Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240712

By the way, is it possible nicklaus had a stroke . That worth sort of rain and it. Mcelroy makes the par. He needed that birdie. I have a couple of birdies for nicklaus right here. Its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight the nightmare before tuesday. Plus, stephen welcomes Neil Degrasse tyson. And a special appearance by jon stewart. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen here we go, baby. Everybody ready to do it . Because this is not a drill. Welcome to a late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Lets get right to it because there is a lot to talk about on this tsunami of a news day seemed like every minute there was a new development with massive implications for our uncertain future. Case in point i went to cnn. Com first thing this morning and saw the banner headline was, its friday before election day. Boom bombshell that storys too good to be true. Can we factcheck that . Is that true . Yes, im being told it is friday. They are correct thank you, cnn americas number one source for days of the week. Of course, it being friday is not the real big story. The real big story, fresh off the steaminghot presses costco is pulling products from its shelves that are allegedly made with forced monkey labor. Forced monkey labor . Thats terrible. Monkeys should never be used as forced labor, unless you have 1,000 monkeys, give them typewriters, let em type for a million years. They will eventually write tonights monologue. But back to the nonunionized monkey labor the product in question is chaokoh brand coconut milk, which allegedly is made with the help of chainedup monkeys, who pick around 400 coconuts a day and are then stuffed in their cages until their next shift. Somewhere, jeff bezos just said, how often do these monkeys ask for bathroom breaks . Oh, the floor is their bathroom . Interesting. Interesting. Would these monkeys be willing to relocate to queens . Now thats my basisose, by the way. Thats my bezos. Now, on its surface, this sounds like a surefire money saver. But im sure a Monkey Workforce has its challenges. In fact, we have foot annual do we have this . We have footage of a recent uprising, where the monkeys started rolling coconuts at their manager. video game noises stephen managers fine. He has three extra lives. Now, chaokoh denies using monkey labor to produce its coconut milk, even commissioning a report entitled the monkeyfree coconut duediligence assessment which, of course, is also the name of my favorite 60s psychedelic band. I want to reiterate my position that exploiting monkeys is abuse. Its wrong. Its never acceptable. Even when its funny, like dressing them as astronauts, teaming them up with Clint Eastwood to fight crime, or washing a cat. But i will say, if you do need to wash your cat, youre not going to do better than a monkey for getting in the nooks and the crannies. But as Elvis Presley once said, too much monkey business. Its time now to turn to the story that has set the punditsphere abuzz. In new york, a man was waiting for the bus when a hole suddenly opened on the sidewalk, and he dropped 15 feet into an underground vault teeming with rats. Okay, let me see. Let me see clears throat yep, there it is on my 2020 bingo card 15foot rat hole. Right next to hugs kill grandma now. Also on here, qtip up my nose every day. By the way, who can forget when 15foot rat hole opened for monkeyfree coconut Due Diligence assessment at filmore east . Now long walk, but worth it. Now, dont worry, the mans okay, thanks to the many, many but theres footage of the incident. There he is. And, Boomtown Rats and hes gone. Of course, it was more whimsical in Shel Silversteins book, where the sidewalk ends oh, dear god its full of rats, help me now, for all of you not from new york, this is very common. There are massive rat pits all over the city, where the rats just collect and the pressure builds up, eventually erupting in a rat geyser. We call it ol ratful. And youre probably saying, stephen, falling into a 15foot hole full of rats sounds like a nightmare. Well, liz, youre wrong. Its much worse than that. Heres the victims brother it was so bad. He didnt want to yell, because he was afraid it was gonna be rats, you know, went inside his mouth and stuff. Stephen awful, yes, but another timely reminder about how important it is to wear a mask. Anyway, all i want to say is compared to the gnawing anxiety of the next four days, 15foot rat hole sounds pretty good especially if those rats dont have wifi. Plus, rat pits still less of a disease vector than attending a trump rally. Now, in addition to coconut monkey slaves and new york rat geysers, the coronavirus continues to surge. Ill give you the latest in tonights installment of catch a third wave endless bummer. Im gonna disappear any minute now heh heh stephen get out get out jimmy get out yesterday, the u. S. Surpassed nine million total infections another sad milestone to add to the 2020 list, alongside most sourdough eaten and longest duration between showers. Its all recorded in the grimmest book of world records. Yesterday, the u. S. Also reported 90,000 new daily cases, the equivalent of more than one per second. One viral expert explained how fast that is covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid. Stephen its pretty depressing, but recently, one doctor with the Oregon Health authority celebrated halloween by putting a happy face on the pandemic. As of today, there have been 38,160 cases of covid19 in oregon, with 390 new cases being reported today. Sadly, we are also reporting three deaths today. Stephen congratulations, pennywise. You are now americas second creepiest clown. But some people say theres nothing to worry about, as don junior explained on the fox news. I went through the c. D. C. Data. Because i kept hearing about new infections, but i was like, well, why arent they talking about deaths . Oh, oh, because the number is almost nothing. Stephen if youre curious about how much don junior thinks is almost nothing, yesterday, 1,004 americans died from coronavirus. I wouldnt ask don junior to give a eulogy. as don jr. we are gathered here today for absolutely no good reason. I mean, what are you all crying about . Your grandpa was just