Please . Impeachment is a bunch of bull. Wow, a little over the top, isnt it she seems insane. Donald trump is my. Line . President. Sorry, it is a tough role. You are an actor. Act like you like him. Okay, you got this. Can i just do something from guys and dolls . Like, sit down, sit down, sit down sit down, youre rockin the boat. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight no quid, no co. Plus, helen mirren. And the kids from masterchef, junior. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause . Stephen come on whooo hello, friends. Beautiful. Thanks. Welcome. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Folks, the hits keep oncoming and today we have more huge news from our nations capitol. The House Intelligence Committee has Just Announced it will hold its first open hearings as part of the impeachment inquiry on wednesday november 13th. Yes. applause there st. Boom. There you have it. The schiff hits the fan, next wednesday. Hump day wouldnt want to be trump day. And if the transcripts theyve already released are any indication, this is going to be tres cay, baybay, and i will tell the latest in tonights edition of don and the giant impeach. Lets call up ukraine for help. Stephen now a couple of weeks ago remember a couple of weeks ago when republicans were freaking out that the testimony was all happening behind closed doors . Well, this week adam schiff cracked those doors open and i believe we have footage of the republican reaction. Today, today we got testimony from top american diplomat to ukraine and shaved grinch bill taylor. laughter stephen now taylor knows what he is talking about when it comes to ukraine because mike pompeo personally recruited him to be the state department charge daffaires. Yes, charge daffaires, as opposed to back over here where trump paid for his daffaires by dcheck. Taylors testimony undermines every argument the president has made so far. For example, taylor testified my clear understanding was that Security Assistance month would not come until the president of ukraine committed to pursue the investigation. He was then asked so if they dont do this, they are not going to get that, was your understanding taylor answered yes, sir. Then was asked are you aware that quid pro quo literally means this for that . Taylor replied, i am. The president has been saying no quid pro quo all this time, and now his own diplomat is saying yeah huh proco. What else has the president been lying about. Is mexico not going to pay for the border wall . Would he not date ivanka if she wasnt his daughter . What do you believe any more . Taylor also made it clear he knew the political impact of this, as i understood the reason for investigating burisma was to cast Vice President biden in a bad light, which he went on to say benefited a Political Campaign for the reelection of president trump. Well, if it is for a Political Campaign, the law requires the standard candidate disclaimer. Im donald j. Trump and i corruption. Stephen yeah. Puts it out there, you got to know it. applause . Jon its corrupt. I dont mess with that. Stephen at one point taylor said the secretaries of state and defense as well as the head of the c. I. A. And the National Security association were all trying to get a meeting with the president to convince him to release the ukraine aid that congress had lawfully appropriated to help ukraine fight the russians who had invaded their country. But they couldnt get their schedules to line up. Taylor testified, it turns out, mr. Chairman, that those principals were on different trips at different times. I think this was also about the time of the greenland question about purchasing greenland which took up a lot of energy in the n. S. C. The chairman replied okay, thats disturbing for a whole different reason. Hmmmm. Yeah. applause . Jon this is what we are dealing with. Stephen no, same reason, and you are about to impeach him. And this is just the latest. Yesterday we heard from ambassador to the e. U. Gordon sondland, seen here saying his beloved catchphrase, guuurrhh. laughter i got my job by giving a Million Dollars to the inauguration tnd oath that h wasnt aware of any quid pro quo with ukraine, ficials testifieds the quid pro quo bagman, he rushed out to submit a supplemental declaration. Officer, i dont have any drugs in my car. Oh, you found a baggie of white powder in my car . Then i would like to submit a supplemental declaration that i am coked to the gills, but in my defense, do you want to party . No . The sondland sunday awareness that he didnt want to go to jail but pumps defenders in a bind. As one g. O. P. House member put it without a doubt this is the biggest political pickle trump has ever been in. Yes its a vlassic case of gherkin around an ally. Definitely not kosher. And someone, someone liked that joke more than shall thank you, thank you, darling. Thank you, darling. When the facts arent on your side, your only hope is ignorance. Enter South Carolina senator and man yelling at the waiter, i was told these bread sticks would be unlimited , lindsey graham. Now just a f told axios this. If you could show me that, you know, trump actually was engaging in a quid pro quo outside the phone call, that would be very disturbing. Stephen well, the transcript clearly show that. But. Im not going to read