Congratulations. You just won all the chips i have been touching for the past six hours. Now, just to be safe, im going to take the temperature again. Anybody want to play craps . Its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, confederasee you later plus, stephen welcomes Wesley Lowery and judd apatow. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, liiiive on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen okay. Orry. Stephen why seven . Because you have to work for me. They didnt make it around my schedule. Stephen they didnt . Oh well. laughter hows this going, by the way . Great. Stephen okay, good. For me, too. I just want to make sure youre not bored to tears over there. I have three ipadss, two laptops is that you have something to entertain you while i do the show . Yes, i do. Stephen welcome to a late show. Im Stephen Colbert. Protests are continuing all over america, ovd if that makes you nervous, you might be a confederate statue. Fans of the union are tearing down these monuments all across the south, including last night in richmond, virginia, where protesters tore down a statue of jefferson davis. Or, as he might put it, i hereby secede from my pedestal. Its not just protesters. Yesterday, in a letter to her congressional colleagues, Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for the removal of confederate statues from the u. S. Capitol. What . There are confederate statues in the u. S. Capitol . Where do they keep them, in the hall of losers . Or did Ulysses Grant just capture robert e. Lee in carbonite . In addition to statues, activists are targeting use of the stars and bars as symbol of racial intimidation, and they scored a major victory because, last night, nascar banned the display of the Confederate Flag at its races and tracks. Nascars getting more progressive. I shouldnt be surprised. All they do is turn left. Technically accurate observation. Stephen the move comes after pressure from race car driver and man with the most nascar name ever, bubba wallace. Wallace is nascars only black driver. You can always tell his car, because its the one getting pulled over. as sheriff so, what are you doing in this neighborhood . Earlier today, wallace explained his opposition to the Confederate Flag. To a group that is in a lot of pain right now the African American community is in a lot of pain thats a symbol of hate, and it brings back so many bad memories. Signs of oppression from way back when. And it just theres no good that comes with that flag. Stephen hes right, no good comes with it. In fact, its such an unlucky flag that even the people who started it had to replace it with this one. Wallace puts his horsepower where his mouth is, because in a race yesterday, he took to the track in a black lives matterthemed car. Pretty sweet. Although im going to factcheck his fender, because this has definitely not been a good year. Nascars got company, because the u. S. Army recently announced that it is open to considering the removal of confederate leaders names from u. S. Military bases. Thats reasonable, considering those men waged war on the u. S. Military. Its one of the reasons the navy renamed the u. S. S. Saddam hussein. Now, these bases werent named right after the civil war. People back then knew they were traitors. The bases got their names after all the civil war veterans were dead, at the height of jim crow. So this sounds like a slam dunk. Only someone completely tonedeaf to the continuing pain of black citizens who make up 20 of the u. S. Army would disagree. It has been suggested that we should rename as many as 10 of our legendary military bases, such as fort bragg in north carolina, fort hood in texas, fort benning in georgia, etc. These monumental and very powerful bases have become part of a Great American heritage, and a dotdotdot. Dotdotdot history of winning, victory, and freedom. First, they didnt fight for freedom. Second, winning and victory are the same thing. And the confederacy didnt do either of them. Youd know that if you werent stupid and an idiot. Sorry, you were dogwhistling . My administration will not even consider the renaming of these magnificent and fabled military installations. Its not surprising that trumps okay with naming things after old racist guys. He named his own son donald trump. Yesterday, trump got a little air cover from White House Press secretary and cursed bratz doll, kayleigh mcenany. The president will not be signing legislation that renames americas forts. Its important to note, you know, fort bragg, for example, its one of the Largest Military installations, its home to tens of thousands of brave american soldiers, and when you think of fort bragg, we think of the brave soldiers that deployed from there. Stephen yeah, he cant let them rename fort bragg thats trumps favorite verb next, hed have to rename fort lie, and fort cheatonyourwife. Trumps been itching to get out of the white house. Hes got a bad case of bunker fever. So, hes revving up his Summer Campaign tour, with rallies in florida, oklahoma, arizona, texas, and north carolina. He misses walking out to a large crowd that he didnt tear gas. His first rally takes place in tulsa, oklahoma, on june 19, also known as juneteenth, an annual holiday commemorating the end of slavery in the united states. And 99 years ago this month, tulsa was the site of one of the countrys bloodiest outbreaks of racial violence, when white mobs attacked black citizens and businesses with guns and explosives. To be fair, theres no way trump knows that much american history. Im pretty sure he just told stephen miller. as trump pick the most offensive