A little bit and kind of clear my head over this long, stressful week its also kind of great to embrace the quiet and embrace yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy all new tonight show, at home edition starts now. [ laughter ] you have lost youre upside down youre upside down jimmy hi, everybody. What a long week its kind of been but thank you so much for tuning in and watching our show and giving to all these great charities. A couple people have asked if i am giving to these charities as well and, yes, my family is donating to every charity that weve mentioned so far during these shows. And thank you so much. Every amount counts. So i really appreciate that. And, man, its been a really interesting week day 15, is it . Day 15, and i just want to say first off, hoda, i feel you, buddy. And everyones just showing their creative ways of dealing with this and being so kind to each other out there and i want to say thank you for that i miss my crew and everybody back at the show but everyone helping us here, i am so proud of this team thank you, everyone involved in the tonight show, and thank you to my neighbors, by the way. Ive been getting a bunch of drawings from kids saying that what their favorite bits are and thanking me for doing the show and today i got an edible arrangement. I didnt even know they do this it was just a box of vegetables i didnt know they do that it wasnt arranged at all. It was a really nice, fresh vegetables from anonymous, from a neighbor that said, thank you so much for the shows youre doing youre making us feel happier and calming me down. Something like those thank you for whoever sent that and didnt want credit i want to give you credit. Thank you so much for that i appreciate it. Now id like to do some monologue jokes that really go over they go over really well so here we go. Should i let me walk in hey, everybody welcome to the tonight show at home edition. Woohoo jimmy well, its friday night and the weekend is here. If youre bummed that youre stuck inside, just imagine that you have two brunches, a Kids Birthday Party and a Dance Recital to go to that is getting pots and pans banging everywhere people are applauding for that joke i really need to get out i watch so much tv that ive now memorized the entire William Shatner sleep apnea commercial William Shatner here you know, ive been using a cpap machine for over ten years and its made a world of difference to me seriously, though, im watching so much tv, today i accidentally called my daughters kendall and kylie. Im so desperate to get outside. When someone throws one item in the garbage, i bag it out and take it out to the trash can brb. Be right back. Im really running out of ways to stay entertained. Last night i left our back door open and prayed raccoons would come in. Things are getting a little crazy at the house this afternoon i went into the bathroom and caught my roomba in the dark watching walle. Someones in here. My roomba told me to knock i saw that hallmark is giving away one million free cards so people can send notes to loved ones thats really great because if theres one thing we need right now its people touching licked envelopes. And finally, i saw a poll that said men are less likely to follow social distancing guidelines than women, which means a year from now, the only people on earth will be four billion women and dr. Fauci. Thats tonights monologue [ laughter ] i got a little camera shake there. Tonights guests are tina fey, who i just love. Ive known her forever now from saturday night live. And she used to write for me then we were weekend update partners and then the rest is shes amazing. I thank her so much. Shes going to be talking about cityharvest. Org. Were also going to talk to Chef Jose Andres, who is just awesome. Hes on the cover of Time Magazine right now for what hes doing with world central kitchen, wck. Org thats his charity and well be talking everything that hes going on i think hes going to be in his kitchen. I want to quickly first give a a congrats to our pal. I dont know if you can see it here kamal. Kamal had a baby boy kamal, woohoo. Jimmy kamal, we love you, guys we love you jimmy oh, my gosh. Congratulations to the whole fam. Beautiful baby boy thats the best news ever, man a baby just makes everyone happy. That is awesome, buddy i miss you so much, kamal. I miss everyone in the roots in fact, we got together and through zoom and technology and made a little song because right now i think everyone feels like were a little stuck in the middle. Please enjoy one, two, three, hit it well, i dont kno why i came here tonigh i got the feeling that something aint right im so scared in case i fall off my chai and i wonder how ill get down the stairs clowns to the left of m jokers to the righ here i am stuck in the middle with you yes, im stuck in the middle with yo and im wonderin what it is i should do its so hard to kee a smile on my face losing control im all over the place clowns to the left of m jokers to the righ here i am stuck in the middle with you well, you started out with nothing and youre proud tha youre a self made man and your friend they all come crawling slap you on the back and say please, pleas well, im trying to make some sense of it all but i can see it makes no sense at all is it cool to go to slee on the floor yeah, dont think i can take anymor clowns to the left of me jokers to the righ here i am stuck in the middle with you yes, im stuck in th middle with yo here i am stuck in the middle with you cause im stuck i the middle with you [ applause ] we stick together, for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Safe drivers do save 40 . vo verizon knows how to build unlimited right. Start with americas most awarded network. Give people more plans to mix and match at a price built for everyone. With 700 off our best phones when you switch. Because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Day trips are better than daydreams. Experience the thrill of a bigger world, in a lexus highperformance vehicle. Visit your local lexus dealer, in person or online, for exceptional offers, at the golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. And the hidden smiles. The foggy glasses, and the sore ears. The determined looks, and the muffled laughs. A simple piece of fabric makes a big statement i care. Lets all do our part to slow the spread. Wear a mask. Learn more at covid19. Ca. Gov. Jimmy hi, everybody. Welcome back to the tonight show at home edition. Today is friday, and thats usually when i, you know, check my inbox, return some emails and, of course, i send out thank you notes. And i have my buddies here helping me out today so id like to write out some thank you notes right now. If thats okay with you. Okay, buddy. [ laughter ] okay, frances, you know your job, right jimmy thank you, showers, for once being a routine part of my day and know feeling like a major accomplishment [ boos ] thank you, getting food delivery, for suddenly making me feel like im a spy intercepting an elaborate drop the hamburgers are in the hole [ boos ] i repeat the hamburgers are in the hole [ boos ] all right. Just press the purple one. Thats good. [ boos ] thank you, journals, for now reading less like a diary and more like a captains log after being lost at sea. [ boos ] all right. Just the purple one. Just this one. I got that. Jimmy yep. Thank you, socks, for being the new shoes. You can pick up that one now who is that jimmy just a stranger. Thank you, journals, for now reading less like a diary and more like a captains log after being lost at sea. [ light laughter ] thats good. You can go to the next one its definitely friday around here. Jimmy thank you, making shows from home, for making me feel like a got a promotion from talk show host to youtube star dont forget to smash that like button thank you, couch, for really stepping up during this difficult time to become a a desk, table, bed, bookshelf and trash can. Next one thank you, dr. Anthony fauci, listening to trump for looking like me when someone suggests a 9 00 a. M. Zoom meeting thank you, 40minute limit on free zoom software seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you 40 minutes is enough thats good. Thank you, welp, for being the official slogan of wrapping up a phone call during quarantine thank you, virtual happy hours for being a great rebranding for drinking alone thats our thank you notes right there. Thank you to winnie. Thank you to frannie and thank you to my wife for operating this camera. Well be right back with tina fey, everybody. The new house is amazing. So much character. Original crown molding, walk in closets. We do have a ratt problem. Round and round with love well find a way, just give it time. At least geico makes bundling our home and Car Insurance easy. It does help us save. Round and round with love well find a way, just give it time. Round and round what comes around, goes around. For bundling made easy, go to geico. Com cheezit snapd. How does it taste . Its so thin, crispy and cheesy. And i just want to keep eating it. Ive done it and eating it. they love em snapd. So good, we may run out of cheese. Tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. Clean. Tone. Spin sprint. Slam. Pan battle. Roll drum. Joust. Scuba. Swim surf. Surf. Surf. Surf boost. Bike. Balance. Board dance. Roll. Rock. Kick. Flip. Dog. Dive k cwe stick together,i e for worse or for better yeah through any kind of weather, yo youre my friend in need. come on, come on we stick together, we make the sunshine brighter, we make it all feel better, youre my, youre my, woo, yeah youre my family. yo youre my family. Now you can make feel like the weekend. K with jimmy dean simple scrambles. Made fresh with two real eggs, sausage n cheese. And ready in seconds. Why dont you put a sunday morning shine on tomorrow mornings breakfast. At tmobile, you dont have to choose between a Great Network and the best prices. We give you both. Switch your family from at t or verizon to tmobile and you will save up to 50 off your Current Service and smart phones. 50 with three or more lines of essentials with unlimited talk, text and data. All on a network built with our best signals for coverage. And keep your current phones. Well pay them off up to 450 bucks each. Now get an Amazing Network for an amazing price. Only at tmobile. Wean air force veteran made of doing whats right,. Not whats easy. So when a hailstorm hit, usaa reached out before he could even inspect the damage. Thats how you do it right. Usaa insurance is made just the way martins family needs it with hasslefree claims, he got paid before his neighbor even got started. Because doing right by our members, thats whats right. Usaa. What youre made of, were made for. Usaa jimmy i got to catch up with one of my favorite people today. From her apartment in manhattan, here is tina fey. Tina fey, welcome to the tonight show at home edition. I love you, buddy. Youre looking great thank you so much for doing this i appreciate it so much. Its my pleasure, pal its good to see you jimmy great to see you as well where are you . Are you in manhattan still im in manhattan. Were holed up in our apartment here in new york city, and so far so good. Jimmy your kids are pretty creative from what i know. I heard that they were they thought of an interesting way to have dinner at your house yes this was awesome, and i wanted to tell but it because i feel like its something you can do anyone can do at home if theyre trying to fill time. My older daughter alice is 14 now, and she saw this idea online so thank you to whoever put this idea online originally. But she was saying, like, we should do theme dinners. And we did one the other night, and it was an airplanethemed dinner and penelope dressed up like a a stewardess here, let me find these pictures ill show them to you. It was really cute jimmy that is hilarious. She dressed up like a a stewardess they did the whole like i dont know if you can hear this like a whole safety if you lose air so cute the air mattress will fall from the cabin above. The whole safety thing. Jimmy oh, my gosh. They turned all the chairs. They were like im getting a text there were magazines in the back of the chairs jimmy that is brilliant. We had dinner they