Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240711

Steve from Rockefeller Center in the heart of new york city, its the tonight show starring jimmy fallon. Tonight join jimmy and his guests leslie mann, colin quinn, musical guest saint jhn, and featuring the legendary roots crew and now here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, hello. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Oh, wow. That is a friday crowd right there. Hey, welcome everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause thank you so much for watching well, lets get to the news and jokes. Guys, everyone is still talking about Rudy Giulianis press conference and i mean, by now, weve all seen what happened with the hair dye, which is still insane i still cant believe that, that was real, but it was real but something you might have missed was what he did with his handkerchief and this, just watch this [ audience ohs ] that is true. It is somehow related to this, but i do not know whether good guys got it or bad guys got it i dont know [ talking over each other jimmy oh my gosh i can only hear one person at the time. Jimmy oh my. [ laughter ] wow. I think rudys trying to single handedly trying to start covid20 [ light laughter ] seriously, when it saw that clip, even covid19 immediately put on a mask. Its like, oh gosh if thats what rudy does on national tv, i dont want to see what he does at home its like [ light laughter ] also, why do i get the feeling rudy has been using the same dinner napkin since 1974 [ light laughter ] its my lucky napkin. Rudys having a brutal 2020. I mean, a month ago, he got caught on film sticking his hand down his pants. Wasnt even close to his worst moment [ light laughter ] i mean, not surprisingly, today, it came out that giuliani and other key members of trumps legal team have been exposed to the coronavirus but this is nice, rudy is offering to share his wet hanky with anyone who needs it [ light laughter ] rudy was tested and thankfully, the results were negative. Which raises the question, how [ light laughter ] how is that possible im going to the store, ive got like 20 masks on, im wearing gloves and this guy is rubbing snot all over his face [ light laughter ] yep, when they gave rudy the covid test, you could almost hear the swab going, no, no, no dont stick me you know what, i had a good run. I had a good run. Speaking of the pandemic, today pfizer announced they have officially applied for emergency authorization for their vaccine, which means it could be approved for use as early as mid december. Yeah apparently pfizer saw that Rudy Giuliani press conference and thought, we better hurry [ laughter ] [ applause ] i mean, this is, if theres one, theres more than one i dont know how i feel about an emergency vaccine im not sure i like the feeling of someone running up to me, like, quickly inject this. [ laughter ] earlier today, trump held a press conference to talk about drug prices. Then he kicked things off by discussing the election. Watch this big pharma ran millions of dollars of negative advertisements against me during the campaign, which i won, by the way. But, you know, well find that out. Almost 74 million votes. [ light laughter ] jimmy as soon as trump said that, the ceo of twitter ran in and said, this claim has been disputed keep going. Trump still cant accept losing if youre wondering why we have participation trophies, this is exactly why. [ laughter and applause there are no losers we all won. [ light laughter ] trump was like, 74 million, you round that up, its 100 million which you can then round up to a billion. So, how about that, folks, a a billion votes. [ light laughter ] speaking of trump, i saw that judges in arizona, pennsylvania, and georgia have all thrown out lawsuits from the trump administration, but he continues to dish out more. Im starting to think he doesnt understand how the law works. I mean, just check out the responses when he was asked about basic legal terms. When asked what liquidation means, trump said, what happened to rudys face yesterday. [ laughter ] when asked what docket is, he said, those khakis that Steve Kornacki wears those are dockets. [ laughter and applause next up for habeas corpus, he said, what harry potter yelled when he killed voldemort. [ laughter and applause he kept going. For mandate, trump said, what mike pence doesnt approve of. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause and finally, for precedent, he said, what ill still be in january thanks to the billion people, the billion people who voted. [ laughter and applause heres a big tech story. Apple has agreed to pay 113 million for slowing down old iphones on purpose yup, nothing teaches a company a lesson like fining them. 0005 of their total worth. [ light laughter ] theyll never do that again. [ light laughter ] oops questove oops. Jimmy oopsie there you go sorry. Im sorry. Sorry about that finally, i saw that, did you see this a british magician just set a world record for performing tricks in an interesting place take a look at this. A magician in england set the record for the most magic tricks underwater in three minutes. He had 20 tricks jimmy you could tell he was running out of tricks when magic trick number 18 was just shrinkage. [ laughter ] its good that he was underwater he couldnt hear the kids say, we should have hired a clown. [ laughter and applause we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a great show for you tonight. She stars in the new animated movie, the croods a new age. Leslie mann is here. [ cheers and applause plus his book, overstated a coasttocoast roast of the 50 states is out now and you can see his latest special, colin quinn and friends, a parking lot comedy show on hbo max. Colin quinn is here. [ cheers and applause and weve got great music from saint jhn, everybody [ cheers and applause like i said, one of our guests tonight is colin quinn, the great colin quinn and he has a a book out called overstated where he basically roasts every state in the u. S its funny and you can just read it in any order its a good book well, i wanted to put him to the test, so now its time for overstated with colin quinn. Overstate overstated overstate overstated jimmy colin, colin, are you there . Oh, i see you. Oh, yes jimmy wow, yeah. Colin, i thought we could go through some states and you can give them a quick roasting does that sound okay sure. Jimmy first of all, how are you doing . Are you okay oh, i dont know why you would you should have said that before you said the jimmy i know, i know, i know, i know i understand [ light laughter ] i admit, im sorry i know you just started this jimmy but it wasnt on the teleprompter, but yeah, you look good, and i hope youre okay ooh, it wasnt on the teleprompter [ light laughter ] jimmy its not about being a big shot thats the way acting like im trying to no, i wasnt calling you a big shot i was making a dumb joke that it wasnt on the teleprompter, i couldnt read it [ laughter ] jimmy oh my god. I guess weve started with the first roast already. [ laughter ] oh my gosh how about this, colin . Arizona. What could you say about arizona . I call them the instagram state, cause theyre beautiful but empty. [ laughter and applause jimmy how about how about ohio ohios like the middle, like the nice theyre like your nice friend that waits in the car while youre hooking up with somebody in the house [ laughter ] theyll sit there and wait to drive you home [ laughter ] jimmy florida. Florida is the hot mess that you want to hang out with, but you always end up getting arrested with them [ laughter ] jimmy okay, last state pennsylvania i dont want to do pennsylvania cause youre gonna feel like its an attack on you, but its not. Jimmy why . All right, ill do it but dont be paranoid, okay . [ light laughter ] the joke is, its a state thats kind of like started, but it almost fell apart, then it came back strong. You might call it like the fever pitch of states. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] thats a nickname. [ cheers and applause i didnt make up that nickname thats the state nickname. Jimmy how how do i not take that personally how do i not take that personally how do i not take that personally give it up for colin quinn, everybody. [ cheers and applause well be talking more with colin later in the show. Stick around, everybody. Come on back wow. [ cheers and applause vo when subaru shares the lov good things happen. Over sixtyfour thousand pets supported. Over twentyfive hundred wishes granted. Over two million meals provided. Over four hundred National Parks protected. In fact, subaru and our retailers will have proudly donated over two hundred Million Dollars to national and Hometown Charities through the subaru share the love event. vo get 0 for 63 months and subaru will donate 250 dollars to charity. Black friday into deals for days. Starting wed 11 25 shop online only and score deals like a 299 Nintendo Switch bundle with mario kart. Lets end the year saving bigger. Nintendo switch when panhe doesnt justs mmake a pizza. He uses fresh, clean ingredients to make a masterpiece. Taste our delicious new flatbread pizzas today. Panera. Something under the porch . D yup ugh. Even when i dont know how she got the stains, i know tide hygienic clean can get them out. It gets between fibers to remove visible and invisible dirt. If its got to be clean, its got to be tide. Turns into magic hour. Flan brings abuela closer. And a good deal means a great deal. Alexa, tell roomba to vacuum in front of the couch. Experience clean in a whole new way. Now roomba offers you personalized cleaning suggestions and vacuums exactly where you need it. By getting to know you and your home, roomba makes cleaning easier than ever before. So say goodbye to cleaning and hello to clean. Hey google, tell roomba to vacuum the dining room table. Roomba and the irobot home app. Only from irobot. Roomba and the irobot home app. What is this . We call that a window. Window. Dundundaaa the first big screen. We really need to limit thunks window time. Not now. The birds are on. In my day we fought them. Let me live my life its following your passion to bto the very top. And setting the standard by