Wednesday on the draw draw, right after draw draw draw love island. laughter announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, condemnocrats plus, stephen welcomes sofia vergara. David cross. And musical guest tove lo. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whooo applause lovely. Please, have a seat, everybody. Thank you very much. Very kind. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story cheers and applause the big story, as we all know, is that people are still talking about was trumps tweet about four freshman congresswomen racist . Well, i say if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it probably just told the geese to go back to canada. laughter piano riff so, last night, the house of representatives passed a resolution condemning trump for his racist comments. Thats right, mr. President. A formal condemnation laughter you watch your step, mister. Or next they will hit you with a notarized complaint and then boom, a ceremonial rebuke. laughter now, all the democrats voted for the condemnation, along with four republicans representative fred upton of michigan, susan w. Brooks of indiana, Ryan Fitzpatrick of pennsylvania, and will hurd of texas. Or cheers and applause yeah. Or as they will soon be known, freaky fred, lazy susan, bitchy brian, and, im going to guess the black guy is Frederick Douglass . I dont know. audience reacts jon my goodness. Missed on that one. Stephen now, now, fun fact or fact. I dont know how fun it is. Fun fact. This is the first time that a sitting president has been censured by either house of Congress Since 1912, when the Senate CensuredWilliam Howard taft for eating a congressional page. laughter yeah. But somehow trump somehow saw the vote as a victory, tweeting, so great to see how unified the Republican Party was on todays vote concerning statements i made about four democrat congresswomen. The republican vote was 1874. Wow laughter so great. Yes, we lost, but i covered the spread. Now these four congresswomen are known in washington as. The squad. cheers and applause and trump went after the squad directly, tweeting, they are now the topmost dotdotdot dotdotdotdot visible members of the House Democrats who are now wedded to this bitterness and hate. Wedded to bitterness and hate. You know it is serious when trump starts quoting his marriage vows. laughter cheers and applause and do you . It is a delicate dance for the republicans to defend obvious racism but they make it look easy. laughter and, and stupid. Take, take pennsylvania representative and man whose eyebrows dont match the drapes. laughter mike kelly. Kelly said of democrats, they talk about people of color . Im a person of color. Im white. laughter yeah, yeah im also a minority because there are very few people dumb enough to say what i just said. Mister put em up he stupided on, im an anglo saxon. With a name like mike kelly, you cant be from any place else but ireland. Holy stupid laughter irish people are many things, kelly. One thing they are definitely not is anglosaxons. You know how i know this . If my family were anglosaxons the anglosaxons wouldnt have driven my family off their land to go west of the River Shannon to farm rocks. You are officially kicked out of being irish. Please, turn in your erin go bragh button, your notre dame pendant and your box of lucky charms. Oh, yes. cheers and applause yes. Jon that stereotype, for real . Stephen stereotypes are true, jon. All we eat is lucky charms. laughter we make a spoon out of potato and eat our lucky charms. Jon i believe it. Stephen and from one american of irish ancestry to another, mr. Kelly, we are not people of color. Under this makeup, my skin tone is uncooked calamari, okay . laughter i am translucent. You shine a flashlight on me and a rainbow comes out the other side. laughter but perhaps the dullest knife in the republican drawer is president ial son and man who has got big gums and he cannot lie, eric trump. Here is what eric told the fox friends today. My father is in there and hes fighting every day, he has to fight against the media. And he has to fight against these lunatics and guys, im telling you 95 of this country is behind him in this message. Stephen yeah, 95 laughter im telling you. laughter no. 95 is behind my dad, okay . laughter okay, you better check my math, okay. He lost the popular vote, okay. Jon uhhuh. Stephen lowest Approval Rating of all time. And its a bunny hi, mr. Bunny dad, can i keep him . Wait, come back come back, mr. Bunny. Come back. Come back i love you i love you i love you. laughter they always leave. Scene. cheers and applause theres one big story we havent talked about since coming back from our break, and it is about millionaire financier and guy with a walkin closet just for his skeletons, jeffrey epstein. Epstein was recently arrested and accused of sex trafficking of minors. It is a disturbing story and there is a mountain of evidence that this guy is guilty. Dozens of women have come forward, pornographic images were found in his home and weve learned that to cover his track, he shipped himself a large Paper Shredder and a carpet and tile extractor. Yeah, he bought them at bed, bath and obviously guilty. laughter epstein this is a bit of strange detail here epstein even owns a mysterious private island, which he nicknamed little