Invitational. And our primetime lineup is just as strong, starting with divorced dad calisthenics. Followed by onland santa rafting, the westminster bananaondog show. And finally, at 10 00, the best of old man hideandseek. Espn weve boldly loosened our definition of sport. I never thought id say this, but i miss baseball. crying its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight, total authoritarian plus, stephen welcomes dr. Jon lapook and Cate Blanchette featuring jon batiste and stay homin. ansthen colbert. Stephen hello hey and welcome to a late show. I am your host, stephen colbert. Its nice to see you. I cant see you. I would like to see you. I miss you. I know you get to see me, but this is a oneway street. And i really like my audience. I like the connection. I like the give and take. I like the energy. You know who really, really misses having an audience . Donald trump. You see, he cant hold rallies you see, he cant hold rallies right now, because the coronavirus would threaten the lives of his supporters. And politics 101 is dont kill your voters. Remember, Adlai Stevenson lost with his slogan, i will murder all of you in 52. So trump has turned the Coronavirus Press briefings into the white house everyday into little rallies, where he rambles incoherently and attacks the press. And yesterday, he outdid himself with a hissy fit meltdown that clocked in at a generalissimomasgrande of two hours and 24 minutes. It was like watching the irishman with just one unconvincingly deaged criminal. Trump was angry, you see, withsh past weekendbout his wellknown public failure toe ld press to watch a video of his supposed coronavirus success well answer some questions. Ill ask you some questions, because youre so guilty. But forget it. But, most importantly, were going to get back onto the reason were here, which is the success were having. Okay. Please, if you could put it up. Thank you. We should be more concerned right now. Stephen okay, first of all, its ridiculous td statseresident press brfing oobemicbjtion tpra. And second, your propaganda sucks. All caps black letters on a white background . Helvetica . Are you boasting about your accomplishments or offering to teach us guitar . The only purpose of the press briefing is to give valuable information to a confused public in the middle of a national crisis. So, of course, trump used it to brag about himself. Its like if the fireman showed up to your burning house, and instead of picking up a hose said, wow, this inferno is the perfect backdrop for my oneman show about how its not my fault your house is burning down. And a 5678. I didnt start the fire it was always burning but you didnt listen is there any clapping in that song . No clapping. Stephen no clapping in that song. But that was pretty good. I was was i on key . You were you were pretty close. Stephen okay, i was pretty close. Trumps video about the bold action he took skipped over a couple of things for instance, it skipped over the entire month of february. Socbs reporter paula reid had the temerity to ask him about that. Reporter what did your administration do in february with the time that your travel ban bought you . A lot. A lot. Reporter what . And, in fact, well give you a list. What we did in fact, part of it was up there. We did a lot. Look, look. You know youre a fake. You know that. Your whole network, the way you cover it is fake. Stephen as trump youre a fake. You know youre a fake. You know february is a fake month. There are a lot of fake months. Some of them are real january, marchbruary, brapril, octopussy, and santacon. But true to his word, trump did have a list of what he did to fight the coronavirus in february, and in a late show exclusively, ive got it right here. It includes, a lot. Banged on pots in case virus is like bears. Sent virus 130k to go away. Wrote angry letter to Prime Minister of corona. Quarantined eric. Blamed obama. Have that not notarized is and t to the library of congress. You were lying at a woman, and what you were lying about happened less than two months ago. Were all here, and we have something called cameras and they recorded you saying this. We have the greatest doctors in the world. We have it very much under control. The people are getting better. Theyre all getting better. We have it so much under control. We really have done a really good job now the democrats are politicizing the coronavirus. This is their new hoaks. Theres no reason to panic at all. Its going to disappear. One day, its like a miracle. It will disappear. When you have 15 people, and the 15, within a couple of days, is going to be down to close to zero. Stephen we were that were not gold fish. You know how i know . Goldfish can still go to schools. We all remember that trump, the republicans, fox news downplayed the seriousness of this virus and told us all to do nothing. They took all their chips, and they bet the under, and they lost. Im not surprised they lost. So trump has no chips buthobeli. Case in point, reopening the country. Trump thinks hes the the one who gets to do it, while the states say, no, were good. Governors on the east and west coasts have formed pacts to decide when to open their state. Okay, groups of states banding together regionally to do things on their own is always a harbinger of good things to come in america, right . Its like that famous quote, a house divided against itself is going to be fun. The west coast group or Western State pact consists of california, oregon, and washington. And according to californias governor, gavin newsom, will be guided by facts, evidence and science, using californiabased thinking. Californiabased thinking, so their science bros and broettes are going to make decisions based on evidence thats hella tight. And the masks will be made of avocados. Newsom wants to gradually ease restrictions in california, in what he called, a bottom up plan not to be confused with a bottoms up plan, which is to keep drinking until this is over. Right now, were still in Clinical