Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 2024

Peace with god and are willing to sacrifice their lives so that you can wave at some people. And with achoober pool, you can share a ride with other disease factors like an ebola monkey and a rabid badger. And passengers who feel really sick can get even more space with the all new achoober xl option. Make sure to give your driver one star, five stars, or a severe respiratory illness. It wont be long before theyre on a ride of their own. Aaahhh, aaahhh, aaahhh achoober were all about driving, not surviving. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, patient zero. Plus stephen welcomes jon bon jovi, and musical guest bon jovi, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome, everybody come on in. Its the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Big news after being choppered to Walter Reed Hospital on friday, donald trump has been released back into the wild. There he is, immediately taking off his mask and saluting the marines and the camera crew filming this campaign ad. Who has two thumbs that doesnt care if you live or die . This guy my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone hes about to infe infect. Trump made the announcement himself, tweeting, i will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6 30 p. M. Feeling really good dont be afraid of covid. Dont let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration, some really great drugs and knowledge. I feel better than i did 20 years ago well, im glad that the president is feeling better, of course, i wish him continued good health, and it goes without saying what a tool. Dont let it dominate your life. So, the people who lost their lives, they either didnt have enough moxie, or they didnt live in a big white house that has 20 fulltime medical staff and get choppered to a suite at walter reed where they received a combination of cuttingedge treatments that literally no one else on the planet has received. Okay, then just make the Surgeon Generals warning dont let cancer dominate your lungs smoking is cool, because my Lung Transplant was successful so what does this tell us about the president s health . Because weve already been lied to so many times, that we dont actually know enough of whats true to understand how much weve been lied to. Since friday, weve been getting irregular updates from the president s personal physician and man who is either a normalsized doctor with a giant microphone or a very tiny doctor with a regular microphone, dr. Sean conley. One of the most concerning symptoms of covid is reduced lung function, and check out how cagey conley was about whether trump was given oxygen. He has not received any supplemental oxygen . Hes not on oxygen right now. Thats right. He has not received any at all . Hes not needed any this morning today at all. Thats right. Can we just pin you down on one thing . Has he ever been on supplemental oxygen . Right now, he is not on oxygen. Stephen hes so bad at lying its like if your wife asked, are you having an affair with janet . Honey, i have not had supplemental janet sex this morning, thats right. laughter the next day, it came out that trump had been given oxygen, and conley explained why he was so evasive. I was trying to reflect the upbeat attitude that the team, the president , that his course of illness has had. I didnt want to give any information that might steer the course of illness in another direction. Stephen you cant steer the course of a disease by lying about it. Thats why its called make a wish and not everythings fine, mark ruffalo just wants to meet you while the doctors were presenting a rosy picture, they also revealed that trump has been put on two drugs remdesivir and dexamethasone. Im not a doctor, but im pretty sure its not a good sign when you get prescribed the high score in a scrabble game. Heres the thing about dexamethasone it has some pretty intense possible side effects. The dexamethasone is known to have a Mental Health side effects. It can cause psychosis, it can cause delirium, it can cause mania. Stephen it says right on the label warning may cause donald trump. Dexamethasone can also cause changes in mood, including a feeling of extreme wellbeing, and temporary burning, pain and itching around your anus. Feelings of extreme wellbeing and a burning anus . Its not common, but weve got a testimonial from one person whos taken the drug and it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire the ring of fire stephen thank you, doctor. Adding to the confusion this weekend was trump chief of staff and man being told the bounce house is for children only, mark meadows. After trumps doctor told reporters that the president was in great shape, an anonymous source told these same reporters that actually, the president s vitals over the last 24 hours were very concerning and the next 48 hours will be critical in terms of his care. Were still not on a clear path to a full recovery. It didnt take long for people to figure out that this anonymous source was meadows because he was the only white house official at walter reed and the only person who could have so promptly briefed the press pool on the president s condition. And, on saturday, he got caught on tape obviously the cameras are still rollin, if we could go off the record with some of yall and get away from the cameras. Stephen youd think the white house chief of staff could be a little more subtle. You know what i think . Actually, hold on, can we go off the record here . Thanks. Mark meadows is an idiot. The president evidently was watching, because according to sources, trump was furious at meadows for contradicting the white house physician. as trump mark, i havent been this upset since i woke up this morning with a flamin mudflap. laughter like fresh calamari out of the fryer, my friend. laughter you ever seen pictures of an erupting kilowaya . laughter this isnt a partisan thing. For the safety of our nation, the public needs to know how trumps doing. Which is why its so infuriating that dr. Conley had this to say yesterday. Im not going to get into the specifics of his care. Stephen then why are you there . i dont get to go on tv and say, im not going to get into the specifics of my joke tonight. Plus, i dont endanger the nation by doing my job poorly. At most i endanger the sales of charmin. Charmin. Enjoy the go. Especially if youve been on the dexamethasone, if you know what i mean. Warning charmin is flammable. Also, and this is really important, we have no idea when the president was first diagnosed. He announced a positive test on twitter at 1 00 a. M. Friday morning. But when talking about the president s treatment on saturday, conley said this just 72 hours into the diagnosis now. Stephen wait that was saturday