Latching on to your face. Announcer its the late show with stephen colbert. Tonight hot mess plus, stephen welcomes john oliver. And joe namath. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen hey hello cheers and applause please, have a seat. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, stephen colbert. cheers and applause its friday. Thats a friday crowd right there. I hope everybody is cuddled up with a loved one tonight and then shoving them away because its too damn hot. laughter because the country is in the middle of a massive heat wave. This week, it has been 90 degrees or warmer for nearly 90 of americans. Let me put it this way if you know anyone who uses natural deodorant, no longer know them. laughter now, if youre wondering what that kind of heat looks like on a map, check it out. There it is. In fact, if you zoom in, youll see new jersey is now just a flamin hot cheeto. laughter yeah. Looks good. Of course, some of the heat this week comes from trump stoking the flames of racial hatred, with his baseless attacks on women of color in congress. Its put a lot of strain on one persecuted group trumps fact checkers. laughter this week, cnns daniel dale told us a trick of the trade for factchecking donald trump. According to dale, if trump uses the word sir, its a telltale sign trump is being dishonest. The other telltale sign when he is talking. laughter apparently cheers and applause watch for that. Watch for that. Apparently, the word sir seems to pop into trumps head more frequently when he is inventing or exaggerating a conversation. as trump then the queen said, arise, sir trump, knight of england and lord of all hogwarts. laughter cheers and applause but trump better watch out, cause there are 25 democrats trying to keep us from ever calling him sir again. And ill tell you all about it in tonights doin it donkey style. Tax the rich cheers and applause stephen first up on donkey style, democratic candidate metaphysical guru marianne williamson, seen here learning she cant bring her emotional support lemur onto the debate stage. laughter now, on monday in los angeles, williamson spoke to a crowd of several hundred, including people in flower crowns and mickey mouse ears decked out as giant purple orbs. laughter so now we know what unites williamsons supporters theyve all had sex on the Coachella Ferris wheel. laughter and they have a ferris wheel at coachella . Do they have a ferris wheel at coachella . Jon yeah. Stephen is it roomy . Jon ive never been on it. Stephen youve never been, okay. Jon ive never been on the ferris wheel. Stephen but you have been to coachella . Jon yes. Stephen why havent you been on the ferris wheel . Jon im not interested. laughter stephen not interested in ferris wheels . Jon not particular, but especially at coachella. laughter stephen yes, bring a lot of hand sanitizer. But then williamson led her own audience chant a brief call andresponse and so it is, she murmured. And so it is, the audience echoed. laughter thats really refreshing to hear a chant at murmur level. laughter maybe trump should try it. as trump very quietly send her back. Send her back. laughter i receive your hatefilled screaming with gratitude. laughter williamson did seem aware that people think she is a little kooky, saying, coming back to los angeles always gives me a sense of soul base. I think like so many people here think. You dont actually think youre wacky when youre here. You just think like everyone else. laughter as williamson in los angeles, i am not crazy. Im just a woman, standing on a street corner, asking if anyone knows where i can buy some organic placenta capsules. laughter applause and so it is. laughter cheers and applause has to be quiet because you have to murmur it. Jon have to murmur. Stephen have to murmur it. Very few punch lines in this job that you murmur. Then theres also news about vermont senator and man pointing to where the squirrels got into the airshaft laughter bernie sanders. Big celebrity endorsements, perhaps none bigger than rapper cardi b, who once told her fans to vote for daddy bernie. Ooh oh, she called him daddy. I think this makes him what the kids call a zaddy. Or, more accurately, a zandpa. laughter this week, bernie was asked to respond to cardi bs support, and he said this whats your message for cardi b and her followers . Well, first of all, i thank her very much for her support. I spoke to her a few weeks ago. She is very sharp and understands a lot about politics and a lot about history, and i am very appreciative to have her support. Stephen its cardi and bernie its the mashup of the century as bernie look, i dont dance now, i make money moves. In fact laughter id like to move money from the billionaire class to the 99 . cause im a boss in a skirt, im a dog, im a flirt. And it is high time we had medicare, its high time we had medicare for all you broke hos. I know a bad bitch when i see one. Tell riri i need a three. ch cheers and applause hey, Comiccon Comiccon has started out in san diego. Theyve got great new toys. Its a whole new era of toys in comiccon right now. cheers and applause a whole new era. And the fans got a real treat when tom cruise surprised everyone with top gun maverick trailer. Well, i watched the trailer online, and not to nitpick, but they seemed to have strayed pretty far from the original. Apparently, maverick is now played by judi dench as a giant cat and Jennifer Hudson sings a big im sorry . Im being told i watched the trailer for cats. Im sorry. laughter i always mix those two up because they were both written by andrew lloyd weber. Okay. Lets watch some of the actual trailer. The end is inevitable, maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction. Maybe so, sir. But not today. jet engine stephen wow a cocky tom cruise, motorcycles, shirtless volleyball, singing in a bar, fancy jet maneuvers. I got to say, im on board for