Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight join jimmy and his guests james spader, chris paul, musical guest 21 savage and metro boomin, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [cheers and applause] jimmy oh, hey. Thank you very much oh thank you thank you very much. Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate it. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show coming to you live here. [ applause ] lets get to the news and jokes. Well, guys, in public President Trump hasnt given up on the election, but the big story is in private hes been telling people he wants to start his own right wing conservative Media Network to take on fox news [ laughter ] finally, a chance to hear what trump has to say [ laughter ] yeah, trump wants to take on fox news let me just say, good luck trying to replicate the electricity that is neil cavuto. [ laughter ] seriously, youre going to try to beat this lou dobbs bit the caravan of mostly Central American immigrants is now in the mexican city of [ mumbles ] tonight. [ laughter ] jimmy good luck. Good luck. Well this is fun, the Trump Network already has the catchy slogan, even fairer and more balanceder. [ laughter ] thats right trump will base his new network in the Media Capital of the world the four seasons total landscaping in philadelphia [ applause ] listen to this i heard that joe biden is going to stop building trumps border wall yep. And that after four years trump only got 12 miles of new wall built. [ laughter ] mexico is like 12 miles . Well pay for that [ laughter ] whats your venmo . [ laughter ] when history looks back at president ial accomplishments everyone will remember the new deal, social security, and trumps 12 miles of border wall [ laughter ] 12 miles ive shopped at costcos bigger than that. [ laughter ] trumps like a dad who promises to build a tree house and now theres just a pile of wood in the back yard and three rungs of a ladder going up the tree. Its like, youre too old for a tree anyway. I wasnt when you started. [ laughter ] yep, president elect biden is already getting to work. Hes starting to select members for his cabinet and last night he filled an important role. Watch this overnight joe biden making his first major decision as president elect naming his righthand man, tapping longtime adviser ron klain to be his chief of staff. Jimmy and if everything goes well youll never hear that guys name again. [ laughter ] when klain moves into his office hell find a desk, two chairs, and 50 empty bottles of whiskey. [ laughter ] when trump heard biden hired a a chief of staff he was like, ah yes, you always remember your first [ laughter ] actually i dont what was who was my first . Was it reince prius . Reeses pieces . Rince . Trump is like, dont worry if its not a great fit you can always hire three more. [ laughter ] trumps had four chiefs of staff; one quit, one was fired, one has covid and the fourth went out to get a pack of cigarettes and never came back [ laughter ] of course, people are still talking about the election trump still refuses to concede even though theres been no proof of voter fraud meanwhile, trumps supporters are planning to flood washington, d. C. To protest bidens election also theres tariq man, im tired of the news [ laughter ] jimmy what was that, tariq tariq i said im tired of the news, man. Its always so upsetting could we talk about something not in the news . Jimmy fine with me what do you want to talk about tariq i dont know whats like the most random, harmless thing how about door bells jimmy sure, love door bells. Theyre on doors you push them and im sorry, tariq we just got breaking news. [ laughter ] tariq what is it jimmy amazon recalls 350,000 smart doorbells after some catch fire. [ laughter ] tariq what [ laughter ] okay, fine lets talk about Something Else how about lettuce . Jimmy sure, sure i love lettuce; iceberg, chopped, romaine sorry, tariq, we have more breaking news. Tariq please dont read it jimmy i have to. [ laughter ] i have to. Its my job. Im a comedy news person [ laughter ] the fda has recalled romaine lettuce in 20 states due to ecoli tariq oh, come on how about dogs [ laughter ] jimmy a man in texas is alive after his dog accidentally shot him in the thigh with a pistol. [ laughter ] tariq coffee mugs . Jimmy a quarter million coffee mugs pulled from shelves for burn hazard. Tariq ahh all the news is so bad you might as well just go back to talking about voter fraud. Jimmy no, no come on. What do you want to talk about tariq i dont know whats the most random thing ever um, how about that rare bird from new zealand, the kiwi pukupuku [ laughter ] jimmy i would love to talk about the kiwi pukupuku instead of voter fraud new zealands bird of the year competition rocked by scandal after 1500 fraudulent votes were cast for the kiwi pukupuku tariq i give up, man ill just go back to not listening to your monologue as usual. [ laughter ] jimmy what tariq hmm . Jimmy Tariq Trotter, everyone [ cheers and applause Tariq Trotter everyone [cheers and applause] ah, hey listen to this ticketmaster is working on new plans to make concerts safe during the covid era check it out according to billboard fans who need to prove they have been vaccinated or tested negative 24 hours before an event. Their status would appear on the ticketmaster app jimmy come on. Half the fun of going to a a concert is not knowing what youre going to catch. [ laughter ] it back