Slow the testing down, please okay. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, oklastayedhomea. Plus stephen welcomes james corden and musical guest bright eyes, with a special appearance by laura benanti. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen you want to see me do a tiktok dance, baby . You like that, baby . inaudible stephen mmm, mmm. inaudible laughter stephen i dont know if its going to happen. Okay, okay. Stephen welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Hope you had a great weekend. It was a bit of a tough one for president trump. His rally was a bust. Boltons book got the goahead, and to top it off, he got a card yesterday reminding him hes erics father. Saturday nights rally was supposed to be trumps big moment. Hes been jonesing for the frothedup crowd for three months. His campaign was advertising it as the Great American comeback festival. Thats right. This indoor rally of thousands of screaming fans was a chance for a comeback for trump and covid19. One of thems gonna have a really, really big fall. Leading up to the rally, trump predicted greatness over a Million People requested tickets. Well, theres just a hunger for the rallies, and i enjoy doing them, but they enjoy them, more importantly than me, they enjoy them, it gives energy to everybody. We expect to have, you know, its like a recordsetting crowd. Weve never had an empty seat. And we certainly wont in oklahoma. Stephen hes right, there wasnt an empty seat. There were thousands of them. Wow thats a lot of empty space and aimless mingling. Thats looks like a beyonce concert of just the dads who were dropping their daughters off. The emptiest of the empty seats were on the stadiums upper deck. So before anyone says that the trumpcampaign crapped the bed, clearly, they pulled an upper decker. Trumps team was so overconfident about attendance, they built an overflow stage outside for a prerally speech by trump and pence, for their estimated crowd of 40,000. Instead, the crowd was 25 people. Thats not a president ial rally, thats the private party room at the olive garden. 25 people . Doesnt say great things when there are fewer people in your crowd than have credibly accused you of sexual assault. In fact, there were so few people at the overflow stage that the campaign decided to dismantle it while the event inside was just starting. It reminds me of the beautiful message in a field of dreams. If you build it, people still wont like you. Stephen to put this disaster in perspective, the arena trump spoke in can hold more than 19,000 people, but only 6,200 people attended. That is one third capacity i dont want to be a glasshalf empty kind of guy, but half empty would be a huge improvement. According to those in the know, before the rally started, trump and several Staff Members stood backstage and gazed at the empty bank of Oklahoma Center in horror. So the campaign sent out a last ditcheffort text reading, doors are open at the b. O. K. Center. President trump cant wait. Theres still space come on, guys. Have a little chill. Hats like grouptexting your coworkers doors are open at my Birthday Party in my back yard bowl of baby carrots cant wait theres still ranch so why on earth did they think a Million People wanted tickets . The answer is, as usual, internet pranksters. Because tiktok users took partial credit for inflating attendance expectations, saying, they completed the free online registration for the rally with no intention of going. And it wasnt just the tiktokers, it was also the k poppers, fans of korean pop music groups claim to have registered hundreds of thousands of tickets for president Trumps Campaign rallyprank. Well, if thats true want to say to kpop fans i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart which im told this is in the kpop world, and i hope thats not another prank. News reports this morning said trump was angry at his Campaign Staff over the rally but White House Press secretary kaleigh mckenany denied that he was upset the president was not angry at all. The president was quite energized. He was in a great mood, it was a great night and there was a lot to celebrate. Stephen oh, a lot to celebrate. Lets see his triumphant return to the white house after tulsa. Celebrate good times, come on its a celebration stephen even after the rally was over, the ned today that two of his Staff Members who attended the trump rally on saturday have tested positive for the coronavirus. Wow, imagine how dangerous that wouldve been if people had shown up and even before the rally, six members of the advance team tested positive and the number of people connected to the event who test positive is expected to rise. You know, trump is going to spin that as a positive. as trump while the two Million People who registered for the event could have gotten covid19, i bravely exposed only 6,000 people. I saved literally hundreds of thousands of lives with my record unpopularity and general air of turd in a punch bowl. Not only was trumps crowd size historically disappointing, so was the content of his speech. Trump started off by reminding everyone whats at stake in 2020, or as he said the choice in 220 is very simple. Stephen thats right, 220. as trump yes, the choice in 220 is very simple. Will you bow to the left wing visigoths, or, like a true patriot, vote for Emperor Marcus aurelius antoninus augustus . Is that good . Right now, coronavirus cases are surging in 23 states, and that doesnt make trumps handling of the virus look competent, but the president says, its not his fault. And with testing, you know, testing is a double edged sword. Heres the bad part. When you do testing to that extent, youre going to find more people, youre going to find more cases. So i said to my people, slow the testing down, please. Stephen covid has killed