morning, 72 hours would be wednesday morning, so he spent two full days doing events unmasked, indoors, spreading his virus. Are you sure you mean 72 hours . Somebody help me out here when was the positive diagnosis made . You said 72 hours. That would put it at wednesday. Yeah. So, thursday afternoon, following the news of a close contact is when we repeated testing. Stephen oh, repeated testing . You mean to make sure he was a sociopathic disease vector . Good. The white house was quick to contradict the doctors contradiction, releasing a statement saying, conley meant that trump was on day three of the illness. The diagnosis was made thursday night, making saturday the third day into his diagnosis. So, theyre lying. Because they lie. They lie about covid testing specifically because trump told at least one white house official who tested positive, dont tell anyone. That explains the cards trumps been sending to his staff. Get well soon. Not that you need to, because youre fine, remember . The president tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing this photo of him at work. Some pointed out that that piece of paper seems to be blank. But to defend the president , that doesnt mean hes not working. Because a blank piece of paper is his Covid Response plan. Trump also released a couple of videos, including this one, about how this experience has affected him its been a very interesting journey, i learned a lot about covid. Stephen really . Youre learning it now . as trump for the last eight months, ive heard about millions of people getting infected with covid. Hundreds of thousands dying. But how could i know those people were real if they werent me . But now they are. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of myself. Trump had a fun metaphor for how he learned about covid i learned it by really going to school. This is the real school. This isnt the lets read the books school. Stephen as trump ive learned so much. Turns out, the virus was inside me the whole time. And the real treasure were the friends we infected along the way. But, bottom line, trump wants us to know that he comprehends the gravity of the disease and i get it. Stephen thats right, mr. President. You get it. Then melania gets it. Then Chris Christie gets it. Everybody gets it. He might get it, but he doesnt understand it, because shortly after making that video, he drove around in a hermetically sealed s. U. V. , endangering everyone with him, waving at supporters, who were an unusual bunch. Reporters had this encounter im here to pray for trump, said an elderly vietnamese woman who declined to give her name. She was holding a massive shofar a rams hrn used in jewish religious ceremonies that she blew repeatedly calling others to prayer. Yes, trump has a huge following amongst the coveted elderly vietnamese jews demographic. As they say at moments like this, hanoi, vey. President trump isnt the only prominent republican to test positive for covid. So have hope hicks, kellyanne conway, Chris Christie, r. N. C. Chairwoman ronna mcdaniel, republican senators mike lee, thom tillis, ron johnson, and Trump Campaign manager bill stepien. The g. O. P. Changed its symbol to this. Dont worry, dr. Conley assures me that elephant is not currently on oxygen and has not felt this good in 20 years. The latest trump official to fall ill is White House Press secretary and barbie who whispers threats while your children sleep, Kayleigh Mcenany, who tweeted, after testing negative consistently including every day since thursday, i tested positive for covid19 on monday while experiencing no symptoms. Heres the thing kayleigh knew she had been in close contact with hope hicks, and had a high likelihood of being infected. But after knowing that, Kayleigh Mcenany repeatedly spoke to reporters without a mask on. She was just trying to give journalists a scoop as mcenany come here ive got an exclusive youre going to get sick very soon and its not just trump staffers, three journalists working at the white house have tested positive for covid19. The Trump Administration is a hot zone. Coming this fall from aaron sorkin, the infest wing. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Jon bon jovi is here. But when we return, the president returns to twitter. Stick around. Br 25 of your mouth. Listerine® cleans virtually 100 . Helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. Never settle for 25 . Always go for 100. Bring out the bold™ dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul ima light it up like dynamite, whoa now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. Could put cookies creme in twix. Twix this is a right twix. Excuse me. [screams into pillow] twix cookies creme. My job is to help new homeowners who have turned into their parents. Im having a big lunch and then just a snack for dinner. So were using a speakerphone in the store. Is that a good idea . One of the ways i do that is to get them out of the home. Youre looking for a grout brush, this is garth, did he ask for your help . No, no. No. We all see it. We all see it. He has blue hair. Okay. Blue. Progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. Keep it coming. You dont know him. In the tubbs fire. The flames, the ash, it was terrifying. Thousands of family homes are destroyed in wildfires. Families are forced to move and higher property taxes are a huge problem. Prop 19 limits taxes on wildfire victims so families can move without a tax penalty. Nineteen will help rebuild lives. Vote yes on 19. Stephen welcome back. Lets say hello to jon batiste. Jon whats happening with you . Whats the word . Stephen you have to good to see you this weekend. People out there dont know but we saw each other at our friend john alters book party for his book his very best about jimmy carter, and there you were. Jon i know, its been months. Since march 12 since i last saw you. Stephen it was so different to see you in person. I had to fight the urge to give you a hug but thats not hygienic. Stephen yeah, everybody wearing a mask. But it was great to see. I could feel a heart, your energy from you. We had to make that happen again soon, please. Evie is here. Do you want to say hi . Stephen yes wave into is it camera right there. Stephen hey, evie. Jon, you got anything on your mind or fingers . Jon i was working on the kamala song. Stephen oh jon weve got to get it going, man. Stephen can you take it to the next level . Jon yeah, were doing it. Were going to make it happen. Im going to send it to you. Check it out. Stephen please, send it to kamala. Jon yeah, thats right. Give me some pointers on there. Stephen oh, yeah. Stephen yeah, you know, thats energy. Stephen its positive, uplifting, it drives, nice. Jon yeah, thats where were at. I smell a single. All right, jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Jon lay ut on. It on, yes, indeed. Stephen now, as much of a log flume of lies as this weekend was, there are signs trump may be feeling better, because this morning he tweeted 16 times. Turns out another side effect of dexamethasone is restless thumb syndrome. Im not going to read you all of them, but see if you spot a trend stock market highs. Vote strongest ever military. Vote law and order. Vote religious liberty. Vote 401k. Vote space force. Vote as trump, singing shout a little bit louder now. Vote. A little bit softer now im a lig big liar now very contagious now vote hay, hay, hay, hay whats wrong with you . Archie, i apologize to him. I can understand why trump is desperate to fire up his base, because there are a bunch of new polls out and they are not good for the president. The latest nbc newswall street journalamys black bean vegetable soup poll found out that Bidens National lead over trump jumped to 14 points after the debate. Evidently, Middle America did not respond to trumps core message nazis, stand by, and await further orders. The debate seems to have really hurt trump with voters saying by twotoone that biden has the better temperament to be president. After that debate, voters also found that trump has worse temperament to be president than a cokeaddled mongoose, or a machete ducttaped to a roomba. Its not just nationally, the latest new york timessiena collegedepends Protection Plus poll found that by overwhelming margins, voters in pennsylvania and florida were repelled by President Trumps conduct in the first general election debate. His behavior was so rude, he offended florida. Normally, they dont get upset unless you use the salad fork on your dessert meth. Apparently, voters arent feeling too sympathetic about trumps illness either. The latest reutersipsoswendys triple quad baconator poll found that 65 of voters agreed that if President Trump had taken coronavirus more seriously, he probably would not have been infected. Well, yeah. Hes consistently downplayed the risk, refused to wear a mask and, at Amy Coney Barretts nomination, trump manned the kissing booth. So with his numbers sagging, trump is eager to get back on the trail. According to one adviser, the president is chomping at the bit to hit the road again. And chomping at the bit is not a figure of speech. Dr. Conley has put him on a course of horse amphetamines. In fact, one member of the president s team told fox business that trump will be back to full frontal campaigning very, very soon, full frontal. That way, every states a swing state. Trumps Campaign Staff also wants him back out there. They believe the president being hospitalized undercuts his main attribute over biden that he appears stronger and tougher. Yes, you dont want voters to know the president is mortal really clashes with their main message of man strong, tie long. But, this is shockingly not surprising. Indoor events are expected to continue, and the Trump Campaign will not require mask use. In fact, theyre going to make it a feature. Leave your mask at home, and win a jello lunch with the president well be right back with jon bon jovi. Yeah. Bon jovi. You dont get much time for yourself. So when you do, make it count with crest prohealth. It protects the 8 areas dentists check for a healthier mouth. The 1 toothpaste brand in america. Crest. Knowinits hard. Re is hard. Eliminate who you are not first, and youre going to find yourself where you need to be. The race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. Being able to order stuff online it helps out a lot. We get to use that time that we would be at the Grocery Store. That time is priceless. Hi jen hi. So youre the scientist here. Does my aveeno® daily moisturizer really make my dry skin healthier in one day . Its true jen. Really . this prebiotic oat formula moisturizes to help prevent dry skin. Impressive aveeno® healthy. Its our nature. Imp essive imagine the places well go. Together. Expedia your happy place. Find your breaking point. Then break it. Every emergenc gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergenc. Seeing what people left behind in the attic. Well, saving on Stephen Colbert<\/a> tonight, patient zero. Plus stephen welcomes jon bon jovi, and musical guest bon jovi, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office<\/a> building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert<\/a> stephen welcome, everybody come on in. Its the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert<\/a>. Big news after being choppered to Walter Reed Hospital<\/a> on friday, donald trump has been released back into the wild. There he is, immediately taking off his mask and saluting the marines and the camera crew filming this campaign ad. Who has two thumbs that doesnt care if you live or die . This guy my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone hes about to infe infect. Trump made the announcement himself, tweeting, i will be leaving the great Walter Reed Medical Center<\/a> today at 6 30 p. M. Feeling really good dont be afraid of covid. Dont let it dominate your life. We have developed, under the Trump Administration<\/a>, some really great drugs and knowledge. I feel better than i did 20 years ago well, im glad that the president is feeling better, of course, i wish him continued good health, and it goes without saying what a tool. Dont let it dominate your life. So, the people who lost their lives, they either didnt have enough moxie, or they didnt live in a big white house that has 20 fulltime medical staff and get choppered to a suite at walter reed where they received a combination of cuttingedge treatments that literally no one else on the planet has received. Okay, then just make the Surgeon Generals<\/a> warning dont let cancer dominate your lungs smoking is cool, because my Lung Transplant<\/a> was successful so what does this tell us about the president s health . Because weve already been lied to so many times, that we dont actually know enough of whats true to understand how much weve been lied to. Since friday, weve been getting irregular updates from the president s personal physician and man who is either a normalsized doctor with a giant microphone or a very tiny doctor with a regular microphone, dr. Sean conley. One of the most concerning symptoms of covid is reduced lung function, and check out how cagey conley was about whether trump was given oxygen. He has not received any supplemental oxygen . Hes not on oxygen right now. Thats right. He has not received any at all . Hes not needed any this morning today at all. Thats right. Can we just pin you down on one thing . Has he ever been on supplemental oxygen . Right now, he is not on oxygen. Stephen hes so bad at lying its like if your wife asked, are you having an