Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240712

Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight keep kamala and carry on. And our uninformed correspondent goes for for her covid checkup. Plus, stephen welcomes. Laura linney featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome to a late show. Its once again primary night in america. Tonight, the final and decisive primary in connecticut. This one is for all the marbles, and the crown. The crown made of brass rings. So lets get straight to the action in our continuing walltowall coverage the late show presents the 2020 Party Primaries the local access street to the onramp to the road to the white house. Connecticut, the nutmeg state, grate some democracy on your electoral nog 2020. explosion stephen good evening. I will be with you all night until im not from the late show world headquarters, in midtown manhattan, watching the results from our neighbor to the east, connecticut. Connecticut, of course, comes from a moheganpequot word meaning land of many khakis. And tonight, we learn whether Connecticut Democrats or connecticrats as they have never been called will cast their vote for frontrunner joe biden. Or will Amy Klobuchar somehow garner the 1,984 delegates she needs to secure the nomination. It is a long shot, given connecticut only has 74 delegates, but only time and math will tell. Of course, we will have full cbs Team Coverage of this historic primary all night. No doubt, my colleague Norah Odonnell will be breaking in to report live from manchester, connecticut a. K. A. , silk city once home to the Worlds Largest silk mill, currently home to no less than ten different Dunkin Donuts locations. Norah, are you there . Do we have norah . Im told we have no norah. Do we have the satellite . Is the bird overhead . We do not have the bird yet. We have evidently lost norah. She will be missed. Something to watch for in tonights returns is southern connecticut, where many voters have lost power. Lets go to the mountain dew amped Hartford Courant touch screen. Jimmy, lets do this thing. Lets take a look at the lets bring up the map. laughter do i touch. Do i touch where it says touch screen. Or do is it is it this is not im being told this is not a touch screen, which seems wrong, since i am touching it. Someone should clean that now, because that is a covid vector right now, because i have touched it a lot. Am i being told that we have am i being told we have John Dickerson from new haven . No, im not being told that. Or do we dont have john and im not being told that . Is this neither or neither . Can we check on that . Lets fact check that one. Okay. Well, stick with us for results all night long. We will cover this connecticut primary with the same breathless political horserace reporting that the media did back in february for iowa, new hampshire, and south carolina. Because if we do not, it would mean our primary system is fundamentally broken and some peoples votes are absolutely worthless. Oh, thats thats it . Oh, they are worthless . Okay, my mistake. Lets go over here. Because theres some big news for the democratic ticket, in what many call the veepstakes, but what we here at the late show call the vlottery veeperbowl veeptucky derbveep hot dog veeping contest for veep president this afternoon, joseph r. Biden officially announced that his running mate will be california senator Kamala Harris, seen here realizing she gets to debate mike pence. The announcement came via joe bidens official twitter. I have the great honor to announce that ive picked Kamala Harris a fearless fighter for the little guy, and one of the countrys finest Public Servants as my running mate. laughter to put that another way, who was joes choice . That little girl was me. Stephen this is an historic announcement. Because harris is the first black woman and the first person of indian descent to be nominated for National Office by a major party. So trumps going to have a hard time deciding exactly how to be racist about her. as trump i demand to see both of her birth certificates. Biden promised to pick a woman. And there was a lot of speculation it would be a woman of color, but, still, senator harris is a surprising choice, considering how much they went afternoon him over busing, racial equality. Of she hit him so hard he was spitting teeth like chicklets on the stage. He said. Go easy on me kid. Stephen harris is going to receive a lot of scrutiny. Joe biden has a chronic condition doctors call old. The candidate himself has said he wouldnt seek reelection if his health declined, and called himself a transition candidate. as biden thats right, im a transition candidate, and not just cause these bad boys turn darker in the sun. Its like magic. 