Happening. Plus, stephen welcomes former National Security advisor john bolton. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen got your props ready . All the props for our prop comedy show were going to do . Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Were a little over four months from the president ial election, and things are not looking great for donald trump. Hes trailing biden by double digits in polls by cnn and cnbc. Hes even down by 12 points in a fox news poll. Ooh, you know it hurts more when you get the news from someone you love. The only way it could have been worse is if he found out from the bottom of a chicken bucket. Trump is so far behind, that according to the hill, there is no plausible scenario where trump would lose the National Popular vote by the kind of margin currently projected, yet why would you say that, you idiots i gotta knock on wood. Its aged in oak. Trumps still stinging from the embarrassment of his sparsely attended rally in tulsa, so last wow the trump rally gives fox news the largest saturday night audience in its hustory. Yes, husstory. You know what they say, those who fail to spell history are dermed to repoop it. Im sorry, you were repooping . Isnt it amazing that virtually nobody in the lamestream media is reporting this rather major feat great point. In the midst of a Global Pandemic and massive civil unrest, reporters are totally burying the story of how many people were watching tv. It reminds me of that headline from after pearl harbor f. D. R. Speech gets incredible ratings also war. To be fair, trump is right. A Record Number of people did tune in to watch him be humiliated in tulsa. Its the feelgood hit of the summer but today, trump was off to another rally, this time in arizona. Before he left, he screamed into the whirling blades of tonights episode of chopper talk stephen now, in addition to the empty seats, the big news from trumps tulsa rally is that he said he told Health Officials to slow down testing so america wouldnt get so many confirmed cases of coronavirus. The white house has since said multiple times that the president was joking. Yeah, hes joking about a Global Pandemic. Its a snippet from his new standup special Donald Trumps death comedy jam. as trump i really killed. Then i went onstage. This morning, the testing jokec mr. President , at that rally stephen oh, my god. Your staff tries to pull your news cycle out of the ditch, and you just floor it in reverse whats it like to work for this guy. Is what ill be asking my guest jhn bolton tonight. Now, like i said, trump was on his way to arizona, a state he desperately needs to win, and a senate seat that is deeply in trouble for the republicans. So he was prepared to play his greatest hit as trump wall. Stephen oh, we know. Every day youre in office, millions of americans turn to each other and say, okay, weve hit a new low. As he said, trump is going to arizona to celebrate buildingle. Its not the number. Because the grand total of new wall where there was no wall before is three miles. So, three miles in a little more than three years. Its 2,000 miles of border to cover so, he just needs to be president for about. 2,000 more years. as trump watch me drink water with one robot tentacle. Lock up hillarys brain in a jar. Trumps wall isnt just short. Its bad. Because according to reports, people are sawing through and climbing over trumps border wall. Well, hes got no one to blame but himself. Immigrants are just taking his advice if theres a concrete wall in front of you, go through it. Go over it. Go around it. But get to the other side of that wall. Stephen as trump shouldnt be hard, its only three miles long. One problem with trumps visit is arizona has tallied almost 55,000 cases of covid19 and has doubled the number of cases in the last 15 days. Yikes. The university of phoenix might have to start offering some of its courses online. Now, arizona is not alone. Other states reopened way too early, and predictably, half of u. S. States have seen a coronavirus surge. And one of the biggest reasons its spreading in those states is that coronavirus cases among young people are on the rise. In fact, several cases were linked to Fraternity Rush parties in oxford, mississippi. And now to ensure proper hygiene, University Officials have posted signs at all fraternities saying, please purell the vodka bottle before making the pledges boof. In the midwest, four cases of covid19 have been tied to the Cruisin ChubbysGentlemens Club in wisconsin dells. Not Cruisin Chubbys id expect that at a less reputable place like the meandering tentpole, or casual stiffies, or maybe floppys house of halfboners. But Cruisin Chubbys . Its a gentlemans club. They watch those ladies dance through a monocle. Now, completely off subject, when i saw this news story, i could not resist googling Cruisin Chubbys on somebody elses computer, and i found this helpful yelp review ranch dressing was the best ive had. I go every other day. Thats the first question everyone asks before going to a strip club hows the salad bar . Great, just. Dont touch the sneeze guard. In