affair with janet . Honey, i have not had supplemental janet sex this morning, thats right. laughter the next day, it came out that trump had been given oxygen, and conley explained why he was so evasive. I was trying to reflect the upbeat attitude that the team, the president , that his course of illness has had. I didnt want to give any information that might steer the course of illness in another direction. Stephen you cant steer the course of a disease by lying about it. Thats why its called make a wish and not everythings fine, mark ruffalo just wants to meet you while the doctors were presenting a rosy picture, they also revealed that trump has been put on two drugs remdesivir and dexamethasone. Im not a doctor, but im pretty sure its not a good sign when you get prescribed the high score in a scrabble game. Heres the thing about dexamethasone it has some pretty intense possible side effects. The dexamethasone is known to have a Mental Health<\/a> side effects. It can cause psychosis, it can cause delirium, it can cause mania. Stephen it says right on the label warning may cause donald trump. Dexamethasone can also cause changes in mood, including a feeling of extreme wellbeing, and temporary burning, pain and itching around your anus. Feelings of extreme wellbeing and a burning anus . Its not common, but weve got a testimonial from one person whos taken the drug and it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire the ring of fire stephen thank you, doctor. Adding to the confusion this weekend was trump chief of staff and man being told the bounce house is for children only, mark meadows. After trumps doctor told reporters that the president was in great shape, an anonymous source told these same reporters that actually, the president s vitals over the last 24 hours were very concerning and the next 48 hours will be critical in terms of his care. Were still not on a clear path to a full recovery. It didnt take long for people to figure out that this anonymous source was meadows because he was the only white house official at walter reed and the only person who could have so promptly briefed the press pool on the president s condition. And, on saturday, he got caught on tape obviously the cameras are still rollin, if we could go off the record with some of yall and get away from the cameras. Stephen youd think the white house chief of staff could be a little more subtle. You know what i think . Actually, hold on, can we go off the record here . Thanks. Mark meadows is an idiot. The president evidently was watching, because according to sources, trump was furious at meadows for contradicting the white house physician. as trump mark, i havent been this upset since i woke up this morning with a flamin mudflap. laughter like fresh calamari out of the fryer, my friend. laughter you ever seen pictures of an erupting kilowaya . laughter this isnt a partisan thing. For the safety of our nation, the public needs to know how trumps doing. Which is why its so infuriating that dr. Conley had this to say yesterday. Im not going to get into the specifics of his care. Stephen then why are you there . i dont get to go on tv and say, im not going to get into the specifics of my joke tonight. Plus, i dont endanger the nation by doing my job poorly. At most i endanger the sales of charmin. Charmin. Enjoy the go. Especially if youve been on the dexamethasone, if you know what i mean. Warning charmin is flammable. Also, and this is really important, we have no idea when the president was first diagnosed. He announced a positive test on twitter at 1 00 a. M. Friday morning. But when talking about the president s treatment on saturday, conley said this just 72 hours into the diagnosis now. Stephen wait that was saturday morning, 72 hours would be wednesday morning, so he spent two full days doing events unmasked, indoors, spreading his virus. Are you sure you mean 72 hours . Somebody help me out here when was the positive diagnosis made . You said 72 hours. That would put it at wednesday. Yeah. So, thursday afternoon, following the news of a close contact is when we repeated testing. Stephen oh, repeated testing . You mean to make sure he was a sociopathic disease vector . Good. The white house was quick to contradict the doctors contradiction, releasing a statement saying, conley meant that trump was on day three of the illness. The diagnosis was made thursday night, making saturday the third day into his diagnosis. So, theyre lying. Because they lie. They lie about covid testing specifically because trump told at least one white house official who tested positive, dont tell anyone. That explains the cards trumps been sending to his staff. Get well soon. Not that you need to, because youre fine, remember . The president tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing this photo of him at work. Some pointed out that that piece of paper seems to be blank. But to defend the president , that doesnt mean hes not working. Because a blank piece of paper is his Covid Response<\/a> plan. Trump also released a couple of videos, including this one, about how this experience has affected him its been a very interesting journey, i learned a lot about covid. Stephen really . Youre learning it now . as trump for the last eight months, ive heard about millions of people getting infected with covid. Hundreds of thousands dying. But how could i know those people were real if they werent me . But now they are. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of myself. Trump had a fun metaphor for how he learned about covid i learned it by really going to school. This is the real school. This isnt the lets read the books school. Stephen as trump ive learned so much. Turns out, the virus was inside me the whole time. And the real treasure were the friends we infected along the way. But, bottom line, trump wants us to know that he comprehends the gravity of the disease and i get it. Stephen thats right, mr. President. You get it. Then melania gets it. Then Chris Christie<\/a> gets it. Everybody gets it. He might get it, but he doesnt understand it, because shortly after making that video, he drove around in a hermetically sealed s. U. V. , endangering everyone with him, waving at supporters, who were an unusual bunch. Reporters had this encounter im here to pray for trump, said an elderly vietnamese woman who declined to give her name. She was holding a massive shofar a rams hrn used in jewish religious ceremonies that she blew repeatedly calling others to prayer. Yes, trump has a huge following amongst the coveted elderly vietnamese jews demographic. As they say at moments like this, hanoi, vey. President trump isnt the only prominent republican to test positive for covid. So have hope hicks, kellyanne conway, Chris Christie<\/a>, r. N. C. Chairwoman