Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight, join jimmy and his guests jude law maya erskine and anna konkle musical guest, summer walker and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, heres your host, jimmy fallon [ applause ] jimmy nice very nice. Thank you very much. Welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Lets get to the news and jokes. Well guys, election day is now less than 50 days away yep. The only thing coming sooner than november 3rd is a covid test for anyone who went to the president s indoor rally last night. Overnight at a packed indoor rally, President Trump breaking nevadas covid restrictions to court voters in the key battleground state speaking to a throng of mostly maskless supporters, his first indoor rally in nearly three months jimmy yeah, last night trump held a packed indoor rally in nevada, so it looks like the next longterm residency in las vegas will be the coronavirus. What is trump doing . You know how bad you have to mess up to be known as the guy who made a bad decision in vegas . [ laughter ] even old ladies smoking at the slot machines were like, i wouldnt set foot in there. [ laughter ] a lot of space work there. Questlove right. Jimmy i didnt realize i got to put it back on at the end. This was trumps first entirely indoor event in almost three months yep, the event was attended by 5,000 people who watched trumps tulsa rally and thought, that, but less safe [ laughter ] in response, the Trump Campaign was like, honestly after tulsa, we didnt think 50 people would show up. [ light laughter ] seriously, you know youre doing something crazy when the state the allows gambling and prostitutions like, you cant do that bro. [ laughter ] and now you can tell nevada is on edge cause after the rally, the bellagio fountain started spraying bleach. [ laughter ] during trumps rally he said something that was very interesting. Listen to this and were going to win four more years in the white house. And after we win four more years well ask for maybe another four or so jimmy whos he going to ask, the faces on mt. Rushmore but this is nice, if trump stays in office for another eight years he can have a big reunion for all the staffers when they get out of prison. [ laughter ] meanwhile, based on some new polls in florida it looks like however, thanks to some deep pockets, theres a chance that could change listen to this Mike Bloomberg is putting his money where his mouth is in the race for the white house the new york billionaire is planning to spend at least 100 million in florida to help joe biden beat President Trump in that swing state. Jimmy 100 million last time someone spent that much money in florida it was a a dad taking two kids to disney world. [ laughter ] you really want to get the fast pass or whatever its called. This is nice not only is bloomberg looking into spending 100 million, hes also volunteering to lead the outreach to cubanamerican voters [ speaking Foreign Language jimmy meanwhile, today in new york, mayor bill de blasio made a pretty big announcement listen to this new york citys mayor Just Announced that for the first time in more than 90 years, the macys thanksgiving day parade will not be live it will be virtual [ laughter ] jimmy because if theres anything better than a parade, its a parade on tv. And if theres anything better than a parade on tv, its a virtual parade online. But mayor de blasio said it will be a different kind of event and that well feel the spirit and joy, which is code for, they have no idea what the hell theyre going to do [ laughter ] well, get this, a new survey found that because of the pandemic, 71 of americans said they wouldnt feel safe in a a Movie Theater right now. And you thought it was annoying when someone coughed during a movie before covid [ laughter ] dont worry, every Movie Theater has been thoroughly cleaned by a teenager with an old mop. [ laughter ] well, guys, the nfl is officially back. Week one wrapped up tonight, and something you might have noticed, that all the tv networks are pumping in fake crowd noise to liven up the games. Yep, theyve got crowd reaction sound ready for just about anything that could happen ill show you what i mean. For instance, heres the sound for a touchdown. [ cheering ] next up, heres the sound for delay of game. [ booing ] next up, heres the sound for Cleveland Browns gain a yard hallelujah [ laughter ] next, heres the sound for tom brady smiles and winks at the camera oh baby next, heres the sound for first play of the jets game. Jets, jets jets jets jimmy yeah, heres the sound for the last play of the jets game. Everybody hurts [ laughter ] jimmy its going to be a a very unique season well, this isnt good i heard that the virus is now affecting candy production watch this peeps wont be around until next spring. The company that makes the marshmallow treats says it wont make peeps for halloween, christmas, or valentines day. Jimmy