fires when you see sketchy guys selling negative covid tests outside the arena. [ laughter ] yep, so now when youre passing around a joint with strangers at a Music Festival you can finally think, this is safe. [ laughter ] yeah, i heard that after the election one industry got a big boost. Take a look at this. Liquor store owners in washington, d. C. Say they saw more champagne sold on saturday, november 7th, than on the past two new years eve celebrations combined. [ laughter ] jimmy you can tell things are going well because when they heard the champagne industry had nothing to celebrate with [ laughter ] ill let you get there ill let you get there yep. The champagne industry has been struggling during the pandemic which makes sense because no ones ever been like i took a shower and put on pants. [ champagne cork pop ] [ laughter ] thats the sound effect you got for the champagne . [ laughter ] [ popping sound man. [ laughter ] its usually more like a you know, like that. Its like [ popping sound congratulations. Like the most boring champagne its like, dude, we just won 80 million [ popping sound [ laughter ] [ applause ] questlove that bottle of champagnes flat [ laughter ] jimmy wow. Clean, clean pop [ laughter ] well, this made me laugh a statue in spain. Did you see this questlove yes. Jimmy oh, my gosh. Questlove classic. Jimmy this is unbelievable a statue in spain is getting a a lot of attention after a a botched restoration. Take a look at the statue before this is real then it got restored here it is after [ laughter ] questlove id love to see it [ popping noise jimmy yeah oh, yeah meanwhile the gargoyle around the corner was like, id still hit that. [ laughter ] hey, wait, come on no its like the difference between working for restorations and restorations total landscaping. Could we take another look at the statue before it was restored and now the new one again . Geez well, a lot of people are speaking out about the update including the statues, themselves [ laughter ] first, the original statue said, i cant believe theyve done this to my face its a total disgrace. The new statue said, hellerr that hurts m ferlings im beautifer. Then the original statue was like, no the city must fix this immediately and restore my face properly. Then the new statue was like, no, i like my face. Youre just jealous. Then the jesus painting from borja, spain spoke up and said, yer, leave her alone. Shes perfect. Then this old statue of the fonz showed up and was like, errr i agree. Dont change for anyone. And finally this plaque of Elvis Presley said, keep your head up. Youre a hunka hunka burning love. [ cheers and applause theyre all very supportive. Oh guys, i this is cool. I saw play station five was released today whoo jimmy yeah so here to talk about our video game bloggers from the website gamesquash Nick Ciarelli and brad evans hey guys [ cheers and applause hey jimmy stoked to talk all things ps5 with you yeah, the ps5 is a must buy console. Jimmy yeah, theres so many cool games the new call of duty, assassins creed. What games are you guys most excited for just one. The video game adaptation of about schmidt. [ laughter ] jimmy wait the Jack Nicholson movie they made that a ps5 game based on that movie . Yep gaming fans have been waiting since about 2002 for about schmidt to finally become a a video game and jimmy, it doesnt disappoint its the greatest video game of all time jimmy i dont know i mean, that new spiderman looks amazing. You can play as spiderman swinging above new york city and pfft, you think thats cool in about schmidt you can play as the movies main character about schmidt walking very slowly around rural nebraska [ laughter ] jimmy thats it . Thats just three of the games four levels, jimmy. Im on a level now where you get in a hot tub with your coworkers in a Life Insurance office get this jimmy. You press the x button to open mail and the triangle button makes schmidt say i have a a migraine the other buttons dont do anything [ laughter ] jimmy i im just not sure that movie makes for a great video game dont knock it till you play it, jimmy. Oh, im on this boss fight right now where you have to avoid throwing your back out while sleeping on your soninlaws water bed [ laughter ] jimmy the boss has a water bed . No, the boss is your bad back and if you defeat your bad back, you unlock dermot mulroney. [ laughter ] here, jimmy. Let me show you how awesome about schmidt on ps5 is. Heres some game play footage. Eyour honor eyour honor. Eyour honor. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the game . Youre just sitting there. Yeah. Thats the final level where you reflect on your relationship with your estranged daughter [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, i can see that being fun. If anyone at home has cheat codes for how to beat the retirement dinner level please let me know. My character keeps eating too many hor doeuvres and dying [ laughter ] jimmy nick and brad from gamesquash everyone. [ cheers and applause about schmidt on ps5 the migraine level oh, and finally the Holiday Season is almost here. You guys psyched for the holidays were going to make it good. Well, a Christmas Tree in cincinnatis Fountain Square has been getting a lot of attention for its unique look. Here it is [ laughter ] yeah when asked about the tree, the statue from spain said, oh, my god that tree looks perfect. [ laughter ] oh Christmas Tree oh Christmas Tree [ mumbling ] we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause joining us is in studio, my man from the blacklist on nbc, james spader is on the show he will be right here. I love that guy. Plus, here to talk about his new organization the social change fund, chris paul is dropping by. [cheers and applause] and we got great music from 21 savage and metro boomin stick around well be right back with more tonight show everybody shall i put her in snow mode . Nope what about offroad mode . Nah. Sport mode it is. Lets see what this baby can do. Or. We could check out that Farmers Market . No you know what . Ill be in chill mode. button click if anyone needs me. Propilot assist with navilink. Available on the allnew nissan rogue. You got me feelin punchdrunk crazy, so crazy its everything i want, now maybe, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh can we do it again . Your blessings all i ever wanted im stressed, you got me feelin nauseous wowwowwowwowwow wowwowwowwowwow wow how can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. Jimmy welcome back, everybody it is time for tonight show hashtags. Hashtag hashtags jimmy oh, we do this thing every week where i send out a hashtag and ask you guys to respond to that topic. Since it looks like the president will be moving out of the white house soon, i sent out a hashtag called timetomove and i asked you guys to tweet something funny, weird, or embarrassing about a a place you used to live something that happened that let you know it was time to move within minutes it was a trending topic so thank you for playing along [ cheers and applause and now i thought id share some of my favorite time to move responses from you guys this first one is from sandiemoor. She says our old neighbor would rake the leaves on his lawn then separate our red leaves that had blown over to his yard from his green ones and then put them back in our yard. [ laughter and applause jimmy yeah, time to move Everyone Needs a hobby this one is from mettajoelkatz he says we spilled a whole bunch of old bay seasoning on the floor and nobody cleaned it up for months there was a mound od seasoning that was part of the room youd have to step around [ laughter and applause got to get one of those dirt devils one of those dyson johns tariq i dont know dyson says it never loses suction. Jimmy it doesnt tariq but i think it does. [ imitates vacuum jimmy which one was i doing dirt devil or dyson . Tariq i dont know cause your impression sucks. [ laughter ] jimmy what that makes no sense. Oh, i got you. Tariq yeah, man. Questlove oh jimmy ah questlove oh jimmy yeah [ laughter ] i just got it. Yeah, wow, wow, wow. [ laughter ] any joke where you have to do that afterward [ laughter ] and hold it. That was awesome this next one is from realdanyewest realdanyewest. You get it not the imposter. Jimmy no this is realdanyewest. [ laughter ] oh, yeah so he says, moved into a new place and the old owners left their number and a note that read if the ghost comes back give me a call and ill speak to it. [ laughter and applause this ones from knockknockpenny she says was singing tina turners whats love got to do with it in the shower my neighbor was standing at the window saying, yes, get it, girl get that high note. [ laughter and applause whats love dude, did you say who wrote private dancer you said something cool. Questlove dude from dire straits jimmy mark knopfler. Questlove yeah jimmy my mom was into that whole album and that was the song that kind of stuck out with her and she would, like, a good she would sing it but not quite knowing what its about. [ laughter ] we were kids going like, thats pretty good and, like, this is you shouldnt sing private dancer. [ laughter ] youre saying oh, whatever [ light laughter ] any old music will do. [ light laughter ] l this ones from lex1110 he says i started calling my parents by their first name to trick my brain into thinking i have roommates [ laughter ] bob, emily, quick house meeting. What do you guys think [ laughter ] this last one is from caitlincarrickm she says i lived in a town called penistone thats it. There you go, everybody. [ applause ] those are tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags well be right back in studio with james spader itchy . Squirmy . Scratchy . Family not getting clean . Get new charmin ultra strong. Go get em. It just cleans better. With a diamond weave texture, your family can use less while still getting clean. Goodbye itchy squirm hello clean bottom we all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin. And save on your favorite. Brands. Plus, take an extra 15 off get cuisinart 10piece set 139. 99. 3050 off cuddl duds bedding. And save on shark plus, get kohls cash. Plus, Free Store Pick up. 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For everyone on your list. Youve got the holidays, and weve got you. With all the gift for less. At ross. Yes for less [ cheers and applause jimmy my first guest is a threetime emmy winner starring on the very Popular Series the blacklist. Season eight premieres tomorrow at 8 00 p. M. Right here on nbc i am thrilled hes here tonight, actually in the studio please welcome james spader [ cheers and applause jimmy come on, james spader oh, my pal, its great to see you. And yes, thank you so much for being here you look fantastic, by the way thank you for dressing up. Youre wearing a suit. You look great youre looking less so jimmy this is the im more