E late show with Stephen Colbert. Plus, stephen welcomes Patricia Heaton and musical guests tegan sara. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey, whats going on . Nice to see you cheers and applause stephen seat, everybody. Welcome, one and all, in here, out there, all around the world. Welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story cheers and applause friday crowd. Friday crowd right there. Now, the big story all week long has been the impeachment inquiry of donald trump, a historic event that everyone saw coming the moment he announced his candidacy. Everybody applause riding down the esk lairpt like that. Everybody saw is except donaldtp called the president of ukraine and asked for political favors, hes been forced to face something hes never had to before consequences. laughter and trump has no one else to blame but donald trump, because it turns out trump himself decided to release the rough transcript of his phone call after a heated internal dispute among trumps senior aides over whether that was a good idea. as trump okay, if im hearing you right, all i hear is this is a bad idea. Perfect, because those are as good as my ideas get. Thats a difficult sentence to read, i gotta say. But trump didnt wade into this hoat water all alone. Oh, no, no, no. According to the whistleblower, the president s personal lawyer, mr. Rudolph giuliani, is a central figure in this effort. booing oooh, rudy better hire a lawyer, and for his sake, it better not be rudy giuliani. laughter rudy, evidentalyy, is at the center of this swirling corruptnado. The whistleblower says that as a direct followup to the president s call with mr. Zelensky about the cases they had discussed, giuliani traveled to madrid to meet with one of zelenskys advisers, ah, yes, spain. Whe everes for famous running of the bull bleep laughter cheers and applause im the one in the red bandanna. Old blowy mcwhistler says that rudys freelance diplomacy was so troubling that state Department Officials spoke to mr. Giuliani in an attempt to contain the damage to u. S. National security. as concerned official rudy, okay, were here, this is an intervention to stop your foreign intervention. Also, weve seen you on cable news. Please tell us you have a drink drinking problem, because we dont and hes gone. Rudys shaping up to be the fall guy for this whole fiasco, because inside the white house, most have blamed giuliani. They are throwing giuliani under the bus. And by the looks of him, not the first time hes been run over by public transport. But but cheers and applause but according to rudy, he wasnt going rogue. He was acting as an official diplomat. You know who i did it at the request of . The state department. I never talk to ukrainian official until the state department called me and asked me to do it. And then i reported to every conversation back to them. Laura, im a pretty good lawyer, just a country lawyer, stephen sure, sure. Its the country lawyer. Rudy giuliani. Hey, can you remind me what dusty little town rudy is from . New york city laughter applause stephen thank you, tv condiment cowboys. But rudy swears the state department put him up to it, and he says he has the receipts. Its all here, right here, the first call from the state department. Stephen wow. Hes got it all on his phone. Can we zoom in and see what those two messages are . An alert from gooncigars. Com your prechomped cigar is ready for pickup, and the other, a text from trump saying, do not say state department called you. P. S. are the cigars in yet . cheers and applause you see you see the pressure seemed to be getting to rudy, so yesterday, he got on the phone with a reporter for the atlantic. And i bet hes regretting releasing the transcript of this call, too. Rudy went off, yelling, it is impossible that the whistleblower is a hero and im not. And i will be the hero these morons when this is over, i will be the hero. laughter fun fact the guy screaming, i will be the hero, rarely the hero. laughter applause those fools, those fools they said i was insane ill show them all ill show them whos mad. Haha. Of course, no one in the white house wants to praise rudy right now. According to the reporter, yesterday, a former white house official said, this entire ukraine scandal was rudy putting bleep in trumps head. My only question how can you possibly fit any more in there . cheers and applause pack tjust pack it. Unh uhn its like sitting on a sampsonite where youre trying to clamp it down. Its going to spring open in the luggage compartment. And while a whole lot of people are trying to get trump out of office, a whole other group is trying to get themselves into office. Its been a pretty busy week in the democratic primary, and ill catch you up in tonights doin it donkey style. Impeach the motherfudger applause stephen for months now, former Vice President , joe biden has lead the pack, but now theres a huge shakeup. In a new national poll, Elizabeth Warren has passed joe biden. To which joe biden said, hey, speaking of being number two, did i ever mention i was vicepresident to barack obama . Bernie sanders is currently sitting in third place, but hes not out yet. And this week in iowa, he met a supporter who was passionate about bernies wardrobe. Bernie, i noticed your suit, and i made a comment on facebook about what people wear and how you notice the the racial or the classdivided people. Im sorry, but an armani suit is about 2,000. And you look like youre wearing about 250 worth of j. C. Penney. Thats what the difference is between the classes. Actually, it is kohls, not j. C. Penneys. Stephen as bernie yes, this is actually kohls. Its 75 wool, 25 polyester blend. And i saved 40 by shopping in the section for husky boys. laughter applause and just stitch off the little duck that used to be here. All the candidates are in iowa. In fact, earlier this week, 17 Democratic Candidates showed up at the iowa steak fry. Its a big event, because in