which all who follow, will be measured. Tequila herradura, the worlds most gold medal awarded tequila. Its following your passion to bto the very top. And setting the standard by which all who follow, will be measured. Tequila herradura, the worlds most gold medal awarded tequila. [ cheers and applause jimmy i like that. That was a good groove right there. Love that. [ cheers and applause that was nice. I appreciate it. Guys, welcome back you know, its friday and its usually when i take care of some business. You know, i get some things done, but the day just completely got away from me. I spent the whole afternoon doing razor scooter tricks for tiktok [ laughter ] questlove word jimmy and, uh, yeah, i completely forgot to write out my weekly thank you notes. My thankies. And rudys got his hanky, i got my thankies. You know what im saying now, its during the show, i understand that, i realize this, but we are live. Not really, on tape, and not even on tape, but on a hard drive. But if you dont mind, i thought id take out time to write out my thank you notes right now. Is that cool with everyone here [ cheers and applause james, can i get a little thank you note music, please oh, wow. Thank you, trumps twitter account postelection for basically being the calorie menu at a cinnabon we all now youre there, but were just going to try to pretend you dont exist. [ applause ] i know its 2,000 calories, but come on. Thank you, pepsis new bottles, for looking like everyone in quarantine trying on pants they havent worn since march [ light laughter ] [ applause ] give me that groove. Give me that song again. Thank you, dolly parton, for helping to fund the moderna covid19 vaccine vaccine vaccin vaccine [ cheers and applause we love you, dolly thank you, zoom thanksgiving, for allowing families to give their dinner the same rules as a president ial debate. The next topic is, when should cousin jeffrey get married grandma, you have two minutes for your Opening Statement [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, new glutenfree oreos, for making doctors everywhere say, thats great and all, but the gluten really wasnt the issue. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, ear muffs, or as i like to call you, heats by dre [ laughter ] there you have it. Those are the thank you notes. Well be right back with leslie mann, everyone. Cmon. [ cheers and applause so, uh, yeah, just a silly mistake. I guess i look pretty. Ridiculous. [ chuckles ] no one looks ridiculous, bob. Progressive is always here for you with roundtheclock service. Just so you know, next time, you can submit a claim with our mobile app. Good. Thanks again for for rushing over. Are you kidding . This is what 24 7 protection looks like. Okay. You smell like fish. Sorry. I was talking to jamie. You smell like fish. Sorry. Ojust one jar of olay retinol24 . Hydrates better than the 100 retinol cream. For smooth, bright skin or your money back. Olay. Face anything. And try new retinol24 max. Ius become just a littleyou part of your holiday. And we sincerely hope that jimmy dean sausage might make your holiday just a little bit brighter. Happy holiday to ya. Whoa someone please help of course. Youre tenacious, ill give you that its ok, im ok. [heavy breathing] where are you . Coming lets do this yeaahh its on woooo whoa. [heavy breathing] rated rp to t. How can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. Jimmy my first guest is a talented actress who stars in the new animated movie, the croods a new age, which is in theatres november 25th here she is, one of our favorites, leslie mann hey hey hi jimmy oh my gosh you look great thank you so much for coming to the show thanks for i mean, for coming on the show, not coming to the show. Were zooming. Im so happy to be here im so happy to see you. Jimmy how are you . How is the family . Is everyone doing well we are, were doing well. Were healthy, knock wood. Jimmy yeah everybodys healthy jimmy good, good, good and you know, it was a little, its kind of like weve gotten used to things a little bit being, but in the beginning, it was really hard, it was much, you know, my husband, judd, was freaking out a little bit [ laughter ] jimmy judd was freaking out. He was freaking out jimmy yeah hes really stressed out and kind of like a big jerk, but because he was stressed out. [ laughter ] jimmy what is he like when hes stressed out . Hes just kind of, like, well he does this thing where hes very hairy. Jimmy uhhuh i dont know if you know that by looking, because he usually has clothes on jimmy yeah i wouldnt know. But without clothes, like the hair doesnt stop. It just, its all the way, like head to toe thick hair jimmy wow, okay. [ laughter ] okay and he does this thing where hes like stress sheds so when hes not wearing clothes, like hes usually Walking Around in his underwear, like if he sits on a chair or lays on a bed [ laughter ] his hair just kind of like releases, like it just falls off. Jimmy so theres like an outline theres an outline of his body yes like a chalk outline of a man. [ laughter ] jimmy thats judds hair that he sheds . So much