watching the original top gun again. laughter ap jon thats a great movie. Stephen the candy at my house is free and the floor is just as sticky. laughter dia craze, faceapp. T trend ts you upload p showsou what youd lookay oer. Everybodys been doing it lebron james, drake, mindy kaling, me. cheers and applause got to say, not bad. Hello, zandpa. laughter now, this is the only fun thing that happened this entire week. So, of course, theres a nefarious dark side. Turns out, by using the app, you grant the company a perpetual, irrevocable and worldwide license to use a users photos, name, or likeness in practically any way they see fit. So, congratulations to the new official spokesperson of k. F. C. Lebanon old you. laughter and one of the big reasons this has people worried is, faceapp was developed by russians. Oh, come on, whats the worst thing they can do with all that personal data . Theyve already elected donald trump. What are they gonna do, re elect him . Oh, they can do that . I didnt realize. Okay. There might be nothing to worry about booing there might be nothing to worry about because, while the app was developed by russians, its servers are based in Amazon Data Centers in the u. S. Oh, phew laughter so putin doesnt have my photos. Theyre just in the hands of a massive, shadowy empire run by a bald tyrant with his own space program. laughter but some people are worried, such as the people over at the Democratic National committee, which this week warned president ial campaigns against using faceapp and urged Campaign Staff to delete the app immediately. Aw, man, the candidates were having so much fun check out what Pete Buttigieg looks like in 50 years laughter so cheers and applause 40, actually. Its 40 years looks good. He looks good. So it looks like faceapp is just too risky. Besides, people are already into a fun new app that asks for nothing, other than your most intimate private data. Jim . Say hello to pony points. Just whisper your deepest darkest secret into your phone, something that would destroy your life if it ever came into the light, and well give you a free picture of a pony in the summer of 2011, i stopped at a bar outside of town and i got into it with this guy and beat him right there in the parking lot. And i just drove off. Dont even know if hes alive. Is that who i am . neighing hey, a pony pony points we own you now. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight john oliver is here stick around cheers and a wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. drulld the cord for longestlasting aa battery goes to. cymbal crash energizer ultimate lithium. Guinness World Records title holder for longestlasting aa battery. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. For fast pain relief. whispers how about one that boots up fast . Its switching time. Hows that for fast . Switch to booting up as fast as six seconds switch to chromebook some big news from mr. Clean. Stop struggling to clean tough messes with sprays. Try new clean freak it has three times the cleaning power of the leading spray to dissolve kitchen grease on contact. And its great for bathrooms just keep pumping the power nozzle to release a continuous burst of mist and make quick work of big jobs. It even works on stainless steel. It cuts through 100 of dirt, grease and grime. Available with easytoswap refills. To get three times the cleaning power, try new clean freak from mr. Clean. [ scoffs ] if you say so. Im sorry . What teach here isnt telling you is that snapshot rewards safe drivers with discounts on car insurance. What . Or maybe he didnt know. [ chuckles ] im done with this class. Youre not even enrolled in this class. I know. Im supposed to be in ceramics. Do you know room 303. Oh. Thank you. Yeah. Good luck, everybody. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the late show ladies and gentlemen, oh, what a treat for these people, jon, theyre going to love this. Ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause the excitement in this room is palpable because my first guest tonight is the host of last week tonight. cheers and applause he now stars in disneys the lion king, please welcome john oliver cheers and applause cheers and applause good evening. Good evening to you. cheers and applause stephen hello. Hello. Stephen hello, john oliver. Hello, stephen. Lovely to see you. Stephen john, john, john. John oliver. Yes, stephen. Stephen we have known you as many things. cheers and applause yes. Stephen we americans, your loving fans, have known you as many things. Ive known you as sort of a coworker. Thats right. Stephen a fellow traveler of the daily show world, host of your own show. Host, thats right, yeah. Stephen youre a standup comedian. True. Stephen but now, now you are a star thats right. laughter stephen of a disney yeah, thats right. Stephen major motion picture. Thats right. Stephen the lion king. Yes, im a movie star. Im a movie star now. cheers and applause im a movie star. Stephen youre more than that. Yeah . Stephen youre a Disney Princess now. Thats right. laughter im a gigantic movie star. Stephen yeah. As of today. Stephen right. And things are going to change around here. laughter my personality is shifting under my feet. Stephen right. Im going to get jacked. Stephen flex. Im going to develop a debilitating cocaine habit. laughter stephen not at first. Thats right. Stephen not debilitating at first no, itll supercharge it im going to get so much done im going to buy a monster truck. Thats what they do, right . laughter stephen yeah, sure. A collection of em, have a garage just filled with monster trucks. Im sure disney is happy with the fact ive said the word cocaine two minutes into the interview. laughter stephen yeah. Pretty exciting though. Abc is owned by disney. But i dont care. Disney is amazing. Have you been to disney world . Uh, no. laughter stephen really . Have i . Stephen you