23 ski do. Solid, jackson. So thats it. Biden has his running mate. Now the only question left to answer is how will this affect the connecticut primary . Norah, your thoughts . Shes still not there . Shes dropping the ball. Shes norah. Let me know if she shows up. Meanwhile, temporary President Trump gave an interview today to conservative radio host and skeleton dressing up as a man for halloween, hugh hewitt. Trump has spent the last month saying that joe biden is a drooling idiot who couldnt pass an animal shapes test, but he still thinks the bar for bidens debate performance is way too low. You know the way it is, the fake news. If he stands up, and if he is able to breathe, and if hes able to walk off the platform, theyll say it was one of the greatest debate performances in history. Stephen okay, maybe its unfair but its your own damn fault, mr. President. Thanks to the way you shanked the coronavirus response, we applaud any time we see an old guy walk or breathe. Then trump shifted gears to the issue on everyones mind, whether or not the new England Patriots Bill Belichick is a good coach. Belichek is an incredible coach, and i think hes gonna do really well. This guy just knows how to win, and hes a very good friend of mine. Hes a winner. You know, if i ever had a military battle, id call up belichek and say what do you think . What do you think . Give me a couple ideas. Stephen first of all, you do have a military battle. Its called the war in afghanistan, you numb nut. Second, i know football is often described with military terms but you cant win an actual battle by deflating your bombs. Though ive got to say he could have made a worse choice than belichick. as trump were under enemy attack. General goya beans, admiral my pillow guy, what are your orders . Speaking of el president e, there was a troubling moment yesterday at the white house when, just minutes after trump started his press briefing, this happened new record at nasdaq. And the s p 500 and the Dow Dow Jones are going to be i mean, the way theyre going, it looks like theyre just about gonna be topping records, hopefully soon excuse me . Mr. President . Excuse me. Whats happening . Stephen at the time, no one knew what was happening, but if you listen to the enhanced audio, you can hear what they urgently needed to tell the president. Hopefully, soon. Excuse me. Is something going on, mr. President. Sir, the mcrib is back. Stephen obviously, were joking. The fact is, were not entirely clear chapped. We know a man was shot two blocks from the white house by the secret service. Hes in the hospital. Once the situation was all clear, trump came back and continued the important work of saying absolute nonsense about the pandemic. Nobodys ever seen anything like this. The closest thing is in 1917, they say, right . The great the great pandemic certainly was a terrible thing where they lost anywhere from 50100 million people. Probably ended the second world war. All the soldiers were sick. snapping fingers stephen did he just say world war ii ended in 1917 . Is there just a big pile of ping pong balls in his head like one of those lotto barrels and different historical facts pop up at random . as trump uh, in 1917, the spanish flu ended world war ii and Lee Harvey Oswald walked on the moon with cher. Thats where she got the idea for moonstruck. the more you know. Also, setting aside the extremely wrong timeline, trump thinks the war ended because all the soldiers got sick . as trump yep, everybody was so sick that there was nobody left to kill, perhaps the greatest tragedy of all. There is some, maybe possibly, goodish news about the coronavirus out there, because we found out today that, russia registered the worlds first covid19 vaccine. We dont have a lot of details yet, but since its a vaccine from putins government, i assume its administered have a sushi. We better come up with a vaccine fast because americans will not do anything to stop the coronavirus. Take the giant motorcycle rally in sturgis, south dakota. Yesterday, i told you all, despite concerns about the coronavirus, the 10 days of hot hogonhog action is going strong with upwards of 250,000 bikers choare completely ignoring social distancing guidelines. You can see what unfold in the upcoming movie, wild hogs 2 rest in peace. We found out smash mouth played to a packed unmasked crowd in sturgis, and their lead singer had this message. bleep . Grow a pair, roosevelt. Who wants to hear that one song from shrek . Some. Mash mouth isnt the only major band entertaining the bikers because tonight for one show only sturgis is playing host to megarock allstars and friends of the show, flaw. I feel partially responsible for this, because in 2018, i brought them on my show to give them a muchneeded touring van. Yeah, if it wasnt for my generosity, flaw wouldnt be playing tonight at the iron horse saloon on junction avenue in sturgis, south dakota. And they sure wouldnt be playing in august at the lookout lounge in omaha, nebraska. Or at the rhythm city casino resort in davenport, iowa. Honestly, they still might not. That van i gave them was in pretty bad shape, and this christening didnt help. I hereby krin this van flaw laughter laughter laughter laughter but for petes sake, flaw, were in the middle of a pandemic america looks to you for leadership. Chris volz on vocals. Rob buttorff on guitar. Georges octobous on drums. And on bass say it with me touring position im going to be generous and say you guys did not think this one through. If only if only there had been some claw that flaw would ever make a mistake. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Ill be talking to the star of ozark, laura linney. But when we come back, well continue to monitor the situation with the allimportant connecticut primary. And meanwhile flaw here we are a nation divided. Red, blue, 16 percent undecided. But 2020 had us shook. So we gave the world another look. And saw a future of differences celebrated. Every voice advocated. Just imagine the possibility. Of a world where we are we. Brushing only reaches 25 of your mouth. Listerine® cleans virtually 100 . Helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. Never settle for 25 . Always go for 100. Bring out the bold™ they will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident. Cut is that good . No you were talking about allstate and. I just. When i. Accident forgiveness from allstate. Click or call for a quote today. Step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. From allstate. To help keep you free from the risk of hiv. From the makers of truvada, theres another prep option descovy for prep. 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Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. The most common side effect was diarrhea. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking descovy without talking to your doctor. Ask your doctor about your risk of hiv and if descovy for prep is right for you. Words are loud but actions are louder. Step up. Prep up. With descovy for prep. Get help paying for descovy for prep. Learn more at stepupprepup. Com can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Stephen welcome back, everybody. Were, obviously, still monitoring the results in connecticut. Lets check in with our chief connecticut primary analyst jon batiste. Jon, whats going on in the nut meg state tonight . Jon well, you see, were having a lot of changes, because things are changing in the world. Stephen thats true. Jon and as things change, they progress. Stephen sound wisdom. Jon, are you aware that today was the primary in connecticut . Jon yes, im aware of that. Stephen you are . Jon yes. Stephen i was not until moments before the show began. laughter . Stephen but i saw the little script here, andy i just read the words and im thrilled. Im thrilled you knew. Thats why youre the best in the biz, jon. Thats why youre on the ground in connecticut are you in connecticut . Jon i think i might be. Stephen but youre not sure and thats part of the report we hope to get to you later, as to where you think you are. Jon yes, i may be in connecticut, but i havent checked. Ill get back to you on that. Stephen thank you very much, thank you very much. Lets keep this situation fluid. Jon yes, we have to keep it progressing. Stephen thank you for that report, jon. Jon absolutely, sir. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Jon signing off. Stephen you know, i spend most of my time carefully carving, honing, and gluing the finest stories and meticulously assembling the days delicate news cogs into the mahogany automaton marionette that is my monologue. But once in a while, i find a motheaten stocking in the attic, stuff it with dryer lint, then hotglue a halfeaten gumdrop to it, and maybe an old button to create the tragic sock puppet of news that is my segment quarantinewhile stephen in this new era of social responsibility, nasa has Just Announced that theyre dropping insensitive nicknames for cosmic objects, such as eskimo nebula and Siamese Twins galaxy, to which the owners of the Washington Football Team said, slow down. These are all great new team names quarantinewhile, West Virginia is seeing a rise in zombie cicadas. Oh, good. I was afraid nothing bad would happen this year. The cicadas are called zombies because they are under the influence of something called massospora, a psychedelic fungus which contains chemicals such as those found in hallucinogenic mushrooms. So, theyre like regular cicadas, only instead of chirping, they want to debate you on which live version of terrapin station has a better chime solo. And just how does massospora work . Lets find out together first, massospora spores eat away at the cicadas genitals, butt, and abdomen. And second i stop reading before i gouge out my eyeballs. You know, we here at the meanwhile Global Consortium sometimes encounter a bearrelated story so important, that its clear the market is ready for a submeanwhile subquarantinewhile subsubsegment ursinewhile. And, yes, i know its usually pronounced ursign but that doesnt rhyme. Shut up ursinewhile, you may have seen this footage that went viral recently of a black bear in the chipinque ecological park in mexico sniffing around a terrified tourist. Does a bear poop in the woods . I dont know, but if a bear did that to me, i sure would. And even though a wild bear is not socially distancing here, that woman still had the