addition to his empty rally, trumps also been sensitive about criticism he got for slow walking a ramp and drinking two handed. Sources say the president has become so obsessed with showing how mentally fit he is that he has started reminding people about the cognitive Screening Test that he took in 2018. Proving youre fine now by pointing to something you did two years ago is not reassuring. as drunk man guys, im all good to drive. Seriously, remember two years ago when i wasnt drunk . Youre cute. Come here. I want to tell you something. Hi. Heres an example of the kind of test trumps bragging about. It involves advanced cognitive challenges like drawing a clock, knowing the date and month, and naming different animals. And im sure trump aced it. as trump okay, here we go. Uh, that dogs gonna eat the unicorns butt. Watch out, humpy horse, youre next. Okay, i did it. Wheres my chicken tenders . This restaurant sucks. Theres not even a treasure map on the back. At a Cabinet Meeting in early june, trump brought up the exam and waxed on about how he dazzled the proctors with his stellar performance. How can you dazzle a proctor on that test . as proctor incredible. Mr. President , you knew the date and the month. Youve graduated summa cum clock. Sources say that, recently, trump has been especially braggy about the part of the 2018 test where he was able to repeat five words in order. Thats right. I said all five words. And then the doctor said, no, you have to repeat the words i gave you. and i said, my words are better cookie, hat, wall, boobs. Cookie. You get double cookie with mine. So trump is feeling insecure about how people perceive his mental acuity heading into the election, which might be why he has also suggested challenging joe biden to take the same test. I cant wait to see those two duke it out on the debate zoom. as trump okay, so this black and white animal is clearly a stripey horse. as biden no way, jack. Thats a pinstripe donkey as trump stripey horse as biden pinstripe donkey as trump can we take a break . Im starving for some cookie boobs. My glasses go back on, tuck the hair back in, all good. Todays election day in new york, mississippi, virginia, north and south carolina, and kentucky. But one of the symptoms of coronavirus is major election headaches. So the obvious solution is mail in ballots so, naturally, trump is against it, tweeting, rigged 2020 election millions of mail in ballots will be printed by foreign countries, and others. It will be the scandal of our times wait a second, how can you have foreign countries, and others . What others could there be on the planet . Get ready for senator eustice p. Moleman. The president also used twitter to continue his feud with my guest tonight, former National Security adviser and selfaware push broom, john bolton. Boltons promoting his scathing new book about the Trump Administration, the room where it happened. Trump went after bolton this morning on the fox and the friends. What he did do is he took classified information, then he published it during a presidency. Its one thing to write a book after during. And i believe he is a criminal. And i believe, frankly, he should go to jail for that. Stephen okay, but dont arrest john bolton until after i do my interview with him. I dont want a repeat of paul mccartney. Turns out his band was on the run. Stephen with the ongoing protests for racial justice, weve seen one area of reform statues. Americans have begun reexamining exactly who were honoring on that pedestal that teens vape around. In new york city, the museum of Natural History has announced a statue of Teddy Roosevelt will be removed, because, as the mayor put it, it explicitly depicts black and Indigenous People as subjugated and racially inferior. I have got to agree. If youve never seen the statue in question, here it is oh, yeah. Thats not good. Looks like the worlds most racist birthday boy pony ride. Look, history is what it is, anf ite house. But makids canearn abo instead, they spend too much time in middle School Learning the difference between stalagmites and stalagtites. Very few of americas children live in caves. Please, no letters, senator moleman some people are taking statue removing into their own hands. This weekend in d. C. , protesters pulled down a statue of confederate general albert pike and then set it on fire. In raleigh, north carolina, protesters pulled down a statue of a confederate soldier. And in california, people brought down a statue of the composer of the starspangled banner, Francis Scott key. And one person who doesnt seem to mind this particular destatueing is an actual descendant of key who tweeted this weekend, as a descendant of Francis Scott key, let me just say. This is fine. It turns out, Francis Scott key owned slaves, persecuted abolitionists, and wrote a completely unsingable song. We need a new National Anthem that everyone can sing sweet carolina bah, bah, bah and all the other 50 staaates and guam and puerto rico play ball this trend of destatueing clearly has trump upset, because he took to one of his fox friends to try to undermine the message of the protesters. And heres the other problem i have. A lot of these people that want it down dont even know what they are taking down. I watched them on television, and i see whats happening. And they are ripping down things they have no idea what they are ripping down. Stephen look, reasonable people can argue this is the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do, but they know exactly what theyre tearing down. If its just statues, theyd also be pulling down the nations bobs big boys. His only crime is wearing pants up to his nipples. And if i just made you think about big boys nipples, youre welcome. We have got a great show for you tonight. Ill be talking to the author of the room where it happened, former National Security advisor john bolton. Stick around. However you go back, weve got your back. An extra 15 credit on car and motorcycle policies . Wow. Ok thats 15 on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Idina menzel to sing your own theme song . Tara, tara, look at her go with a fresh cup of joe. 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And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight has spent over three decades in government and served as president trumps National Security advisor. His new book about his time in the Trump Administration is called the room where it happened. Please welcome ambassador john bolton ambassador, thanks for being with us tonight. Glad to be with you. Stephen how thick is your skin . Because youve gotten a lot of criticism about waiting to tell all this information in the book, rather than speaking out earlier. Have you gotten used to that . Well, you never get used to it entirely, but i think there are very Important Reasons why i didnt do it, why i thought the impeachment effort led by house of representatives, democrats, was badly guided, badly mistaken stephen ive heard those, because ive seen some of the interviews. Im just curious how do you feel about people criticizing you about that . You know, i think its part of being in washington these days. I think if you dont have a thick skin, maybe you ought to think about another line of work. Im not saying i enjoy it by any stretch of the imagination, but if youre not prepared for it, youre just not going to be heard in the washington debate. S is ierview easier. Fair warning. Stephen now, donald trump called you a traitor. And some people out there might think you have an axe to grind against the g. O. P. How conservative are you . Well, the exact opposite is true. Look, i got my start in politics at the ripe old age of 15, handing out leaflets for Barry Goldwater in 1964. Ive been involved in the republican stephen you sound like fun yeah. Believe me. I was a white house summer intern for spiro agnew in 1972. Stephen uhhuh. I worked that was before being a white house intern was famous. I worked in the reagan administration. I worked in both bush administrations. I have written more opeds than i can count, given speeches. Ive been a conservative all my life. And to me, this is this is about philosophy. I dha to goo government. You certainly dont go into government for financial reasons. I just could have stayed but to me, particularly in the National Security field, its philosophy driven. And that was one of my principal problems with donald trump as i experienced it. Stephen you know, you didnt have to go into government, and you didnt have to go into the Trump Administration. You had to know that that was a a whirlpool of chaos in there, even those of us looking from the outside who never got to go in could see it. Why did you go in knowing how chaotic it was . Did you think that chaos was a ladder that you could climb and do the right thing . I certainly heard all the stories. But i had also spoken with trump before he was elected, after he took office. And it was my belief that that this could be overcome, that you could set up an orderly process to advance what i thought were policies that trump felt comfortable with, policies he had articulated in speeches during the campaign. And for those who say, but, you know, trump and bolton never got along all i can say is i was on fox for over 10 years, and i dont think anybodys ever criticized me for being shy about my opinions. He saw me all the time. If he didnt understand what i was saying, i honestly dont know what i could have done to say it any clearer. So i entered, i think aware of the problems, but optimistic that they could be overcome. And the book is the story, perhaps, about how i was wrong about that. Stephen the book is packed with shocking revelations that really shouldnt be shocking, because they seem so true to form for donald trump. As National Security advisor, you saw interaction between trump and world leaders, and you depict trump as someone with a soft spot for autocrats. Who took advantage of that the most of his soft spot . Every one of them. Its a close race to see who could see through him the clearest and try to manipulate him. Xi jinping, Vladimir Putin, kim jongun, erdogan of turkey. Theres a long list of them. To me that was obviously very tro