Prodemocracy protestor. And by that last comment, i meant theyre coming at them in a reasonable, lawful, humane way in accordance with the benevolent president for life, xi jinping. X. J. P. Great guy. Now back to the action. And lebron is stepping to the line for two free throws. You know what else should be free . Tibet. Okay, staying focused on the game. Its a tossup. Isnt that right, gary . speaking chinese couldnt have said it any better myself. From all of us at cbs sports nihao its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight quid pro woah plus, stephen welcomes john lithgow and Camila Mendes featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey cheers and applause stephen beautiful beautiful nihao. Hello, jon. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Please have a seat. My oh, my. Oh, lordy. Welcome, welcome, one and all, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is important cheers and applause thanks, folks, thank you. Wonderful, wonderful audience. Now, folks, it is important, i believe, to admit when youre wrong. We talk a lot about how donald trump is this corrupt guy who deserves to be dragged out of office kicking and screaming cheers and applause but but when im wrong, ill be sure to let you know. Not tonight. Because we just learned this after hes just awful. And ill tell you all about in todays edition of don and the giant impeach. Quid pro quo, quid pro quo. Eight times. applause stephen today, we got a firsthand witness to trump going ukraine in the membrane former u. S. Ambassador to ukraine and man whose eyebrows are testifying separately, bill taylor. Taylor sat down for the house impeachment inquiry, this after, closed door. We dont have all the details yet, but sources in the room say his testimony was incredibly damaging to the president , and that his Opening Statement was 15 pages long and prompted a lot of sighs and gasps. It was hold on. Hold the what the it was incredibly damaging to the president . gasps and it might get him impeached . sighs laughter now, you may remember, taylor was the diplomat who exchanged Text Messages with trump conspirator, u. S. Ambassador to the e. U. , and man beloved for his catchphrase derrr, whatever you say boss, gordon sondland. In one of their exchanges, taylor texted sondland, are we now saying that Security Assistance and white house. Meeting are conditioned on investigations . To which sondland replied, call me. Call me, but do not call me to testify before congress, because there aint no way to explain this. Now, we all imagine we know what happened on that subsequent call, but today, taylor revealed what actually happened on that call, and its exactly what you imagined happened on that call. Taylor was told by sondland that President Trump insisted that the release of ukraine aid was contingent on a public declaration to investigate the bidens and the 2016 election. Do you understand what this means . We finally have solid evidence of the crime that trump and his chief of staff have already confessed to committing on camera. laughter cheers and applause taylor true. Its true, jon. Its true 7. Jon they did it, you know . Stephen taylor testified that ambassador sondland also told me that he now recognized that he had made a mistake by earlier telling the ukrainian officials that a white house meeting with president zelensky was dependent on a public announcement of investigations. Okay, well, the ambassador reizt was a mistake to make the white house meeting dependent on ukraine announcing these investigations, because, in fact, everything was dependent on such an announcement, including Security Assistance. So trump was Holding Everything hostage as trump just make the announcement, ukraine, and ill give you the white house trip, military aid to fight the russians, and a beautiful new dinette set from broyhill. laughter and, if you act now, ill throw in this gentlyused constitution. I dont really want it. cheers and applause holding up military aid for political gain seemed kind of fishy to taylor, but the ambassador tried to assure him it was completely normal. Quoth taylor. well, thats a ridiculous analogy. When he was a businessman, donald trump never paid anyone. cheers and applause although never did. Never. Although, this time he might because its not his money. Its ours. And last night, to defend himself, trump went to his se space fox news. to the tune of the cheers theme song sometimes you wanna go where they dont ask about ukraine laughter applause now trump trump talked about the transcript of his phone call with ukraines president and assured us that he knew what it was not. Its not a letter. Its a conversation taken down and transcribed. Stephen okay, good to know. Good to know. A phone call is not a letter. Go on they dont talk about that anymore, because that letter was so good. That letter is a perfect conversation with a man congratulations on your win. And to impeach over a letter like that. But they dont mention the letter anymore. Stephen no, they dont mention the letter anymore because its not a letter. Its a phone call. But if pelosi wants to impeach you over this, i say let her. cheers and applause then jon thats a good clean attack. Great execution. Wonderful joke. Stephen then trump argued that you cant impeach over something as innocent as a phone call that is not a letter. It is one thing if you commit a real crime. This was a conversation. It wasnt even a big deal hey, how you doing . Blah, blah, blah. Stephen well, yeah, everything sounds innocent if you replace it with blah, blah, i mean, remember this scene from avengers . What im about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet. Blah, blah, blah. laughter stephen thanos, thanos did nothing wrong. Thanos did nothing wrong. Then trump complained about the way the media treats him. You know who was covered worse than me, they say . Who . Abraham