iowa, fried steak is the most important steak of the day. laughter and one of the traditions of the iowa steak fry, other than coronary disease, is candidates making a hugh entrance. So when joe biden arrived, he did so being led by a big fire truck. Not to be outdone, Kamala Harris entered with a full marching drumline, Julian Castro danced in with a mariachi band, and Amy Klobuchar did the hot new dance move tipsy aunt at the wedding reception. as aunt come on,et u and dance. Get up and dance we are family i got all my sisters and me we are family celebrate good times laughter clearly, if bernie wants to get out of third place, hes got to break out the dance moves. as bernie you put your right foot in you take your right foot out meanwhile, the billionaires are putting nothing in and taking everything out thats why im proposing we take the corporate oligarchy in this country, and we shake em all about cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Patricia heaton is here. But when we return, an update on our trade war with china. Stick around. Its a hot one. dramatic orchestra performance comes in lots of flavors. Theres the ampedup, overtuned, feedingfrenzyof sheetmetalkind. And then theres performance that just leaves you feeling better as a result. Thats the kind lincolns about. What shes zip lining with little jon . Its lil jon. Even he knows that. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Magnum ice cream double caramel. Now in ice cream tubs and bars. Aveeno® with prebiotic oat. It hydrates and softens skin. So it looks like this. And you feel like this. Aveeno® daily moisturizer get skin happy™ boom goes the dynamite, club yoko plays ] feels like im taking flight. [sfx poof] [sfx squeaking eraser sound effect. ] i am who i wanna be who i wanna be who i wanna be. Im a strong individual feeling that power im so original, ya sing it louder. I am, oooh oooh oooh oooh Ehhh Ehhh Ehhh ehhh i am, oooh oooh oooh oooh i am have a skincare routine. But what about a lip care routine . Your lips some attenon. The chapstick total hydration collection. Exfoliate nourish naturally enhance your lips. Chapstick. Put your lips first. Ever since you brought me home, that day. Ive been plotting to destroy you. Sizing you up. Calculating your every move. You think this is love . This is a billion years of tiger dna just ready to pounce. And if you have the wrong Home Insurance coverage, you could be coughing up the cash for this. So get allstate and be better protected from mayhem, like meow. So get allstate and be better protected from mayhem, one call 811 before you dig. Ings you can do is to make sure you calling 811 can get your lines marked. Its free, its easy, we come out and mark your lines. We provide you the information so you will dig safely. Leave the structure, call 911, keep people away, and call pg e right after so we can both respond out and keep the public safe. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right there. Give it up for the band cheers and applause yup. Jon, in just a few minutes well have americas sweetheart, Patricia Heaton is going to be here. Jon yes, indeed. Stephen and i heard youre going to be at the global citizens festival this weekend in new york. Jon yes, indeed, central park, on the great lawn. Its going to be amazing. applause stephen thats incredible. Ill be there. Jon oh, yeah. Stephen yeah. Who else is playing . Fer cell playing, alicia keys. Queen with adam lambert. Carole king. Stephen thats nice. Not too shabby. Folks, as youre probably aware, were in the midst of a huge trade war with china. The president has put tariffs on hundreds of billions of dollars worth of imports, and its been going on for over 15 months. To put that in perspective, if you had a baby when the trade war started, by now, that infant would understand tariffs as much as trump does. laughter but global trade admittedly, admittedly, global trade is hard to understand. Fortunately, we here at the late show have an expert at not understanding things. Her name is bootsie plunkett. She is our uninformed correspondent and the mother of my field producer, jake plunkett. Jake, thanks so much for being here. Good to see you. Thank you, thank you. Stephen a good man. Your wonderful mother has covered everything from the midterm elections to the russia investigation as our uninformed correspondent. Is it safe to say shes equally uninformed about the china trade war . Yes, i think thats fair. Stephen and were nothing if not fair here. Thats right. Stephen and to help bootsie understand how these chinese tariffs affect the economy, you thought it would be a good idea to send her to chinatown with nobel prizewinning economist, paul krugman. You thought that would be a good idea. Yeah, i did. Stephen lets find out if jake was right. Jim. Bootsie was thrilled to be reunited with her beloved crew. Hey, guys long time no see all right. Dinner uh. Nope, thats tanner. Thats wade. Wade, how you doing and with 2020 fast approaching, i wanted her to become informed on key issues before she votes. Todays topic tariffs. But first, we had some catching up to do. Have you ever done anything illegal . I stole a jar of olives. What . I went in the store. I was very hungry. And i love olives. And i stuck them under my shirt. Didnt you and my grandmother, werent you guys notorious for having sticky fingers and constantly stealing and shoplifting . And my sister ronnie inherited that gene, and she got banned from a coals. You know why . She got greedy. She took too many brau brangelinas. One was plenty. You dont go taking six or seven. If you do something illegal, you do it smart. Right, you do it the right way. Today youre going to talk to worldrenowned economist paul krugman. Do you know who that is . No. Well, hes an economist. Okay. Do you know anything about the economy . Yeah, that it sucks right now. Ohhhoo rocky road. Pa krugman . Otholes, bitches. A first i want to ask, what is a tariff . When you