I dont wear a mask for the same reason i dont wear underwear. Things got to breathe. Announcer its a late show with stephen colbert. Tonight donnie come lately. Plus stephen welcomes mary trump. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from a safe distance its stephen colbert. Stephen everything okay . You look worried, or is that just your attempt to stay awake . Put me in, coach. You are, thank you. laughs welcome to a late show, im your host stephen colbert. I hope you are all staying safe out there. Step one dont be out there, stay in there, because coronavirus is spreading like trumps backside on a lawn chair. And yesterday the president had his first covid19 briefing in three months where he announced some startling news hes noticed reality. It will probably, unfortunately, get worse before it gets better. Stephen as trump that is a Trump Presidency promise, it gets worse. You can take that to the bank. And i would take it there quickly because ive got some really bad news about our banks. Trump has also really evolved on that. Were asking everybody thatw socially distance, wear a mask, get a mask, whether you like the mask or not, they have an impact. Stephen he said, not wearing a mask. Remember, kids, smoking will kill you with its delicious menthol flavor. Your corpse will have a very relaxed tzone. Give him credit, yesterdays virusside chat shows the kind of strong thoughtful leadership we need ed in january. But im glad trump finally announced his covid strategy. We are in the process of developing a strategy that is going to be very, very powerful. Stephen wait, you finally have a strategy and your strategy is to develop a strategy . Well, now we know why you never wear a mask, because all you care about is covering your ass. You dont get credit for a thing you should have done half a year ago. as trump hey, i finally went over to your place to feed your dog like you asked me back in february. Youre welcome. I dont know why they call them mans best friend. He didnt even wag his tail. Or breathe. But inspired by the president s swift delayed action in the face of a crisis, i believe it is time that i, too, develop a plan for coronavirus, which is why i have decided to announce that i am developing a strategy to leave the ed sullivan theater. No, no, be quiet, Live Audience i made up in my mind. And theres nothing you can do to convince me otherwise. So go ahead and hug each other and cough for good luck, because now im off to find a new place to tape my show. Perhaps a small guest bedroom for the next four months but dont you worry, i will definitely cut my hair if this goes on longer than a few weeks. I certainly dont want to look like a middleaged poetry professor who is trying to sleep with one of the freshman. Hello. I really like what you had to say about prufrock. Let us go there, you and i. But now that trump is willing to admit the virus is out of control, he made sure to socially distance himself from any of the blame with his favorite virus nickname. China virus. China virus. China virus. Stephen okay, sure, the virus came from china, but the country you govern leads the world in the number of cases and deaths. Calling it the china virus doesnt make you less responsible for totally blowing the response here. Thats like blaming mexico for getting your ding dong stuck in a bottle of tequila. as trump it just wanted to meet the worm. And i know thats mescal. No letters, please. And of course it wouldnt be a trump speech without a major gaffe. See if you can catch it. Were also facing the challenge of a significant spice in virus cases across the western of the western hemisphere. Including mexico. Stephen as trump really, were seeing spice all across other cry countries with all kinds of people, and its a scary spice, also a baby spice, a sporty spice, posh spice. Sadly, its really a spice world out there. And i just want to say to all the epidemiologists fighting this pandemic, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. So, the speech was a bit of a downer. But Trumps Energy spiced when he opened up the questions, including this one about fauci and birx absence. Why are your doctors not here, where is dr. Fauci and dr. Birx. Dr. Is rigde tephet well, go get her and please tell me this isnt going to turn into a mrs. Doubtfire situation. Hi, its me hi, its me, respected dr. Scarf lady. Lets talk science, and oh, hello, my boobies are on fire his chest catches on fire in the movie, you have never even seen the movie. Still, the president stayed pretty focused an on message for the entire briefing. That is until the end when a reporter asked him his thoughts on Jeffrey Epsteins alleged pedophile sex ring trafficker and there is no description i could possibly add that would be worse than that, Ghislaine Maxwell. Now maxwell, who was arrested and charged with recruiting underaged girls to be repeatedly sexually abused by epstein and his friends, partied with all finds of famous and powerful people including donald trump. And trump was asked by a reporter whether he thought she would turn states evidence against those famous people and his response was surprisingly surprising. Ghislaine maxwell is in prison and so a lot of people want to know if she is going to turn in powerful people. Im wondering do you think she will turn in powerful men, how do you see that working out. I dont know, i havent really been following it too much. I just wish her well, frankly. Stephen he wishes her well . So, okay. If you are keeping score at home, if you are accused of spray painting a statue of a confederate soldier you are human scum who should be billy clubbed in the trachea, but if you are accused of recruiting middle schoolers to be sexually assaulted by millionaires, you get a greeting card. Wishing you well, hope your cell doesnt have a rat, if you catch my drift. We should leave no stone unturned, roger that, pardoner. Now for some reason, without any prompting, trump pointed out that he and Ghislaine Maxwell