Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2024

This crowd are a bunch of communists. Shut your mouth just say the phrase, say it coming up next, its jeopardy. No, were not going anywhere till someone says it or i will come over there and horse whip you with this tiny mic. Say it tone thats it glumplets. Announcer tonight the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, send him back. Plus stephen welcomes Norah Odonnell, topher grace and comedian Ahamed Weinberg, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause band playing stephen whoo hi there cheers and applause wow wow piano riff thanks, everybody please have a seat welcome to the late show. Im hour host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause and i want to thank you thank you thank you thank you for your adulation, i need it. Its up there with oxygen. But i will say in light of recent rallies, i would like you to enjoy tonights gathering, but i encourage you to please chant responsibly. Because last night just last night last night, Donald Trumps crowd did a bad thing, exactly what he wanted laughter you see, all week, every republican has been on defense against trumps racist tweets against four congresswomen known collectively as the squad. cheers and applause i dont know why we do that face. Trump was condemned by the house of representatives for his racist language, but like a creature of pure energy and star trek, our horror only makes him stronger. cheers and applause so, trump tripled down last night at a rally in North Carolina. Historians are already calling it his i wish it was all just a bad dream speech. laughter the ugliness started before he went down there. When asked whether he was relishing his confrontation with the congresswomen, trump made an important distinction im not relishing the fight. Im enjoying it. laughter stephen does he know what relish means . as trump im not relishing the fight. Im not mayoing it. But i am russian dressing it. laughter cheers and applause piano riff the rally started with trump telling the crowd just how busy his job isnt. We have all night. We can have a lot of fun tonight. I have nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing. cheers and applause stephen as trump thats right, the only thing on my todo list was be racist and i checked that off on sunday. All in the clear. All in the clear. But trump doesnt want you to think being president is easy. Its taken a toll on his social life. You lose all your friends when youre president , because theyre all afraid to talk to you. I lost all my friends. Theyve tightened up, theyve choked. You know what that is . Theyve choked they cant breathe, because people have such respect for the office of the president. They have respect for the office of the president. Stephen as trump my friends are all cowardly, stuckup choke artists. I have no idea why they dont talk to me anymore. laughter he talked about one specific friend of his. I have wonderful friends, new york developers. Rich guys, call up, uh, mr. President , how are you, sir . Uh, its richard. laughter stephen oh, your rich friend. laughter as trump i have rich friends, like. Rich. Ard. And powerful friends, like. Pow. Ard. laughter then, trump talked about most important issue facing our country his old reality show. Whenever i hear that, apprentice, i say i love that word, that was a good show. They figured, you know what well do . We will get Arnold Schwarzenegger to take my place. laughter that didnt work out too well. That didnt work out too well. We had 14 seasons. Think of that. The apprentice i proudly signed four bipartisan Human Trafficking laws. Stephen whoa what . laughter wow, some episode the 14th season of the apprentice sounds incredible. as trump gary busey, your challenge is open a lemonade stand. Meatloaf, your challenge is end the global slave trade. laughter then trumps brain really took a leave of absence the same day there is another crucial election in North Carolina ninth condoit you know what right . You know what were talking about . Stephen no no one knows what you mean by cheers and applause stephen one knows what you mean by the ninth condooey. laughter but im pretty sure its a slur against immigrants. as trump you know who really needs to go back home . The damn condooey. Speak english, condooey. laughter then trump turned his lidless eye to the four congresswomen, calling them out by name, and had a little trouble with one of them. Representative alexandria ocasiocortez pronouncing . Cortez. Somebody said thats not her name. Its they said, thats not her name, sir. I said, no, no. I dont have time to go with three different names. Well call her cortez. Too much time. Takes too much time. Stephen as trump it takes too much time to say three names. Time i could be spending with my dear friends mohammed bin salman, kim jongun, and k. F. C. cheers and applause piano riff laughter then trump fanned the flames of the crowds. Would you believe economic anxiety . I have a suggestion for the hatefilled extremists who are constantly trying to tear our country down. Stephen as trump come to my rally, youll fit right in laughter applause piano riff then he went on about the congresswomen they never have anything good to say. Thats why i say, hey, if they dont like it, let them leave. Let them leave. If they dont love it, they can leave it. Stephen so he said these women should leave the country. Lets see if the crowd is able to pick up on that subtle messaging, when he starts talking about minnesota congresswoman ilhan omar. And she looks down with contempt on the hardworking americans, saying that ignorance is pervasive in many parts of this country. booing send her back chants and obviously and importantly, omar has a history of launching vicious antisemitic screeds. send her back chants stephen i never thought id say this, but these rallies where a National Leader whips people up into a racist frenzy might have a dark side. This chant did not help trumps image as not a racist, so this afternoon he tried to distance himself from his own idea. Whewhen they were chanting sd them back, why didnt you ask them this to stop saying that . Well, number one, i think i did. I started speaking very quickly. Stephen okay, you started speaking very quickly to stop them from chanting. Lets see how very quickly you started. send her back chants and she talked about the evil. Israel. Stephen okay, first of all, you didnt cut them off. You let them fully get their hate