hair. Oh, its crazy because when you look at him jimmy that is funny. It doesnt look like its, you know, any thinner than before [ laughter ] jimmy oh my god. Its like it knows how to replenish. Jimmy oh, my god its just as thick as ever. Jimmy oh, god. But hes also shedding, its kind of its shocking. Jimmy its a scientific thing. [ laughter ] i really want to know the background of it and hes calmed down now. Hes kind of hes calmed down. Jimmy yeah hes better now jimmy how about you . Yeah, hes doing much better jimmy what things have you been doing in quarantine i have been, well, i thought that i would learn to play piano or start reading the classics or something and [ laughter ] jimmy me too i didnt do any of that ive mainly just been, like, on instagram and jimmy its really fun. Its so much fun. Jimmy yeah and it made me happy, like, you know, during the darkest times, having all of those great cat videos to watch. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah yeah i know those yeah, it just makes you happy. It makes you so happy and we have two cats who we love so much, honey and pumpkin, and theyve just changed our lives for the better in every way and so we made cat videos. We made one cat video. The whole family got together, we made a shot list. It was the cats making dinner for us video [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god and we did a whole thing with the cats and yeah, it was great. Jimmy is this i have a note here that there might be a World Exclusive cat video. It is it is. Jimmy this is not aired anywhere this is debuting on our show its debuting, yep, on your show jimmy im you guys ready . If everyone at home, are you ready for the magic . Here is leslie mann, judd apatow and their daughters, maude and iris. Take a look. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] so good [ applause ] jimmy wow. That is honestly, theres so many parts of that, that i love thats my favorite cat video ive seen during all of quarantine isnt that good jimmy dude, cutting her paw, pulling her paw away for that [ laughter ] thats so good pushing the pie down oh, my and carrying the pie out. [ laughter ] jimmy and she made a pretty good chicken dish. Not bad. Right [ laughter ] how cute is that theyre the best jimmy oh, my gosh. And its just so much fun jimmy honey and pumpkin. Honey and pumpkin jimmy well done, well done thank you were proud of it. Jimmy yeah i also saw another video that you posted and i love the whole idea of it and its two great people cameron diaz, who we love, and you guys are roller skating buddies. Well, i brought some skates over to camerons one day. And we were drinking her new avaline wine jimmy its good. Its very good. And too good and we had a couple of glasses of wine. And then we decided to, like, you know, roller skate and do some stunts, which is probably not a great idea im really but it was really fun. Jimmy sure but im basically, it was me going jimmy over backwards over her whole body but going backwards, grabbing a glass of wine, drinking it, and not spilling it. Jimmy no, i love the effect was cool because i was like, wait, whats happening, then i go, whoa, here you come. Scoop and backward [ laughter ] look, its brilliant, actually i love that you know how to do that it was awesome it was a total accident jimmy so, talk to me about this so you didnt plan on posting this well, i was trying no, no, no, we were going to post it, but i dont know how to do that stuff, you know if i posted anything in the past, my kids have done it. And so i was doing it myself and my eyesight is kind of bad and the writing is really small and i was like, looking at the jimmy im the worst. You know, theres a share and then right below it, save to drop. Jimmy yes. And i was just pressing, share, share, this isnt working, maybe i dont know, and pressing and pressing and pressing really hard and maybe the system needs to i didnt know how. Whatever just pressing and pressing and pressing and then i hear iris, my daughter, from the other room say, mom stop posting that video youve posted it like 40 times. [ laughter ] i just kept posting it and posting it but it doesnt tell you when, it doesnt like switch over to another page it doesnt say sent or shared or whatever so jimmy no it is my fault, but its not also its not really something that i should be doing. I think i need to lay off. [ laughter ] jimmy i am still thinking of judds outline. His hair outline that is the funniest [ laughter ] you cant get that out of your head. Think how i feel jimmy its really funny. I really see it. Its everywhere jimmy i think its so funny. [ laughter ] you have to make it. I think you should do a video where the cat ill take some pictures jimmy i think you should do a video where the cat is sleeping and then the cat gets up and you see the cat outline, and then judd is sleeping and he gets up and his again, i dont know why. I will. Ill send you pictures jimmy leslie, i want to talk about the croods a new age. The croods, yeah. Jimmy its going to be in theatres november 25th Perfect Timing for this movie. The holidays, thanksgiving