over 120,000 americans, and he wants to slow down the testing, but at least said please. as trump mother may i. Kill everyone . To try to deflect blame from himself, trump tried out some new names for the coronavirus. Covid19. That name gets further and further away from china, as opposed to calling it the chinese virus. Oh, its covid. Its this again. By the way, its a disease without question, has more names than any disease in history. laughter i can name. Kung flu. Stephen that name is incredibly offensive. And thats not me talking, thats white house Senior Adviser kellyanne conway, who said this in march when she found out someone in the white house had used that phrase. Of course its wrong. Thats very hurtful and unhelpful. So you should tell us all who it is, id like to know who it is. Stephen careful what you ask for, kellyanne. You know what they say ignorance is your boss. But now that she knows who it is, you know that kellyanne is going to march into the oval office and give that guy a piece of her soul. Trump also talked about the other pressing National Issue on everyones mind that time he couldnt walk down a ramp last week. He had some excuses. So we walked like the equivalent of about three blocks, which is fine. We go onstage, which is fine. The sun is pouring down on me, okay. The stage was higher than this one and the ramp was probably 10 yards long. Because im wearing leather bottom shoes, which is good if youre walking on flat surfaces. Its not good for ramps. This was a steel ramp. It had no handrail, it was liken realteep, really, really, really its an ice skating rink, its brutal. Stephen if that felt really, really, really long, its because it was. Trump talked about rampgate for a whopping ten minutes and 23 seconds. Which is almost as long as it took him to get down that ramp. Weak old ramp slam stephen but enough with the excuses about why he couldnt walk down a ramp. At west point, trump also had trouble drinking a glass of water, and he had an excuse for that too. And i dont want to get water on the tie, and i dont want to drink much, so i lift it up, the water. I see we have a little glass of water. Where the hell did this water come from . cheers and applause where did it come from . And i look down at my tie because ive done it. Ive taken water and it spills down onto your tie, doesnt look good for a long time and frankly, the tie is never the same. Stephen well, that is reassuring. The president has no trouble Drinking Water onehanded, he just cant do it without dribbling all over himself. Then came the big moment. cheers and applause stephen thats how low the bar is for trump. He gets applause for sipping water. Reminds me of eisenhowers reelection slogan i like ike because he can use the big boy potty. And take a look at what trump does after successfully Drinking Water. cheers and applause so he proved he can drink a glass of water, he just cant put it down. He should be really careful. Or hes going to have to tell a ten minute story next week about how he couldnt walk off that stage saturday. as trump some idiot threw water and broken glass and water all over the stairs. Pretty sure it was antifa. Trumps bad weekend started when a federal judge ruled that my guest tomorrow night, former National Security adviser john bolton, could publish his new book. But it wasnt a total victory because, thanks to the ruling, bolton may be in jeopardy of forfeiting his 2 million advance. Oh, jeopardy then this joke will be in the form of a question who cares, alex . Last night, to warm up for my interview, bolton sat down with abcs martha raddatz. And raddatz asked bolton about trumps place in history. How do you think history will remember donald trump . I hope it will remember him as a oneterm president who didnt plunge the country irretrievably into a downward spiral we cant recall from. We can get over one term. Two terms, im more troubled about. Stephen okay. But most of us are pretty troubled by the first term. If i went to a restaurant where the waiter spit in my chowder, and slashed my tires, my first thought wouldnt be i sure hope my next visit here isnt troubling. Raddatz also asked bolton about his claim that he had personally witnesse aine to investigation into joe biden. What exactly did the president say to you . Prov that e with the investigation. The president denied it, tweeting i never told john bolton that the aid to ukraine was tied to investigations into democrats, including the bidens. Is the president lying . Yes he is. And its not the first time, either. Stephen what . The president lies . All this and more in boltons explosive new book the room where, no bleep , thats what happened. Weve got a great show for you tonight. James corden is here. But when we come back, a visit with the first lady, Melania Trump stick around. Looks like they picked the wrong getaway driver. Theyre going to be paying for this for a long time. They will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident, even if its your fault. Cut sonny. Was that good . Line the desert never lies. Isnt that what i said . No you were talking about allstate and insurance. I just. When i. Lets try again. Everybody back to one. Accident forgiveness from allstate. 