rocks off. Second, thats your idea of quick . I look forward to the donald trump invitational track meet. On your mark, get set. gun shot and theyre off laughter cheers and applause stephen i love that. Great. Great. The reporter pressed him further. So you will tell your supporters never to. Well, i will say that i was not happy with it. I disagree with it. But, again, i didnt say that. They did. Stephen wow audience reacts trump supporters, did you see him throw you under the bus . Jon wow. Stephen probablyt not, since you have a tire on your face right now. laughter and, wait a second trump, you disagree with it . Hey, this is your party. Youre the bride at the white power wedding. And you sent out some lovely engraved invitations. as trump please join me on the dark side. Pick one chicken, fish, or race war. cheers and applause piano riff and for petes sake, if youre going to be a demagogue, at least grow a pair and take responsibility for what you inspired them to chant wussilini. laughter you created that crowd. Youre like dr. Frankenstein saying, i didnt strangle those villagers, that was my monster all i did was sew together some dead bodies, zap it with lightning, deny it love, set it loose, and mention that i knew some people who could use a good strangling weve got a great show for you tonight. Norah odonnell is here. But when we return, meanwhile stick around cheers and applause band playing right now, shop up to fifty percent off storewide, with new deals every single day plus earn ten dollars off your next purchase when you buy online and pick up in store im here for my denim tune up. Now, at old navy. Hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Before discovering nexium 24hr to treat her frequent heartburn, marie could only imagine enjoying freshly squeezed orange juice. Now no fruit is forbidden. Nexium 24hr stops acid before it starts for allday, allnight protection. Can you imagine 24 hours without heartburn . woman man have you smeno. D this litter . For allday, allnight protection. woman nobody has its unscented vo tidy cats free clean unscented. Powerful odor control with activated charcoal. Free of dyes. Free of fragrances. Unscented odor control like that . Try tidy cats free clean. Every time i take a ride i feel alive with nowhere to go. Im the king of the road. Ya shimmer like gold. Now baby lets ride. We got nothing but time. You get all the reaction. Youre the main attraction. Jeep grand cherokee. Freedom to do it all. only tylenol® rapid release gels they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. For fast pain relief. Z3fx2z zi0z y3fx2y yi0y cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human. Give it up for the band right there. There they are right there. cheers and applause fo spend aot time over there stitching the bolts of big news cloth into my nightly, ultrahigh fashion, madetomeasure couture monologue. But every once in a while, i like to dig deep down in the bargain bin, fish out the old tshirts and acidwashed jeans, cut em up, stuff em with cotton, pin some mismatched buttons on for eyes, and sew them into the novelty sock puppet that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause theres nothing to be done. I can feel the wheels coming off. I can feel them coming off. cheers and applause meanwhile, have you named your school after robert e. Lee, the general who betrayed our country and lost a war . A lot of schools named after the confederate general want to rebrand, but changing all the signs is very expensive, so the solution, they are finding, is picking someone with a similar name. laughter like this former robert e. Lee elementary, which simply changed robert e. To adelaide lee. Thats great. Now, instead of kids having to say i go to robert e. Lee elementary, now they can say you remember robert e. Lee elementary . Its named Something Else now but yeah, i go there. laughter thing is, there are only so many people named lee, which explains the newlynamed Christopher Lee high school. Go, fightin sarumans laughter meanwhile, according to new research, goats can perceive each others emotions from their voices. A fascinating scientific insight. And it explains why my goat left me. laughter im not a mind reader, patricia if you say youre not mad, i think youre not mad. And i go out with the boys. Stop playing games my mom said youd leave me. laughter piano riff meanwhile, its grad season, and one 12th grader in indiana named Evan Dennison is going viral for his grad photos, reclining in a field in his bathrobe. Sup . The names evan. Oh, me . Im just in this field studying for a. P. Badass. laughter this was not easy to pull off. Apparently, evans mom hired evans cousin a professional portrait photographer to take these photos, and evans mom even sent the clothes she wanted evan to wear, but evan showed up in his bathrobe, and the cousin said, why are you doing this to me . Please just wear the clothes your mom sent, to which evan responded, im going to be a legend. laughter yes yes jon yes applause stephen right you are, even. You know, in these troubled times, we arent sure if our public figures even have a moral center, a set of Guiding Principles we know they will stand up for or recline seductively for. So when we find such a person, the choice is clear Evan Dennison 2020. The only thing we have to fear is poison oak back with Norah Odonnell cheers and applause band playing graham . Thats my daughter hey. Dad. What an incredible set love the wig. The greater than ever corolla. Lets go places. Go bedding sets. Smallh an exelectrics. And other dorm on essentials. Plus save even more on your home purchase plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores this weekend. At kohls. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Wireless Network Claims are americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. Try it out and decide for yourself. And now for a limited time theyll even cover your switching fees up to 650 per line. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. When crabe stronger. Strong, with new nicorette coated ice mint. Layered with flavor. Its the first and only coated nicotine lozenge. For an amazing taste. That outlasts your craving. New nicorette ice mint. Yeah. You got yyeah . Omework . Hey, give me a kiss. Announcer whats the role of a car company . [ kisses ] announcer to take your kids to and from school . Dont forget your science project. Announcer we think it can be something bigger. Everybody take your seats. Announcer this summer, volkswagen is supporting americas teachers. Announcer visit your vw dealer to learn how you can join in. Announcer now during the volkswagen drive bigger event, get a 1,000 purchase bonus on 2019 jetta, tiguan, and select atlas models. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show already in progress. Folks, my first guest is a veteran journalist who has served as chief White House Correspondent for cbs and cohosted cbs this morning. She now takes the helm as anchor of the cbs evening news. Please welcome Norah Odonnell cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back. Thank you stephen good to see you again. Congratulations on your first week. Thank you. Stephen anchoring the cbs evening news. Thats pretty heavy stuff. But be honest, after seven years on the morning show, did you take this job just so you can sleep in . laughter that was part of the calculation, yes, to be able to have breakfast with my children. Stephen im joking, but it cant be insignificant, you get back on a human schedule. You know, good friends with everybody at cbs this morning, but it is a grind getting up so early in the morning, but now i get up at 5 00 a. M. , which is considered sleeping in. Stephen oh, lazy bones laughter first of all, how has the first week been . Did you get a good band because ewhen youre host ag show, you have to have a good band. Are you available . applause stephen whats the biggest difference for you so far . You know, its 30 minutes, so its jam packed with news, and this is a legacy broadcast. Stephen from two hours to 30 minutes. Yeah, so its kind of Appointment Television at 6 30. If you dont have a lot of time, tune in at 6 30 p. M. Also on your mobile device. laughter stephen oh, wow. You guys are on the mobile device now. Yeah, were on it. Stephen okay, thats good. But for me, a journalist of 20 years, its a legacy broadcast. Stephen who was the first woman you saw anchoring . Because youre the only third solo anchor of a evening news broadcast to be a woman. Whos the first female journalist you saw and admired . I grew up in a military family, agree up all over the world and news meant a lot. I was talking to Family Friends and it really was Barbara Walters. applause and one of my friends from cant is actually here tonight in the audience. cheering yay and they reminded me i actually used to call them up and leave a message on their machine, hi, its Barbara Walters, im calling you for an interview. So even as a young girl, i was imitating barbarwalters and wanted to be like barbar Barbara Walters because she was the most powerful woman on television. Stephen my woman had a book about how to ask anyone practically anything. I want to ask you, how do you get yourself to ask the person who doesnt want to answer that question, the question they dont want to hear, what do you do before you ask that question thats going to get their back up . I treat them with respect, al d cheers and applause i think its the heart of great conversation and great relationships is trust and integrity, so i do tons and tons of research, i think 90 of getting the right answer is asking the right question, but if i treat someone with respect and then ask them a tough question, which you know i like to do, but do it respectfully, i can usually get a good answer. Stephen well, this news seat that youre in right now is the most storied one on television. This is the house that cronkite built. Yes. Stephen what does that job mean to you . It means an incredible amount. I have been reading Walter Cronkites biography. He held the post for more than 20 years, was known as the most trusted man in america, the most trusted voice. One to have the things he said is journalism is what we need to make demock se work. cheers and applause and i so firmly believe that in my bones about having an informed electorate and also having a trusted news source. You know, i think there are lots of sources out there of affirmation, but we provide information on the cbs evening news. cheers and applause stephen what will success look like to you . Success means, you know, winning reputationly, and it means people come to our broadcast and play it straight. They play a ball a ball, a strike a trike, i trust them, they do Important News and not only point out abuse and corruption but also point out whats going right in america, people who are doing Stephen Colbert<\/a>. Tonight, send him back. Plus stephen welcomes Norah Odonnell<\/a>, topher grace and comedian Ahamed Weinberg<\/a>, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert<\/a> cheers and applause band playing stephen whoo hi there cheers and applause wow wow piano riff thanks, everybody please have a seat welcome to the late show. Im hour host Stephen Colbert<\/a>. cheers and applause and i want to thank you thank you thank you thank you for your adulation, i need it. Its up there with oxygen. But i will say in light of recent rallies, i would like you to enjoy tonights gathering, but i encourage you to please chant responsibly. Because last night just last night last night, Donald Trumps<\/a> crowd did a bad thing, exactly what he wanted laughter you see, all week, every republican has been on defense against trumps racist tweets against four congresswomen known collectively as the squad. cheers and applause i dont know why we do that face. Trump was condemned by the house of representatives for his racist language, but like a creature of pure energy and star trek, our horror only makes him stronger. cheers and applause so, trump tripled down last night at a rally in North Carolina<\/a>. Historians are already calling it his i wish it was all just a bad dream speech. laughter the ugliness started before he went down there. When asked whether he was relishing his confrontation with the congresswomen, trump made an important distinction im not relishing the fight. Im enjoying it. laughter stephen does he know what relish means . as trump im not relishing the fight. Im not mayoing it. But i am russian dressing it. laughter cheers and applause piano riff the rally started with trump telling the crowd just how busy his job isnt. We have all night. We can have a lot of fun tonight. I have nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing. cheers and applause stephen as trump thats right, the only thing on my todo list was be racist and i checked that off on sunday. All in the clear. All in the clear. But trump doesnt want you to think being president