ronna mcdaniel, republican senators mike lee, thom tillis, ron johnson, and Trump Campaign<\/a> manager bill stepien. The g. O. P. Changed its symbol to this. Dont worry, dr. Conley assures me that elephant is not currently on oxygen and has not felt this good in 20 years. The latest trump official to fall ill is White House Press<\/a> secretary and barbie who whispers threats while your children sleep, Kayleigh Mcenany<\/a>, who tweeted, after testing negative consistently including every day since thursday, i tested positive for covid19 on monday while experiencing no symptoms. Heres the thing kayleigh knew she had been in close contact with hope hicks, and had a high likelihood of being infected. But after knowing that, Kayleigh Mcenany<\/a> repeatedly spoke to reporters without a mask on. She was just trying to give journalists a scoop as mcenany come here ive got an exclusive youre going to get sick very soon and its not just trump staffers, three journalists working at the white house have tested positive for covid19. The Trump Administration<\/a> is a hot zone. Coming this fall from aaron sorkin, the infest wing. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Jon bon jovi is here. But when we return, the president returns to twitter. Stick around. Br 25 of your mouth. Listerine\u00ae cleans virtually 100 . Helping to prevent gum disease and bad breath. Never settle for 25 . Always go for 100. Bring out the bold\u2122 dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul ima light it up like dynamite, whoa now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. Could put cookies creme in twix. Twix this is a right twix. Excuse me. [screams into pillow] twix cookies creme. My job is to help new homeowners who have turned into their parents. Im having a big lunch and then just a snack for dinner. So were using a speakerphone in the store. Is that a good idea . One of the ways i do that is to get them out of the home. Youre looking for a grout brush, this is garth, did he ask for your help . No, no. No. We all see it. We all see it. He has blue hair. Okay. Blue. Progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. Keep it coming. You dont know him. In the tubbs fire. The flames, the ash, it was terrifying. Thousands of family homes are destroyed in wildfires. Families are forced to move and higher property taxes are a huge problem. Prop 19 limits taxes on wildfire victims so families can move without a tax penalty. Nineteen will help rebuild lives. Vote yes on 19. Stephen welcome back. Lets say hello to jon batiste. Jon whats happening with you . Whats the word . Stephen you have to good to see you this weekend. People out there dont know but we saw each other at our friend john alters book party for his book his very best about jimmy carter, and there you were. Jon i know, its been months. Since march 12 since i last saw you. Stephen it was so different to see you in person. I had to fight the urge to give you a hug but thats not hygienic. Stephen yeah, everybody wearing a mask. But it was great to see. I could feel a heart, your energy from you. We had to make that happen again soon, please. Evie is here. Do you want to say hi . Stephen yes wave into is it camera right there. Stephen hey, evie. Jon, you got anything on your mind or fingers . Jon i was working on the kamala song. Stephen oh jon weve got to get it going, man. Stephen can you take it to the next level . Jon yeah, were doing it. Were going to make it happen. Im going to send it to you. Check it out. Stephen please, send it to kamala. Jon yeah, thats right. Give me some pointers on there. Stephen oh, yeah. Stephen yeah, you know, thats energy. Stephen its positive, uplifting, it drives, nice. Jon yeah, thats where were at. I smell a single. All right, jon batiste, everybody. Thank you, jon. Jon lay ut on. It on, yes, indeed. Stephen now, as much of a log flume of lies as this weekend was, there are signs trump may be feeling better, because this morning he tweeted 16 times. Turns out another side effect of dexamethasone is restless thumb syndrome. Im not going to read you all of them, but see if you spot a trend stock market highs. Vote strongest ever military. Vote law and order. Vote religious liberty. Vote 401k. Vote space force. Vote as trump, singing shout a little bit louder now. Vote. A little bit softer now im a lig big liar now very contagious now vote hay, hay, hay, hay whats wrong with you . Archie, i apologize to him. I can understand why trump is desperate to fire up his base, because there are a bunch of new polls out and they are not good for the president. The latest nbc newswall street journalamys black bean vegetable soup poll found out that Bidens National<\/a> lead over trump jumped to 14 points after the debate. Evidently, Middle America<\/a> did not respond to trumps core message nazis, stand by, and await further orders. The debate seems to have really hurt trump with voters saying by twotoone that biden has the better temperament to be president. After that debate, voters also found that trump has worse temperament to be president than a cokeaddled mongoose, or a machete ducttaped to a roomba. Its not just nationally, the latest new york timessiena collegedepends Protection Plus<\/a> poll found that by overwhelming margins, voters in pennsylvania and florida were repelled by President Trump<\/a>s conduct in the first general election debate. His behavior was so rude, he offended florida. Normally, they dont get upset unless you use the salad fork on your dessert meth. Apparently, voters arent feeling too sympathetic about trumps illness either. The latest reutersipsoswendys triple quad baconator poll found that 65 of voters agreed that if President Trump<\/a> had taken coronavirus more seriously, he probably would not have been infected. Well, yeah. Hes consistently downplayed the risk, refused to wear a mask and, at Amy Coney Barretts<\/a> nomination, trump manned the kissing booth. So with his numbers sagging, trump is eager to get back on the trail. According to one adviser, the president is chomping at the bit to hit the road again. And chomping at the bit is not a figure of speech. Dr. Conley has put him on a course of horse amphetamines. In fact, one member of the president s team told fox business that trump will be back to full frontal campaigning very, very soon, full frontal. That way, every states a swing state. Trumps Campaign Staff<\/a> also wants him back out there. They believe the president being hospitalized undercuts his main attribute over biden that he appears stronger and tougher. Yes, you dont want voters to know the president is mortal really clashes with their main message of man strong, tie long. But, this is shockingly not surprising. Indoor events are expected to continue, and the Trump Campaign<\/a> will