first told me about this, seriously, i thought i was going to get my fortune read. What else . Tom cruises uncle. Yes, you should talk to him about that. Has anybody in the car talked to him . I talked to him. Is he nice . Uhm, hes hes really nice. He doesnt really like your segments. laughter oh, my god. laughter hi, my name is bootsie. Im here with the late show with Stephen Colbert, in chinatown at jing fong restaurant, to eat chinese food with paul krugman. And, also, to find out if hes really tom cruises uncle. Paulc . Inform me, because i know nothing about tariffs. Okay. So a tariff is a tax. Its like any kind of tax, except its a tax that gets paid when you bring something into the country. How does that affect me personally . Oh, at this point, we think that the trump tariffs are costing a typical family Something Like 800 a year. Its all hidden. Its all buried in the cost of stuff you buy, but its a pretty fair amount of money. Thats crazy, right . Trump himself says the chinese are paying the tariffs, but thats not true. The economy mr. Paul, you gotta eat this with me. Oh, geez. Ooooh ive had the experience of being at chinese banquets where youected to eat a little of everything, and then spending the night. Uhm, kneeling in ff the toilet, because too much too many courses. That was me in the the 70s. Too much drinking, paul, right right. How about this . inhales . No. You know what i did . I smoked pot that was so strong i stuck my head out the bathroom window and i said to my husband, do you feel the blood pump thriewg your veins. And he said, no. And i said, i do. I was having a bad reaction to it. All right. So my father told me to shoot six beers to come down the pot. So ive never done that. No, paul. Thats okay. Im just telling you about me, but we cant judge each other, right, paul . No. No . laughter so, yeah, 8help a year. I live another 20 years, thats a lot of money. If donald trump had said, i am going to charge every American Family 800 a year, i want to to let me punch the chinese, everyone is going to have to pay 800 a year. There would be airestorm. But becaues it i way t point. I didnt know, either. Thats right. I can tell you right now this is pigs feet. Its chicken feet. Chicken feet . laughter . They are giving us some pretty. Reasonably chinese stuff. This is not good. laughter oh, my god. You know, if someones sick and theyre too skinny, theyre emancipated. Thats what my mother said, look at that emancipated woman. Its never been emancipated. And i said it my whole life, and s emaciat yet, i i know. So what else can you tell me about tariffs . Not only is the tariff policy bad and kind of stupid. Its also unpopular. When the economy like, this you expect a president to have, like, 60 approval. And hes got, like, 40 approval. And so. Hes got a little ways to go. Putting a tariff on on washing machines and getting the chinese to cut off tofu sales, theres no base for that. Thats just him. Thats just what he wants to do. I heard from somebody that tom cruise is your nephew. laughter tom cruise . No . That is that is. No, hes not . No. Its totally. I think this Nobel Prize Winner had taught my mom all he could. Real short and sweet what did you learn today . So President Trump is a sneaky bleep that puts tariffs no, this is true tariff charges that we dont know nothing about, coming out of our pockets. Some tariff charg h o said kpt short. All right, thats it. So are you yea tariffs or nay tariffs. Nay do your signoff. This is bootsie the lae show with Stephen Colbert at close enough. Stephen thank you, jake. Thank you, bootsie. Youre a national treasure. Well be right back with Patricia Heaton. That life of the party look walk it off look one more mile look reply all look own your look. With fewer lines. Theres only one botox® cosmetic. Its the only one. Fda approved. To temporarily make frown lines. Crows feet. And forehead lines. Look better. The effects of botox® cosmetic, may spread hours to weeks after injection, causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems, or muscle weakness may be a sign of a lifethreatening condition. Do not receive botox® cosmetic if you have a skin infection. Side effects may include allergic reactions, injection site pain, headache, eyebrow, eyelid drooping, and eyelid swelling. Tell your doctor about your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. So, give that just saw a puppy look. And whatever that look is. Look like you. With fewer lines. See results at botoxcosmetic. Com but dad, youve got allstate. With accident forgiveness they guarantee your rates wont go up just because of an accident. Smart kid. Indeed. Are you in good hands . And these new highrise slim straights are it. Take that jane fineberg. Take what . Jane i see youre still a weirdo. Made a whole career of it babe. Thirty percent off your entire purchase and forty percent when you use or open an Old Navy Credit card. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is a beloved threetime Emmy Award Winner you know from Everybody Loves raymond and the middle. She now stars in the new cbs sitcom, carols second act. Please welcome back to the late show, Patricia Heaton applause cheers and applause oh what a nice audience. Wow. Stephen they are. Very nice. Stephen we shipped in a nice one for you. Thank you. Theyre all from ohio, i guess. Stephen are you from ohio . Yes, cleveland. Stephen wow, i did not know that. My dad was a Sports Writer for the cliefd plain dealer and covered the browns. Te d you go to a lot of games . Yeah, a lot of indians. A lot of browns. It kind of builds character to follow the browns. Stephen searching. Suffering, it goes with the catholicism. Stephen another jewel in your crown, as my mother used to say, offer it up. A couple of years off of purgatory for being a brown supporter. Stephen because youve already spent your life in hell. The last time you were here we had what many would call a catholic throwdown. I think we ti