date and place, and jot it down on my hooters calendar. Oh, this month is clam strips. Daddy like. Obviously, any public gathering is a Public Health risk due to coronavirus. Still, the Trump Campaign is unlikely to put into place any social distancing measures for rally attendees, or require them to wear masks. But as a precautionary measure, every attendee will be provided a syringe full of bleach. But trumps defending bringing everyone together for a bigtime spittlefest. His advisers say that the recent black lives matter protests in metropolitan areas will make it harder for liberals to criticize him. No, its still easy to criticize him. Here, watch black lives matter protesters overwhelmingly wear masks. And they werent protesting against wearing masks. Trump is specifically saying no masks. Though he might make an exception for a hood. Another difference is that the black lives matter protests are outdoors, where covid spreads less easily, and trumps rallies are almost always indoors. But treasury secretary Steve Mnuchin doesnt see the big difference, as he said yesterday. This distinction between indoor and outdoor seems a bit random, and i dont know what people would do if it rains. Stephen he seems pretty confused by the concept of indooroutdoor. as mnuchin am i indoors . Am i outdoors . Is it raining, or are people just spitting on me because im Steve Mnuchin . Oits going to stick that way one day. Of course, the biggest trump rally of all will be this summers Republican Convention originally set to take place in charlotte, north carolina. But trump changed his mind when he found out they care about the safety of their citizens. Governor roy cooper wants to maintain social distancing, but in a phone call, trump told him, i dont want to be sitting in a place thats 50 empty. You didnt enjoy your inauguration . Are we not doing this one . I thought okay, were not doing this one. So trump said nuts to north carolina, and went looking for a city willing to risk its citizens lives and allow a largescale event amid the coronavirus pandemic. Which is why the top contender could only be one place jacksonville, florida we all know their motto what happens in jacksonville. Is prohibited by Health Officials everywhere else. And what a convention it will be, because last night, the Republican National committees executive panel also voted to make no changes to its 2016 party platform, a platform that condemns the current president. Looks like mitt romneys not going to be sitting alone after all apparently, the g. O. P. Didnt think to update their statements from 2016 based on who is in the white house in 2020. Which is why their official platform currently reads, the Current Administration has abandoned americas friends and rewarded its enemies. Yes, the Current Administration has abandoned its friends. A couple of wives, too. There may be one upside to the pandemic, because the coronavirus has gutted the price of coca, a natural stimulant that is the Building Block of cocaine. Thats right, the cocaine market has taken a huge hit. And not just because the n95 masks make it nearly impossible to do a bump in the bathroom at the club. Experts say that lockdowns and a huge drop in travel challenged the ability of cartels to move product by land, air or sea. They still havent figureed out a way to move coke over the internet, even though it seemed like a really great idea last night when they were doing all that coke. They cant move it by land, air, or sea, which leaves only one option. So mr. President , i am calling on you to form a new branch of Drug Enforcement space narcs in space, no one has to tell you theyre a cop. The lack of buyers for their product has gotten so bad that growers are calling this the great coca crash of 2020. As opposed to the great cocaine crash, which happens about an hour after you run out of flake and realize you put your life savings into a spanishchinese fusion food truck. Speaking of bumping some junk, sex. During the pandemic, new york city Health Officials want to lend you a helping hand. Because of restricted access to Sexual Health clinics, theyre offering free Home Delivery of condoms and lube. Thats very thoughtful. But when the delivery man comes, be careful about offering him a tip. The City Health Department has also released new guidelines for safer pandemic sex, saying wearing a Face Covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex. They even released this instructional video. Nice to see tom cruise do a p. S. A. The city offers commonsense advice, like you are your safest sex partner. Unfortunately, also the laziest. Sorry, its not my birthday. Mostly, they want you to avoid kissing, or really doing anything facetoface. So the officials are advising you to be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls. Well, i never thought i would say this, but build the wall build the wall and if shes into that sort of thing, lock her up . So new yorkers, fill your bedside table with brick and mortar, and warn your neighbors not to come a knockin if they hear you sheetrockin. Weve got a show for you tonight. Ill be talking to judd apatow and pulitzer prizewinnng journalist Wesley Lowery. But when we return, meanwhile whether you need dinner for two. Or a room with a view. Fresh hay all day. Or a ball to play. Bribes to roll over. Or an overdue makeover. Get all your pet essentials right when you need them, with Curbside Pickup at petsmart. Just order online, drive up, checkin, and pick up without contact. Thanks for sharing your savage moves, and especially your awkward ones. Thanks for sharing your cute kids. And your adorable pets. Now