weekend, people are at home. They want to see a good movie, family movie youre really great in it. Can you set it up for everyone yeah. So, i love this movie, its great. Its the croods have basically survived their fair share of dangers and disasters from famed prehistoric beasts to surviving the end of the world, but now they will face their biggest challenge of all, another family jimmy im sorry, leslie, are oh, there you are. Were you reading the plot synopsis off of something . No. No, no, no, no, im just setting up the movie so just when all seems lost, a a new threat will propel both families on an epic adventure outside the safety of the wall one that will force them to embrace the differences, draw strength from each other, and forge a new future together. Jimmy im sorry. Leslie, but it sounds great. The movie sounds fun, but it just sounds like youre reading talking points like off a script or something, but anyways no. No, no, no, im surprised that you would think that it was jimmy oh yeah. No, no, no, but feel free to ask me anything else jimmy can you tell us about the character you play oh, sure. As the matriarch of the bettermans, hope prides herself on knowing everything including whats best for her daughter, dawn, but hopes journey into the wild with the croods shows her that the walls she built to protect her family from the outside world have also closed them off from each other through their adventure, hope learns to embrace not only her primal side, but also the tight bond that the croods share jimmy wow. I mean, you know what . You have a gift of setting up. Thats the best anyones ever set up a clip or a movie in the history of the tonight show. Really . Jimmy yeah thank you [ laughter ] thank you. Jimmy i want to show a a clip heres leslie mann in the croods a new age. Take a look. Its trying to communicate. Hope, these are people, cave people i thought cave people died off years ago. We happy meet you in hearts together much joy. Thanks. Much joy to you too oh. They speak beautifully oh, forgive our condescension, friend. Im phil and i am hope and we are the bettermans better man . Betterman emphasis on the better. Jimmy my thanks to leslie mann. The croods a new age is in theatres november 25th thank you so much for coming on the show thank you, thank you. I had a great time and i always do, and its always a pleasure to see you [ laughter ] thank you jimmy oh, my god colin quinn joins us after the break. Stick around oh, you are the best joint pain, swelling, tenderness. My psoriasis. Cosentyx works on all of this. Cosentyx can help you look and feel better by treating the multiple symptoms of psoriatic arthritis. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine, or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Watch me get real relief with cosentyx. You can do better, steve get a freshly made footlong, from subway® you can even order on the subway® app did i just get picked off by Deion Sanders . You sure did now in the app, get a free footlong when you buy two. Because its footlong season™ charmin ultra soft is so soft much are you hon . Youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. children laughing music swells music fades exhales experience the power of sanctuary at the lincoln wish list sales event. Sign and drive off in a new lincoln with zero down, zero due at signing, and a complimentary first months payment. Vicks vapopatch. Easy to wear with soothing vicks vapors for her, for you, for the whole family. Trusted soothing vapors, from vicks when panhe doesnt justs mmake a pizza. He uses fresh, clean ingredients to make a masterpiece. Taste our delicious new flatbread pizzas today. Panera. So lets give this holiday thisall the merry weve got theres a place you can go where inspiration lines the shelves. For giving gifts so thoughtful, youll outdo the elves. You see here each present is especially nice. So theyll love what you got them, and youll love the price. If you want a christmas youll always remember, this is the place to spend less, and gift better. T. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. For members like martin. An air force veteran made of doing whats right, not whats easy. So when a hailstorm hit, usaa reached out before he could even inspect the damage. Thats how you do it right. Usaa insurance is made just the way martins family needs it with hasslefree claims, he got paid before his neighbor even got started. Because doing right by our members, thats whats right. Usaa. What youre made of, were made for. Usaa were made for. How can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way xfinity mobiles fast nationwide 5g network meets the first iphone with 5g. Get the new iphone 12 on xfinity mobile. And right now get 250 off. Learn more at an xfinity store today. Jimmy my next guest is a a very funny comedian, one of my favorite comedians, i think, of all time. He has a new book called overstated a coast to coast roast of the 50 states. Does he think maybe im trying to butter him up, and thats why hes going to be in a bad mood when i bring him out . But i meant it his latest special, colin