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Just download the target app today. vo through our love promise, subaru and our retailers are proud to be replanting 500,000 trees. In areas devastated by wildfires. Subaru. More than a car company. Everybody felt fine. But now im super sick. Everyone is sick. I just wish we had been more careful. It would have been easier than this. So wear a mask. Do what you can outside. Stay six feet apart. Because some things you just cant take back. Do your part to lower the risk. If i could, baby id how can i, when you wont take it from me you can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only with xfinity mobile. Stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Before i go any further, lets say hello to our friend mr. Jon batiste. Hey, jon. Jon whats happening . I found a court. Stephen really . Jon we got to play horse. Stephen oh, get ready. Im going to rock your world. Im going to surprise you. Youre going to go, where did that come from jon who do you play your game after. Stephen alex english. Jon uhhuh, uhhuh. Stephen alex english, he was a gamecock back in the 70s. Jon oh, my goodness. Stephen the big basketball dynasty with coach mcguire back in the 1970s in south carolina. How about you, who do you model yourself after . Jon oh, my goodness, i would probably have to say magic, magic johnson. Stephen sure, thats a good one. Jon i love how hes smiling all the time when hes playing. Stephen would you care to share any music with us . Jon yeah, yeah. Stephen youre under no obligation to do so, but if you felt like it. laughter stephen ticotico . Jon yeah, thats right ticotico no fuba. Stephen that will get you in a good mood, no matter what. Jon lets lift it up. Stephen jon batiste, everybody. Jon yes, indeed. Stephen see you later, my friend. Folks, my guest tomorrow night, former National Security advisor john boltons book is getting so much attention i havent even gotten to mention a controversial new book by another one of the president s adversaries, Melania Trump. Washington post reporter mary jordans unauthorized biography, the art of her deal is making headlines for some bold revelations about the first lady. For example, after the inauguration, rather than moving into the white house, melania stayed in new york, using the move as leverage to renegotiate her prenup. Specifically, she wanted proof in writing that when it came to financial opportunities and inheritance, barron would be treated as more of an equal to trumps oldest three children. You know you got a bad deal when you have to fight to be equal with eric trump. The book also claims that, with melania absent, ivanka trump moved to grab as much power as she could and even suggested renaming the first ladys office to the first family renaminthe library of congress, as book club. And things seem a little tense for the first couple right now. Take a look at this recent appearance together. Where the president seems to ask the first lady to smile and she reacts with. Whatever this is. Wow. If looks could kill, the secret service wouldve wrestled her to the ground. Of course, whenever one of these unauthorized books is released, its impossible to know how much is true. So here to tell us how much is true, is the first lady of the united states, Melania Trump. Hello, Stephen Stephen madam first lady, thank you for being here. Its been a while. Oh, yes. I have been keeping out to have the public eye. Warm, comforting presence. Are you okay . Oh, yes, stephen, of course im okay. Cant you tell by my smile . Stephen there you go. Sure, i caught that one. So how are you holding up with everything going on right now . Oh, stephen. Stephen, these protesters are frightening. Every day, they tear down another cold, lifeless monument to white supremacy, i cant help but worry, am i next . Stephen by the way, madam first lady, can i ask where you are now . Im quarantined in an undisclosed location to avoid the virus which is my nickname for ivanka trump. Oh stephen im glad youre keeping socially distanced a least. It is as empty as a trump rally in here laughter stephen speaking of which, what do you think of your husbands performance in tulsa saturday night . Like his performance every night, way smaller than promised, and everyone involved should get tested. Stephen sounds wise. So lets talk about this new biography about you, maam . Oh, this book dont believe what you read. This book makes me out to be a ruthless, coldhearted manipulator who will stop at nothing to get what i want, but its also full of lies stephen lets get into some of the allegations, maam. According to your book, after your husband won the election, you renegotiated the prenup. Is that true . Totally false. I hope one day to negotiate a postnup. Stephen after you finally moved in, there had to be a period of adjustment because the with the title first lady andble you asked people not the call you that. I know my husband, stephen, if you give him a first lady, he wants a second lady and a third lady. Its give a mouse a cookie situation. Stephen the book claims you exaggerated achievements like getting an architecture degree that true . Five languages, is no. Thats spanish for no. I cant believe the book would make accusations against me, a particle physicist who stormed normandy and pulled baby jessica out of that well stephen the book accuses you of leveraging power against the president. Is that true . Im only here to help my husband. When he says, hey, take a picture with me, or im stuck in a chair again, and i always politely agree with the ten magic words. Stephen what are those . I would like you to do us a favor though. Stephen that makes sense. The book shows you as being a helpless victim of donald trump. In slovenia, we have a saying appear weak when you are strong, strong when you are weak and keep copies of the tax returns on your person at all times. Stephen first lady Melania Trump, everybody activate smile. Stephen well be right back with james corden. Oh, it hurts tara, did you know geico is now offering an extra 15 credit on car and motorcycle policies . Wow. Ok thats 15 on top of what geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for . Idina menzel to sing your own theme song . Tara, tara, look at her go with a fresh cup of joe. Gettin down to work early following her dreams into taxidermy oh, its. Tax attorney. I read that wrong, oh yeeaaaah geico. Save a