not require mask use. In fact, theyre going to make it a feature. Leave your mask at home, and win a jello lunch with the president well be right back with jon bon jovi. Yeah. Bon jovi. You dont get much time for yourself. So when you do, make it count with crest prohealth. It protects the 8 areas dentists check for a healthier mouth. The 1 toothpaste brand in america. Crest. Knowinits hard. Re is hard. Eliminate who you are not first, and youre going to find yourself where you need to be. The race is never over. The journey has no port. The adventure never ends, because we are always on the way. Being able to order stuff online it helps out a lot. We get to use that time that we would be at the Grocery Store<\/a>. That time is priceless. Hi jen hi. So youre the scientist here. Does my aveeno\u00ae daily moisturizer really make my dry skin healthier in one day . Its true jen. Really . this prebiotic oat formula moisturizes to help prevent dry skin. Impressive aveeno\u00ae healthy. Its our nature. Imp essive imagine the places well go. Together. Expedia your happy place. Find your breaking point. Then break it. Every emergenc gives you a potent blend of nutrients so you can emerge your best with emergenc. Seeing what people left behind in the attic. Well, saving on Homeowners Insurance<\/a> with geicos help was pretty fun too. Ahhhh, its a tiny dancer. They left a ton of stuff up here. Welp, enjoy your house. Nope. No thank you. Geico could help you save on homeowners and renters insurance. Stephen welcome back. My guest tonight is a grammy awardwinning singer and rock and roll hall of famer who has sold over 130 million albums worldwide. Please welcome, jon bon jovi hello, stephen. Stephen good to see you. Its just a name you cant say calmly. You have to go jon bon jovi youve got to fill an arena when you say that name thats it, good evening, jon bon jovi. Stephen how are you doing . How is covid treating you . Like everybody else. You know, its been up and down. I think, overall, were pretty good. How about yourself . Stephen i feel lucky. I have a job and i get to come in and get the emotions out every day. I have to say, you look better than you have in 20 years. Do you feel better than you have in 20 years . I do, as a matter of fact. I feel better than i have in 20 years. I was just going to drive around for a while and wave at people because i look so good. laughter stephen one thing covid has done for me is i have these luscious locks now. Ive got an little trim around the ears and thats about it for the last seven months. Your hair had an induction into the hall of fame, i understand. Do you have any advice . I saw you do the head wave. You have it all down. I think youre ready for the stage or at least, like, an rem reunion or something. Stephen i can play mandolin. Yeah. Stephen im ready for losing my religion. I see you, but youre working the mirror, youre working it. This is a whole different colbert now. Stephen its been a long time since i have been able to do this. My wife likes it. Dont you like it . Good, good. Stephen shes right here. Shes right here. Camera and lights, she cant wait for you to go back to the studio. Stephen exactly. She can do it all. Last time we were together you were talking about soul kitchen, which has served hundreds of thousands of meals, you know, since you started it. Its your Nonprofit Community<\/a> restaurants that have a pay it forward model. As we talked about last time, since covid started, have they been busier than ever . Absolutely busier than ever. As most people are aware, if you had a job on march 1, by march 15, you know, many people across this great land were looking for a paycheck, and, so, they were coming to the soul kitchen for the first time, and we made a point of remaining open when most restaurants could not. We were deemed essential, and the basis, as you know, is volunteers. But because we couldnt have any volunteers, i was the dishwasher. But we were so busy, we had to start a food bank on eastern long island. Its been kooky. The need is dire. I hear. Stephen i heard about the good bank. I dont know if you will be able to see this in yourt shot, but is that you starting up the food bank . Whats going on here . Well, i was working there may, june, july, august into september, but we were supplying the food to seven pantries. So i was working there three days a week, and out of that can you see things like the smashed finger which doesnt play the guitar any good, not that it ever did anyway. Stephen what dud you drop on your hand bon jovi . A big case of 40plus pounds of soup. Stephen are the fingers really essential for guitar playing, jon . Not the way i play. I can just get by. But between that and the hernia operation and stephen wait, you had a hernia operation . I hurt myself bad. There are certain things lead singers arent meant to do. Manual labor is really high on the list. But i was there. Yu know, i was there at the soul kitchen five days a week in march, april, may, and the beginning of im sorry, may we went out east and we were there. It was busy. Stephen youre a good man to do it bon jovi, and im not surprised because of who your mentor is. Tell me about this woman. Spoiler alert, its a nun, but i love none stories. Tell me about your mentor here. My mentor, the one and only sister Mary Scullion<\/a> who you should know told me she has a nun crush on you. Now, ive heard a lot in my day, but i dont think anybody stephen hello, sister. God be with you. speaking latin the myeljordan of the issue of homelessness. I met her some 15 years ago in philadelphia. We met when our little teeny foundation at the time were interested in refurbishing a row home. I wasnt being a wise guy but what i said is how much would it cost to refurbish the flock. And she thought, who is this guy and why is he talking like that . I said because if we could do a block, we could do a neighborhood and then who knows. She taught us everything weve known. Weve built 1,000 units of affordable housing, three restaurants and the food bank. Sister mary is a sister of mercy so she doesnt wear a habit. Stephen sure. But she went from being in jail four times, helping people on the street and fighting for the homeless, to being one of time magazines 100 most influential. I told her, sister, when youre with me, were going to have the eticket to disneyland andeth unbelievable. Stephen were you taught by nuns . Tid you go to Catholic School<\/a> . Yes, i was in and out and in and out. Stephen whose idea was it for you to be out, yours or the nuns . It was a mutual agreement. When i was asked recently tell me about your time in catholic and grade school. I said, i can remember the priest picking me up by the years in the playground and telling me dont run, getting whacked by the nuns. I had all the childhood memories. I was an altar boy. Stephen me, too. You were . Stephen how long were you an altar boy . Long enough that my grandparents would pay for the bakery goods on sunday. Stephen sure. I did it for a year, maybe two. Stephen did you bring the cross in, did you actually go get the gifts . What was your favorite thing to do . Because a lot of roles up there. You hat to do everything, firm correctly. Stephen sure. You do more than one mass on a sunday because, you know, joey didnt show up and john stephen joey is going to straight to hell. laughter i wanted the crumb cakes for my nana and pop, so it was a deal i had. Stephen its a stage. The altar is, you know, its very presentational. Did that give you a little taste of being in front of a crowd as a kid . That might be a stretch, my friend. That might be a stretch. I got catholic guilt out of it, i got all that kind of stuff with it. Stephen okay. But i cant even tell you that i ever had a sip of the wine. But i was a good altar boy, and i dudt what i did. Stephen well, good. Good. I never served a perfect mass. I was an altar boy for 11 years and my goal was to serve a perfect mass where the priest never had to ask anything. Never did it. There was always something he had to it made me a very good waiter, though. And you can improv, so youre getting by. Stephen my wife will love hearing this, you and your wife dorothea have been married 31 years. You get a big thumbs up from over here. She was your high school sweetheart. Do you remember your first date . Sam and daves. Stephen wow. Thats a cool first date. She went along with it, and she got it, and, so, we hit it off. And the soul man just had his 85th birthday. So, yeah, sam and dave concert 1980asburg park, new jersey. Stephen you have four kids. Is the youngest in college . No, 16. Stephen youre lucky. Our three kids came and quarantined with us when this started. Dud you guys all get back together again . Yeah, i had everybody back home about a month and the big kids said well take our chances. Stephen he said his big kids said well take our chances after about a month. We held on to them a little bit longer after that, but then they were, like, you know what, life is a gamble, were going. They made a run for the city, but i had them about a month. Stephen thats great. Did you do the baking and the cooking and things everybody did . Especially jesse, our eldest son, he and his girlfriend were doing all the baking and iendship bracelets. Watched everything on netflix. Drank all the hampton water in the house. Stephen is he the one you have the wine company with . Its his company, i work for him. We were all indulging. I said, i have to leave something for the rest of america . What is the company . What is i can i get. The hampton wart rosee wine company. Its the most acclaimed rosee in america the last three years, a 90point rating. Hes really killing it. Stephen hampton water. Hampton water. Theres the catholic guilt there. He went from notre dame, took the business degree and started a wine company. S amann to that. Stephen you know who else made wine . Jeez out of water no guilt no guilt hes doing the lords work and you know what . You know exactly where we got it from. And the whole vibe, if youre going to look at the label, andeth white and it goes into pink and my whole thing is im changing water into wine. Thats got to be it. Stephen thats exactly right. Wow. I love it. Thats one of my favorites. Its the first miracle. Its the first miracle attributed to our lord. And thats why im such a believer, sir, the wine. Stephen and you dropped out of being an altar boy after a year and a half. The lord will forgive you. After a suitable time in purgatory, you will be fine. Ive done my time in purgatory. Stephen stick around. When we come back, ill ask jon how the events of 2020 have influenced his new album 2020. Well be right back. Hola, soy j balvin and im dropping my mcdonalds order. Leggo a big mac medium fries. And an oreo mcflurry. There you go. The j balvin meal. Get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. Im lovin it and ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. Research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Go go go on a real vacation. Visit go rving. Com or your nearest rv dealer. Go go go on a eal vacation. Now any order can be rewarding when you use the app. No matter how you pay, youll be closer to earning rewards and getting more of your favorites for free. More ways to pay, more ways to get rewarded. Starbucks rewards. More ways to get rewarded. They do one of the most deven in normal times. S, our Frontline Health<\/a> care workers. And when these heroes lack the resources they need, that risky job gets ten times harder. Prop fifteen makes corporations pay their fair share. To invest in our communities, in our clinics, in the essential workers who treat everyone rich, poor, and inbetween. Whether its this pandemic or the next health crisis, vote yes on prop fifteen. For all of us. Stephen hey, everybody welcome back to our ongoing coverage of jon bon jovi. So weve got a new album here. It is you its bon jovi, its the band, 2020. Thats a bold name for an album. A lot happened this year. Yeah. Stephen when did you complete this album . How could you possibly capture . Because every minute of 2020 is like a whole new year. Yeah, but by mid june i was still adding songs to it. In march of 19 we went to nashville to record what i thought was the album. In retrospeck it was just the first batch of songs. I came out of the room and said i want to call the album 2020. It was a tongueincheek with record sales of tshirts. And i thought we have clear vision of whats going on, going forward. As the song writing continued, i realized there were so many things going on that were topical. So the title took ton a much took on a much different meaning. In march when we delayed the record and outright canceled the tour simply because i thought we should refund peoples money so they could pay credit card bills and rent, opportunities were arising to the right, i. E. The food kitchen and washing dishes. Dorothea was asking for the hours of the day and the week, but what i said was if you cant do what you do, you do what you can. I woke up the next day and said, theres a song title. Then when we were all on lockdown and watching the news 247, the George Floyd Death<\/a> happened and the b. L. M. Movement started, so i grabbed my guitar and wrote it down. I worked hard on a song called american reckoning, and once that was right and i recorded both of them, 2020 took on a much deeper meaning. Its a topical record. Im just a witness to history. I dont take sides though everything is pretty pointed, i dont come down on the left or the right side, but i pose the questions, which is