would know. You would know. I guess not. laughter oh i did i did laughter and ill tell you why why i forgot was, i did a standup gig there once i think it was stephen you did standup at disney world . World or land . Like, florida or california . Florida. Stephen world. It was a mistake for everybody concerned. laughter because i think if you are at disney world, the last thing that you want in that atmosphere of magic and Anything Possible stephen sure. Is a comedian telling you that the world is going bleep . laughter it really was disney and i had Different Things that we wanted to do with peoples evenings. Stephen yes. Well, they have that ride there. Its a bleep world after all. Thats right. laughter cheering if there if there was a british disney world, it would be just someone sitting in a dark room saying, just think about the fact that everything is gone now. laughter sit there and wait for the release of death. Stephen now, you play zazu. I do, zazu. Stephen who is the secretary to mustafa. Thats right. Stephen mufasa, sorry. laughter its mufasa, right . Its mufasa. You said mustasa. Stephen i did. And i thought ill let that slide and thankfully you corrected yourself, because i was about to. laughter stephen yes. And we have a clip. Ive never introduced the clip. Stephen never . No, because ive never been in movies. Stephen you were in the love guru. Do not try to pretend youve never been in a movie. Thats true, thats true. Stephen nice try. As were you stephen i admit it as were you. As were you. As were you. Stephen i admit it. This is mutual destruction here. Stephen exactly. This is a double edged blade. No, no, no, let me set it off laughter stephen i was going to roll the love guru. laughter ive seen this happen so many times on shows like this. Stephen let me set it up differently then. So, you have the new movie the lion king. I hear great things. Oh, thanks very much. It was a really fun time on set. The cast was very close. laughter stephen i hear Donald Glover is a bit of a prankster. Is that true . Oh, yes. So many pranks. I really love it. This is a good one. Stephen we have a clip here. I dont know do you know what this is . Oh i dont know what it is. laughter i dont know. I mean, i think its zazu or something, hes talking to mufasa or mustafa, as some people like to call him. Ju j stephen im sure its great. Jim, lets see it. Sire morning, zazu. You have the Morning Report . Yes, sire ten flamingos are taking a stand. Two giraffe were caught necking. The buzz from the bees ready for some fun . The birds were tweeting at 4 00 in the morning. Im like, birds, we get it. Stay low to the ground. I got this. Check the wind, the shadows, wait for the Perfect Moment to pounce. Are going ape. Of course, as i say, cheetahs never prosper. Thats what i say. Do you get it . Ill say it again, cheetahs never aaahhh laughter cheers and applause its good very exciting. Very exciting. Stephen amazing. Yeah. The whole thing. Stephen while that clip was rolling, you said to me i havent seen this. No, i havent seen this. Stephen you havent seen the movie . Ive seen some clips while we were recording it, but i havent seen that clip, so thats very, very exciting. laughter stephen wow. This is my actually excited face. Stephen so with this amazing cast and theres this beautiful photo, i dont know where this is from. What is this from, vanity fair or something . No, its just a general stephen theres the most beautiful cast here, everybody there. Yeah. Stephen so let me show you this. Im going to ask you a question. Theres been a lot of speculation. Heres you. Thats right, thats me. Stephen right there, okay. Yeah. Stephen and theres beyonce. Thats right. Stephen who plays nala, the Love Interest for simba. And theres a lot of speculation here that everybody else in this photo jim, could you go back to this photo, please . A little bit wider, please . There you go. Everybody in this photo is actually there except not beyonce. Ahe people are speculating she was photoshopped in. Right. Stephen and youre right next to her. Yeah. Stephen can you tell us whether she was there . Yeah, she wasnt there. Stephen she wasnt there. She wasnt, no. Stephen was everybody else there . I think almost everyone else was there. We were setting up the shot and we were sitting in the front and he said you need to be careful where your foot is. I lookow pie of te on the floorith beyonces name on it. Literally, it was like a literal electric reaction, oh bleep just just the future presence of beyonce was so intimidating. So if you look at my face in there, i look really intimidated, and thats because what im doing is imagining that i am about to be put into a photo with beyonce one day, and that was nerveracking enough. Stephen i can tell right here because, look at the gap, look how much room. Yeah. Stephen thats the biggest gap of anybody in this photograph. Thats only appropriate. Its only appropriate that there was a significant gap between me and the actual queen. laughter stephen happy wow wow cheers and applause it didnt seem like it was that controversial. If you had a choice between beyonce and Queen Elizabeth ii is anyone, including Queen Elizabeth ii, taking the second one . Stephen have you met Queen Elizabeth ii . No, of course i havent, im a peasant stephen they troop you guys in every so often and they say, we want to see this one. No, the whole British Class system is set up so we will never be in the same place. Stephen we have to take a break, but dont go away, well be right back with me john oliver right there cheers and applause band playing g hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Keep being you. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv with three different medicines to help you get to undetectable. That means the amount of virus is so low it cant be measured in lab tests. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supp