is easy. Its taken a toll on his social life. You lose all your friends when youre president , because theyre all afraid to talk to you. I lost all my friends. Theyve tightened up, theyve choked. You know what that is . Theyve choked they cant breathe, because people have such respect for the office of the president. They have respect for the office of the president. Stephen as trump my friends are all cowardly, stuckup choke artists. I have no idea why they dont talk to me anymore. laughter he talked about one specific friend of his. I have wonderful friends, new york developers. Rich guys, call up, uh, mr. President , how are you, sir . Uh, its richard. laughter stephen oh, your rich friend. laughter as trump i have rich friends, like. Rich. Ard. And powerful friends, like. Pow. Ard. laughter then, trump talked about most important issue facing our country his old reality show. Whenever i hear that, apprentice, i say i love that word, that was a good show. They figured, you know what well do . We will get Arnold Schwarzenegger<\/a> to take my place. laughter that didnt work out too well. That didnt work out too well. We had 14 seasons. Think of that. The apprentice i proudly signed four bipartisan Human Trafficking<\/a> laws. Stephen whoa what . laughter wow, some episode the 14th season of the apprentice sounds incredible. as trump gary busey, your challenge is open a lemonade stand. Meatloaf, your challenge is end the global slave trade. laughter then trumps brain really took a leave of absence the same day there is another crucial election in North Carolina<\/a> ninth condoit you know what right . You know what were talking about . Stephen no no one knows what you mean by cheers and applause stephen one knows what you mean by the ninth condooey. laughter but im pretty sure its a slur against immigrants. as trump you know who really needs to go back home . The damn condooey. Speak english, condooey. laughter then trump turned his lidless eye to the four congresswomen, calling them out by name, and had a little trouble with one of them. Representative alexandria ocasiocortez pronouncing . Cortez. Somebody said thats not her name. Its they said, thats not her name, sir. I said, no, no. I dont have time to go with three different names. Well call her cortez. Too much time. Takes too much time. Stephen as trump it takes too much time to say three names. Time i could be spending with my dear friends mohammed bin salman, kim jongun, and k. F. C. cheers and applause piano riff laughter then trump fanned the flames of the crowds. Would you believe economic anxiety . I have a suggestion for the hatefilled extremists who are constantly trying to tear our country down. Stephen as trump come to my rally, youll fit right in laughter applause piano riff then he went on about the congresswomen they never have anything good to say. Thats why i say, hey, if they dont like it, let them leave. Let them leave. If they dont love it, they can leave it. Stephen so he said these women should leave the country. Lets see if the crowd is able to pick up on that subtle messaging, when he starts talking about minnesota congresswoman ilhan omar. And she looks down with contempt on the hardworking americans, saying that ignorance is pervasive in many parts of this country. booing send her back chants and obviously and importantly, omar has a history of launching vicious antisemitic screeds. send her back chants stephen i never thought id say this, but these rallies where a National Leader<\/a> whips people up into a racist frenzy might have a dark side. This chant did not help trumps image as not a racist, so this afternoon he tried to distance himself from his own idea. Whewhen they were chanting sd them back, why didnt you ask them this to stop saying that . Well, number one, i think i did. I started speaking very quickly. Stephen okay, you started speaking very quickly to stop them from chanting. Lets see how very quickly you started. send her back chants and she talked about the evil. Israel. Stephen okay, first of all, you didnt cut them off. You let them fully get their hate rocks off. Second, thats your idea of quick . I look forward to the donald trump invitational track meet. On your mark, get set. gun shot and theyre off laughter cheers and applause stephen i love that. Great. Great. The reporter pressed him further. So you will tell your supporters never to. Well, i will say that i was not happy with it. I disagree with it. But, again, i didnt say that. They did. Stephen wow audience reacts trump supporters, did you see him throw you under the bus . Jon wow. Stephen probablyt not, since you have a tire on your face right now. laughter and, wait a second trump, you disagree with it . Hey, this is your party. Youre the bride at the white power wedding. And you sent out some lovely engraved invitations. as trump please join me on the dark side. Pick one chicken, fish, or race war. cheers and applause piano riff and for petes sake, if youre going to be a demagogue, at least grow a pair and take responsibility for what you inspired them to chant wussilini. laughter you created that crowd. Youre like dr. Frankenstein saying, i didnt strangle those villagers, that was my monster all i did was sew together some dead bodies, zap it with lightning, deny it love, set it loose, and mention that i knew some people who could use a good strangling weve got a great show for you tonight. Norah odonnell is here. But when we return, meanwhile stick around cheers and applause band playing right now, shop up to fifty percent off storewide, with new deals every single day plus earn ten dollars off your next purchase when you buy online and pick up in store im here for my denim tune up. Now, at old navy. Hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Before discovering nexium 24hr to treat her frequent heartburn, marie could only imagine enjoying freshly squeezed orange juice. Now no fruit is forbidden. Nexium 24hr stops acid before it starts for allday, allnight protection. Can you imagine 24 hours without heartburn . woman man have you smeno. D this litter . For allday, allnight protection. woman nobody has its unscented vo tidy cats free clean unscented. Powerful odor control with activated charcoal. Free of dyes. Free of fragrances. Unscented odor control like that . Try tidy cats free clean. Every time i take a ride i feel alive with nowhere to go. Im the king of the road. Ya shimmer like gold. Now baby lets ride. We got nothing but time. You get all the