Trials. Mmm. Mmm. Inconclusive. But yesterday, trump insisted, despite what the states think, hes the one in charge, because when someones president , their authority is total. And im being told we have footage of the president saying that, jim. Respect my authoritah stephen he looks good. Oh, im sorry, im being told that that was actually a south park cartoon and they knew that. Heres the actual footage. When somebody is the president of the united states, the authority is total. Stephen well ill give him this much he does have authority, and the country is totaled. One reporter challenged trumps claim. Reporter you said when someone is president of the united states, their authority is total. Whha is not true. You kwhat ge go write up per. I need some toilet paper. Now, new yorks governor, andrew cuomo, was on cbs this morning this morning cbs, and he is not buying the president s assertion of authority. The president s position is just absurd. Its not the law. Its not the constitution. Seems like a king golden crown, multiple wives, inbred sons. And cuomo also reminded his fellow governors not to take trumps propagandainfused press conferences seriously. A governor should not watch that. There is no value in it. It would be it is infuriating and offensive and, frankly, ignorant of the facts. If it wasnt so serious, it would be funny, all of this. It could be a comedy skit. Stephen sir, on behalf of people who have dedicated their l iy eisonmedy sts sbe ls than two hf hours, and the punchline shouldnt make you want to punch someone in the face. Later in the day, cuomo said if trump ordered him to reopen his state in a way that would endanger people, he wouldnt do it. That may have led to this strange tweet tell the democrat governors that mutiny on the bounty was one of my alltime favorite movies. A good, oldfashioned mutiny every now and then is an exciting and invigorating thing to watch, especially when the mutineers need so much from the captain. Too easy first of all, what . Second of all, what the bleep . Third of all, for one of his favorite movies, trump is not clear on the plot of mutiny on the bounty. Things do not turn out well for captain bligh. Hes overthrown and ends up in a tiny boat rowing back to england. God, i hope this is like mutiny on the bounty. Um look, tell the democrat governors that silence of the lambs one of my alltime favorite movies. Its about a concerned scientist trying to catch a killer and coming up with creative fava bean recipes for everyone. Hes got quarantined in his basement pit. The governor opens up its stat or it gets the hose again. Nw, before all the fireworks began, trumps briefing started with a public humiliation of dr. Anthony fauci. You see, on sunday, dr. Fauci said he had received pushback on enacting lifesaving social distancing earlier in the pandemic, but he walked that back at the press conference in front of the president. You said there was pushback. Where did that pushback come from . No, it wasnt. That was the wrong choice of words. Stephen as fauci specifically, it was the wrong choice to use words. When describing this administrations response, i really should have just said ahhhhh grrrrrrr yeesh hoo cuckoo paula reid was also skeptical about faucis sincerity. Reporter are you doing this voluntarily, or did the president or the Vice President ask you to do this . No, im doing it. Everything i do is voluntarily. Please, dont even imply that. Stephen yes, this is the universal sign for im not a hostage. Dont even imply that im blinking out a difnt m in morse code. Call the police. You know what . I said good for dr. Fauci. I dont care if he is being pressured. Just do anything to stay in that room. Dont leave us alone with that bad man so it was a twoandahalfhour long, insane, emotional, misinforming, propagandistic press conference. But at least this reporter asked the question that was on all of our minds whats happening . stephen foks, we have got a show for you tonight. Ill get in my pajamas with the great Cate Blanchett and cbs news chief medical correspondent dr. Jon lapook is here to answer your questions about the pandemic. But when we return, bernie oound. Why the heart beats the pulse races why the weight of the world is carried with a smile. And where the comfort thats so desperately sought, is found. This is whats worth protecting embracing. And ensuring for others, especially now. 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And our simple Digital Tools will help you manage your account online. At xfinity, were committed to keeping you connected. Find great offers and value, today, at xfinity. Com stephen welcome back, everybody. Say hi to our friend jon batiste. Jon hello stephen hello, friend. Ill be talking to jon lapook. Do you have a question for him about the pandemic . Jon so many question. When is this going to be over . Thats the biggest question. Stephen i will start with this, what, is the exit strategy . Done. I have to go. Can you give us a little taste before we go . Jon yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little taste of something. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Jon hey, there stephen goodbye, my friend. Jon byebye. Have a good one. Stephen turning to a smaller election. Ever since joe biden wrapped up the democratic primary, theres one endorsement hes been waiting for president barack obama, seen here. Remembering. Well, today, president obama dropped this video on bidens youtube channel, and started on a casual note. Stephen hi, hi, hi so happy to see you wo, its been way too long listen, theres a lot weve got to catch up on. Did you know that the president after you is that guy donald trump from the pizza hut commercials . It has been a dooozy of a few years. I dont know where to start. Here we go. The day after the inauguration, he claimed his crowd sizes were you know what, never mind. Ill send you some links. Hows Richard Branson . Nevermind. Where have you been . Im sorry. This isnt fair. Go ahead. You were endorsing someone . Im so proud to endorse joe biden for president of the united states. Choosing joe to be my Vice President was one of the best decisions i ever made. And he became a close friend. Stephen as biden thats yabba, dabba, true. Told ya me n barack are besties and that proves it. I also do have a girlfriend up in canada. Shes superhot, and we went to third base behind the five and dime. Shes just too busy to come down and campaign with me. Obama laid out all the ways biden outshines our current president when joe talks about opportunity for our kids, we hear the young father who took the train home each night so he could tuck his children into bed. And we hear the influence of jill, a lifelong teacher. Stephen yes, jill has been very good with one particular student, who has some behavioral , beuse eventally a biter. Obama xp biggest appeal of a biden presidency other people. I know hell surround himself with good people experts, scientists, military officials who actually know how to run the government. Stephen hey hey, now, mister leave trumps staff alone. Its full of the worlds top sonsinlaw, fox news castoffs, and Brain Surgeons who are in charge of housing, for some reason. Obama also talked about how times have changed since his first campaign. I could not be prouder of the incredible progress that we made together during my presidency. But if i were running today, i wouldnt run the same race or have the same platform as i did in 2008. Stephen haha. Wouldnt it be funny if you did run for president again . Wouldnt that be hilarious . Or michelle . Or how old are the girls now . Or bo . Whats bo doing . Nothing in the rulebook says a dog cant be president. Obama also reached out to supporters of bernie sanders, knowing joe biden cant win knowing joe cant win the presidency without them. Bernies an american original, a man who has devoted his life to giving voice to working peoples hopes, dreams, and frustrations. Stephen right now, mostly the frustration part. And he laid out the stakes in november. Our countrys future hangs on this election. And it wont be easy. The other side has a massive war chest. The other side has a Propaganda Network with little regard for the truth. Stephen as obama so this time around, were taking a page out of their book. Joe is the strongest, sharpest, youngest man ever to run for president , and hes going to give everyone. Uhhhhh. A pony you can have sex with. Vote biden sex horse 2020. Well be right back with your questions for cbs dr. Jonathan lapook. In these uncertain times, look after yourself, your family, your friends. But know when it comes to your finances, we are here for you. What can i do for you today . Well take a look at the portfolio and make adjustments. Im free to chat if you have any more questions. Our j. P. Morgan advisors are working from home to help guide you through this. For more than 200 years, weve helped our clients navigate historic challenges. And we will get through this one. Together. There are times when our need to connect really matters. To keep customers and employees in the know. To keep business moving. Comcast business is prepared for times like these. Powered by the nations largest gigspeed network. To help give you the speed, reliability, and security you need. Tools to manage your business from any device, anywhere. And a team of experts here for you 24 7. Weve always believed in the power of working together. Thats why, when every connection counts. You can count on us. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is the chief medical correspondent for cbs news. Please welcome, dr. Jonathan lapook doctor thank you so much for being here. Great to be here, stephen. Stephen people say were at war with this virus. Theyre using that metaphor a lot. Yeah. Stephen when you go into a war, certainly you have a goal of what victory is. You have an exit strategy. Whats our exit strategy for this virus . Yeah, well, ultimately, the exit strategy is that this vaccine is widely given. So amazingly, when they came up with a vaccine, when they made the vaccine for sars, it took 20 months. What theyve done subsequently is fewer and fewer months to do it. So tony fauci explained this all to me. It took about two months i think it was 63 days from the moment they got the sequence of this new vice, the novel coronavirus, until it was a vaccine that was to be tested. But its still going to take about a year, a year and a half, for it to be adequately tested. By the way, i the way they did that was absolutely amazing. They had a zika vaccine that was already invented. They basically unscrewed a part of it that was specific for zika and screwed on a part for the coronavirus. Stephen did they use chispr to do that . They did not use crispr, but that was a really smart question. Stephen thats what i specialize in, Smart Questions that are not applicable. And yet, a smart question nevertheless. I think ultimately were all going to be more relaxed when we have a vaccine that we know works, want milliondollar question. Stephen why does this take a year to a year and a half . If we have something that is possible viable in two, two and a half months, what is going on in the year, year and a half that were waiting . Testing. So the first phase is to see what you know, is it safe . Do people get it s some horrie reaction . Then a larger number of people in a phase two. They may combine it with phase three, to see are there any unexpected siefngs . You know, stephen, medicine is an eternally humbling profession. Seriously, if you have been a doctor and you dont understand that, if you have any hiewb lis left, youre in the wrong profession. Look at thalidomide, drugs that have terrible siefngs. Were hoping, were crossing our fingers that this is going to be safe and fieskt but you dont debt bit on it. This is no time to throw out science. Its a time to embrace science and make sure were doing things the right way, even though theres such a pressure to say, lets go ahead and try it. Stephen when can we embrace each sn