its our turn to share. With the geico giveback. A 15 credit on car and motorcycle policies for both current and new customers. And because were committed for the long haul, the credit lasts your full policy term. So thanks again. One good share deserves another. Lets be honest. Quitting smoking is hard. Like, quitting every monday hard. Quitting feels so big. So try making it smaller, and youll be surprised at how easily starting small can lead to something big. Start stopping with nicorette. Nyquifor your worst cold andrful relieflu symptoms, starting small can lead to something big. On sunday night and every night. Nyquil severe. The nightime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, best sleep with a cold, medicine. When this crisis is dongoing to be over and we dont know exactly when the stock market will reach its bottom, weve got to be prepared for this to last a long time. If you assume that youre out of work for nine months but you end up only being out of work for. But a slice is just right. Thats why fidelity offers dollarbased trading. Buy what you want based upon how much you want to spend, even if its just a slice of a share. Stephen welcome back, everybody. You know, i spend a lot of time braiding the finelybrushed hair that is the days top stories, conditioning every strand, painstakingly twisting every section into the beautiful, salonquality french braid that is my monologue. But sometimes, i gather up an unwashed, uncombed knotpile, wrap it in a scrunchie from seventh grade, and throw it into the greasy, unevenly dyed, splitended bun of news that is my segment quarantinewhile stephen in order to offer nocontact service to his customers, a butcher in rochester, new york has installed a 24hour meat machine. By the way, 24hour meat machine . Also my stripper name. Im not proud of it. But i was young and i needed the meat. The machine allows customers to purchase their steaks and chops with minimal persontoperson contact in a sectionedoff vestibule at the front of his shop. And if you like that, be sure to check out their ground beef softserve. Quarantinewhile, a japanese bus company has come up with a solution to travel in the covid19 era, and here it is in action. There you go. Yep. And safety. Now, i know that looks like its just a baby stroller hood for adults, but this is japan, so its probably also a sex thing. Also, in japan, Amusement Parks had been closed since february to help stop the spread of coronavirus, but they may be opening again soon with guidelines to do so safely. One of the new rules for visitors no screaming. So take your kids to the deadsilent Amusement Park and try not to think about how youre all inside an episode of black mirror. Isnt this fun, kids . The clowns are so. Quiet. Quarantinewhile, there is some good news out there, but you have to go to space to find it. Recently, spacexs crew dragon capsule successfully docked with the International Space station, and here is the historic moment the two astronaut teams meet. And its the firstever going in for a handshake when the other guy thinks its going to be a hug in outer space uhh, houston, that was awkward. The two nasa astronauts were sent up with these snazzy outfits. The designer says the goal was to have the astronauts put the suit on and look better than they did without it, like a tux. But these things are way better than an actual tuxedo, because its perfectly acceptable to go to the bathroom in them, which, let me tell you, is frowned upon when you are hosting the Kennedy Center honors. Im sorry, i was just really moved by aretha. Quarantinewhile, researchers have discovered that ancient people in the kingdom of judah may have gotten high off weed. Which explains why moses was taking orders from a burning bush. as stoned moses hear me, o israel ive got the munchies. Lets go to the land of milk and honey. Wait, better idea lets go to the land of mozzarella sticks dipped in ranch dressing. God, where is this place . I feel like ive been wandering for like 40 years. The researchers came to this conclusion after they discovered cannabis at a holy of holies shrine in israel, where it appears that animal dung was used as the fuel to burn the cannabis, because dung burns more slowly than herbs, so it would have slowed down the burning process. Hence, the origin of the phrase this is some good bleep . Well be right back with pulitzer prizewinning journalist wesley lowrey. [music begins to play together by sia] come now set the past on fire stand up raise your face to the sky my love together we can take it higher together we can take it higher come now set the past on fire stand up raise your face to the sky my love together we can take it higher [cheering from video audio plays] together we can take it higher whether you know what day it is or not. Consistency is key when taking on acne. And an everyday cleanser . Thats breakouts worst enemy. Love, neutrogena®. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. 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Its the easiest way to watch live tv and all your favorite streaming apps. And now x1 also comes with peacock. Ooh la la. This rare bird lets you stream tons of movies, shows, news, sports and more. With x1, its all at your beck and call. Show me parks and rec. See . The best really did get better magnificent. Xfinity x1 just got even better with peacock premium included for no additional cost. No strings attached. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is a pulitzer prizewinning journalist and bestselling author who covers race, law enforcement, and justice, and a correspondent for 60 minutes new series