Will get worse before it gets better, which may be true, but its still a weird campaign promise. When asked about former associate of Jeffrey Epstein and accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell at his press conference yesterday, President Trump said, quote, i wish her well. And then somewhere an assassin said, thats the code, and started screwing together a plastic rifle. Thats right he was asked about accused sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell and said he had met maxwell numerous times over the years and wished her well oh, no, thats going to become a trump rally chant, isnt it . Wish her well wish her well former Attorney Michael Cohen has written a tellall book about President Trump. Seriously . Harry potter wasnt written about this much. What else is there to know oh, wow oh, it says hes a touch racist. What page oh, all of them. The Democratic Party recently drafted its 2020 platform, which is 80 pages long and was drafted by a 15person panel, as opposed to the republican platform which is whatever one guy saw on fox news that morning. During a Heated Exchange on the steps of the capitol, republican congressman ted yoho reportedly called new york congresswoman alexandria ocasiocortez a derogatory name as he walked away although it cant possibly be more disgusting than yoho. Yoho sounds like a laxative yogurt for dogs. Yoho sounds like a part of manhattan where cops let White People Party without masks ha, its going down tonight in yoho. Hours after President Trump tweeted on monday that wearing a mask is patriotic, trump was allegedly seen talking to supporters at a fundraiser without wearing a mask well, now that they know what a hypocrite he is, im sure theyll all come running over to the other side no, theyre not . Theyre naming their kids maga jeez louise, all right the Republican National committee will reportedly purchase copies of donald trump jr. s soontobe released book to give to people who donate more than 75 said donors, 74. 99 it is. Fast food chain kfc has announced that it will work with a russian 3d Bioprinting Lab to create the socalled meat of the future, while arbys announced that theyre going to stick with the meat of the past. Relax, its only a few days old. Just, you know fast food chain kfc has announced that it will work with a russian 3d Bioprinting Company to create Chicken Nuggets in a lab. Kill me, said their first batch. [ laughter ] a nugget a nugget with a mouth. Today was National Hammock day so if you saw someone in a hammock today, they were probably still stuck there since last hammock day those things are death traps and finally, a seagull in britain was rescued over the weekend after it got a disposable face mask tangled around its legs. Thats how i wear it said joggers in new york. Thats the monologue, everybody. Weve got a great show for you tonight ill chat with the always funny amy sedaris. Plus, her new show, the reid out premiered this week on msnbc. Joy reid will be here. But first, a closer look. Seth hello, everybody, and welcome back to our temporary studio in the Captains Quarters you know, weve been going through our viewer mail. And while many of you think the new maritime theme set is great, some of you most certainly do nautical. Oof, i told you that joke stunk. Arggh, thanks for trying it seth and since i did, could we maybe keep the interruptions to a minimum okay. Seth speaking of halfassed efforts, the president is trying to convince americans he suddenly cares about the pandemic hes been ignoring for months, as he also threatens to send more secret police to cities across the country. For more on this, its time for a closer look. Seth donald trump is trailing joe biden by as much as 15 points in the latest polls. Hes as unpopular as any president in modern history, and hes facing a larger deficit than any incumbent has ever overcome at this point in the campaign but as we all know, donald trump is a master tactician and a marketing genius it was only a matter of time before he cooked up a Foolproof Plan to win back those voters. And on tuesday, with the nations eyes upon him at a televised press briefing, he finally deployed his latest master stroke. President trump was asked late today about Jeffrey Epsteins alleged coconspirator Ghislaine Maxwell. She pleaded not guilty to sex trafficking charges last week. One of her alleged victims describing her as a predator and monster. The president today saying he hasnt followed her case, that theyve met numerous times, and that he wishes her well. I just wish her well, frankly. Ive met her numerous times over the years, especially since i lived in palm beach. And i guess they lived in palm beach but i wish her well. Seth checkmate, joe biden. Just like the trump team drew it up on the chalkboard in front of millions of americans, the president publicly sent well wishes to an alleged sex trafficker while reminding everyone hes been friends with her for years i mean, you just cant teach that kind of political talent. Now all trump has to do is sit back and watch the votes roll in now, i know you monday morning quarterbacks out there might