[ cheers and applause its the rush of relaxation. Introducing the allnew lincoln corsair. Jimmy wow. Thank you very much, everybody hello. [ cheers and applause thank you so much, everybody and welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Youre here. [ cheers and applause thank you very much. Well, guys, today is super tuesday. Its such an important day for our country. Thats right, millions of americans went into the polls, stepped into a voting booth and went, eh, i guess. Dont get mad. Get e trade, dawg. [ laughter ] actually, people were pumped for today. Democrats havent been this excited since the 800 times President Trump was almost removed from office. [ laughter ] thats right, today was super tuesday. 14 states voted and over magnum ice cream double caramel. 1,300 delegates were up for grabs. And good news, once super tuesday is over, there is now in ice cream tubs and bars. Only eight more months until the election we do it every night. No every night. I live alone, but i still do it every night. Right after dinner. Thats right, it was the elections biggest day yet with primaries in 14 states definitely after meatloaf. Like clockwork. 14 states, Bernie Sanders was like, i remember when the do it run your dishwasher every night with cascade platinum. Whole country only had 13. [ laughter ] a load with as few as 8 dishes, is all it takes to save water. An Energy Star Certified dishwasher uses less than four gallons per cycle. Joe biden went into today with a lot of momentum. While handwashing uses that, every two minutes. Usually when someone his age has momentum its because the brakes on their jazzy went out on a hill. So, do it. [ laughter ] run your dishwasher every night with cascade platinum. The surprising way to save water. Thats right, biden is surging last night, he had big events where he brought out my skin hurt, i felt gross. Pete buttigieg, Amy Klobuchar and beto orourke. It was basically coachella for but then i started cosentyx cnn. [ laughter ] and i havent really had to think about it. Real people with psoriasis. Im glad biden is having a a resurgence, but im still look and feel better with cosentyx. A little worried today, he walked into a voting booth, closed the curtain and dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Two minutes later he yelled, how do you flush this thing . Before starting get checked for tuberculosis. [ laughter ] an increased risk of infections Bernie Sanders drove a subaru and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms to [ light laughter ] meanwhile, Mike Bloomberg went if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms around in an uber driven by bill de blasio develop or worsen. [ laughter ] or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. But it was super tuesday and millions of americans went to ask your dermatologist about cosentyx. The polls. On their way out a lot of them got a sticker that said, i voted. Yeah tat your door, so you can get more. But this year, there were actually a bunch of stickers to choose from. Ill show you what i mean. For instance, this sticker said, i voted so i could show feels so good up late for work. [ laughter ] feels so good this one said, i voted for bloomberg and the voting machine spit out 100. Target run done. [ laughter and applause steve wow. Jimmy wow. Cool i need all the breaks as athat i can get. Or, [ applause ] at liberty butchemel. Cut. Liberty mu. Line . Cut. Next here is, i voted for bernie and the voting machine Liberty Mutual customizes your Car Insurance spit out hot soup. [ laughter ] so you only pay for what you need. Cut. Liberty m. And finally this one said, i wrote in obama and i dont care am i allowed to riff . If its barak, michelle or bo. What if i come out of the water . [ cheers and applause liberty biberty. I dont care. Cut. Well dub it. Liberty mutual customizes your Car Insurance but today was super tuesday and so you only pay for what you need. With so much riding on tonights results, i only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Breaking news, klobuchar and buttigieg dropped out. Although he won in iowa i guess it does not count bernie, warren, Biden Bloomberg very much alive over 20 candidates and now theres only 5 important work must begin an important fight of our lives. Just important that i win were looking for a miracle to change in every way super tuesday super tuesday super tuesday super tuesday super tuesday minnesota, oklahoma, alabama, arkansas, tennessee, north carolina, colorado, and utah california, massachusetts, maine, virginia, and vermont texas and samoa. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest has their onehour comedy special and all the democrats have won Taylor Tomlinson quarter life every vote matters. Crisis streaming now on netflix. Tomorrow is super thur tuesday. [ laughter and applause please welcome the very funny Taylor Tomlinson [ cheers and applause jimmy and finally, theres just a few candidates left thank you, thank you so standing much so right now the roots and i want to take a moment to thank you. Officially say goodbye to all the candidates who didnt make oh my gosh, its so exciting to it this far. Be here. Ive had an amazing year goodbye super tuesday. I got engaged. [ cheers and applause they would always say oh, thank you. Thank you. Where they came from just good to have numbers on the board, you know what i mean its okay, it wasnt that sad. The ring, it felt weird. Now it doesnt matter it kept getting caught on stuff, like, sweaters and my freedom. It was cause theyre gone [ laughter ] i am announcing i am very cumbersome suspending my campaign for but, you know, it just wasnt the right fit. It didnt work out with me and president. My exfiance, which is the most annoying word to say, by the when your polls way. Were high we will win it sounds like a spell or asking just like, exfiance. Whos this guy [ laughter ] its terrible. Im tom steyer. [ laughter ] sound like hermione up here. No one know its like, its not exfiance, its exfiancah. They come and go like ugh 50 points from gryffindor. You are the worst. Goodbye super tuesday i did like being engaged, though