reaction. Youre the main attraction. Jeep grand cherokee. Freedom to do it all. only tylenol\u00ae rapid release gels they release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol\u00ae. For fast pain relief. Z3fx2z zi0z y3fx2y yi0y cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste<\/a> and stay human. Give it up for the band right there. There they are right there. cheers and applause fo spend aot time over there stitching the bolts of big news cloth into my nightly, ultrahigh fashion, madetomeasure couture monologue. But every once in a while, i like to dig deep down in the bargain bin, fish out the old tshirts and acidwashed jeans, cut em up, stuff em with cotton, pin some mismatched buttons on for eyes, and sew them into the novelty sock puppet that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause theres nothing to be done. I can feel the wheels coming off. I can feel them coming off. cheers and applause meanwhile, have you named your school after robert e. Lee, the general who betrayed our country and lost a war . A lot of schools named after the confederate general want to rebrand, but changing all the signs is very expensive, so the solution, they are finding, is picking someone with a similar name. laughter like this former robert e. Lee elementary, which simply changed robert e. To adelaide lee. Thats great. Now, instead of kids having to say i go to robert e. Lee elementary, now they can say you remember robert e. Lee elementary . Its named Something Else<\/a> now but yeah, i go there. laughter thing is, there are only so many people named lee, which explains the newlynamed Christopher Lee<\/a> high school. Go, fightin sarumans laughter meanwhile, according to new research, goats can perceive each others emotions from their voices. A fascinating scientific insight. And it explains why my goat left me. laughter im not a mind reader, patricia if you say youre not mad, i think youre not mad. And i go out with the boys. Stop playing games my mom said youd leave me. laughter piano riff meanwhile, its grad season, and one 12th grader in indiana named Evan Dennison<\/a> is going viral for his grad photos, reclining in a field in his bathrobe. Sup . The names evan. Oh, me . Im just in this field studying for a. P. Badass. laughter this was not easy to pull off. Apparently, evans mom hired evans cousin a professional portrait photographer to take these photos, and evans mom even sent the clothes she wanted evan to wear, but evan showed up in his bathrobe, and the cousin said, why are you doing this to me . Please just wear the clothes your mom sent, to which evan responded, im going to be a legend. laughter yes yes jon yes applause stephen right you are, even. You know, in these troubled times, we arent sure if our public figures even have a moral center, a set of Guiding Principles<\/a> we know they will stand up for or recline seductively for. So when we find such a person, the choice is clear Evan Dennison<\/a> 2020. The only thing we have to fear is poison oak back with Norah Odonnell<\/a> cheers and applause band playing graham . Thats my daughter hey. Dad. What an incredible set love the wig. The greater than ever corolla. Lets go places. Go bedding sets. Smallh an exelectrics. And other dorm on essentials. Plus save even more on your home purchase plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores this weekend. At kohls. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Wireless Network Claims<\/a> are americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network<\/a> and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. Try it out and decide for yourself. And now for a limited time theyll even cover your switching fees up to 650 per line. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. When crabe stronger. Strong, with new nicorette coated ice mint. Layered with flavor. Its the first and only coated nicotine lozenge. For an amazing taste. That outlasts your craving. New nicorette ice mint. Yeah. You got yyeah . Omework . Hey, give me a kiss. Announcer whats the role of a car company . [ kisses ] announcer to take your kids to and from school . Dont forget your science project. Announcer we think it can be something bigger. Everybody take your seats. Announcer this summer, volkswagen is supporting americas teachers. Announcer visit your vw dealer to learn how you can join in. Announcer now during the volkswagen drive bigger event, get a 1,000 purchase bonus on 2019 jetta, tiguan, and select atlas models. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show already in progress. Folks, my first guest is a veteran journalist who has served as chief White House Correspondent<\/a> for cbs and cohosted cbs this morning. She now takes the helm as anchor of the cbs evening news. Please welcome Norah Odonnell<\/a> cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back. Thank you stephen good to see you again. Congratulations on your first week. Thank you. Stephen anchoring the cbs evening news. Thats pretty heavy stuff. But be honest, after seven years on the morning show, did you take this job just so you can sleep in . laughter that was part of the calculation, yes, to be able to have breakfast with my children. Stephen im joking, but it cant be insignificant, you get back on a human schedule. You know, good friends with everybody at cbs this morning, but it is a grind getting up so early in the morning, but now i get up at 5 00 a. M. , which is considered sleeping in. Stephen oh, lazy bones laughter first of all, how has the first week been . Did you get a good band because ewhen youre host ag show, you have to have a good band. Are you available . applause stephen whats the biggest difference for you so far . You know, its 30 minutes, so its jam packed with news, and this is a legacy broadcast. Stephen from two hours to 30 minutes. Yeah, so its kind of Appointment Television<\/a> at 6 30. If you dont have a lot of time, tune in at 6 30 p. M. Also on your mobile device. laughter stephen oh, wow. You guys are on the mobile device now. Yeah, were on it. Stephen okay, thats good. But for me, a journalist of 20 years, its a legacy broadcast. Stephen who was the first woman you saw anchoring . Because youre the only third solo anchor of a evening news broadcast to be a woman. Whos the first female journalist you saw and admired . I grew up in a military family, agree up all over the world and news meant a lot. I was talking to Family Friends<\/a> and it really was Barbara