quinn friends a parking lot comedy show. Streaming now on hbo max here is my buddy, colin quinn. Wow. Woo hi, jimmy. Jimmy said some great things about you, man. I know, but you said one of my favorites, i think. Jimmy yeah, i did. Yeah, but you said i think in the middle of that. I dont know why you had to. You know jimmy i didnt say it. Did i say i think . No, youre one of my favorites yeah, you said youre one of my favorites, i think. Jimmy no, no, no ah, you still had to question yourself in the middle but look, its still good. One of my favorites, i think is pretty good. Not good as one of my favorites, unequivocally, but its still pretty good jimmy all right, you are one of the hardest working comedians there is i would say that about you and because of whats happening in the world, you were telling me this is the longest stretch that youve gone without being in a comedy club its true jimmy that must be bizarre for you. But you theres a very specific demographic that you blame the spread of covid on i hate to bring this up. Nerds because heres, nerds, before the invention of the computer, nerds, they had one thing they could actually do in life that would make them popular which is medical field they would sit, look in the microscope, that was their only hope to be rock stars. And they would look at slides. That was the thing and so they would figure out a a thing like covid wouldve took them like three weeks and because theyre all too busy, like, involved with movies, and music, and apps, were getting like third rate nerds to be in the medical field. Jimmy because theyre developing apps now, instead of focusing on what they should be, nerding about, which is science and medicine yeah. Which is saving our lives to push for another couple hundred years. Jimmy even though you cant perform right now, are you still writing a lot . Yes, im writing on my i write on my phone constantly i got a few joke ideas you want to hear any of them jimmy id love to hear some thank you well, first of all, corona stuff, obviously jimmy okay in movies, all those liam neeson movies like taken. Right . Now its going to change, like, i will look for you, i will find you, and i will give you the finger across the room it will be awkward sounds like a sketch, but now that i say it out loud jimmy not bad. [ talking over each other six feet i understand exactly and sex scenes, when you explain it, its even worse. Sex scenes, theres going to be no more sex. People arent going to kiss in a movie or the whole audience is going to go, like, ugh. Imagine two people exchanging, so were all going to think, what is that persons husband wife going to do with these perverts out there its going to go back to like the in the 1940s, people would just wink each other in a movie, and that was like sex and they would have bunk beds on a train, like, oh. And wear pajamas and that was like, oh. They all wore pajamas and that was like, oh my god, myrna loy in pajamas thats a hot movie. Jimmy bunk beds on a train oh my gosh these are great bits theyre the beginnings of great bits, thank you. Jimmy uh, i want to talk about the book uh, gosh, its so funny. Its called overstated a a coast to coast roast of the 50 states. And nice quotes in the back here a few quotes New York Times called you a bar stool philosopher. Thats a compliment, right yeah, it depends on the bar you know, sometimes, area date, irish intellectual professor with his corduroy jacket, you know spouting joyce or it could be a drunken lout whos like, hey, ill tell you what i think is going on. You know what i mean so, i dont know how they meant it it sounds like a little bit of a lefthanded compliment jimmy you did, i want to talk to you about this special, because you figured out a way to do a socially distant standup show. You have a new special on hbo max. Colin quinn friends a parking lot comedy show. You shot it at a drivein theatre in brooklyn. I didnt even know there was a a drivein theatre in brooklyn yeah. Jimmy how did the idea come together how did you do this . You direct it. Well, i did a tweet in march, and my then my manager was like, we should do that as a real thing. I tweeted on march 3rd or something, hey, drivein comedy, trying to be funny, you know on twitter. You know, how i like to mix it up a little. And then he goes, he started pitching it around and hbo max was like, yeah, well do a special. So, then i get all my friends, and its basically us doing a socially distant, doing standup for cars, which, you know, like 50 cars in a parking lot, and it was funny. A lot of people, like the emcee, rich west coast, hey, dont worry, folks, we dont have bouncers here if you have trouble, we have tow trucks. Jimmy you know what i liked about it, is also, not just the acts on stage but also a lot of the just what comedians talk about backstage. Yeah. Jimmy and hanging out. All that banter all the fun of the , you know that communal bonding that you miss because you no longer have that because youre by yourself you dont even have an audience anymore. Youre literally back to being alone. Ive seen them, its you as a little boy, with