presence of mind to take this selfie with the bear, easily the most reckless selfie since Kylie Jenners great white shark encounter. Well, youll be delighted to know that all is well for everyone but the bear. Because in an unfair twist, wildlife officials in mexico have captured and castrated the bear and will ship him out of his home in the chipinque ecological park to new terrain. This is the worst case of forest injustice since the charmin bear was renditioned to gitmo for rectal rehydration. He did not enjoy the go. Quarantinewhile, the internet was delighted this week by photos of a german nudist chasing a wild boar that stole his laptop. That is the most german thing ever captured on film. He was chased by the man into the undergrowth. I bet everybody involved saw just about enough undergrowth. When we come back, our uninformed correspondent bootsie goes back to the doctor. Stick around. For adults with moderate to severe crohns or ulcerative colitis, stelara® can provide relief, and is the only approved medication to reduce inflammation on and below the surface of the intestine in uc. 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And liftoff. vo audi etron. The next frontier of electric. Get audi at your door Remote Services through participating dealers. Want restand schools . Pen . Want the economy to get back on track . Youre not alone. And you can help make it happen. Stay 6 feet apart. Wash your hands. Wear a mask every time you leave your home. Choose to join the fight against covid19. Do your part. Slow the spread. Lily everyone in the house is online and i cant get enough bandwidth to video chat with my book club. Try 1 gig internet with at t fiber. You get more bandwidth and hbo max included. So, everyone stays entertained. So i can just watch the show instead of reading the book . You know, if you turn on your subtitles. Thats almost reading. Get 1 gig internet with at t fiber for 49. 99a month for a year. No annualcontract. And now get hbo max included. Limited availability in select areas. Call 1. 877. Only. Att everybody. For those just joining us there are no results yet from the connecticut primary or there are results and no one cares. Folks, everything right now is so confusing. The president is asking for his face on mount rushmore, our biggest celebrities are Infectious Disease doctors, its 2020 and were still talking about smash mouth. I often dont understand whats going on. But, luckily, the late show has an expert in not understanding things. Her name is bootsie plunkett. Shes the mother of my field producer, jake plunkett, and shes the late shows official uninformed correspondent. Back in march, at the beginning of march, jake took bootsie to discuss the coronavirus, about which so many of us were uninformed with physician and Yale Public Health lecturer, dr. James hamblin. Unfortunately, soon after that, bootsie actually contracted covid19 and had to be treated in an i. C. U. Thankfully, bootsie has recovered, and now that shes experienced the virus firsthand, there was much more she wanted to become less uninformed about. Jim . My mom and i taped a segment on the coronavirus on march 9. I dont want to die i just got a brandnew granddaughter. By march 12 we were in quarantine. A week later, she started feeling sick, and by the end of the month she tested positive for the virus and spent nine days in the i. C. U. Battling for her life. She has since recovered but is baffled why the country remains so willingly uninformed on the virus. I took to to dr. James hamblin. But first i wanted to ask my mother about her experience in the i. C. U. It was so scary. People Walking Around with big hazmat suits on. It just felt like something dont touch your mask. You cant touch your face. Oh. It seemed like something out of a horror show. I didnt think i was going to live so i figured if im going out, im going out the fun way. What is the fun way . Eating all the good bleep pudding. Jello. I had a bunch of drinks with sugar in them. They didnt know i was a diabetic yet. So when it came i horded it, put it in my little drawer, and one night i sat there and popped everything open like a big kid. Then they found out i was a diabetic and they stopped giving me that stuff. What else have you been doing since since everything went south . Well, now i have a heart condition that i didnt have going in. From the virus. From the virus. So i had to go see a heart doctor. And then i had to get an angio gram where they stick the wires up you to see if you have a blockage. And the doctor said, can i ask you a serious question . I go, yeah. In school, throughout your life, were you ever a dancer or a professional player of something because youve got muscles that ive never seen on a woman before. So what i do, i lie and i always lie and i go, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, i was a professional basketball player. And then they asked me what what team and i make up a false a false name. What was the team name . The carney eagles. They go, i never heard of that. I go, yeah, i played for four