Walters<\/a>. applause and one of my friends from cant is actually here tonight in the audience. cheering yay and they reminded me i actually used to call them up and leave a message on their machine, hi, its Barbara Walters<\/a>, im calling you for an interview. So even as a young girl, i was imitating barbarwalters and wanted to be like barbar Barbara Walters<\/a> because she was the most powerful woman on television. Stephen my woman had a book about how to ask anyone practically anything. I want to ask you, how do you get yourself to ask the person who doesnt want to answer that question, the question they dont want to hear, what do you do before you ask that question thats going to get their back up . I treat them with respect, al d cheers and applause i think its the heart of great conversation and great relationships is trust and integrity, so i do tons and tons of research, i think 90 of getting the right answer is asking the right question, but if i treat someone with respect and then ask them a tough question, which you know i like to do, but do it respectfully, i can usually get a good answer. Stephen well, this news seat that youre in right now is the most storied one on television. This is the house that cronkite built. Yes. Stephen what does that job mean to you . It means an incredible amount. I have been reading Walter Cronkites<\/a> biography. He held the post for more than 20 years, was known as the most trusted man in america, the most trusted voice. One to have the things he said is journalism is what we need to make demock se work. cheers and applause and i so firmly believe that in my bones about having an informed electorate and also having a trusted news source. You know, i think there are lots of sources out there of affirmation, but we provide information on the cbs evening news. cheers and applause stephen what will success look like to you . Success means, you know, winning reputationly, and it means people come to our broadcast and play it straight. They play a ball a ball, a strike a trike, i trust them, they do Important News<\/a> and not only point out abuse and corruption but also point out whats going right in america, people who are doing Great Service<\/a> in their communities and well tell those kinds of stories. So i want to have a broadcast about integrity. Thats important having an informed electorate that will go to the polls and make the right choices. cheers and applause stephen well, you got some praise. Speaking of calling a ball a ball and strike a strike, you got praise monday for being the only one of the major news broadcasters to describe Donald Trumps<\/a> tweets about the squad as racist. What was the editorial process, what was the decision, how was that reached . Because no one else did that. Beyond looking at it and going, oh, thats racist, what was the decision . Right, and we looked at the history of those words and the context of those words. Stephen mean go back to where you came from . Yes, to go back. I think if you are a person of color and a minority, thats a phrase youve probably heard in your lifetime and its a very hurtful phrase, and its an historically racist trope. We called them racist tweets. We didnt call the president a racist. We didnt label him. We called the context of what these remarks are. Stephen he might have found those remarks anyplace and just accidentally tweeted them. laughter knows where they came from. And were reporting that, after the president used a rally in North Carolina<\/a> to repeat those phrases and then that the crowd shouted it back, that he received his wife melania told him to stop, ivanka told him to stop, a number of Congressional Republicans<\/a> went to the Vice President<\/a> and told him this should not become a rallying cry at political rallies but thats gone too far. Stephen might be too late because the crowd seemed to enjoy it. He has created an atmosphere he might not be able to control. Thats why i think journalism is so incredibly important, what we do, it e exposes us to the mistakes people made, it causes other people to hold them accountable, all of that information is incredibly key. Stephen when you sign off the show, so far your signoff has been and that is the cbs evening news. And cronkite that his thats the way it is and people search for a way to say goodbye. I understand we have some of the choices that didnt make the cut for your signoff here and i was hoping you could take us through some of the things you decided not to say during the end of your broadcast. How did you get ahold of these . Stephen we made em up. laughter t there. Miiving ose at th e youeayod night. Camera 3, youre a fine broadcaster, there. Okay. This is from Stephen Colbert<\/a>. Stephen these are the rejected signoffs that Norah Odonnell<\/a> did not want to say. Im Norah Odonnell<\/a> and you cant make this stuff up, folks. laughter stephen that would have been good. That would have been good. This one . Good night and good luck with all that. laughter im Norah Odonnell<\/a>, and that norah odoes it. laughter stephen pretty good. Pretty good. Thats good. And that is the cbs evening news. Wow, i need a drink. cheers and applause stephen the cbs evening news airs nightly Norah Odonnell<\/a>, everybody well be right back with topher grace cheers and applause band playing vo the hamsters, run hopelessly in their cage. Content on their endless quest, to nowhere. But perhaps this year, a more exhilarating endeavor awaits. Defy the laws of human nature,at the summer of audi sales event. Get exceptional offers now. I had no idea that my grandfatherfe changing moment for me. Was a federal judge in guatemala. He was an advocate for the people. A voice for the voiceless. Bring your Family History<\/a> to life like never before. Get started for free at ancestry. Com hilda, i like the new do. Got some layers in there, huh . The more, the merrier. Got to have this stuff in the morning. Oh, thats too hot. Act your age. Get your own insurance company. Carlo, why dont you start us with a little bit of cereal . You can spread it all around the table. And were gonna split the warm hot dog. And ill have a glass of grape juice to spill on the carpet. Oh, uh, do you want some to spill . Act your age. Get your own insurance company. Oh, uh, do you want some to spill . Applebees all you can eatis now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. Whooo want to take your next vacation to new heights . Tripadvisor now lets you book over a hundred thousand