st. Jeffs. Which locals refer to as pedophile island and orgy island. Huh, that might be a clue. laughter excuse me sir, were investigating a murder in the neighborhood, have you seen any suspicious activity . I havent, might want to check with the guy who lives over at the stabby shack. laughter epstein defended himself back in 2011 saying, i am not a sexual predator. Im an offender. It is the difference between a murderer and a person who steals a bagel. Those are not the same thing. laughter here is how i know. No one has ever come to my door to say hello, i just moved to the neighborhood and im required by the court to inform you that i once stole a cinnamon raisin bagel with a schmear. Epstein has been doing this for decades. Back in the 1970s he taught at the elite private school dalton, where he is known for violating norms in his encounters with girls and wandering the halls in a fur coat, gold chains and an open shirt that exposed his chest. What did he teach . laughter intro to pimping . laughter after he stopped teaching, epstein became a hedgefund manager who rubbed elbows with famous people like bill clinton, woody allen and crown Prince Mohammed bin salman, as well as superstar attorney Alan Dershowitz, who admits to getting a massage at epsteins mansion, but he said it wasnt from an underaged girl but an old, old russian. laughter and, brace yourselves for this detail. I kept my underwear on during the massage. Stephen now laughter some have doubted the truth of dershowitzs story, but in a late show exclusive we have tracked down the woman who massaged Alan Dershowitz. Come on out, shirley shirley, everybody. cheers and applause thank you very much. Please, right down there. Nothing to be afraid of. Were all your friends. Shirley, thank you for being here. And im only asking to verify his story. How old are you . Im 27. laughter stephen youre 27 years old . Why do you look so old . I i saw Alan Dershowitz in his underwear. laughter stephen shirley, everybody. Alan dershowitzs masseuse. cheers and applause thank you very much, shirley. Jon, how about a little traveling music . applause heartbreaking. Of course, those werent epsteins only buddies. No circle of rich and creepy men is complete without donald trump. audience reacts thats right. Epstein, clinton, dershowitz, trump, we have achieved full mount touchmore. laughter applause trump a family joke. Worth it, there you go. Trump was a fan of epsteins work. Back in 2002 he called epstein a terrific guy and said hes a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as i do. And many of them are on the younger side. Many of them on the younger side . Thats not a fun quirk about your friend. Thats a red flag. My pal jeff dahmer is a lot of fun to be with, it is even said he loves people as much as i do. Many of them on the medium rare side. laughter but now laughter Alan Dershowitz. cheers and applause Alan Dershowitz i ate one person but, very, very old and gristly. laughter but now that epstein is in trouble, trump has changed his tune. Just last week, he had this to say about his old buddy. I wasnt a big fan of jeffrey epstein. I didnt want anything to do with him. It shows you one thing, that i have good taste, okay. I was not a fan of jeffrey epstein. Stephen im not a fan. I prefer sexual predators who werent captured. laughter this morning cheers and applause quality. Jon quality joke. Quality. Stephen this morning nbc dug up some archival footage of trump not being a fan of epstein back in 1992. Coffee joe mornings mika tells the tale. A tape in the nbc archives of a maralago party shows trump giving epstein his personal attention. The footage, shot in november of 1992, before trump opened the resort of the club, shows the future president surrounded by cheerleaders for the Buffalo Bills and miami dolphins, capturing trumps funloving bachelor lifestyle. laughter cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen im sorry, that clip should come with a warning. Contains graphic imagery of donald trump dancing. laughter okay, im ready now, im ready. Can we see that arrhythmic juddering again . Mmm, yeah, feel the beat. Mm, yeah, mmmm, yeah. Feel the beat, then just ignore it and kind of snap and drag your feet back and forth. Hey, ladies. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. cheers and applause after that, trump hung out with his very special party guests. Later in the footage trump is seen talking to epstein and another man, as women are dancing in front of them. Trump alternates between dancing and pointing out women to epstein and the other man, and telling epstein about the cameras. Then, trump says Something Else into epsteins ear that makes him double over with laughter. Stephen im pretty sure he said im going to be president one day. laughter we have got a great show for you tonight. Sofia vergara is here. But when we return, which democrat has got the dollah dollah bills, yall. Stick around. Boost mobile has a super reliable,super fast network, so you can stay connected almost anywhere. Like up here at lookout point. But theres more. Switch now and get 4 free phones for your family. Hashtag first date he aint family yet. But theres more. You also get 4 lines for just 100 a month with unlimited gigs so you can stay close to your loved ones. Cut your hair, hippie. Switch to boost mobile and get 4 free lg stylo™ 5 phones, 4 lines for 100 a month with unlimited gigs, all on our super reliable, super fast nationwide network. Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. 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For a heart breaking limited time only at panda express. cheers and applause stephen hey friend, jon batiste and say human, everybody. cheers and applause im sorry, jon, im sorry, jon. However awkwardly you try to dance, compared to donald trump, you are baryshnikov. Sofia vergara is here, right over there talking us to and our friend david cross will be here today. But before we do that, i am over here because we had too much monologue. Please have a seat, everybody. It is more monologue time, it is a craze sweeping the nation. Jon its as happening. Stephen right off the bean we are going to get into this, big updates from the 2020 election race, and i will tell you all about them in tonights doing it donkey style. Abolish ice applause stephen the Democratic Candidates have been hitting the fundraising trail and we have some surprising results. The number one money maker this last quarter was Pete Buttigieg. cheers and applause who raked in a whopping 24. 9 million. That is a lot of buttigieg buttibread right there. He is even raking in cash in the big apple where he raised more money from new york City Residents than new york mayor bill de blasio. Now, i will admit that sounds bad, that does not sound good, that sounds bad. Until you consider the full headline says Pete Buttigieg raised more money from new york City Residents then bill de blasio got nationwide. Ouch. Yowch mayor de blasio, you may not get the job you are applying for, but the good news is there might soon be an opening in south bend, indiana, because the dairy queen is hiring for the summer. It is seasonal work, but you get free samples. We also found out which celebrities gave to which campaigns, we learned that actress Gwyneth Paltrow hosted a fundraiser for buttigieg at her home. She personally donated 2,800 which is enough to go on goop and buy half an ounce of Cellular Repair crystals. laughter pete wasnt alone in nabbing big celebrity donors. Elizabeth warren saw donations from bette midler, Ryan Reynolds and shonda rhimes. Shonda rhimes . That is bold, for a candidate that associates themselves with scandal. laughter maybe, perhaps the most surprising news is that Steve Buscemi gave bill de blasios president ial campaign 5,600. Steve . Are you okay . laughter i just pray you are researching a role where you play a man who goes insane and votes for bill de blasio. laughter well be right back, with sofia vergara. cheers and applause here i go again on my own goin down the only road ive ever known like a drifter i was born to walk alone . Barb you left me hangin on the high harmony there. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. 15 minutes could save you 15 or more. That life of the party look. Walk it off look. One more mile look. Reply all look. Own your look with fewer lines. Theres only one botox® cosmetic. Its the only one fdaapproved to temporarily make frown lines, crows feet, and forehead lines look better. 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And its why you dont even have to own a subaru to love a subaru retailer. Love. Its what makes subaru, subaru applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Folks. Folks. Thats right, give it up for the band right over there, one more time, one more time for the band right over there. cheers and applause you know my first guest as gloria on modern family. She now stars in the new film bottom of the ninth. Please welcome back to the late show sofia vergara. cheers and applause nice to see you again, so lovely to have you back. Thank you so much for having me, i am very happy to be here. Stephen i want to thank you for two things. What . Stephen the last time that you were here, no it is all good. The last time you were here you have your own intimate apparel line. Yes, e. B. Y. Stephen e. B. I. What does it stand for . E. B. I. Is for empowered by you. Stephen okay, and so it is like. A line of underwear that you get on, how do you say, on the mail. Stephen yes, all the best underwear comes through the mail, by the way, all the very best underwear. Okay. Stephen in an unmarked package. So and we are empowering women all over the world because we give them 10 of the profit. Stephen the people who are actually making it, which is fantastic. No, not that people that are making it, we are paying them but we are also helping yeah, we are. But we are empowering them. No, we are also, we have a foundation that we empower women to create their own businesses. Stephen that is wonderful. I brought you, i brought you. cheers and applause stephen i didnt realize. I brought some. Stephen is this it . Yeah. Stephen the second thing i want to thank you for is that i wanted to thank you for giving me a reason to explain to my wife why a beautiful woman gave me thong underwear. laughter that was very enjoyable. Well, this time i didnt bring you thong. I brought you with more coverage. Because now cheers and applause stephen that, that we have all the sizes from like extra small to 3x, and now this is not just a little, you know, sexy thong. This will hold anything, anything. Anything, you want. Stephen