Pod babies. I will now take questions by latching on to your face. Odonnell its the show with Stephen Stephen. Tonight hot mess, plus stephen welcomes john oliver and joe namath, featuring jon jon and banstay human. Now. Live on tape from the Theater Theater in new york city, its Stephen StephenSteven Colbert cheers and applause reporter oplease, have a se. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host stephen colbert. Thats a friday crowd right there. I hope everybody is cuddled up with a loved one tonight and then shoving them away because its too damn hot. Because the country is in the middle of a massive heat wave. This week it has been 90 degrees or warmer for nearly 90 of americans. Let me put it this way if you know anyone who uses natural deodorant, no longer know them. laughter if youre wondering what that kind of heat looks like on a map, check it out. In fact, if you zoom in, youll see new jersey is now just a flamin hot cheeto. laughter of course, some of the heat this week comes from trump stoking the flames of racial hatred, with his baseless attacks on women of color in congress. Its put a lot of strain on one persecuted group trumps factcheckers. laughter this week, cnns daniel dale told us a trick of the trade for factchecking trump. According to dale, if trump uses the word sir, its a telltale sign trump is being dishonest. The other telltale sign he is talking. laughter cheers and applause watch for that. Watch for that. Apparently, the word sir seems to pop into trumps head more frequently when he is inventing or exaggerating a conversation. as trump then the queen said, arise, sir trump, knight of england and lord of hogwarts. laughter applause but trump better watch out, cause there are 25 democrats trying to keep us from ever calling him sir again. Ill tell you all about it in tonights doin it donkey style. Tax the rich cheers and applause stephen first democratic candidate metaphysical guru marianne williamson, seen here learning she cant bring her emotional support lemur onto the debate stage. laughter on monday, in los angeles, williamson spoke to a crowd of several hundred, including people in flower crowns and mickey mouse ears decked out as giant purple orbs. So now we know what unites williamsons supporters theyve all had sex on the Coachella Ferris wheel. They have a ferris wheel at coachella . Yeah. Is it roomy . ve never been on the ferris wheel. But you have been to coachella, yes. Why havent you been on the ferris wheel. Im not interested. Not interested in wheels . Particular, but especially coachella. Bring a lot of hand sanitizer. And she led her own audience chant a brief callandresponse and so it is, she murmured. And so it is, the audience echoed. How refreshing to hear a chant at murmurvolume. laughter maybe trump should try it. as trump very quietly send her back. Send her back. I receive your hatefilled screaming with gratitude. laughter williamson did seem aware that people think she is a little kooky, saying, coming back to los angeles always gives me a sense of soul base. I think like so many people here think. You dont actually think youre wacky when youre here. You just think like everyone else. laughter as williamson in los angeles, im not crazy. Im just a woman, standing on a street corner, asking if anyone knows where i can buy some organic placenta capsules. laughter and so it is. laughter cheers and applause you have to murmur it. Very few punch lines in this job that you murmur. Theres also news about vermont senator and man pointing to where the squirrels got into the airshaft, bernie sanders. Bernie has gotten some big celebrity endorsements, perhaps none bigger than rapper cardi b, who once told her fans to vote for daddy bernie. Ooh she called him daddy. I think this makes him what the kids call a zaddy. Or, more accurately, a zandpa. This week, bernie was asked to respond to cardis support, and he said this whats your message for cardi b and her followers . Well, first of all, i thank her very much for her support. I spoke to her a few weeks ago. She is very sharp and understands a lot about politics and a lot about history and i am very appreciative to have her support. Stephen cardi and bernie its the mashup of the century as bernie look, i dont dance now, i make money moves. In fact, id like to move money from the billionaire class to the 99 . cause im a boss in a skirt, im a dog, im a flirt, and its high time we had medicare for all you broke hos. I know a bad bitch when i see one. Tell riri i need a threesome. Cheers and applause piano riff hey, comicon has started out in san diego, and fans got a treat, its a whole new era of toys in comiccon right now. cheers and applause and the fans got a real treat when tom cruise surprised everyone with top gun maverick trailer. Well, i watched the trailer online, and not to nitpick, but they seemed to have strayed pretty far from the original. Apparently, maverick is now played by judi dench as a giant cat. Jennifer hudson sings a big im sorry. Im being told i watched the trailer for cats. Im sorry. I always mix those two up because they were both written by andrew lloyd weber. Okay. Lets watch some of the actual trailer. The end is inevitable maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction. Maybe so, sir. But not today stephen wow, a cocky tom cruise, motorcycles, shirtless volleyball, singing in a bar, fancy jet maneuvers. I gotta say, im on board for. Watching the original top gun again. I have the bluray at home, the candy there is free, and the floor is just as sticky. laughter of course, the biggest trendbuzz this week is the social media craze, faceapp. You upload a photo of yourself and it shows you what youd look like way older. Everyones been doing it lebron james, drake, mindy kaling, and even yours truly. cheers and applause got to say, not bad. Hello, zandpa. laughter now, this is the only fun thing happening this week. So of course, theres a nefarious dark side. Turns out, by using the app, you grant the company a