pretty much what you do on a newingly basis. Pose the questions, leave it up to the people to decide. Stephen covid is a huge part of the year. Is the band infected . I understand a couple of the guys got it. Two guys had it bad. David bryan, the keyboard player, he got it early and rather severe. Hes good now, hes fine now, and the percussionist, the same way. The one thing they said thats unique to a singer situation is how it affected their lungs, really had affected their singing and its taken this six, seven months to feel just strong enough. Stephen jon, what song are you guys doing tonight . I have to do the single, do what you can. And ill leave you with this, my wife said if i just learn how to vacuum and fold the laundry, it could be a double album. I dont know if shes right but washing dishes brings on hit songs, stephen. Stephen 2020 is available now. Jon bon jovi, everybody. Back with a performance by bon jovi. Lactaid is 100 real milk, just without the lactose. So you can enjoy it even if youre sensitive. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit come on tucker, lets go. K . Tuck, tuck, do you want a walk boy . Tucker, do you want to go out . When the whole family needs an excuse to get out, nutros clean recipe will help your dog keep up. Dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh dynanana, nana, nana, eh light it up, dynamite shining through the city with a little funk and soul so ima light it up like dynamite cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul ima light it up like dynamite, whoa all californians will be able to vote safely from home. Every active, registered voter will receive a votebymail ballot with a unique barcode. You can track it using wheres my ballot . And youll receive automatic notifications by text, email or voice call to let you know the status of your ballot once you mail it, drop it off at your polling place or at a drop box. Vote by mail ballots. Simple, safe, secure. Counted. Learn more at vote. Ca. Gov oh, i hope everyone is having a good time because im not. Im locked in a hermetically sealed vehicle with a highly contagious patient for a photo op. I thought i would be protecting the president. No, no, protecting myself from the president you know what . That road sign looks suspicious. Im going to check it out. crashing glass everyone run one hola, soy j balvin and im dropping my mcdonalds order. Leggo a big mac medium fries. And an oreo mcflurry. There you go. The j balvin meal. Get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. Im lovin it not much, how about you . Are you answering my text in person . I am, yeah. Lol come on in. This is tech that helps you be there. The Nissan Altima<\/a> now offering the most techadvanced engine in its class the Nissan Altima<\/a> [phone rings]g the most sore throat pain . Try new Vicks Vapocool<\/a> drops in honey lemon chill for a fastacting rush of relief like youve never tasted in. Honey lemon ahh woo Vicks Vapocool<\/a> drops now in honey lemon chill only one of them is always ripe for the picking. V8 the original Plant Powered<\/a> drink. Veg up. Just to see my parents. Saving money on gas from walmart would allow us to see them more often. I love that. Proposition 16 takes some women make as little as 42 of what a man makes. Voting yes on prop 16 helps us fix that. Its supported by leaders like Kamala Harris<\/a> and opposed by those who have always opposed equality. We either fall from grace or we rise. Together. Proposition 16 provides equal opportunities, levelling the Playing Field<\/a> for all of us. Vote yes on prop 16. Stephen hey, everybody welcome back. And now, performing do what you can from their new album 2020, ladies and gentlemen, bon jovi tonight theyre shutting down the borders and they boarded up the schools small towns are rolling up their sidewalks one last paycheck coming through i know youre feeling kind of nervous were all a little bit confused nothings the same this aint a game we gotta make it through when you cant do what you do you do what you can this aint my prayer its just a thought im wanting to send round here, we bend but dont break down here we all understand when you cant do what you do you do what you can the chicken farm from arkansas bought workers p. P. E. Not before 500 more had succumbed to this disease honest men and honest women working for an honest wage i got 100. 1 fever and we still got bills to pay when you cant do what you do you do what you can this aint my prayer its just a thought im wanting to send round here, we bend but dont break down here, we all understand when you cant do what you do you do what you can they built a hospital on east meadow in central park last night doctors, nurses, truckers Grocery Store<\/a> clerks manning the front lines i saw a red cross on the hudson they turned off the broadway lights another ambulance screams by if by the grace of god, go i although ill keep my social distance what this world needs is a hug until we find the vaccination theres no substitute for love so love yourself and love your family love your neighbor and your friend aint it time we loved the stranger theyre just a friend you aint met yet, oh when you cant do what you do you do what you can do what you can this aint my prayer its just a thought im wanting to send round here, we bend but dont break down here, we all understand when you cant do what you do you do what you can when you cant do what you do you do what you can stephen thank you, bon jovi well be right back. In just a few months, weve learned a lot more about the covid19 virus. Its real. And its dangerous. So, on behalf of all of us working on the front lines, please take it seriously. And while we dont yet have a cure or a vaccine, we do know how to keep you and your loved ones safe. Wear a mask. Wash your hands. Stay six feet apart. Do your best to stay out of crowded spaces. And get a flu shot, its even more important this year. We can do this. If we do it together. Stephen thats it for a late show. Tune in tomorrow when ill be joined by Jerry Seinfeld<\/a> and musical guest, ella may. James corden is next, but first, lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group<\/a> at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh","publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"archive.org","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","width":"800","height":"600","url":"\/\/ia601909.us.archive.org\/35\/items\/KPIX_20201006_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert\/KPIX_20201006_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert.thumbs\/KPIX_20201006_063500_The_Late_Show_With_Stephen_Colbert_000001.jpg"}},"autauthor":{"@type":"Organization"},"author":{"sameAs":"archive.org","name":"archive.org"}}],"coverageEndTime":"20240716T12:35:10+00:00"}