know each other fairly well. Ive met her numerous times ver the years, especially since i lived in palm beach. I guess they lived in palm beach. But i wish her well. Stephen as trump i guess they lived in palm beach. And im saying i guess even though i already said i saw her a lot because we all lived in palm beach. And im just wondering if i say it kind of softly and casually will i sound less panicky . Is it working . No . Anyway, lets get back to a more comfortable subject. I let 140,000 people die and i wish them well. You. Hes right. Trump did meet her. And meet her. And meet her. And meet her. And meet her. Wow, thats a lot of pictures with an accused sex offender. Also with Ghislaine Maxwell. Then, of course, there is the notorious video of trump partying at mar a lago with epstein and maxwell right there. He really took the advice to heart. Dance like nobodys watching. In vaccine news, today we learned the government gave the Pharma Company pfizer nearly 2 billion to produce the Coronavirus Vaccine by the years end. Thats incredibly exciting to hear. The year is going to end . In fact, if the trials go well the vaccine could be approved as early as october 2020. This could yield 100 million doses by december, and is the largest contract yet for the governments Coronavirus VaccineProgram Operation warp speed. Except of course for their critically acclaimed spinoff deep space free injections at cvs. Trump is talking about the coronavirus again because hes desperate. Right now the only thing rising faster than the number of covid cases are the odds that joe biden is going to be president. As it turns out voters want you to care whether they live or die. Huge mistake for Wendell Willkies 1940 campaign to go with this slogan Wendell Willkie wants to killkie. Biden lead bidens lead is largely thanks to the suburbs. Finhe v by more 15 pots with suburban voters. Trump needs to appeal to the suburbs if this gets any worse, hes going to have to replace mike pence with a riding mower. To frighten suburbanites, trump claims that they will face rising crime and falling home values if a democrat is in the white house. And he has not been subtle about it. People have worked all their lives to get into a community and now theyre going to watch it go to hell. Stephen go to hell . Weve been boarded into our homes for the last four months afraid to touch our groceries or each other, only leaving to wait in long sociallydistanced lines so someone can jab a cotton swab into our brains. This is hell. All were missing is the devil. Ahh as part of the lawandorder fear campaign, trump rolled out this ad. Seattles pledge to defund its Police Department by 50 , even including a proposal to remove 911 dispatchers from police control. Joe biden said hes absolutely on board with defunding the police. Listen closely. Yes, absolutely. Hello, youve reached 911. Im sorry that there is no one here to answer your emergency call, but leave a message and well get back to you as soon as we can. Im donald j. Trump and i am approve this message. Stephen its terrifying. Armed criminals are breaking into old peoples homes. But on the bright side, he is wearing a mask. So that rules out the governor of georgia. Now like a lot of scary movies this ad is all make believe because as multiple news outlets including fox news have fact checked joe biden did not call for defunding the police and as joe biden said in a recent op ed, i dont support defunding the police. You can tell the ad is a lie because they dont have audio of biden saying hes going to defund the police. So instead they do this. Joe biden said hes absolutely on board with defunding the police. Listen closely. Yes, absolutely. Hello. Stephen they just lifted that line out of context from af the government should shift some funding to social service agencies. Anyone can grab that audio to make joe biden agree with anything they say. Isnt that right, joe. Yes, absolutely. Stephen do you enjoy being on the late show, joe . Yes, absolutely. Stephen thanks. Oh, and joe, what in your opinion is the best 70s prog rock band . Yes, absolutely. Stephen well, that is where you and i differ, i would have gone with steely dan. Im not even sure where they bothered using footage of that old lady in the first place. It turns out that entire ad can be recreated using just clips from the movie home alone. Jim . Seattles pledge to defund its Police Department by 50 , even including a proposal to remove 911 dispatchers from police control. Joe biden said hes absolutely on board with defunding the police. Listen closely. Yes, absolutely. Hello. Youve reached 911. Im sorry that there is no one here to answer your emergency call but leave a message and well get back to you as soon as we can. Keep the change, you filthy animal. Im donald j. Trump and i prove this message. Stephen although if they really wanted to scare us theyd use footage from the sequel where Kevin Mcalister meets a friend of child sex traffickers in new york city. Weve got a great show for you tonight, i will be talking with the author of too much and never enough mary trump. Are you going to stick around to watch that, joe . Yes, absolutely. Stephen oh, great. Well be right back. Never run dry of. Killer attitude. Good moves. Or hydration. Neutrogena® hydro boost. The number 1 hyaluronic acid moisturizer instantly delivers 2 times the hydration. And keeps hydrating all day long. Running dry of supple, bouncy skin . Never hydro boost. Pair with hydro boost wipes to cleanse and hydrate. Neutrogena® itchy . Scratchy . Family not get charmin ultra strong. Rate. It just cleans better, so your family can use less. Hello clean bottom enjoy the go with charmin. An extra 15 percent credit on car and motorcycle policies . Ok . Thats 15 percent on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Dj khaled to be your motivational coach . Yo devin remember to brush in a circle motion. Thank you. Dj. Khaled. Tiny circles, devin. Do another one. Another one. Is this good . Put in that work, devin. Dont give up. Geico. Save an extra 15 when you switch by october 7th. Save an extra 15 when you switch take the good, with the bad live the life you want to have send it off, with a bang whistling [ indistinguishable muffled words ] preorder now and get up to 150 samsung credit. Red, blue, 16 percent undecided. Here we are a nation divided. But 2020 had us shook. So we gave the world another look. And saw a future of differences celebrated. Every voice heard and advocated. Where everyone can show their pride. cause love should never have to hide. Theres a world of possibility that cant exist with you versus me. It will take work, thats indisputable. But oh man it could be beautiful. This world where we are we. cheddar, jalapeno and sour cream onion the spicy nacho stack. I wish i could stack pringles but i dont have hands or a mouth to. Cool, play my dance playlist. Theres a flavor stack for everyone. Sort of. Hi. Were glad you came in what about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to a late show. Lets talk to a band leader, jon batiste. What is going on, how has your day been . Jon its been good, you know, its raining a little bit out there, but i got some hoops in right before. Stephen how can you possibly arent you ever afraid youre going to jam a finger and then thats it, curtains. Jon i always play with myself, that is why. Stephen oh, nobody passes to you. Jon no, you know, just shooting, just practicing gets me so happy. It is nice, to concentrate. Stephen its like a meditation . Jon yeah. Stephen i do the same thing, i do this meditation where i close my eyes and i dont get up for eight hours. It is just, oh delightful. Jon you get eight, i didnt imagine that you got eight in. Stephen i didnt. Last night when i woke up at 5 00, Something Like that. You know, generalized anxiety, jon. Jon oh yeah, yeah, i mean you dont have too much on your plate. Stephen could you play a Little Something that maybe would relieve my generalized anxiety, could i ask that of you, my friend . Jon oh, of course. You see that always lifts me. Stephen the First Six Months of the show when we were trying to figure out how to do it, im not sure how were going to like hit this cleanly every night, jon would finish every show with that song. And every show i would go out there and sing it with him and every night it made me feel better. Like that was, that was like a life raft to me at the end of every night. And to hear the audience sing along with this made all the difference in the world, i will be grateful forever that you gave that to all of us at the end of every show. Thank you. Jon oh, my goodness. I love that. Stephen jon batiste, everybody, the honor is all ours. Joining me now is an author, clinical psychologist and of President Trump who has written a book about their family called too much and never enough. Please welcome mary trump. Mary, thank you so much for being here. Oh, its such a pleasure, stephen, thank you for having me. Stephen now, before we get started, have you seen my show . Because i talk about your uncle a lot. I have indeed seen your show. laughs stephen okay, good. Then are you, do you enjoy it . Are you okay with my show . I think its amazing, actually. Stephen i never i never thought i would hear that, a trump enjoys my show. Thank you so much. I was definitely fishing, but thank you very much. Okay. Now, youve got a ph. D in psychology. Yeah. Stephen is there any chance that the last four years are some sort of fever dream that we are all just going to wake up from . Opt,nfortutely, nty. Usiid stephen your book about your uncle, your grandfather, your father and the entire family is called too much and never enough. What does that title refer to . When i started formulating this book it was really important to me to look back and try to make sense of how we got to where we are today. And in, in looking at the dynamic that existed between donald and his father, my dad and his father and donald and my father, i saw some patterns. And i came to the conclusion that they had had an extremely difficult childhood. And in the context of child abuse there are two ways it can function. Either you get too much of something, too much encroachment, too Much Negative attention, too much unrealistic expectation, and that is what my father as the oldest son, namesake and heir apparent suffered from my grandfather. And then on the other end of the spectrum there is the not enough. Not enough attention. Not enough mirroring, not enough affection, not enough love. So i started from there. But then in thinking of my family as an entity, you know, and as my grandfather as the head of it who seemed to be only interested in money, these are people who had too much of that, because it doesnt seem to have done them much good. And because of the vast wealth they possessed its almost as if, certainly for donald, he didnt have to try very hard. And the other problem is when money is the only currency in your family, theres never enough of it. Because it can never take the place of things that really matter like love and affection. E fr thesident. And again, i dont know the man, i have met him a few times and i have studied his behavior. But he is always seeking validation. And no matter what it is, when he opens the wrapper of it, it is always empty, never satisfying for him, whether it is the presidency himself or a military parade or the praise from every person he meets. How, as someone who has studied Clinical Psychology and childhood trauma, how would you, i dont want to say treat, but how would you address someone like that . Is there anything that could be done for the president to give him some sort of solace which in some ways would be better for the rest of us . It is an awful answer, and i hate saying it, but i think the answer is no. Partially because its extremely difficult tohelp somebody who is not aware he needs help. I think at this point it is like, it would be impossible for donald to admit to