perpetual, irrevocable and worldwide license to use a users photos, name or likeness in practically any way they see fit. So, congratulations to the new official spokesperson of k. F. C. Lebanon old you. And one of the big reasons this has people worried is faceapp was developed by russians. Oh, come on, whats the worst they can do with all that data . Theyve already elected donald trump. What are they gonn, oh, they can do that . laughter i didnt realize. Okay. There might be nothing to worry about. There might be nothing to worry about because, while app was developed by russians, its servers are based in Amazon Data Centers in the u. S. Oh, shoo so putin doesnt have my photos. Theyre just in the hands of a massive, shadowy empire run by a bald tyrant with his own space program. But some people are worried, such as the people over at the Democratic National committee, which this week warned president ial campaigns against using faceapp and urged Campaign Staff to delete the app immediately. Aw, man, the candidates were having so much fun check out what Pete Buttigieg looks like in 50 years cheers and applause 40, actually. Its 40 years. Looks good. Looks good. applause so it looks like faceapp is just too risky. Besides, people are already into a fun new app that asks for nothing, other than your most intimate private data. Jim . Say hello to pony points. Just look for your deepest darkest secret in your phone, something that would destroy your life if it ever came into the light, and well give you a free picture of a pony in the summer of 2011 i stopped at a bar outside of town and got into it with this guy and beat him right there in the parking lot. I just drove off. Dont even know if hes alive. This is who i am. neighing hey, a pony pony points. We own you now stephen weve got a great show for you tonight john oliver is here stick around brea cheers and applause band playing hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Savnew sheets. A bissell an vacuum. And save on nikes forp the family. Plus save even more on your home purchase plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores this weekend. At kohls. carrying up to 50 times its tbody weight. Essly marches on. It never questions the tasks at hand. But this year, theres a more thrilling path to follow. father kids. Change of plans vo defy the laws of human nature. At the summer of audi sales event get exceptional offers now depend® fitflex underwear for all day fun. Features maximum absorbency, ultra soft fabric and new beautiful designs for your best comfort and protection guaranteed. Lifes better when youre in it. Be there with depend®. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show ladies and gentlemen, oh, what a treat for these people, jon, theyre going to love this. The excitement in this room is palpable because my first guest tonight is the host of last week tonight. He now stars in disneys the lion king, please welcome john oliver cheers and applause band playing good evening. Good evening to you. cheers and applause stephen hello. Hello, john oliver. Hello, stephen. Stephen john oliver. Yes, stephen. A fellow traveler of the daily show world, host of your own show, youre a standup comedian. True. Stephen but now, now you are a star thats right. Stephen of a disney thats right. Stephen major motion picture. Thats right. Stephen the lion king. Im a movie star. Im a movie star. cheers and applause stephen youre more than that. Yeah . Stephen youre a Disney Princess now. Thats right. Im a gigantic movie star. Stephen yeah. As of today. Stephen right. And things are going to change around here. laughter my personality is shifting under my feet. Stephen right. Im going to get jacked. Stephen flex. Im going to develop a debilitating cocaine habit. Stephen not at first. Thats right. Stephen supercharge it im going to get so much done im going to buy a monster truck. Stephen a collection, have a garage filled with monster trucks. Im sure disney is happy i said the word cocaine two minutes into the interview. Stephen pretty exciting. Abc is owned by disney. But thats okay. I dont care. Have you been to disney world . No. Stephen really, have i . You would know. I guess not. Oh i did i did laughter i did a standup gig there once stephen you did standup at disney world . Florida. Stephen world. It was a mistake for everybody concerned. laughter because i think if you are at disney world, the last thing that you want in that atmosphere of magic and Anything Possible is a comedian telling you that the world is going bleep . laughter disney and i had Different Things that we wanted to do with peoples evenings. Stephen yes. They have that ride there. Its a bleep world after all. Thats right. laughter cheering if there was a british disney world, it would be just someone sitting in a dark room saying just think about the fact everything is gone now. Sit there and wait for the release of death. Stephen you may zazoo who is the secretary to m mufasa, right . You said mustasa. I thought ill let that slide and you will correct yourself, because i was about to. laughter ive never introduced the clip. Stephen never . No, because ive never been in movies. Stephen you in the love guru, do not try to pretend youve never been in a movie. Nice try. After you stephen i admit it. This is mutual destruction here. A double edged blade. No, no, let me set it off stephen i thought you were going to roll the love guru. Ive seen this happen so many times on your show. Stephen let me set it up. You have the new movie th the n king. It was a very first time on on set, the cast is close. Stephen glover is funny. We have a clip here. Do you know what this is . Oh, i dont know what it is. I dont know. I mean, i think its zazoo or something hes talking to m mooa or mustasa. Morning, zazoo, you have the Morning Report . Yes, sir, ten flamingos are taking a stand. Two ji raves were caught naked, the buzz from the bee, the birds tweeting four in the morning. Stay low to the ground. I got this. Check the wind, the shadows, wait for the Perfect Moment to pounce. Cheaters never prosper. Thats what i say. Ill say it again, cheaters never aaahhh cheers and applause very exciting. Very exciting. Stephen amazing. Yeah. Stephen while that clip was rolling, you said to me i havent seen this. No, i havent seen this. Stephen you havent seen the movie . Ive seen clips while we were talking about it but i havent seen that clip, so thats very, very exciting. laughter this is my actually excited face. Stephen so with this amazing cast and theres this beautiful photo, i dont know where this is from. What is this from, vanity fair or something . Its just a general stephen theres the most beautiful cast here, everybody there. And let me show you this. Im going to ask you a question, a lot of speculation. Heres you. Thats me. Stephen right there, okay. Yeah. Stephen and theres beyonce. Thats right. Stephen who plays nala, the Love Interest for simba. And theres a lot of legislation here that everybody else in this photo could you go back to this photo, please . A little bit wired, please . There you go. Everybody in this photo is actually there except not beyonce. People are speculating she was photo shopped in. Right. Stephen and youre right next to her. Yeah. Stephen can you tell us whether she was there. Yeah, she wasnt there. Stephen she wasnt there. He was there isnt, no. Stephen was everybody else there . I think almost everyone else was there. We were setting up the shot and we were sitting in the front and she said you need to be careful where your foot is. I looked down and there was a piece of tape with beyonces name on it. A literal electric reaction, oh bleep just the future presence of beyonce was so intimidating. If you look at my face in there, i look really intimidated, and thats because what im doing is imagining that i am about to be put into a photo with beyonce one day, and that was nerve racking enough. Stephen i can tell right here because look at the gap, look how much room. Yeah. Stephen thats the biggest gap of anybody in this photograph. Only appropriate. Theres only appropriate there was a significant gap between me and the actual queen. laughter stephen wow wow cheers and applause i didnt think it was that controversial. If youhead a choice between beyonce and Queen Elizabeth i ii stephen have you met Queen Elizabeth ii . Of course not, im a peasant stephen they troop you guys in every so often and they say, we want to see this one. No, the whole british cast is set up so they will never be in the same place. Stephen back with more john oliver right there cheers and applause band playing 12k3w4r50 eu6r7b8g9s this summer at panera, were going all in on strawberries. At their reddest, ripest, they make everything better. Like our strawberry poppyseed salad and new strawberry summer caprese salad. Strawberry season is here. Panera. Food as it should be. Here i go again on my own goin down the only road ive ever known like a drifter i was born to walk alone youre a drifter . I thought you were kevins dad. Little bit of both. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. 15 minutes could save you 15 or more. But we were made to move. So move more live more degree motionsense made to move. With advanced automotive technology, available on the nissan rogue, youll be equipped to help protect the moments that matter most. This is tech that gives you confidence. This is nissan intelligent mobility. And you score the you knperfect outfit . At ross ooooohhhh game on now, thats yes for less. Nothing beats getting the latest trends at 20 to 60 percent off Specialty Store prices. At ross. Yes for less. And realize you can get youeverything you need. Oss oh, yeah. Yep. Yes . To feel like a boss . Thats yes for less. 20 to 60 percent off Specialty Store prices for every room and every budget. At ross. Yes for less. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody were here with our dear friend john oliver. Big soccer summer. Yeah, for sure, if you want to use that word, yeah. Stephen it was an excellent season for foot ball. Team. Magnificent. Stephen but just as important to you or perhaps even more so. Yeah. Tephen what does that mean . Champions league, were the champions of europe. It was amazing, absolutely amazing. They are a wonderful team, liverpool, with a very charismatic manager. Stephen whats your connection to liverpool. My whole family is from liverpool. Not me. You get grandfathered in. The one thing i could do with my whole life is supporting liverpool. Im passing it to my children now. Stephen tell me whats going on here. Because theyre doing a preseason tour of america and so they brought the european cup to my office and that is about as happy as i ever get. cheers and applause it was absolutely magic. I texted i texted that photo to my wife and she responded thats the happiest ive ever seen you in a photo, and im afraid shes right. laughter stephen wedding pictures dont match . This is more exciting. Also im pretty sure i could lift a sporting trophy but i think all sports would be better if that was the case. Stephen does it feel good . It was heavy, but you have to factor in my upper body strength, so it might be light. laughter stephen thats true. How long was your love of liverpool. My first thought as a child. I better support liverpool or ill anger father. laughter stephen was that a frequent concern . Sure, yes. Stephen i need some u. K. Political advice or knowledge. Can you give me a little bit of that . Sure. What do you want to know . It looks like going great. Thats the kind of nutshell version of it for you. Its chaotic and its about to get worse. Stephen in some ways im kind of off the caring of what happens with brect train because its taken so long. Let me know when it implodes or doesnt. Yes, thats fair. Stephen but im interested in who the next Prime Minister is going to be because the leading guy is Boris Johnson. Right. Stephen tell me about him because he looks like a failed clone of donald trump. Right. Stephen like they tri