yeah, no peeps, which is how it should have been at trumps indoor rally [ laughter ] yeah, no peeps for halloween or christmas, which raises the question who was buying peeps for halloween and christmas . [ laughter ] dont worry though, if you want peeps this year, just go into your cabinet and grab the ones that have been there since easter 1997. [ laughter ] i have a couple of those the marshmallow seam starts splitting. And finally, i read that scientists have discovered a a foul gas in the clouds above venus that could be a sign of potential life on the planet yep, its 900 degrees on venus and theres foul gas, but even the aliens there looked at earth and were like, you know what i think im going to stick around here for a little while. [ laughter ] we have a great show, everyone give it up for the roots right there. [ applause ] jimmy we have a great show for you tonight. He stars in the new Hbo Limited Series, the third day, jude law is here [ applause ] plus, season two of their show, pen15, begins streaming this friday on Hulu Maya Erskine and anna konkle are here [ applause ] and we got music from summer walker oh its going to be its a big show we have a big event happening tomorrow night, a stunt if you will Ewan Mcgregor is the guest on the show, and hes agreed to jump hes going to jump something on his motorcycle. Hes doing it safely tariq wait, jump what, though jimmy well, we dont know. Tariq a peep [ laughter ] jimmy you got tune in, man tariq okay if he can get one a black market peep . You can get one to ewan, hell no, hes yeah, its going to be dangerous, but done safely tariq okay jimmy safe danger. I mean, david blaine has nothing on what hes about to do tariq wow. Jimmy tomorrow night, tune in same bat channel, same time. Yeah i mean, craziness. Hey guys, we live in a a branddriven society tariq nice segue jimmy hows that for a a segue . [ laughter ] tariq yeah, its great its great, im with you im still here jimmy yeah name recognition is everything the problem is, what makes a a good name for one thing might make a bad name for Something Else or a great name for Something Else so with that in mind its time for a segment we call, good name, bad name, great name. Good name bad name great name yes jimmy first up, we have, dont start now. A bad name for a racehorse a great name for this years flu season [ laughter ] no, dont start now. Please dont start now after that we have, little fires everywhere. Thats a good name for a tv show a bad name for a gender reveal party. [ laughter ] its a great name for trumps pr team. Next up we have prego. Thats a good name for a tomato sauce. Bad name for a Birth Control pill [ laughter ] [ cymbal crash ] its a great name for a drivethrough church pray go. [ laughter ] prego. Questlove oh, come on. Jimmy i know hallelujah that was the one thats what we want. That was the one up next, we have, cheek to cheek. Thats a good name for a a classic romantic song. Thats a bad name for a trump rally. Its a great name for seats on spirit airlines. [ laughter ] and finally, we have, oops i did it again. Thats a good name for a pop song a bad name for trumps reelection slogan a great name for an adult diaper [ laughter ] thats all for good name, bad name, great name. Well be right back with more the tonight show, everybody. Where are you . honey, did you hear about these new geico savings . 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Tariq yeah, man, im beginning to show some telltale signs of aging, i guess, because i find myself needing to use more of the elderly accoutrement you know, reading glasses, back scratcher, shoehorn, banisters, and that irks me, man, so i put it on my irk list. Jimmy i got you. Tariq i guess Walking Around with it, first and foremost, is kind of an indication that something aint right. Because i find myself wanting to issue these irk tickets i guess, like citations. Jimmy youre going to give out irk tickets to things that irk you. Tariq im like the nonwhite privilege black male version of a karen. Im like a blaren, jimmy jimmy blaren tariq blaren it irks me how texting is changing the way we communicate. I feel like it undermines the usage of proper english grammar. And i hate that im stuck in this text abbreviation matrix. Jimmy i agree. Tariq a friend of mine texted me the other day idmwpwmwpidmw. And i hate that i knew that that meant i dont mess with people who mess with people i dont mess with. Jimmy wow. [ laughter ] tariq like, i wanted to issue myself an irk ticket just for understanding it [ laughter ] so, i send smh, which translates to this guy. You know what im saying and then my frined, he hits me back, lol. But hey, man, i get it nbd. Theres a new normal, and were all a part of it and then my blood started boiling because, it really irks me when someone means to say apart, but then they write apart instead. Jimmy wait, wait, im sorry. So, a part of it, like tariq yeah, like, a part, like, you know