tours, attractions, and experiences in destinations around the world like new york from bus tours, to breathtaking adventures, tripadvisor makes it easy to find and book Amazing Things<\/a> to do. And you can cancel most bookings up to 24 hours in advance for a full refund. So you can make your next trip. Monumental read reviews check hotel prices book things to do tripadvisor cheers and applause band playing stephen ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, my friends, my friends and you are my friends welcome back to the show. You know my next guest from that 70s show, blackkklansman and black mirror. Please welcome topher grace cheers and applause band playing hello. cheers and applause stephen welcome to the show thank you. Im such a huge fan of the show. Thanks for having me on. Stephen thank you very much. We were saying backstage a while ago you and i met briefly in the lobby of the daily show way back when. At year wld that have stephenas still its embry then. What you guys did for the show, i loved it so much. Lets give it up for the daily show. cheers and applause stephen now, youre in the latest season of black mirror. Youre playing the head of a social Media Company<\/a> like of a Global Social<\/a> media big deal. Heres a photo of you in a bathrobe, apparently. Yeah. Stephen out in the desert talking on a satellite phone. I have a man bun. Stephen is this based on anyone . Yeah, kind of. There are a lot of figures stephen is it jack dorsey, twitter . Well, its weird. Before i played david duke, id never stephen blackkklansman, david duke. Yeah, thank you. applause but its new to me. Im usually playing fictional characters. To play someone america knows was daunting, and im not someone like when i did saturday night live, they said do you do any impressions, at the beginning of the week, and i said, huhoh, this is going to be a long week. Stephen do you do any impressions . Do i one, and my wife helped me realize it, whenever we watch back to theat the whole thing, i slip into doing marty mcfly. Stephen so you do michael j. Fox. Which camera . This one . Thats it. cheers and applause stephen wow can we run that back . I do a little bit of the voice. He goes, like, eh, doc, are you telling me that you built a time machine out of delorean . cheers and applause stephen thats okay, beautiful. I hate to tie back to the future to white supremacy, but that gave me the courage. Stephen somebody had to. laughter you said you did david duke in blackkklansman, and thats a heavy role, and this is kind of a very dak role youre doing in black mirror. What do you do to lighten things up . I know where youre going with this, stephen. Stephen i hope so. I have the nerdiest hobby of all time which i tweeted about so its my fault, but i cut down movies. I was in a film that i produced and i had never been in the editing room before and, you know, actors, they dont know whats going on in the editing room. I always figured, whats taking you guys so long . And it turns out its really difficult. I gave terrible notes. So, as my penance, i bought an editing machine on ebay and taught myself to edit. I dont want to edit anything on end, but i wanted to take movies that i respected. Stephen anything i know . I know where youre going with this. Stephen you edit the hobbit . You edit all three to have the hobbit films. Some might say its not really enough for three films. Would you say that. Stephen i would never say that. Come on, stephen. Stephen i would never say that. Lord of the rings is based on how many pages . Stephen about 1500 pages. I knew you would say that. And the hobbit based on what . Stephen mid 200s, Something Like<\/a> that. Yeah, i dont know, so laughter stephen how long is your hobbit . His is nine hours long. Thats not the question you want to ask me. Stephen im the master of the spy network in lake town, a crucial, critical character in the second movie the desolation of smog starring Stephen Colbert<\/a> as the spy master of lake town. Its maybe 15 seconds, right . Stephen is it still in your bleep im so sorry im so sorry we had to cut it im sorry stephen what . You cut it . Im so sorry. Heres what happened, stephen when you get into the editing room and you have all these choices. Stephen i get it. Okay. All right. Thats all we have time for, topher, im afraid. I want to say, you have a new podcast called minor adventures with topher grace. laughter first of all, you look fantastic. Thanks, yeah. Stephen what is a minor adventure, topher grace . Could i see that for a second . This is me just kind of getting into the gym, because im a dedicated actor, so just kind of wailing away on this and these, and after, back down. Stephen all goes away after the photo shoot. What is a minor adventure. A minor adventure, i have a friend of mine, usually celebrity, and then we talk a little bit, they dont know whats going to happen. And we go on an adventure. Like someone gave us a lie detector, or zach levi came in, ordained and we married the couple. Stephen what was the lie you were caught in . Yeah, they said because your baby was only a year old at that time, they said have you ever pretended to be asleep. Stephen when the baby cries . Yes, and when your wife got up. I said i even thought i was telling the truth. I said, no, i always hop right up, and the thing went buzzer and i said, yeah, thats a lie. Stephen lets do it more frequently. You can watch black mirrors smithereens on netflix and listen to his podcast, minor adventures with topher grace. Topher grace, everybody well be right back with comedian Ahamed Weinberg<\/a>. cheers and applause band playing stop dancing around the pain that keeps you up again, and again. Advil pm silences pain, and you sleep the whole night. Advil pm fifty percent off storewide, with new deals every single day plus earn ten dollars off your next purchase when you buy online and pick up in store im here for my denim tune up. Now, at old navy. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Using multiple cleaners on grease can be expensive, and sometimes ineffective. For better value, tackle grease with dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. 