years. Ill tell you, i was good at it. I never picked a byebye up in my whole life can you show how high you can jump with both your kneecaps being replaced. You know i cant jump. Get up for a second. I want to prove how much of a basketball player she is. Say, hey, im bootsie. Im bootsie. I played for the carney eagles. I played for the carney eagles. Watch me dunk. Watch my dunk ow bleep . Do you want to talk to dr. Hamblin . Sure, lets go. Do you want to do a standup. This is bootsy and im here with the late show with Stephen Colbert and im here to meet dr. Hamblin. Bootsie, its a different show. Its a late show. When did it bottom a late show. When . When all this happened. Hi, this is bootsie. Im here with a light show. You know thats not right. Dont touch your face hi, this is bootsie, im here with a a bleep named jake plunkett. Oh, my god. Hi, im dr. James hamblin for a late show with Stephen Colbert im here with bootsie and were going to be learning together about the coronavirus. See is that you see . That was first take. applause it was time to get serious. So i had my mom describe to dr. Hamblin the very symptoms she experienced while battling covid19. They came in and told me i got blood clots. Then they came in and told me i had a heart arrhythmia. Then they came in and told me my kidneys were shutting down. And this went on and on and on. So they sent me for a cat scan. And they said theres so much damage done to my lungs. So do you have trouble Walking Around now, getting short of breath . I have my inhaler with me right now. Wait a minute. I was just going to take a swig of Hand Sanitizer i thought it was a bottle of water look i was just going to go like that. Oh, my gosh why do people think its not real and its, like, you know, its a conspiracy theory, this virus . Uh, well, there are a lot of reasons. I think one of them is that you have the president of the United States saying kind of downplaying it and saying were opening back up. Downplaying it . He doesnt even believe it exists. Not wearing a mask, until just once very recently. I saw him. Hes just ive never seen such a bigger bleep . Let me just say it like that. It was not impossible to avoid this. Other countries have avoided this. The other countries said this is going to be really bad. Were going to take action, and they did. And we just kept denying and downplaying. We still dont really have great testing. I almost lost my eyeballs with those sticks. Right. You get them . You ever get them . Sticks in your eyeballs . No follow me im trying. The sticks up your nose oh, right, no, i havent they almost touch your eyeball. I understand, yeah. Oh, its pain will it feels like its going to touch your brain right . Eyeballs. Same thing. My brain. There should be a bone back there that stops it from hitting your brain. Yeah. What are you going to do the first day when this is all over . What are you going to do . You know, im finding ways to do the things i really want to do just in slightly different ways. So ive been going to my favorite restaurants, but ive been sitting outside apart from people. Okay. Instead of waiting to do something, i think we need to find new, creative ways to do those things, instead of putting off something we really love doing. Yeah, youre right, because we dont know when thats going to be again. Yeah. So theres nothing im really no. Nothing im really waiting on. What about you . Im going to go to red lobster. Oh yeah. Well, that is the the best answer i could have imagined. No movies im a movie junky. Going to a movie theater. That is something i look forward to. I love it. I love horror movies, man they made a rule in japan about reopening roller coasters. They said youre not allowed to scream. Scream inside your heart. Come oi cant go on a roller coaster last time i went on a roller coaster, i couldnt get out. I was soaked. I peed. Jiervings going to ask. Yeah. Yeah. Peed my pants. Bootsie, its really helpful for you to share your experience, i think, because people arent taking this seriously. And when they hear what youve been through and how life changing it is. Its so life changing. So, and i hope it doesnt happen to anybody. I wouldnt wish it on anybody. Its so nice to see you, and im so glad youre doing well. Thank you. Maybe well get together and see each other again. Who knows . I would really enjoy that. Hi, this is bootsie. Just wanted to tell you, take this bleep seriously. Wear your bleep mask. Social distance. Wash your bleep hands. That simple. Ive never heard it more eloquently stated. Stephen thank you, bootsie. So glad youre better. And thank you, dr. Hamblin. His new book clean is available now. Well be back with ozark star laura linney. Stick around. Plus, help target support your community. Enjoy exclusives just for you, at no cost to you. Join target circle for free today. It can be used on the hands, body, and face. It cleanses and moistuizes with 1 4 moisturizing cream. Leaving your skin feeling comfortable and smooth. Dove men care 3in1 bar. Off deep woods provides long lasting mosquito protection so you can focus on what means the most. Off sc johnson whether its bribes. Or an overdue makeover. Get all your pet essentials right when you need them, with Curbside Pickup at petsmart. Just order online, drive up, checkin, and pick up. And tmobile doesnt just have a bigger network, but a better one than ever before, with scam protection built into its core. Introducing, scamshield, free from tmobile. Get fewer scam calls. Period. With tmobiles supercharged network, you can say goodbye to annoying scam calls, and feel free to answer your phone again. Hello vo through our love promise, subaru and our retailers are proud to be replanting 500,000 trees. In areas devastated by wildfires. Subaru. More than a car company. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is a golden globe awardwinning actress who just received an emmy nomination for her role as wendy byrde in ozark. I dont know what you want from me. I want you to stop lying and tell me why ben is dead. Hes dead because you got him out of the hospital where he was safe. Hes dead because you thought you knew him better after two bleep months than i did after his whole life wendy. You bleep murdered him. I begged you not to get involved with him. You know about this . Huh . Your own bleep brother. Dont you look at me with that blame on your face i spent my whole life protecting him this is yours you did this stephen please welcome back to a late show, laura linney hi, laura. Hey, stephen, hey. Stephen its so nice to see you again. Same here. Its nice to see broadway out that window. Stephen it is. Isnt it nice . Broadway is sort of open there . The video is only a few months old. Yeah, god bless. Stephen what are you doing to sort of get you through this sort of covid quarantine time that were all kind of enduring. Were all enduring this. You know there are good days. There are bad days. There are days where im very grateful to have the time with my family for very, very bad reasons. Stephen sure. So its hard to sort of, you know, move to forget why were all alone. But in the moments when i can connect with my family and be with my son who is young. Hes into frogs and snakes and all that sort of stuff. And then theres baking. Stephen tell me about the baking. Whats going on with the baking. What are you doing . Im in a cake phase. Stephen uhhuh. At the moment. Stephen oh, really. And, actually, stephen, i made a southern cake. Stephen a southern cake. For a southern man. Stephen oh, pecan you made a pecan cake. I made you a humming bird cake. Im sorry, i am far less southern than i should be. I made you a humming bird cake. Theres banana and pineapple and pecan and lots and lots of sugar. Stephen well, im honored. Thank you very much. Do i wheres my loaf of bread . Where is it . Can somebody go to rewrite and get my loaf of bread for laura . I heard you bake, so i made you a loaf of sour dog. Youre going deep. Stephen i danced with the devil on this one for months, and could not get it done. I could not get it worked out until i got a person a person sent me 150yearold starter. Oh, for gods sake for gods sake stephen i am dumb enough i actually made bread exactly. You dont know where its been stephen well, this is the did i not i promise you i brought the loaf of bread down here. The loaf of bread is somewhere in this building. Did i put it in the drawer . Sure, sure. Stephen theres a loaf of bread somewhere uhhuh, i understand. Stephen i carried it down. I carried it down in the elevator. Im not lying to you. I promise. Thank you for my lovely cake. Youre very welcome, stephen. Youre very welcome. Stephen right before everything came to a screeching halt you had just finished a onewoman show on broadway. And had you done a onewoman show before . No. God, no stephen what was the isolation like on stage . Because youre in front of an audience but,sh, there, of cous the fourth wall and everything is in front of you. Did that prepare you for the isolation of covid . In some way it did. You sort of have to rely on yourself and rely on the things you know to be true about your life and the people you share your life with. And i fiend that for me, whenever im in doubt about anything, i just sort of look to the theater and it will help me realign myself. You know, its where i learned about discipline and working together and problem solving and humor and perseverance, and grit, really. More than anything just the sense of grit. And the theater also for me has a real has a spiritual connection. So i try and take what ive learned from the theater and apply it in my life, as much as i can. Stephen wait, hold on. Stop everything give me that damn thing laughter give me that. Thank you. Stephen colbert. Look at that look at that stephen you like . Its like a really large hot cross bun. Look at that stephen its exactly what we were going for. Like a pillow to lay your head down on top of. Stephen it is on its way. It is on its way to you. Now that ive rubbed it with my hands, ill trade you. I am so impressed with you. Stephen ill trade you a cake for a loaf. Good lord stephen yeah, yeah, its worth it. Theres something thats 150 years old in there . Stephen the starter in here is evidently 150 years old. I dont know about that, stephen. Stephen thats supposed to be good, i think. I think there are ghosts i think there are ghosts in this bread. Maybe we can teleport back in time. Stephen we have to take a quick break but stick around, everybody. Well be back with more of laura linney. So, the next time its 3 oclock and you want some delicious dark chocolate, grab a dark chocolate nuts sea salt mini. With whole almonds and just 90 calories, its a kinder way to satisfy. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. 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Xfinity xfi can because its. Simple, easy, awesome. [ barking ] dearand with summer here,these energy bills are rising. Together, we can save energy and money. By taking steps to stay cool while using less. Keep safe and keep it golden. Stephen hey, everybody, were back with star of stage and screen and baker, laura linney. Okay, so ozark, the audience has grown every season. What do you think what do you think it is about the show now that has grown on people. It was a success in the beginning, but certainly over covid, the audience has grown enormously, i understand. Sure. Well, i i hope that its because were just Getting Better at our job. You know, because stephen probably. When you have a grawp of people who Work Together well and this is one of the best jobs ive ever had, as far as the quality of people, how we all get along, how collaborative it is. Its really a joy to go to work every day, and we dont always feel that way, you know, in our lives. But i think because its the third season, and now going into the fourth, you know, hopefully, weve just gotten better over time. You know, you can dig a little deeper when you return because youre looking forward to go back to work. Youre so happy to see those people. And you start from a deeper place every year. So i hope that its because the audience is getting to know us, and theyre starting to watch from a deeper place as well. And hopefully were able to, you know, evolve. Stephen well, congratulations on your emmy nomination you just got for ozark. Its your seventh, i understand. Its going to be i would say ill see you there, because im happy to say i and my staff got nominated. But theres nowhere to go to be seen. No. Stephen its all just going to be virtual this year. Jimmy kimmel is hosting, but its just going to be his brain in a jar, i think. Theres going to be no place. It will all be purely virtual but we want to send you, wherever youre going to be are you going to dress up for it . What are you going to do for the emmys . You know, while i can, i might just don pajamas and lounge. Stephen do it. Eloquently lounge. Stephen were going to send you a gift bashet, an emmys gift basket. Well send you some champagne. Nice nice stephen were sending you, with your pajamas, just some lovely dangling sparkle. Well want a photo to prove that you actually wore this, please. And then and then, so you dont actually have to get all dolled up you can just, you know, be ready for bed. Weve given you three different faces you can put up when the camera cut to you. This is gracious winner. Nice. Stephen this is gracious winner. This is this is this is gracious loser sm of. Yes. Stephen which you wont need. Yes. Stephen you wont need this one and this is not so gracious about it. Or im just tired of the ceremony. Just annoyed. Stephen well, laura, so lovely to see you. Well, thanks, stephen. Stephen im perfectly serious about this bread for cake trade, please. I have to put mine in the freezer so i can freeze it up and get it to you. Stephen laura linney, lovely to see you again. Thanks so much. I cant wait to see you in person. Same here. Im glad theres one theater on broadway thats open and has the lights on. Stephen we will keep the light on for you, and not just the ghost light. Season three of ozark is streaming on netflix now. Good luck at the emmys. Laura linney, everybody well be right back. Can my side be firm . And my side super soft . Yes, with the sleep number 360 smart bed, on sale now, you can both adjust your comfort with your sleep number setting. Can it help me fall asleep faster . Yes, by gently warming your feet. But can it help keep me asleep . Absolutely, it intelligently senses your movements and automatically adjusts to keep you both effortlessly comfortable. So you can really promise better sleep . Not promise. Prove. And now, save up to 500 on select sleep number 360 smart beds. Plus no interest until january 2023 on all smart beds. Ends wednesday late show, everybody. Im afraid we have to go off the air right now. Im sure james cordon is going to take up the connecticut primary results. Im going to toss over to him. He has the best Political Team in late night right now. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be Jason Sudeikis and White House Correspondent april ryan. First, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh