Children get the virus. And we want to make sure that promise is followed through on. Ri . Announcer its a late show plus, stephen welcomes Norah Odonnell. And musical guest i. D. K. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen ready . Thanks. I truly dont know what to do about this hair. It is so what do you want me to do . Why dont i cut it for you . Stephen you cut away you dont want to. Youre afraid. Youre afraid, youre afraid. Im afraid. Stephen i have to do something about the hair because, i have to use so much product to keep this from happening up here. Just be shaggy. Just be yourself. Stephen just be shaggy . Because right now its got a very don jr. Look. Im not liking it. The deep tan doesnt help either. Go natural. Stephen au naturale . Okay. Tomorrow, no hair spray, no pants. Welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Were back after a twoweek break. Hey, you know what i wish would also come back . Governance. We could really use some right now. Because the coronavirus continues to surge in america, where were up to 3. 3 million cases. And yesterday, florida shattered the u. S. Record for new single day covid19 cases. That of course belongs with other florida records like highest number of illegal petting zoo fatalities, most nude at hardees, and most nude at illegal petting hardees. According to the Florida Department of health an oxymoron if there ever was one the state reported 15,299 new covid19 cases yesterday. Ors ju throw a condom over the whole state. Despite this surge in cases, on saturday, Walt Disney World officially reopened. That is not safe disney only has one doc, and hes already busy with sleepy and sneezy plus, the whole states screwed because their governors dopey now, to disneys credit, only Magic Kingdom and disneys Animal Kingdom are open. Epcot wanted to open, but americans arent even allowed to visit pretendeurope. So coronavirus cases are skyrocketing, but dont worry, because the white house is working hard on an aggressive new plan to discredit dr. Anthony fauci. So, the guy youre undermining during a Public Health crisis is your top Public Health expert. Thats like discrediting lassie right when she starts barking. What is it, girl . Did timmy fall down a well . barking why should i believe you . The president says you spend all your time licking your own butt stephen over the weekend, the administration ramped up their attacks on fauci, because trump doesnt want to talk about coronavirus. Instead, he wants voters to focus on another issue no, radical left anarchists, agitators, looters or protesters will not be knocking down or harming the washington monument, the lincoln or jefferson memorials, or just about any other federal monumrnt. Er mer gerd ther knerckin dern the monumrts meanwhile, fauci is out there saying things like this about covid19. As a country, when you compare us to other countries, i dont think you can say were doing great. I mean, were just not. Stephen as trump how dare you, fauci . What kind of monster would say americas not doing great and needs to be made great again . Its really hard to do that voice after you havent done it for two weeks. Its just, its very painful. Even though fauci is part of the administrations own task force, the white house is treating him as if he were a warring political rival, and the list of faucis statements sent to journalists was laid out in the style of a campaigns Opposition Research document. You dont like his diagnosis, so you try to destroy his reputation. Makes sense. Thats why i took out this ad dr. Glen eichler, wrong on my blood pressure, wrong for america. Paid for by Stephen Colberts who want to eat more carbs. Stephen the main thrust of their attack is that americabouw often dr. Fauci has been wrong. Well, if theyre worried about fauci, they should really warn us about this Government Official, who got a few things wrong we have it totally under control. Its one person coming in from china. You know, in april, supposedly it dies with the hotter weather. The people are getting better. They are all getting better. When you have 15 people, and the 15, within a couple of days, is going to be down to close to zero. You have to be calm. It will go away. Relative to other countries, we have very few cases. I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do Something Like that . By injection inside, or or, almost a cleaning . Be a cleaning. About four months from now. No way this prediction will ever come back to bite me in the ass slam stephen with coronavirus surging across the nation, parents are wondering how and if schools will be able to reopen in the fall. On the one hand, parents are worried it may not be safe to send kids back. On the other hand, send the kids back theres only so much paw patrol and peppa pig an adult human can take trumps behind in every national poll, so hes desperate for the schools to reopen. He even tweeted this threat the dems think it would be bad for them politically if u. S. Schools open before the november election, but it is important for the children and families. May cut off funding if not open as trump must open need english class not understand where go sentence subject of that is a big threat to schools open or lose some of your funding. And to reinforce that message, trump sent out secretary of education and woman just learning she was secretary of education, betsy devos. Devos was on a bunch of the , immediy doubledown on trthreat rican investment ieducat a pr. If schools arent going to reopen and not fulfill that promise, they shouldnt get the funds. Stephen thats right. If schools arent going to