i didnt expect to like it that much but something happens. The race goes on when you slip that ring on your finger, something in your stupid lady lizard brain goes but without you maybe youll be level completed. Pi [ laughter ] til then we will miss you dont ask yourself wh and you just kind of float through target, like, oh. No one voted for me am i better than everybody i know we can do it, because ive done it [ laughter ] could have told you whats that . No, i dont need help. Thats the way someone loves me. [ laughter ] it would be in the polls, ill find the towels, right after i cancel therapy mayor de blasio is hovering [ light laughter ] around zero. [ laughter ] your ideas were whack i am all fixed im going to harness love the nice thing i got to be honest [ laughter ] you tried a lot of snacks i got a lot of advice from people, and a lot of people told me not to do it its how it goes so many people were like, i got married at 25. You didnt get a rose dont know if id do that [ laughter ] again. Im like, arent you guys still together . Theyre like, yeah goodbye super tuesday [ laughter ] yeah, we are. A lot of people told me not to get married in my 20s at all the race goes on because you change too much in your 20s without you and thats true, you do. Maybe youll be but youre going to change a a lot throughout the rest of picked for v your life. Which is why i think no matter what age you get married at, instead of bridesmaids, they should just line up every til then we will miss you crappy version of you that they might have to deal with at some point so that they can say i do to everyone. Jimmy we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause [ laughter ] yeah, its like [ applause ] [ cheers and applause its like these are my bridesmaids, unemployed taylor, depressed taylor, and heres my maid of honor, vegan taylor. Jimmy thank you very much. Thank you, roots [ laughter ] thank you, everybody hey, i want to send a shout out to everyone down in nashville shes going to be super annoying for like three years. Recovering from last nights tornadoes. Its an amazing city with then youre going to go on a a road trip. Theres going to be nowhere to amazing people stop but a burger joint. If youd like to help, you can go to redcross. Org to donate shes going to take one bite, and be like, you know what . I do feel better we love you, nashville [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause i was tired. I was tired. We have a fun show tonight kevin bacon is here i had a woman at one of my shows yell at me from the [ cheers and applause audience she goes, you should really oh steve come on. Wait until youre 27 to get married because thats when your frontal lobe is finished developing in your brain jimmy where queer eye, and the new netflix show next in fashion, tan france is here thats when your brain is done [ cheers and applause 27. [ light laughter ] and we got great standup from Taylor Tomlinson [ cheers and applause yeah, what a mean fact to yell at someone whos not 27. Just like, oh, you think youre happy, scarecrow . Why dont you wait til the wizard gets you a brain, ha as weve mentioned before, its [ laughter ] election season. And President Trump is actually out there campaigning as well. Ive been drinking since noon, leave me alone. [ laughter ] in fact, he gave a speech at a a rally last night and i dont know if you noticed this, but sometimes he has a little trouble pronouncing words. But i googled it and that fact is real. And that fact is proof that god steve really [ light laughter ] is a manld finish jimmy here he is trying to say the word administration. Your boobs years before your brain . Check this out we have cut more jobkilling thats garbage regulations than any admis [ laughter ] you know this one. [ applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy yeah than any of [ laughter ] than any admin [ laughter ] youre telling me no one up in heavens like, hey god, are you know this word you going to work on the brain today . You know this word because you keep on putting it off, and it seems kind of any admins [ laughter ] important. Hes like, these are steve [ indiscernible important [ laughter ] well, we noticed that trump has trouble pronouncing things all the time so with that in mind, its time im going to make one of them bigger for like eight years to play talk like trump. Just cause. Here we go [ laughter ] talk like trump talk like trum yeah [ cheers and applause i cant believe they let me do that one either. [ laughter ] jimmy so heres how this works. I am going to see if anyone can the nice thing about calling guess how the president is off a wedding in your 20s is going to mispronounce a simple word that nobodys that surprised if you get it right, youll get a prize and if you get it nobody thought that you could do anything right to begin wrong, you still get a prize [ light laughter ] with nobody expects me to do anything correctly raise your hand if you want to im like, what can i bring to the potluck nana . Play talk like trump. Shes like, napkins, can you there you go yeah, right here, sure why not . Handle that . I dont have to walk [ laughter ] thats perfect hello, what is your name i am ainsley. Jimmy ainsley, where are you from i am from boston. Dry ones this time. Jimmy ah, we love boston [ light laughter ] very nice. I wanted to be married, though, because im not good at being [ cheers and applause very bostonhappy crowd. In my 20s. We love boston im not fun, i dont party ive never been drunk because im pretty sure im an okay, in our first clip, President Trump is going to try alcoholic. [ light laughter ] and say magnificently. Yeah, the only time ive ever how do you think hell wanted to drink is alone in the mispronounce it . La quinta inn. Magnificently. [ laughter ] like, mnamnana. And i am told thats when youre not supposed to do it [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ applause ] yeah jimmy mna mna. Do do do do d so i stay away from the stuff. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do but i have been pulled over for drunk driving, completely sober, which is a great way to find out youre a terrible driver [ laughter ] all right. Lets see if thats what when cops are stopping you on happened the freeway, like, are you we are magnifently. Wasted . And youre like, no, officer, we are really you take that was my best. A look [ buzzer ] jimmy very close [ laughter ] magnifently. Magnifently. There you go you lost but theres your [ applause ] tshirt. [ cheers and applause thank you for playing. Who is next . Lets go, bud. [ cheers and applause come here. That cop did not believe me, either he just kept hounding me how are you doing, bud hes like, how much have you had to drink im jose. How much have you had . Jimmy what is your name . How much have you had . Jose. Jimmy oh, jose and finally, i was just like, no, officer, you dont yeah. Understand, okay [ light laughter ] jimmy jose, where are you im not drunk. From, jose i am from spain jimmy youre from spain . I never been drunk, i dont even know how. Yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy oh, i love it. Thank you so much for coming to the show thank you im a little sad jimmy we air in spain . Is there a sad driving test . No, i think, so, but i watch you online i think there should be one. [ laughter ] like, instead of a a breathalyzer, they just have jimmy okay [ foghorn you sigh into a harmonica. We see it online. [ laughter ] jimmy online, okay, good online, that counts. Very good. I was like, are you in the and if its on pitch, youre wrong place . [ laughter ] like, out of the car, johnny cash. Cant have you on the road. Are you Ellen Degeneres . T, here. [ laughter ] you guys are great thank you so much. Our next clip, trump tries to [ cheers and applause jimmy Taylor Tomlinson fair trade deals. [ laughter ] fantastic. Jimmy almost like you said that in reverse. Quarter life crisis is like, sure, like a record was available now on netflix stopping well be right back everybody fair trade like, we were breaking down like a robot well done, taylor. All right. So you think hes going to say, [ cheers and applause fair trade deal. Fair dray dreal jimmy okay, all right. [ laughter ] lets see. Its very possible lets see what happened. Weve been killing terrorists, creating jobs, raising wages, enacting fray tradels. [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] [ fog horn ] jimmy it was very close, by the way. Im going to give that one to you. Here you got that one. Yeah [ dinging [ cheers and applause ill give that line. I think you got that [ indiscernible we gave out fray tradels. Yeah, hey, sure. Come on. Fray tradels. [ light laughter ] hi, whats your name sofia jimmy sofia, where are you from florida jimmy hey, cool. I love it. Thanks for being here. [ cheers and app our final clip, trump tries to say the word sanctuary. While the world keeps fighting for your attention. How is he going to mispronounce sanctuary . Well keep building smarter suvs. Situary to help keep you focused on the road ahead. [ laughter ] jimmy situa. [ light laughter ] oh, i like situa [ light laughter ] lets see what happened right here and. The road beside. The state of california passed an outrageous law did we mention the road ahead. Declaring their whole state to be a stanktuary with an available best in class. [ buzzer ] epa estimated combined fuel economy jimmy ah and the technology to practically park itself. Stanktuary [ fog horn ] [ laughter and applause this is the reimagined 2020 ford escape. A great guess. But here is your stanktuary tshirt. Wear it with pride thank you for playing so much. That was talk like trump. Thanks to all of our players and the technology a former army medic, made of the we maflexibility to handle members like kate. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. Whatever monday has in store and tackle four things at once. [ cheers and applause so when her car got hit, she didnt worry. Im your 70lb st. Bernard puppy, she simply filed a claim on her usaa app and said. And my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. I got this. Usaa insurance is made the way kate needs it easy. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. She can even pick her payment plan hey so its easy on her budget and her life. My focus is on the road, usaa. What youre made of, were made for. And thats saving me cash with drivewise. Usaa whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof . Doesnt mean you got to spend a lot so get allstate where good drivers save 40 because dennys brought back the super slam™. With eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage and pancakes. For avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry all for just 6. 99. Hes a baby the 6. 99 super slam™ is back tat your door, so you can get more. See you at dennys feels so good feels so good target run done. Laso you can enjoy it even ifst youre sensitive. Se. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level mom vo we got a subaru to give him some ato reconnect and be together. Means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. And once we did that, we realized his greatest adventure is just beginning. vo welcome to the most adventurous outback ever. The allnew subaru outback. Go where love takes you. And i start to pray till the tears run down from my eyes lord somebody, ooh somebody can anybody find me somebody to love . Alexa, play queen on amazon music. [music playing] [ cheers and applause jimmy my thanks to kevin bacon, tan france. [ cheers and applause Taylor Tomlinson [ cheers and applause and the roots over there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight john oliver, star of the burnt Orange Heresy actress elizabeth debicki, author jenny offill, featuring the 8g band with glen sobel [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Wean air force veteran made of doing whats right,. Seth good evening, im not whats easy. Seth meyers. So when a hailstorm hit, usaa reached out this is late night how is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause before he could even inspect the damage. Thats how you do it right. That is great to hear. In that case, lets get to the usaa insurance is made just the way martins family needs it news 14 states