lincoln. Ive heard that one person it used to be five or six, but now down to one honest abe lincoln. They say he got the worst press of anybody. I say i dispute it. Stephen as trump okay . Lincoln, lincoln great president , and he got bad press. I get bad press. Therefore, i must be a great president. But you know who really got bad press . Charlie manson. Greatest president ever. applause . Stephen trump was also asked about some manson fans tonight, all right. Trump was also asked about possible 2020 opponents, and made sure he got all his nicknames right. The last time i took on Elizabeth Warren i thought she was gone embers, you know, burning embers down pocahontas. And pocahontas. Stephen what a kissass. Teacher, teacher you almost dismissed us without calling the Exchange Student a racist name laughter at one point, the interview turned a little wistful. With the election just around the corner, the president took a moment to remember those inspirational first moments. Were getting down to 12 months. Can you believe it . When iirst went right in the corner of that beautiful building, and i was in the first first night with the d it standing in an area where abe lincoln was, and all of them were. And thats the way it was. And im standing there, and im saying, wow, four years. Thats a long time. Stephen yes. Yes, its an eternity. If a single dove cheers and applause weve got a great show for you tonight. Mr. John lithgow is here. But when we return, lithgow is Rudy Giuliani. Stick around. In the storied tradition of his greatgreatgrandmother, goldi knows to never compromise. Too shabby too much too perfect i can rent this . For that price . Absolutely. What is this, some kind of fairy tale . Its just right book your just right rental at thrifty. Com. Oh baby bear halloween is awesome. [trick or treat] yes, yes, yes, yes. [screaming in fear] yay. [laughter] yes thank you. For your worst sore throat pain try Vicks Vapocool drops. Its not candy, its powerful relief. Ahhhhhh vaporize sore throat pain with Vicks Vapocool drops. Igpine and eucalyptus spthat awaken joy. Of true fragrance crafted only by glade. S. C. Johnson. I am totally blind. And non24 can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the things i love to do. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424. The game can be rough on skin. Rehydrate and strengthen your skin. To bounce back. And rebound strong. Dove men care sportcare rehydrates and strengthens skin. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. Give it up for the band, jon batiste and stay human. All night long. There you go. Jon you gotta get it right in there. Stephen jon, these people are here on a very good night. We have one of the most delightful people. Abraham lincoln will be out here in a moment. Lithgow. Stephen as i was talking about earlier, we keep learning new details about the ukraine story. And the more we learn, the worse things look for trumps personal lawyer and taxidermy owl that the dog got after, Rudy Giuliani. Ever since the original whistleblower report, rudy has been on tv doing damage control, minus the control. Weve got an anonymous whistleblower who says that donald trump did something wrong. Donald trump, like hunter biden says, i didnt do anything wrong. Forget the whistleblower. We have the transcript of the call shhhhhhhh. And the president s remarks on the lawn. Wait. Wait. Before you interrupt me, Howard Stephen classic legal defense. as judge sir, your client stands accused of multiple counts of arson. How does he plead . as lawyer your honor, the defendant pleads shhhhhhhhhhh. But rudy has good reason to shut people up, because last week, our old buddy, Ambassador Gordon Sondland here, testified that trump personally directed giuliani to pressure ukraine. And theres more from Energy Secretary rick perry, seen here pointing to the empty place laughter perry claims perry claims that giuliani was going around pushing weird conspiracy theories. For instance, rudy blamed ukraine for the dossier about trumps alleged ties to russia, and asserted that ukraine had Hillary Clintons email server and dreamed up evidence that helped send former Trump Campaign chairman, paul manafort, to jail. Of course, all of rudys conspiracy theories have been debunked. And i have a feeling that giuliani may soon be manaforts debunk mate, because he himself cheers and applause because he himself is now the subject of a federal counterintelligence investigation, after two of his ukrainelinked Business Associates were arrested on Campaign Finance charges. Now, that sounds bad, but we should not jump to any conclusions about their guilt. These two men gah dont hurt me take my wallet take it take my money take it laughter of course, theres no proof connecting these guys to giuliani, unless you count the photos of them Smoking Cigars together, this video of them drinking together in the trump hotel, and the fact that giuliani was paid 500,000 by their company, which is called and this is real Fraud Guarantee. laughter applause yes Fraud Guarantee. He even did a little work for their retail outfit, crimemart. So, did Rudolph Giuliani and his fraud buddies lead the president into impeachment by pushing debunked conspiracy theories . Here to tell us is the man himself, trumps personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani. cheers and applause mr. Mayor, mr. Mayor, thank you for joining us. Shhhhhhhhh stephen, shhhh stephen i i havent asked you anything yet. I know, and your facts are all wrong. So shhh so shhhhush it zip it and ask me a question. Stephen okay. Mr. Mayor, how do you respond to critics who say that you were traveling the world pushing debunked conspiracies as part of a scheme to help the president s reelection . Thats ridiculous, stephen. I was simply bringing the American People the truth about the bidens and thats not all. laughter i now have reason to