Im taking it, hydroxychloroquine. Reporter when . Right now, yeah. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight doctor, doctor, give me fake news. Plus, stephen welcomes steve carell and musical guest, wilco with a special appearance by nick kroll. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen youve goot to stay hydrated. Ready to do it . All right. Lets go. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The big story all week has been donald trump booting hydroxychloroquine. And he was asked about that yesterday at the Cabinet Meeting and, like the badger he wears on his scalp, he got angry when cornered. Great studies came out of italy on hydroxy you know what im talking about right . Right . Stephen as trump no im tal about, right . Right . Because i sure dont. Everythings been a blur since i started taking the hydromychamomille you know what im talking about, right . Hydroxyclamatohaminahamina. Now, trump doesnt have the virus but says he takes hydroxychloroquine to prevent covid19. So hes unwilling to wear a mask, but he will take a drug whose side effects include serious heart conditions, including death. Now, im no cardiologist, but death seems like a pretty serious heart condition. Hows the heart doing . Other than the death . Pretty good. And those arent hydroxychloroquines only side effects. According to the mayo clinic, they also include and im not making any of these up blistering, peeling; loosening of the skin; feeling that others can hear your thoughts; feeling, seeing, or hearing things that are not there; unusual behavior, and unusual facial expressions. Oh no were too late yesterday, trump got some heat for taking the drug by his likely opponent in november, former Vice President and freshlyscrubbed grandpa, joe biden. Biden, who is my guest tomorrow night hello, sir couldnt believe it. Come on, man. What is he doing . What in gods name is he doing . Stephen thats the kind of downhome, folksy outrage that makes biden so darn relatable. The platform page on his Campaign Website is full of it. Foreign relations come on, jack. Lets get serious. The economy cut out the malarkey, you dogfaced pony soldier healthcare sweet and sour, jiminy. Barack obama used to say to me, you know the drill, and my times up. Okay. Now, tragically, the united states, which has only 4 of the worlds population, has the most diagnosed cases of coronavirus in the world and the highest number of fatalities. But donald trump sees the sunny side of is abject failure. When we have a lot of cases, i dont look at that as a bad thing. I look at that as, in a certain respect, as being a good thing, because it means our testing is much better. I view it as a badge of honor. Really, its a badge of honor. And i believe that badge is called, a purp will hateless. Trumps rush to reopen has created growing tension between the centers for Disease Control and the white house. A pandemics a bad time to be feuding with that particular agency. You never saw f. D. R. Pick a fight with the center for defeating nazis. C. D. C. Officials are saying things like weve been muzzled. Well, c. D. C, trump does only know one way to treat people he doesnt respect like a dog stephen now, what theyve been arguing about is how safe it is for states to reopen. The c. D. C. Evidentally wrote up guidelines, but the Trump Administration would not release them because they were overly specific and based on the original guidance, no one who is reopening meets the criteria for reopening. So, instead, this week, the c. D. C. Released a watered down criteria. Because if you cant meet the safety guidelines, just change them. Same way a sign that says, danger electricity do not enter, is a buzzkill, so you change it to danger electricity but maybe youll get super powers. Get in here, you wuss heres some examples of how they softened the requirements for opening ensure social distancing became promote social distancing. And the phrase if possible was added in several sentences. And the title of the report is c. D. C. Guidelines for you to follow. Or not. Whatevs. But its not just the c. D. C. Its hard to find a medical expert anywhere who agrees with trumps plan to open the economy without meeting the c. D. C. Criteria, which is why g. O. P. Operatives are now recruiting extremely protrump doctors to go on television to prescribe reviving the u. S. Economy as quickly as possible, without waiting to meet safety benchmarks. Protrump doctors, assemble dr. Doom, dr. Lecter, dr. Moreau, dr. Frankenstein, dr. Pepper, and dr. I. M. Kooky hello the president s put bad doctors on tv plan was confirmed by his Campaigns Communications director, who explained that anyone who joins the team has to say things that are exactly simpatico with what the president believes. That is one hell of a job interview. Okay, your resume looks absolutely great. Just one last question bleach . The chairman of the American Conservative Union put it bluntly on a call last week, saying, the president s going to get tagged by the Fake News Media as being irresponsible and not listening to doctors. And so we have to gird his loins with a lot of other people. Then, be sure wash your girding hand, because we know where those loins have been. Now, safe or not, some states have already reopened, and yesterday, trump claimed that things are looking good for two of them in particular. Its happening, interestingly, where numbers are actually going down. You look at florida, the state of florida, did a great job. You look at georgia, you look at others. They are open, and some are doing extremely well, far beyond what people thought. Stephen as trump and not just what people thought, either. Theres also that talking dolphin in the back of the room. Hes always taunting me. He says i can only see him because of the hydroxychloroquine, but thats