think that publicly sending well wishes to Jeffrey Epsteins wingwoman 100 days before a president ial election is, shall we say, a misstep. But, you see, trump is always ten steps ahead. When you go left, he goes right. When you zig, he says nice things about someone who was recently apprehended by federal agents while hiding out in a remote compound. Because if there is one thing that trumps base cares most about, its a woman whose first name sounds like a french perfume for someone who is keeping a secret geelan, shh. And, again, one day we will get a second closeup camera for right over there my favorite thing about this is imagining the staff reaction they only called this press conference to try to improve trumps poll numbers you know they mustve tried so hard to keep him on script mr. President , we just need you to focus on the facts of the coronavirus, and only the facts. Uhhuh. So just, you know, stick to the script. Got it. All you have to do is sound president ial and the media will eat it up. Dont worry, i wont let you down just one question. Should i remind people that i parted with epstein . Is that a good idea or a great idea i think it might be a great idea. And yet despite this insane tangent, the media still fell for trumps act simply because his team dosed his diet coke with nyquil and got him to read a prepared statement pretending to take the crisis seriously before the briefing, abc wrote, the president is displaying a new tone and a new level of engagement. Cnn called it a relatively sober tone, and bloomberg said, trump reboots virus briefings with warning and a shift in tone. Good lord. I really think you could duct tape a spatula to a golden retrievers paw and half of the media would say, oh, my god that dogs a chef whats wrong with you guys how can you keep falling for this its been five years of this bs, and still every time president werewolf over here manages to novocain his way through a prepared statement without passing out at the podium, you act like hes a totally different person all of a sudden you know, i say president werewolf, but really hes more like a reverse werewolf. He terrorizes townspeople all the time and then hes normal for a couple hours when theres a full moon. The past 30 days my behavior has been monstrous. Look, 74yearolds dont change unless their character is in a Clint Eastwood movie where a bunch of retired bank robbers go to outer space even though all they ever really learn is how to have a slightly better relationship with their estranged daughter lets say laura linney you were never there for me. Those Bank Robberies paid for your fancy college. I didnt want a fancy college i wanted a father. I need to go now, becky were robbing mars. Look, you know trumps just going to steal his phone back and tweet some racist nonsense, right . He repeatedly used a racist term for the coronavirus in the briefing you dont even need to wait until he tweets. He morphed back into the real trump midpress conference just compare his supposed tone change from his scripted remarks to an offthecuff comment he made just minutes later. Seth my god, id say he suffers from extreme shortterm memory loss, but then again, he aced that cognitive test so what do i know . Its too bad coronavirus cant be cured by correctly identifying an elephant on a piece of paper then trump wouldve knocked that [ bleep ] out of the park. Of course, the idea that the virus will just magically disappear is deranged. And since the very beginning of his political career, weve known that both trump and the Political Movement he leads are deeply, deeply detached from reality. Sometimes that manifests itself in small but bizarre ways, like when he drew with a sharpie on a hurricane map or claimed god stopped it from raining at his inauguration, even though people in the crowd were literally holding umbrellas. This guy lies about the weather more than your local meteorologist. You told me we were going to have clear skies all weekend and then i end up wearing a poncho to the beach the last time i listen to thunder rains. And its important to say, this isnt unique to trump. The modern conservative movement is a paranoid movement obsessed with conspiracy theories remember, this is the same Political Movement that thinks the world scientists all got together and fabricated the Climate Crisis as part of an elaborate plot to outlaw airplanes and barbecues. Good thing we elected donald trump to protect our flights and social gatherings. And now those same lunatics think graffiti and Light Property damage constitute domestic terrorism for example, take acting secretary of Homeland Security chad wolf. You know, drakkar noir if it grew up to be a real boy im pretty sure this dude had a minor role on entourage as a personal trainer whos friends with turtle. He looks like a guy who, on a first date, would tell you he was a commando in a Top Secret Army unit called the omega squad, and then youd get home and google it and find out omega squad is a paintball range two towns over wolf put out a statement on the administrations decision to send secret police to portland to snatch protesters off the street and stuff them in unmarked vans, in which dhs used the phrases violent mob, violent criminals, or violent anarchists a total of 76 times. Is this a press statement or a page from rorschachs journal . 