these transcripts. How tragic. Stephen graham is clearly working through the five stages of republican impeachment grief anger. Denial. Wont read. Cant read. No hablo ingles. Well, well. Thanks. applause lindsey, lindsey, lindsey, im sure you are watching so you dont have to read it i will just summarize the transcript in three little words. Dont look away, dont look away. Lindsey, dont look away. Dont look away. Lindsey, dont dont laughter applause i dont have the i dont have the vertical. applause the impeachment hearings arent the only bad news trump is dealing with right now, because last night there were elections all over the country and america got hit by another blue wave. applause stephen yeah. Surfs up, democrats, grab your boogie boards and get ready for Bernie Sanders in a speedo. Oh, there is no reason to he looks pretty good for a 145yearold man. One big win came in kentucky where apparently Democrat Andy beshear has won the race for governor over republican governor and man smiling over commercial voiceover lists of rectal side effects, matt bevin. Bevin lost by about 5,000 votes and, as of this morning, he refused to concede defeat. Yeah. He will not, proving once again that republicans are the party of men who wont go away after you say no. Bevin has long applause bevin has long been unpopular in kentucky, so on monday night trump went down in person and made this promise. If you lose, theyre going to say trump suffered the greatest defeat in the history of the world. This was the greatest. You cant let that happen to me. Stephen how could you do this to me, kentucky . We both worship the same god chicken bucket. In the name of the biscuit and the slaw and the extra crispy. Of course now now applause of course, now that bevin has lost, trump never met the guy. Last night he tweeted hashtag election night, won five out of six elections in kentucky, including five great candidates that i spoke for and introduced last night. Wow, imagine hearing that from your surgeon. Hi, mrs. Oneill . Your husband did not make it. But i have five other patients who are doing fine. Because they were never sick. He tweeted on, matt bevin picked up at least 15 points in last days, but perhaps not enough. Winning in mississippi governor race. Oh, come on, hes taking credit for a republican winning in mississippi . Thanks to me, a republican won in mississippi, and a catholic has been elected pope. laughter but i i applause but for democrats, kentucky was just the appetizer, because a few miles to the east, virginia is now officially a blue state. applause . Democrats control both chambers in the state legislature and the Governors Office for the First Time Since 1993. Oh yeah, baby the 90s. The 90s are back, baby. Everybody in virginia is going to get a crystal pepsi and a Blockbuster Video card. Perhaps the biggest victory belongs to a woman named juli briskman, who lost her job for flipping off trumps motorcade two years ago. applause well, last night, last night briskman got a new job because she was elected supervisor in loudon county, virginia. So virginia has got a new county supervisor and a new state bird. applause we got a great show for you tonight. My guests are helen mirren and ian mckellen. When we return, its christmas. Stick around. Were back with the Old Navy Cozy Socks well, awfully cozy on that couch. Cool down you two were not that type of show. Wait can we blur that . Thursday and friday, get one dollar cozy socks. Wednesday through friday everythings fifty percent off. You give dirty laundry a whole new meaning. Am i. Only at old navy. And my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. Hey my focus is on the road, and thats saving me cash with drivewise. Whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof so get allstate where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry hes a baby theres brushing and theres oralb power brushing. Oralb just cleans better. Its the one inspired by dentists. With the round brush head. 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He helped create a movement to protect families across america. And stood up to the coal lobby and this administration to protect this planet from climate change. And now, hes taking on. Him. To rebuild a country and restore faith in the dream that defines us. Where the wealthy will pay more in taxes and the middle class get their fair share. Everyone without Health Insurance can get it and everyone who likes theirs keep it. And where jobs wont just help you get by, but get ahead. And on all those things Mike Blomberg intends to make good. Jobs creator. Leader. Problem solver. Mike bloomberg for president. Im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. cheers and applause stephen jon batiste, stay human, everybody, give it up for the band. Se stephen yep. Jon yeah, baby. Stephen jon, you know, i love all of our guests, i feel privileged to have any people come here and talk to this silly guy but tonight we have ian mckellen and helen mirren on the show. Jon cant beat that. Stephen we should have ourselves notarized, were all checkers items now because we are sharing the stage with these people. You know folks, last week was halloween, so merry christmas. The stores are already putting out the yuletide decorations, the Hallmark Channel has started airing their christmas