just him trying to control my thoughts. Sorry, flipper. There arent any. At a casual glance, it seems like trump has a point. The Georgia Department of Public Health posted a bar chart that appeared to show that new confirmed cases had dropped each day over two weeks. Good news, until it turned out that chart put the days in the wrong order. The Georgia Department of Public Health is just a little confused. It explains their sign, put a mask on your elbow and cough directly into the face. We know georgia did this because they left the dates on the chart apparently, in the peach state, the calendar goes april 30, may 4, may 6, may 5, may 2, may 7, then april 26. Come on, georgia. At least try to hide the lie. When your parents come home to a house full of teenagers and alcohol, you dont say, no, i didnt have a party while you were gone. My party is scheduled for next friday, which, as you know, here in georgia, was last tuesday. And i have coronavirus. After getting caught redcharted, the governors spokesperson tweeted, our mission failed. We apologize. It is fixed. Adding, merry christmas, everybody but, hey, that still leaves the reopening Success Story that is florida, right . This week, miamidade and broward counties joined the ress 1. Periment with lifeanddeath consequences. Coincidentally, thats also what it says on floridas tourism ads. So far, their numbers have not been spiking. And they seem to have the data to p ironavis statistics in florida are released on a publicly accessible site with tables of covid19 cases, testing, and death data called the covid19 dashboard. Now, the dashboard has been hailed for its transparency and for its hula girl. But theres trouble in paradise by the dashboard light because the woman who designed floridas covid19 dashboard has been removed from her position, saying she was ordered to censor some data, and refused to manually change data to drum up support for the plan to reopen. She refused to cook the books, so she was fired. Its all part of floridas social distancing program, keep six feet away from knowledge. Now, the woman in question, rebekah jones, emailed a farewell note to users of the site last week, and warned that she could not predict how accurate the information would be going forward, writing, i would not expect the new team to continue the same level of accessibility and transparency that i made central to the process. After all, my commitment to both is largely arguably, entirely the reason i am no longer managing it. Thats a rough employee review. Rebekah, your commitment to accessibility and transparency is second to none. Im sorry, youre just not florida material. Youre fired. Just drop your keycard in the alligator on the way out. Now, folks, lets turn to the brighter side of the Global Pandemic in tonights smile file. Todays smifi comes from just outside london, where captain tom moore raised more than 32 Million Pounds for n. H. S. Charities by completing 100 laps of his garden before his 100th birthday in april. Heres the footage of captain moore on patrol. The world war ii veteran has received widespread recognition, including an honorary promotion from captain to colonel, a Royal Air Force aerial salute, 150,000 birthday cards, and having a Railway Train named after him. And im being told we have a picture of the train named after captain thomas. And now the centenarian is set to receive the ultimate british honor for his service, because captain tom will be awarded knighthood. Arise, sir walksalot. Tom has given several interviews about the message he wants us to take away from his endeavors. And i must warn our viewers the footage youre about to see is extremely adorable. Everybody has some kindness somewhere. Please extend your kindness to everyone that you possibly can. Give everybody a little smile, and see if you can get a smile back again. Stephen i want to, captain tom. I really do. Nothing. When asked about what hell discuss with the monarch, the captain was tightlipped. The discussion between me and the queen will have to be kept secret. laughter i dont believe youre meant to say what the queen says. So, i shall say, thank you to you and your people. Ill say, thank you very much, queen. Stephen okay, thats lovely. But im afraid Court Etiquette demands you say, yaaas queen. The captain also quipped about the knighting ceremony itself. I hope shes not very heavy handed with the sword. Stephen dont worry, captain. The sword isnt heavy, but to observe social distancing, it is very long. Weve got a show for you tonight. Steve carrell is here. You love steve carell. But when we come back, i hear some inside scoop about Michael Jordan. Stick around. We love Michael Jordan tums versus mozzarella stick bell rings when heartburn hits fight back fast. With tums chewy bites. Beat heartburn fast tums chewy bites the last thing you should have is having enough toilet paper. Please know were working around the clock to get you more charmin. Stay safe. So yes, things will be ad little different when wet. Open again, at least for a while. A new vegas for the new reality. Were working to make it more intimate, with more space, and the excitement youve come to expect. So if you ever imagined a vegas that was just for you. Its only here. And when its ready, youll be the first to know. Stephen hey, everybody, were back at a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Lets check in with our friend, jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon hello hello stephen what are you playing these days to keep yourself going, jon . Jon you know, this is a great time to listen to your favorite artists entire catalog. Stephen yeah. Jon this is a great time to do that. Stephen who are you on . Jon i was thinking about who i should do tonight. I was thinking about nick hakeem, ray charles or bruce springsteen. Stephen i dont know about nick hakeem, but bra ray and bre would take you more than one night to listen to the whole catalog rntlez i find from my experience, it takes about seven hours. If you start at 7 00 and cook it, and if you stay up as late as i do, 1 00, 2 00, even, you should be finished. Stephen who have you done . Who have you done already . Nchtsz jon i have did a lotf jazz musicians. Wes montgomery. If you listen to his catalog, it will take about eight hours. Stephen wes montgomery, we have to listen to the whole catalog. John is here nchtsz john knows about wes montgomery. Yeah, yeah, wes, and his recordings as a leader. Stephen his recordings as a leader, he says rchltss if you do stuff when hes in other peoples bands, then youll be there forever. Stephen youll never go to bet bed. Jon yeah. Stephen jon, can you play us a Little Something out here . Jon yeah, yeah, of course, lets get into it. Stephen thank you, jon. Jon batiste, everybody. Jon yes, indeed. Stephen see you soon, i hope nchtsz i do, too. Stefoeryones been talking at the espn documentary series the last dance about Michael Jordan and the final championship season of the chicago bulls. The show highlights jordans athleticism and his unrelenting competitive drive. For example, weve always known he enjoyed gambling, but the documentary shows him placing bets with everyone around him. Theres even a clip that has gone viral of jordan and a Security Guard betting on a game where they throw quarters at a wall. One toss . Yeah, four tries . Ill take it. Ste photogrf as ten hours long, thereytwe, en were, apparently, some members of the Bulls Organization that did not make the cut. So joining us now for an exclusive late show interview is a different member of Michael Jordans security team, larryjohn winooski thanks for joining us, mr. Winooski. Hey, steve. Great to be here stephen mr. Winooski please, call me l. J. It beats m. J. By one letter stephen okay, l. J. , the last dance has been a cultural phenomenon. Its been amazing to relive these moments with the 90s bulls, and i understand you were there for all of it . You bet i was there stephen great, because what i want to know no, i mean, do you wanna bet i was there . Because i got six bucks says i dont wao gamble. Now, people are talking about that clip of jordan playing quarters with one of his Security Guards. Were you ever involved in things like that . Oh, yeah. You know, me and mike used to bet on all sorts of stuff, like who can throw a nickel at a squirrel. Or how far can you throw a squirrel . Or how many crumbs are stuck in my perm . Oh and one time, i bet jordan he wouldnt wear a weird little hitler mustache in an underwears commercial. Lost that one big time stephen that surprised a lot of people. But one of the questions the series brings up is whether Michael Jordan had a gambling problem. What do you think . Oh, absolutely not, steve. He didnt have a gambling problem. He was just highly competitive. Stephen about everything . Oh, yeah. Especially about gambling. It was a real problem. Stephen sounds like you and jordan were pretty close. Why arent you in the documentary . Oh, im in there. You just cant see me cause im hiding inside his giant suits. Im in the pant leg, holding on like this. You know, for security. Like a baby koala. Stephen yeah, sure, eating eucalyptus. Exactly. You know pandas eat baboo and you can make paper out of their poopoo. Stephen i did not know that. You can make paper out of panda poopoo . Side note. Stephen you were obviously very committed to your job. 100 . 100 . I like to think of myself as the Michael Jordan of Security Guards. Stephen because youre the best . Yes. And because we both got cut from our High School Basketball teams. And we both ended up working for the bulls in the 90s. And, of course, the gambling problem. Stephen well, l. J. Watching the last dance, you see how much cultural influence jordan had the shoes, commercials, movies. What was that like for the people around him . Oh, steve, he was so famous, youd get famous just for being near the guy i even got my own movie, like space jam. The budget was smaller though. Instead of in space, we had to shoot it in my parents garage. And we couldnt afford animation, so it was just me, a live bunny, a real duck, and bill murray. Stephen bill murray . Not that bill murray. Different bill murray. Good guy, though. Hell randomly show up at strangers weddings, too. Stephen now, before we go, as someone who was there, why do you think the story captured in the last dance is resonating with people right now . Well, you know, i dont know, steveo. Could be that, given the Current Crisis and whatnot, people are nostalgic not just for live sports, but for a collective experience of greatness, for the boundless american achievement that Michael Jordan represents. Either that, or people have been stuck at home for two months and will watch a tenhour documentary about literally anything. Ill bet you threetoone on stuck at home. Stephen again, im not betting anything. Haha i put 100 bucks on you not gambling. You lose Michael Jordan l. J. Wins again stephen Michael Jordan, Security Guard. Larryjohn winooski, everyone. You can hear nick kroll on new episodes of oh, hello the pdcast, that raises money for the charity off their plate. Well be right back thanks so much for having me, steve . Stephen well be right back with steve carell. You should stick around. I might. I might. Effortless is the lincoln way. So as you head back out on the road, well be doing what we do best. Providing some calm amidst the chaos. With virtual, realtime tours of our vehicles as well as remote purchasing. For a little help, on and off the road. Now when you buy or lease a new lincoln, well make up to 3 payments on your behalf. 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