reopen and not fulfill that promise, they shouldnt get the funds. Because nothing says youre a great secretary of education like a sentence with a triple negative. Thats like watching the secretary of the navy go on tv and drown in a kiddie pool. Understandably, there are some concerns about returning to school such as, you know, the dying stuff. Which is why Chris Wallace asked about kids spreading the virus. Ive been told the science there isnt so clear, secretary. How they spread the virus, conceivably to their parents, to their grandparents, to teachers in the school, to custodians in the school. Do we know that . Well, that is something that is obviously continuing to be looked at and studied, and thspreaders. Sting. Soave so data suggest ve had kids. My children started school in 1999. And i am almost over the cold i caught that year. Rabid raccoons are less of a disease vector than children. Then devos went over to cnn, where she was asked about whether or not the department of education had a plan for reopening the schools. Her answer was a resounding, i dont know. Do you have a plan for but for what students the plan and what schools should do . So. Schools should do whats right on the ground at that time for their students and for their situation. There is no one uniform approach that we can take nat or should take nationwide. Stephen so the plan is make your own plan. Id love to see a devos family recipe. Betsys brownies. Step one find someone who knows how to make brownies. Step two enjoy those brownies. Step three, endanger children. E wamaift inovid poli from the president this weekend when he went to visit patients and staff at walter reed medical center. After months of refusing to wear a mask because he was afraid hed be made fun of brace yourselves he finally put one on. And i just want to say haha this was all the long con weve been wearing them just to get you to look stupid. Youve been healthd. Trump maintains that hes been a mask man all along. I think when youre in a hospital, you should definitely wear a mask. Ill be wearing a mask. I think hopefully i look good in a mask. Ive never been against masks. But i do believe they have a time and a place. Stephen yes, theres a time and a place. Pandemic, and face. Speaking of trump covering things up over the break, we got some news about former Trump Campaign adviser and head the hat came with, roger stone. Remember roger stone . If not, lets catch you up. Previously, on roger stone roger stone vows that he will never testify against the president , and says he had no contact with wikileaks on the clinton campaigns stolen emails. President trump is praising his former longtime associate roger stone over his refusal to testify against him to the special counsel. Roger stone was arrested, to ce charges in Robert Muellers russia investigation. Hes accused of lying to a Congressional Committee and witness tampering. Now to the verdict tonight involving roger stone guilty on all counts. Well, you cant win em all, batman. And now, tonights episode of roger stone. Stephen when last we checked on roger stone, it looked like bu has been sent served. Back to the kitchen. Because on friday, trump commuted stones sentence. Which is an outrageous abuse of power and, of course he did. Roger stone was a trump loyalist for the entire process, and now hes being rewarded with a get out of jail free card. Which makes sense, given that stone dresses just like the monopoly guy. Still, first michael flynn, and now roger stone . Trump is clearly breaking out his cronies for one last heist. Its all in the new caper collusions eleven. Criticism of the move was swift. Even by republican senators pat toomey and mitt romney, who tweeted, unprecedented, historic corruption an american president commutes the sentence of a person convicted by a jury of lying to shield that very president. Yeah, but thats just one of the perks of being on the trump train. He promises his people unlimited pardons, one free mypillow, and a lifetime of getting your food spit in at restaurants. Other members of the g. O. P. Joined in with this statement crickets wolf howling i believe that the president has learned president has learned president has learned. Stephen she will be missed. But we did get a rare statement from special counsel robert mueller. Now thats a name ive not heard in a long time. A long time. Ind senar fromagree with the tooine. On saturday, mueller wri, russias actions were a threat to americas democracy. It was critical that they be investigated and understood. Stone was prosecuted and convicted because he committed federal crimes. He remains a convicted felon, and rightly so. Or as that statement was redacted by bill barr americas democracy remains rightly so. Hey theres huge news in the world of sports. Evie and i worked on a puzzle last night. evie laughing its one of those new yorker cover puzzles . So great. Im tired. Stephen so great. Im tired she gets the edges down really fast. Lots of fun. Only a few head injuries. evie laughing theres also news from the n. F. L. Because after decades of backlash from anyone with a conscience, the washington idontreallywanttosayits names have decided to change their team name and logo. Never a great sign when your social wokeness is a month behind a pancake company. Today, the Team Released a statement saying that theyre working to develop a new name and design approach that will enhance the standing of our proud, tradition rich franchise. A commitment to progress that wouldve hit a little harder had the statement not used the teams name seven times and included their logo. Wow, theyre almost as good at p. R. As they are at football. Im told they havent had a good season in a while. The team decided to make the change after looking deeply into their money, because the change came only after their sponsor fedex released a statement asking the team to change its name. So get ready for the washington 12digit tracking numbers. Theres also an ongoing controversy about comments made last week by goya foods c. E. O. Robert unanue. Trump invited unanue to the white house on thursday to highlight a new Advisory Commission the presi americans. To create new now given the awful things trump has said and done to hispanic people and hispanic people make up a significant portion of unanues Customer Base you might think that unanue wouldnt be the biggest fan of the president. But youd be wrong, because heres what he said mr. President , what can i tell you . Im so blessed to be here in the most prosperous country in the world, the greatest country in the world. And were so blessed to have you as our leader. Stephen well, turns out, praising a man who repeatedly vilifies the latinx people did not sit well with latinx people. Because right after unanues comments, calls immediately started online to boycott goya food with hashtag goyaway. Fun fact, goy away is what the mohel yelled at me that one time i attended a bris. I stole his joke about working for tips. Unanue was stunned that aligning himself with president baby cage would rub people the wrong way, as he explained the next day on the fox hey bob, are you getting a boycott . Thats what ive heard. Because you had the audacity to show up at the president s invitation and say some positive things about him . You know, brian, yes, and, you know, its suppression of speech. Stephen yes this boycott is a violation of unanues First Amendment rights. Its right there in the Constitution Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or abridging the freedom of speech. And no matter what the bean man says, you must buy beans from the bean man. Im james madison, and i love beans. But unanues not alone. Trumps allies responded to the boycott with their own plan to buy as much goya as possible, in what they dubbed a buycott. Because buycott is what their spouses will demand after eating all those beans. as spouse youre not bringing that bean butt into my bed, buddy. Go buy cott. Thats my audrey meadows. As part of the movement, one republican congressional candidate tweeted, just had a cup of coffee and two cans of goya beans take that, libs time to start the day. Todays task save america followed immediately by dear god, my insides feel like a hot air balloon filled with lava. Please kill me. Take that, libs weve got a great show for you tonight. Take that, libs. Cbs evening news anchor Norah Odonnell is here. But when we come back, wall fall down get wet. Take that, libs. Join target circle to get perks without the annual fee. Score savings and deals in store and online. Plus, help target support your community. Enjoy exclusives just for you, at no cost to you. Join target circle for free today. I dont have to worry about that, do i . Are irritated. Harmful bacteria lurk just below the gum line. Crest gum detoxify, voted product of the year. It works below the gum line to neutralize harmful plaque bacteria and help reverse early gum damage. Gum detoxify, from crest. [orange] hey, whats up guys . [ginger] oh my god [captain] orange, why are you naked . [orange] oh god, is my camera on . [captain] ill never unsee this. [orange] okay hold on. Hows that . [miscellaneous reactions of disgust] [orange] floridas finest baby. Yes. Neutrogena® ultra sheer. Superior protection helps prevent early skin aging and skin cancerwith. Its the one. The best for your skin. Ultra sheer. Neutrogena®. 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Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Stephen welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, i get to Say Something now i have missed for two weeks. Lets say hello to our friend, mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon. Jon hello got to get my old tuxedo pressed. Stephen what have you been doing . Did you do anything fancy or fun over the two weeks we were off or did you just hunker down . I hunkered down, and i worked on my album, and i read a lot of books, and i ate a lot. Stephen thats good. Those are all good things. Jon human things. Things to stay human. Stephen sure, sure. So whats the music on your mind, jon . Jon i have been listening to lulus back in town, actually. Stephen sure. Jon thats what i was just stephen lulus back in town jon yeah, yeah, lulu is back in town. Stephen well, and so are we. Ill see you tomorrow night, jon. Jon ill see you over there. You know, folks, the global pandemic, the justice system, and our schools arent the only things being undergovernmented. Remember trumps border wall . For those of you whove always thought its great, but i wish there was a stupider version, youre in luck, because a group of Trump Supporters decided to go around the federal government and raise 25 million online to help trumps mission by building this threemile stretch of wall. Unfortunately, according to engineers, the wall never should have been built so close to the river, and is now showing signs of runoff erosion and is in danger of falling into the rio grande. You know, when a wall falls into r,e t bridge. This d. I. Y. Wall was the brain child of privntractortowould bef walls. And hes got a point. When it falls down, it will be moving much faster than walls usually do. Funding for fishers wall came from a private Online Fundraising