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Plus save even more on your home purchase plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores this weekend. At kohls. Were going all in thion strawberries. Ra, at their reddest, ripest, they make everything better. Like our strawberry poppyseed salad and new strawberry summer caprese salad. Strawberry season is here. Panera. Food as it should be. For people 50 and older colat average risk. Ing honey have you seen my glasses . Ive always had a knack for finding things. Colon cancer, to be exact. And i find it noninvasively. No need for time off or special prep. It all starts here. You collect your sample, and cologuard uses the dna in your stool to find 92 of colon cancers. You can always count on me to know where to look. Oh, i found them i can do this test now ask your doctor if cologuard is right for you. Covered by medicare and most major insurers. Shes staying in a rainforestya plane to omaha. And shes zip lining with little jon . What its lil jon. Even he knows that. Thanks, captain obvious. Youre with big jon. Im steve. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a standup comedian and creator of please understand me on amazon prime. Please welcome Ahamed Weinberg<\/a> cheers and applause band playing oh, my god whew honestly, thats a bit much. I appreciate it, though. laughter my name is ahamed, sorry to confuse you. laughter i was raised muslim, and a lot of people are scared of muslims right now, i think because our names are longer. Thats my theory. You know, in america, we like short names. You know, you meet someone, theyre, like, hi, im bob. Youre, like, thank god. Bob, good name. Its over before its started. You meet a muslim its lake hello, im Muhamad Latif<\/a> albadibri. Its like, i dont have time for that. And they have majestic meanings, my name means prophet plucked like a petal of a rose and marinate under the mango tree for 20 years. Americans are, like, my name is frank, so that means hot dog. applause yeah. This is my buddy john, that means toilet. laughter and this is my friend lou, that means toilet. Its just hot dog or toilet, if you need to guess. laughter i do love living here in america, though. Every city i go to, i do the same thing. I get really high, and i go to the museum, and i just touch all the paintings. laughter and thats something you can do. I dont know if you know that, but you can just touch it. And they cant stop you. Theres a guy there. Hes, like, sir, you cant touch that. But i did, you know. laughter i touch every painting here, so. laughter i like to go to the museum and touch the paintings, then i go to the Hard Rock Cafe<\/a> right after. Yeah, thats a perfect day, you know. Because theres nothing preventing you from touching a picasso at the museum, but at the Hard Rock Cafe<\/a>, sammy hagars belt is behind bulletproobullet bulletproof. applause thats what we care about, were, like, you protect that belt. America is beautiful. We have things here called corn mazes. laughter that doesnt exist anywhere else. There are stafferring countries, and were, like, were getting lost in our food. laughter we have been in here all day. We cant get out. laughter im pretty woke. I dont know if you can tell. Im actually not. Im pretty dumb. But i play it off, you know. If youre dumb and you want to seem smart, just be quiet. laughter just a tip. applause ill tell you why. Ill tell you why, because people think quiet people are smart. You know, ill be at a party and everyone is talking politics, im silent, and theyre, like, oh, hes coming up with something. No, im just counting my teeth with my tongue. That the all im doing. laughter everyones, like, how does trump get away with that . Im, like, why are my pockets full of crumbs . laughter im not eating enough chips to warrant all the crumbs. laughter i do try to read, though. Thats something i do. I just finished the diary of anne frank, which is an amazing book. You know what it made me realize . That women are more mature than men. That is true. cheers and applause yeah, especially at 13. laughter especially when anne frank is hiding from nazis and going through puberty and articulating it in this way, its so positive, it gives you hope. All i can think of when im reading this is if this was a dudes diary this would suck. laughter like, if it was thery of frank frank laughter it wouldnt be the testament to the power of the human will. The diary of frank frank would be, like, every day, dear diary, no school today, hell, yeah laughter this war is awesome laughter every other page would have, like, cartoon s from middle school. laughter like theres a drawing of goku here that didnt exist yet. Hes, like, my name means hot doghot dog. Thats pretty cool. laughter racism is a big problem in america, too. I think white people say racial slurs sometimes because theyre jealous, like its a word they cant say, and theyre, like, we should say every word im here to tell you, if youre white, theres something we can say no other race can say, and thats were the only race that can call things bad boys. laughter i dont know if you follow. laughter like hdmi cables . laughter plug a couple of those bad boys in oh, yeah applause now youre white. Now youre doing it, you know . Maybe get a keurig masine mae get some k cups, throw a couple of those bad boys in there. Thats our culture. Thats what we have. All right, ive got to wrap this bad boy up. Thank you very honey, this gigspeed internet is ridiculously fast. We are seriously keeping up with the joneses. Keeping up with the fords. Keeping up with the garcias. The romeros. Patels. The wahhthewahh wolanskes. Right. No one is going to have internet like this. Xfinity makes keeping up with the joneses simple. Easy. Awesome. Want gigspeed internet . Weve got you covered. Or check out our other amazing speed options. Get started now for as low as 29. 99 a month for 12 months. Click, call or visit a store today. Stephen hey, thats it for the late show, everybody tune in tomorrow when my guests will be john oliver and joe namath. Good night cheers and applause theme song playing captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group<\/a> at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the great","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"archive.org","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","width":"800","height":"600","url":"\/\/ia803009.us.archive.org\/31\/items\/KPIX_20190719_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert\/KPIX_20190719_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert.thumbs\/KPIX_20190719_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert_000001.jpg"}},"autauthor":{"@type":"Organization"},"author":{"sameAs":"archive.org","name":"archive.org"}}],"coverageEndTime":"20240716T12:35:10+00:00"}