fours dreaming bout the day that i sit by the fire huddled with my hone in our Country Squire one day i aim to have myself a famil and a cabin on the hill and i might have to come off of the highwa to help with the family bills but when the kids hav got a little older on the day that i retire ill take her somewhere warm for the winte pullin our Country Squire spendin my night in a bar roo lord turnin them song into two by fours dreaming bout the da that i sit by the fire huddled with my hone in our Country Squire dreaming bout the da that i sit by the fire huddled with my hone in our Country Squire [ cheers and applause seth Tyler Childers, everybody. Country squire is out now. For tour dates to his Country Squire live tour, go to tylerchildersmusic. Com well be right back. [ cheers and applause [ laughing ] [ electrical buzzing ] [ electrical buzzing ] [ dramatic music ] ahhhh ahhhhh elliott. You came back a lots changed since you were here. Its called the internet. Holiday movies. [ remote bleeps ] im dreaming of a White Christmas family. Home. [ music swells ] woohoo yeah [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to representative adam schiff, bowen yang, Tyler Childers, everybody. Fred armisen, and of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for lilly singh. See you tomorrow [ cheers and applause lilly tonight on a little late with lilly singh, i admit to the world that i am the best gift giver alive lilly i bought a sample of kurt cobains hair and used it to clone him and now the band is reuniting. Youre welcome suck it, friends mom. [ cheers and applause i proved that theory by making stockings of celebrities who are in need. Lilly if the nfl sees this fake headline, they will welcome you back with open arms. [ audience ohs ] then i sit down with the