served it on like big old trays, which was good. My husband made we had well, we had macaroni and cheese and spam, but it was on the trays. And then also they were because they were treating us like a really nice flight, they were like, would you like a a glass of wine . And we were like, yes. And the great thing was afterwards they were like, we didnt know how much wine was too much. And i was like, yeah, you didnt, because this was jimmy yeah thats what im talking about. An ample first class pour jimmy i want them at my dinner party she put an airplane window on our tv, and i wore a sleep mask, and for the next 18 months, thats me jimmy thats quarantina [ laughter ] oh, thats pretty good yeah. The other thing that we did which was super fun, we did a thing we did an online talent show with my our kids, a bunch of us, over this very technology. We used zoom, and so if you have a zoom work account, you should definitely abuse it and use it for other things. So it was like my ladies, Maya Rudolphs kids, amy poehler, emily spivey, ana gasteyers kids and we again, another thing that was nice about it was it took about a week we were sort of like, guys, probably this weekend, probably theres a talent show. So think about what youre gonna do so there would be times where i would be screaming, like, get off of your screens. Go practice for the talent show. And it would kind of work. Jimmy wow. So everyone really brought it, and then the other thing was super cute was we realized kind of like in the half hour before that we could probably get links to all as many as we could of the grandparents and so right when we went to do it, it was like my mom was able to get on. Amys parents. Emily spiveys parents in north carolina, and it was so cute shoemaker watched it from jimmy no way people were like, ill watch it i have nothing to do. Friends of mine in florida and so everyone it was so sweet to see everyone like come together on the zoom, and archie arnett, amys son archie was the host he did an awesome job. Rome spivey did he did a sketch that was an old emily spiveys cut for time sketch about like an ad for a barbecue place, and it was like, come on down to our barbecue. And he committed it was so cute ulysses mckittrick did closeup magic. Jimmy no way penelope did penelope is using this time to practice contortionism because shes because why wouldnt she jimmy wow. Why wouldnt she find a way to make us nervous the whole time she does some like and the first 27 minutes i recorded the whole thing. The first 27 minutes of the onehour thing is just old people not understanding when theyre muted. Its like emily spiveys dad being like, oh, i dont know. I think they started. And then its like jimmy are we on yet are we on yet . Mr. Poehler just like it was the best, and if anyone if you have the capability to do it, it was super fun. Jimmy oh, thats great i think we have a little clip we can just show right here real quick this is the end of penelope doing her she did some contortion to these boots were made for walkin. The audio wasnt terrific, but you can kind of get a feel for the vibe the first online talent show [ applause ] bravo good job. Oh, yeah. Jimmy yay, that was fantastic. Tell penelope i said she is awesome. I will tell her 1 jimmy shes very talented please tell her. I know with this whole covid19 quarantine shutdown, broadway has been shut down, and your show, mean girls, is currently off. How is everyone doing and dealing over there yes i mean that was hard thats a whole Huge Industry its a huge part of new york its a workplace for so many people ive been trying to do stuff to help raise money for the actors fund in addition to the city harvest stuff were gonna talk about today. But its rough because its its a lot of people its a giant industry, but we are just all kind of sticking together also our tour, mean girls was out on tour and that is paused, and we look forward to when its safe to do so, hopefully adding those cities back that we missed. But, yeah, we had a meeting yesterday. Its a very closeknit community and we just want to come out the other side stronger and when its safe to come back, we will be there, and we will welcome you back. I hope theres some kind of like i love new york campaign, like the 70s. We need that when its safe to do so, well be here and ready to jimmy i love the i love new york Frank Langella dressed like dracula. Jimmy thats right but, you know, our mean girls broadway, our social channel, were trying to give people content and let them check in if theyre fans of the show theres always stuff to see there and jimmy well, whatever we can do to support when you come back, we will, please. Put you in the i love new york commercial jimmy yeah, exactly. Lets talk about cityharvest. Org. Thank you jimmy winnie does all these graphics good work, winnie jimmy yeah, theyre getting smaller and kind of less creative shes getting tired of it jimmy yeah, she doesnt want to work shes like doesnt like her new job. Im like, come on help me out a little bit, please. Please city harvest, theyre fantastic. Youve done stuff with them before, havent you . Yeah. I mean, ive just been a donor with them before theyre a really well established charity here in new york city. I figured this problem is so big, sometimes it feels good to think locally. And i encourage people to do so around the country to support organizations near them too. But, you know, new york city is the epicenter of this right now. It looks calm. When you and i talk its calm to see people who are in their homes who are well but there are so many people who are in hospitals right now there are so many people who are toughing it out at home who are super sick, who ordinarily would go to the hospital, who cant right now. And city harvest is a charity that gets food, healthy food to atrisk neighborhoods and places where they dont have great ways to get nutritious food and theyre currently up and running. Their mobile markets are going theyre still able to be helping out. And so i think also not just right now but whenever this settles down, the economic repercussions of this are gonna be major, and there