what im saying if you intend to text me a part, two words, but you write apart, like, you know what im saying like, separate like, apart. Jimmy yes. It doesnt mean together, it means apart. Tariq it irks me [ laughter ] it irks me so, i was this close to texting him back, ilmf, to say, irk list mother[ bleep ]. Jimmy alright, alright, hold on tariq but i didnt i didnt [ laughter ] jimmy well, did you at least have a nice weekend . Tariq well, michelle, she was really exited for us to go to her friends house to do this socially distant birthday brunch thing and im glad its socially distant, because her friends husband has breathe that irks me jimmy okay his breathe irks you tariq yeah, yeah i mena, pretty much. I mean, youd think that with such a violently oppressive wave of toxicity emitting from ones face at all times, that theyd have some idea of the carnage being left in their wake but, nope, not this guy. Hes clueless. So i go. Between the distance, and his mask, and then my mask, and then this guy, the shield right here, i mean, theres at least like a few different layers of defense. So, i should be safe, i guess. Jimmy yeah, good idea. Tariq what if he faints . Jimmy wh tariq because doesnt he make himself woozy [ laughter ] because hes breathing all that in i mean, at this point, people probably thinking he has vertigo. So i say, you know its dangerous. I mean, how many people are coming, 20 do they even have that kind of space outside . Shes all, no, its inside, but theres only two couples allowed per room come on, it will be painless, we havent gone anywhere since march. So i said, all right, cool. Then she says, oh, by the way, theyre a shoesoff household. Jimmy oh, no, no tariq im fine if like one thing leads to another and peoples shoes just come off [ laughter ] but i hate if its mandatory which is a little crazy. Because i dont allow shoes in my own home. But, see, i offered the alternative of some nice, chic, decorative booties that cover the shoe jimmy you offer that tariq yeah, i offer that at home you come over, i give you options. This couple does not so, naturally im thinking, what socks am i going to wear . Jimmy yeah tariq because in my mind its going to be this big sock reveal upon arrival. But i digress. Jimmy please digress tariq so i go, i got to get some new socks. The one solid option i have is my goto paul smith midrise black with the playful colorful stripe jimmy yeah tariq pair, and that covers all the bases but it has a huge hole in it and you cant do go to someones house, especially for a sock event, wearing holie socks. Jimmy sock event tariq its offensive now its too late to do an amazon prime thing or anything and with covid, im not going to like a mall or anything [ laughter ] so i got to do a curby someplace to grab some socks tariq all right, wait, a a curby . Yeah, jimmy, a Curbside Pickup jimmy curby. Tariq so i ask, whats being served is it a casual waffles and eggs sort of gettogether or more of a Roast Chicken and nice salmon, you know . Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah you know, like sort of event. She says, its the latter. Which immediately irks me even more, because i remember the last time we saw this family they brought food to our house for a barbecue and it was a mostly melon fruit salad, which is an irk ticket, no question i mean, who likes honeydew cantaloupe right . Its more like cantanope. Honeydont. Right . But to show up with the Melanie Griffith is just its inconsiderate [ laughter ] jimmy the Melanie Griffith yeah, melanie ass food salad, jimmy, come on, stay with me here at that point youd be better off just bringing paper plates so anyway, i mean i find the perfect pair of socks available for the curby. So, im grabbing them on the way. Im literally going to keep it moving i stop at the store, some kid tosses the socks into the back seat when i pull over to pull them apart, theyre sewn together jimmy i know that, yeah, yeah so i ask michelle, hey, look into my bag, get a pair of scissors. Shes going through my bag theres the shoehorn theres the back scracher. My reading glasses Hand Sanitizer extra masks. Rubber gloves. Hazmat suit. Lip balm hot sauce. Glue gun ear and nose hair trimmer. Everything but the scissors. So, i just did a hail mary and i tried to just tear them apart. See, you know, i tried to catch them off guard with just a a sudden tug on the thread, like pulling a loose tooth and it was a fail, jimmy, they tore so i wound up having to wear my brandnew socks with the huge brandnew hole in them anyway. So brunch, it was basically an irksville this weekend but, im trying to stay glass half full, man other than that, im awesome [ light laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy but i digress. Tariq trotter, everybody irk list. Stick around well be right back with jude law hey, can i. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. 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