a hair brush in front of your mirror doing a joke that you dont even know if theyre getting laughs or not. Jimmy you get it you get right in there, you know it is a bit awkward, you know . Do you remember the most awkward gig you ever had well, i mean, compared to like, the car gig, thats what im always trying to tell people, weve had so many gigs you know in comedy, were suddenly, like, doing comedy clubs. Thats how it works. And then suddenly youre next to somebodys pool in a backyard, and youre like, wait a minute, im supposed to do comedy here, right . Jimmy that was awful so, my famous bad gig is de niros Birthday Party his 60th Birthday Party. And i went in there, and ruined his birthday heres how bad it was. Even i was like maybe im exaggerating, it wasnt that bad. Hes had such a life filled with so many things, he probably doesnt remember it, and then like ten years later, jim norton, we happened to talk to de niro outside of some thing. And jim norton goes, remember the time he bombed at your Birthday Party . And de niro and his wife both got this look in their eyes of hate it was that, ten years later jimmy wow. The guys traveled the world eight times since then probably, and it still brought an ugly energy to both of them thats how bad it was. Jimmy what was so bad about it i just went up there. And i was planning on, you know, i had this big plan. She just told me to go up and do an impression of de niro and leave. But i was like ralph kramden, no, im going to ill do more than that. Shes like, all right i mean, he knows what hes doing, hes a comedian. Jimmy were not asking for more i dont know what im doing yeah, i was roasting him the crowd didnt know. I told her, dont intro me which is another amateur mistake. Of course, nobody knows who i am i go up, and i start trashing him, making roast jokes. And theyre in the middle of dinner, jimmy. Its not even dark out its light out so everybodys there so, Robin Williams, i leave soaked in shame at the end i walk outside, but it was slightly raining, and i had this new cashmere shirt on the hanger, i had another show that night. So, i had a shirt and Robin Williams comes out and like commiserating with me and i go, i just dont know. And i gesture and the shirt falls off the hanger into a puddle and a cab runs it over in the rain. Robin williams couldnt stop laughing i just walked away, and i didnt even say another word i just left. Saw him like two years later jimmy thats the best. Talk about the worst gig and just got worse oh my god. Thats perfect it was brutal jimmy but i love that hes there to laugh i love that comic you need a a comedian thank god, yes. He understood. In fact, he said his wife was going, help him. He goes, no, he doesnt want me to help him. Jimmy well, i want to show a clip of your special this is colin quinn friends a parking lot comedy show take a look at this clip. Youve never done a show with all these cars, right not really, no. Im just wondering how its going to work. Oh yeah boss, we gotta talk about the instructions so when you come out, the guy thats going to change the microphone, he might be changing it while youre on stage during the act what are you talking about . The guys going to be on stage. As im talking . Safety first they say with this covid, thank you for cleaning this off. Listen, youre a big name. And after this, believe me, youre going to be able to do rooftops. Youre going to be able driveways do you know how many parking garages . Its not going to end for you. We got a big tree house show coming up. Yes jimmy colin quinn, everybody. His book overstated a coast to coast roast of the 50 states is available now and check out colin quinn friends a parking lot comedy show on hbo max it is so fun to have you, and always a delight and please, come back with everybody, and stay safe thanks jimmy, you too jimmy well be back with a a performance from saint jhn stick around you know that geicos whole 15 minutes thing. That came from me. Really. My first idea was in one quarter of an hour, your savings will tower. Over you. Figuratively speaking. But thats not catchy, is it . Thats not going to swim about in your brain. So i thought, what about. 15 minutes. 15 percent. Serendipity. 15 minutes could save you 15 or more on car insurance. Turns into magic hour. Flan brings abuela closer. And a good deal means a great deal. [sniffing] is the salmon wildcaught . She only eats wild caught. [cash register beeps] uh, i need a price check on honey. Dont get mad. Get e trade and get more than just trading. Investing. Banking. Guidance. Get e trade and get more than just trading. When your vneck looks more like a uneck. Thats when you know, its halfwashed. Downy helps prevent stretching by conditioning fibers, so clothes look newer, longer. Downy and its done. Its not about how far apart we are, its about how close we can be. So were bringing out our best deal on the new iphone 12 with 5g, on every plan. Right now, get the iphone 12 on us on every single plan. Switch now and save 20 on your bill versus the other guys. Thats the best value in wireless. Thats right. The iphone 12 on