believe that the 2016 election was not hacked by the russians. It was hacked by hunter biden, who is actually a men in black style alien, being operated by a tiny Hillary Clinton in his neck. laughter applause stephen okay. Wow. Thats a bold assertion. That is that is. Sir, thats a bold assertion. Do you have any proof of that . Not yet. Or ever. laughter im not falling into the proof trap stephen well. What exactly were you doing with ambassador sondland and rick perry . When youre solving big, spooky mysteries, you need a it was gordon sondland, rick perry, velma, and me, rudyrudyrooooooo laughter stephen, if youll excuse me, its time for a rudy snack. laughter stephen mr, mayor, mr. Mayor, are you drinking . Shhhh. Shhhh. I cant hear myself drink. Stephen well, mr. Giuliani, your investigations have caused a lot of trouble for the white house. Former National Security adviser john bolton reportedly called you a hand grenade who would blow everyone up. What do you say to that . Stephen, thats crazy. Grenades are used by highly trained soldiers. Im more like a can of hairspray someone turns into a flamethrower during a prison riot. laughter thats also what happened to my teeth. Stephen i got it. Well, your Fraud Guarantee associates were arrested with oneway tickets to vienna just hours after you met with them. And you were also scheduled to fly to vienna. What were you planning to do there . Stephen, shhh. I was going to vienna because i love classical music. And i have reason to believe that hunter biden has stolen mozarts bones laughter and he wasnt alone. Everyone was in on it the deep state, podesta, george soros. Also. Ummm hold on, let me consult my research department. laughter the lizard people, bigfoot, the chupacabra. I know him. We have the same dentist. laughter stephen mr. Mayor, mr. Mayor lovely orthodontia. Mr. Mayor, this kind of behavior is exactly why you, yourself, are under a counterintelligence investigation. It wont work, stephen, because i am countercounter investigating them ive teamed with a new bulgarian company, certified ripoff. laughter theyre going to fund my space expedition to get to the bottom of Hunter Bidens business deal with the nazis in the center of the moon the mayor of outer space laughter the deep state theyve got my wine stephen mayor Rudy Giuliani, everybody cheers and applause well be right back with john lithgow. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back what a lovely night. What a lovely night, jon. My first guest tonight is the tony and Emmy Awardwinning actor you know from the crown, dexter, and terms of endearment. Please welcome back to the late show, john lithgow. Oh, john oh, john stephen delightful to see you again. So nice to see you. And its me. Stephen i know you just missed Rudy Giuliani a moment ago. I know, i know. Stephen im worried about that guy. It was nuts backstage, im telling you. Teen you just celebrated your birthday, happy birthday. Thank you. Stephen saturday, sunday . Saturday. applause . Stephen saturday, did you make did you make a big todo out of it . Did you do anything fun . Well, i had a nice romantic lunch with my wife. And then i took her off to see her first look at bombshell a film coming out in december, in which i play roger ales, looking about 300 pounds with jowls and earlobes and fat nose. She still hasnt recovered. laughter so that was my birthday present to her. laughter this is how bad it can get. Stephen so enjoy me while you can. Yes, exactly. Stephen now the movies getting a lot of buzz. People are very excited about it. Nicole kid man, margot robbie, charlize theron. Here you are as roger ales. Completely unrecognizable. How long did it take you to achieve this . Well, i just sat there. It was no problem to me. But it was a twoandahalfhour session. And it was 17 shooting days, so that was stephen sure. Thats a lot of time in your life. Stephen i want to point out, john lithgow, its your business, and im not telling you how to do your job. But here you are as ales. And here you were as churchill in the crown. For both of them applause for both of them you had to wear whats called a fat suit. Thats right. Stephen why not just have fun and gain the wait for both parts . It might make sense. I mean, it seems to be all they want of me is big fat, bald men. Stephen if you had to, if you had to put on, like, 80 pounds, or whatever it is, what would be your goto . What would do you . I would call the fat suit people. They make the best fat suits. It does make you somewhat relaxed about what youre eating during the time yourtting on during which time youre shooting the show. Stephen yes. But i didnt intentionally put on any weight. Stephen okay. I just relied on stephen theres no goto snack that you would eat all you possibly could . Pasta pasta pasta applause . Stephen a little alfredo. Yeah, pesto, alfredo. Just about anything. I think thats how de niro did it for raging bill. Glvment i think he worked his way down italy. He ate italy. You wrote an oped in the new york times. Yes, i did. Stephen this past week. And it was entitled, trump is bade president. He is an even worse entertainer. Okay, counter, heres my counterargument. If hes such a bad entertainer, why cant we look away . Well, i mean, when it comes to entertainment, theres absolutely no accounting for taste. Stephen sure. I mean, i look at trump and i e a man who has no sense of irony, wit, selfawareness, even. Stephen never seen him laugh. And ive never seen him attempt to tell an actual joke. He mangles everything approaching a punchline. And yet, he, god knows, he commands an enormous audience. Hes entertaining somebody all right. It makes me think of how shakespeare must have felt putting on hamlet in one part london, while the entire town flocked to bear baiting across the river. What do you have to do . Stephen watching trump is like watching a blood sport. Yeah. Stephen yeah