movies and the first lady is dusting off her sacrificial blood trees. And Luxury Brands are also getting in on the holiday game. Tiffany announced they are selling a 112,000 dollar holiday Advent Calendar containing 24 pieces of jewelry like a tiffany t twohinged bangle in 18 carat rose golds with pave diamonds valued at 15,000. It is the perfect way to say, im sorry you had to be the first lady. But its not just jewelry. The tiffany calendar also has the everyday objects sterling silver paper cup. The tiffany everyday objects sterling silver clothes pin and the 400 everyday object sterling silver harmonica perfect for playing the blues because you dont have a gold clothes pin. You might be saying 112,000 for an Advent Calendar . Could that be more expensive . Yes, yes, it could. Thanks to my luxury lifestyle brand covetton house. Baroque simplicity. Shabby elegance. Give me money. Covetton house. applause stephen here at covetton house, we know the reason for the season. But were ignoring it and selling jewelry instead. With our limited edition covetton Advent Calendar valued at 9. 6 million. The covetton calendar e mire, mistress you cheated on with your wife, it contains, this is much bigger than i thought it would be. And is slowly swallowing my head. laughter laughter cheers and applause it contains it contains such treasures at the covetton triple krrk platinum choker with infinity stones, just whatever you do, do not snap your fingers while wearing this choker. But it is not all jewelry, folks. The covetton Advent Calendar contains a 12,000 solid gold crumpled napkin. Perfect for throwing straight in the garbage, because setting money on fire just takes too much time. And inside day 17, you will find a real, live butler did we put any food or water in there, punch air holes for him or anything . No . In that case, day 18 is a build yourownnecklace made of authentic butler bones. A fun snow day activity for the kids. And if you are loyal to the tiffany brand, dont worry, folks, because day one of our calendar is the entire tiffany Advent Calendar. Well be right back with guests helen mirren and ian mckellen. Switch to boost mobile and get unlimited gigs. So you can download all the music you want. But theres more. With boost you get a fast nationwide network, so the beat neyou al 4 les, plus 4 free phones. Switch to boost mobile and get 4 lines with unlimited gigs for 25 per line per month, plus 4 free Samsung Galaxy phones, all on our super reliable, super fast network. Whether you were borne for more danceoffs. More travels. Or more touchdowns. 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Yes for less. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. applause . Stephen ladies and gentlemen, i hope everybody out there is just as excited as i am because my first guests tonight are icons of both stage and screen. They now star together in the good liar. Enough, it is necessary to taste yours grandmother for more dangers. You dont know him. I make my own choices. And i dont need your permission. If you cant respect that, then i think it is just as well as we dont see each other for awhile. Obviously im intruding. Do you know who you are . You are the only person on this planet that makes me feel like im not alone. Stephen please welcome helen mirren and ian mckellen. applause applause . applause . Stephen come now. applause . Well, it is so lovely to see you both. I dont know who is going to enjoy this anywhere in the world more than me. Because i have interviewed both of you individually, but never together. I feel i should be wearing a sunscreen or something. We have never done an interview like this before together either. Stephen you have never done a movie before together, i find that so hard to believe. Yes. Stephen two giants in your own craft, both who live in london. Why is this the first thing you have ever done together . You know, it is just the way it happens, isnt it we have been swimming in the same river for a long time, all of our careers, obviously. Ian has always been a hugely admired actor, for my whole life, you know. And i was following along, watching him be brilliant. applause we did do a play together, on broadway. Stephen on stage, right here. Dancing away. But never a movie. Stephen and you are both renowned shakespearian actors. Is there a part you never got to play in shakespeare that you still think oh, i want to be. Juliet. And im looking for a romeo, stephen. Stephen rise, fair son. Im ready. Also, probably also juliet, i never played juliet but also hamlet. Stephen americas next juliet. M you want to play juliet, that is an interesting one. Anyway, hamlet, lear, corialanus. I played all of those parts. Of course you have, you are a man, you get to play those. Stephen you played prospera. I did play stephen my apologies for my you also each have some very interesting individual projects of your own. I know that you, helen, are playing catherine the great in the new hbo miniseries that premiered last month. Yes, yes. We are reinstating her reputation, she was very maligned by history. Stephen terrible rumors. Really bad, you probably all heard them. But absolutely untrue. And what very often happens to successful women in power is that they get demeaned and diminished often through sexuality and that is exactly what happened to c