us. On americas largest 5g network. And save 20 per month. Its time to holiday on. Its time for tmobile. Just like me. The turkey of the drinks table. Ok. captain turkey. Captain is the greatest spiced rum of all time. Thats right. The goat. Good. Did he pay you to say that . Yes. Give me my money back. To fight wrinkles . Its what i use neutrogena®. The 1 retinol brand used most by dermatologists. Rapid wrinkle repair® visibly smooths fine lines in 1 week. Deep wrinkles in 4. So you can kiss wrinkles. And other wrinkle creams goodbye rapid wrinkle repair®. Pair with our most concentrated retinol ever for 2x the power. Neutrogena®. Black friday into deals for days. Starting wed 11 25 shop online only and score deals like a 299 Nintendo Switch bundle with mario kart. Lets end the year saving bigger. boy r hhelping kids. S. Nintendo switch bundle with mario kart. dad helping families. women helping pets. vo these are the lives subaru retailers have impacted in our communities, through our support of over fourteen hundred Hometown Charities. In fact, subaru and our retailers will have proudly donated over two hundred Million Dollars to national and Hometown Charities through the subaru share the love event. vo get 0 for 63 months and subaru will donate 250 dollars to charity. [ cheers and applause jimmy making his tv debut, performing sucks to be you from his new album while the world was burning, here is saint jhn. [ cheers and applause whoa whoa told lee he be a millionaire say yeah yeah it sucks to be you cause i would have loved you id watch the whole worl burn to see you dance duckin from bombshells runnin through cartel i thought we would die growin old holdin hands it sucks to be yo i would have loved you id watch the whole worl burn to see you dance duckin from bombshells runnin through cartel thought we would die growin old holdin hands this story don start off grea im a gorilla goin ap im just a street tryna make it to a mill in all the wrong way im runnin al the long plays they said i was bor the wrong shad i shoulda made i five years ago for real i wa really born late i used to carry sticks in my clothes i carry work in my shoe below the poverty line what you expect me to do runnin through this life until twenty on twenty two kyra helped me find different point of view she said she believe in m just keep on goin just make sure when yo get there leave the door open i said you know who i am kid from brooklyn it sucks to be yo i would have loved you id watch the whole worl burn to see you dance duckin from bombshells runnin through cartel thought we would die growin old holdin hands it sucks to be yo i would have loved you id watch the whole worl burn to see you dance duckin from bombshells runnin through cartel thought we would die growin old holdin hands i tell nobody bout m dreams workin at the hotel cause i dont think confessions over ther might go wel and goin back to the hood means that i of course faile you either kill or are killed so moved uptown kyra she gave m a place to sta mama kicked me out back then she did it ungraciously came home to all of th locks change on new years eve im glad wer doin better were both oka i stayed there for like three year oh bless her heart and soul shes worth a pot of gold shes worth a thousan years in gwagon on the roa i made a promise i promise i never betray those said she believe in me just keep on goin just make sure when you get there leav the door ope i said you know who i am its the kid from brookly i had abandonment issues you left me whoa hey sucks to be you i would have loved yo id watch the whole worl burn to see you danc duckin from bombshells runnin through cartels thought we would die growin old holdin hand it sucks to be you i would have loved yo id watch the whole worl burn to see you danc duckin from bombshells runnin through cartels thought we would die growin old holdin hand it sucks to be you i would have loved yo i watched the whole worl burn to see you danc duckin from bombshells runnin through cartels thought we would die growin old holdin hand it sucks to be you [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you to saint jhn. More of tonight show when we come back everybody. Theres no bad time to start at amazon. I like the flexibility. It also allows for picking up shifts. Safety comes first, speed comes second. Safety. Safety. Safety. Were making sure that somebody is getting their very important items. It makes me very happy. But you can work out anything wowith comcast business. W. Get fast, reliable, and secure internet on the nations largest gig speed network. Flexible tools like wifi you control. Voice solutions that connect you from anywhere. And expert advice here, here, or even here. Be fast. Be flexible. Bounce forward with comcast business. Get started with a powerful internet and voice solution for just 64. 90 a month. Plus, for a limited time, ask how to get a 500 prepaid card when you upgrade. Switch today. Jimmy thank you all for watching stay safe out there. Wash your hands. Dont touch your face, rudy. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Goodnight, everybody