13yearold, hes pretty psyched about that joke. Its bad enough to sound like a fascist, but at least crack open a thesaurus. The only time its permissible to use the phrase violent anarchy that often is when youre reviewing the music of stomp. Guys, do we need that many trash cans maybe one of you could learn guitar . Any time a government is calling its own citizens violent anarchists should raise alarms. So, what did these supposedly violent anarchists do to deserve that name . Well, youll be shocked to find out its complete bull[ bleep ]. Chad wolf, he is the acting secretary of Homeland Security to justify what donald trump is doing, he tweeted out images of himself viewing graffiti that had been put on buildings in portland the dhs put out a statement pointing to the buildings it said had been graffitied by, quote, violent anarchists. So the mission of the department of Homeland Security is to deploy secret police to the streets of an American City to stop graffiti and some Light Property damage seth graffiti . Youre going full dictator over some graffiti. Whats next . Are you going to send in s. E. A. L. Team six to arrest lovestruck teens carving their initials into trees . Okay, he just finished carving the heart shape into the tree. Now hes going for the t. L. A take the shot take the shot, todd thats right our government used graffiti to justify sending secret police to an American City to abduct protesters into unmarked vans without telling them who they are, where theyre going, or why theyve been arrested. But it would be bad enough if what they were doing was using secret police to enforce laws against graffiti thats already chilling. What theyre actually doing is even worse theyre just snatching Peaceful Protesters off the street. Theyre kidnapping people and not even telling them what theyre being charged with federal Law Enforcement officers have been using unmarked vehicles to drive around Downtown Portland and detain protesters since at least tuesday. Personal accounts and multiple videos posted online show the officers driving up to people, detaining individuals with no explanation about why theyre being arrested, and driving off. One came from a 29yearold named Mark Pettibone who said that when he was abducted, he did not know if the men were even police. He thought they might be far right extremists i was terrified, he told the washington post. It seemed like it was out of a horror scifi, like a philip k. Dick novel it was like being preyed upon. Seth leave it to portland to use a literary reference if this happened anywhere else, people would say it seemed like something out of a movie, or, at best, a y. A. Novel but in portland you get, its like a philip k. Dick novel. Less in setting but more in tenor. The later works of course. And in case youre not a philip k. Dick fan, thats bad the dude wrote dystopian science fiction. None of it was ever good he never wrote a novel called, robots took over, and gave us candy when a secret Paramilitary Force is abducting Peaceful Protesters in the dark of night without identifying themselves, that means even they know what theyre doing is a flagrant abuse of power and you can tell its a flagrant abuse of power because theyre using shady and irregular tactics to do it for example, federal officers appear to be using rental cars from enterprise to snatch protesters well, at least we know they were not kidding with their slogan. Did you guys get a deal on kayak . I hope you got the Liability Insurance because im pretty sure youre going to have a lawsuit on your hands. Man, what a [ bleep advertisement for enterprise, by the way. This reminds me of the time in the 80s when the kgb did an ad for hertz. And now trump is threatening to send his secret police to other cities and the rotten husks in the gop and on fox news are cheering him on the president cant be bothered to develop a National Strategy for a pandemic thats killed 140,000 americans. But to defend some statues, hell send secret police to American Cities to abduct protesters he and his rightwing allies couldnt care less about you they just want power if we leave these people in charge of our democracy any longer it will disappear seth this has been a closer look. Seth so many new yorkers are turning to city harvest for help feeding their families, and they need your support more than ever theres a website below to donate well be right back with amy sedaris. Here we are announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. So we gave the world another look. And saw a future of differences celebrated. Every voice heard and advocated. 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Our first guest is a bestselling author and talented performer you know from shows like strangers with candy and bojack horseman. The Season Finale of her emmynominated show, at home with amy sedaris airs july 29th on trutv, with special guest paul rudd. Heres my conversa