one guy. Its almost nothing. Are you single . What he juniored on weve gotten control of this thing. We understand how it works. They have the therapeutics to be able to deal with this. If you look at that, look at my instagram. Stephen okay, lets look at his instagram. Hey, guys. Hope youre doing well. Just watching my algorithms get crushed. Stephen from the looks of things, instant gram might be the name of don juniors cocaine delivery service. Because it sure seems like hes crushing more than his algorithm. Both candidates were on the road today. Biden traveled to minnesota, wisconsin, and iowa, while trump campaigned in michigan, minnesota, and wisconsin. Trumps hitting americas heartland, hoping theyll forget what hes done to americas lungland. So far, the polls have been good for biden, and not just in the blue states. Hes currently slightly ahead in georgia, and texas is a tossup texas a state so conservative, their Lieutenant Governor is an oil derrick with a pistol. Despite the good news all around the electoral map, prepare to panic. Ill give you a moment, okay, ready . Two pollsters who correctly predicted that trump would win in 2016, are saying they see polls again underestimating his support. Their theory is that trump has a lot of supporters who dont show up in the polls because they are reluctant to share their opinions for fear of being judged. They call them shy trump voters. Really . Shy trump voters . Have you seen their rallies . What would shy trump voters even look like . Um. Excuse me, maybe we could lock her up just a little or just keep her in a little room, or something . Shell be fine. Maybe build a little bit of the wall . Im sorry. Stupid, stupid. I hate myself. And immigrants. The Biden Campaign has gotten some interesting help online, where dominatrixes have been getting their submissives to vote blue. It makes sense. Who better than a woman with a whip to whip the vote . One dominatrix doing this is goddess gia, a foot and financial dominatrix. Okay, foot and financial, shes a double major. Good for you. In exchange for proof that her submissives had voted for biden, she gave free content for a week. Shes not the only one giving out free sexy content. If you can prove to me that you voted, ill give you a weeks membership to cbs seriously, we mean all access. Yay, pretty racy. You know bob hearts abishola . You go vote, you get to see bob eggplant abishola. Id watch that. And theres more at stake than the satisfaction of doing your civic duty. You see, submissives have to obey their dominatrixes and many of these doms are saying, if you dont register to vote, you dont get to finish. And until we know who won, theyre all going to be stuck with raging elections. Warning if your trump lasts more than four years, call your doctor. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Neil Degrasse Tyson is here. Bu when we return, ill be joined by a surprise guest. Its jon stewart. Stick around. I cant believe it. What . That our new house is haunted by casper the friendly ghost . Hey jill hey kurt movies . Ill get snacks no, i cant believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on our Car Insurance with geico. I got snacks ohhh, i got popcorn, i got caramel corn, i got kettle corn. Am i chewing too loud . Believe it geico could save you fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance. Is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. I felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. Four years clear. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. How to ensure your vote counts. Because of covid19 president ial election,. Polling locations. Confusion is high. fisherman vo how do i register to vote . working mom vo i think im already registered. Hmm . Hmm . Hmm woman on porch vo can we vote by mail here . man on porch vo lemme check. woman vo thank you man vo thank you grandma vo youll be safe, right . daughter vo yes four girls vo the polls voted grandma vo go out and vote its so important man at poll vo woo grandma vo its the most important thing you can do whosgovernor gavin newsom. The governor says prop 15 is, fair, phasedin, and long overdue reform, that will exempt Small Businesses and Residential Property owners. Join governor newsom. Vote yes on 15. Whos supkamala harris. 5 . Harris says, a Corporate Tax loophole has allowed billions to be drained from our Public Schools and local communities. No more. Im proud to support prop 15. Vote yes. Schools and communities first is responsible for the content of this ad. Stephen hello, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to a late show. Lets say hello to jon batiste. Hello, jon jon hello stephen hey, im looking forward to our show on tuesday night. To just remind people, were not going to be here on cbs. Were going to be over on showtime. Jon yes, yes, come on now, come with us. Stephen 11 00. Were going lobby live. Were going to have snacks. Tell people where youll be. Jon in philly, uplifting spirits. Come on, manifest the rightness, baby. Stephen you get to exercise your franchise, and you get a free concert. Jon batiste, friends. Thank you, jon. Jon yes, indeed. Stephen you know, folks, with all the uncertainty in the world, this year has been incredibly stressful. But in many ways, i feel its brought me and you, my audience, closer together. Thats why im finally ready to unveil my new segment Stephen Colberts intimate secrets. Shhhhh stephen welcome to steveern coal beiruts intimate secrets. Tonight, we explore the titillating world of body modification. Ive recently learned that the nerve endings in the male nipple are not to be trifled with im sorry, am i getting a call . Who is it . Jon stewart hey, Stephen Colbert. Stephen its so great to see you. Im calling you on the phone stephen and were also talking on the computer. Its the future, jon. Its the future. They promised this to us. Stephen were doing the show i always love seeing you, but what why why who to what do i owe this . First of all, i get an alarm on my phone whenever you start to unbutton your shirt. But i wanted to call and say to you, happy anniversary, friend. Thank you. I love you and i miss you and happy anniversary. Stephen i miss you, too. What is the anniversary were celebrating, jon. Stephen, 10 years ago, we had the rally. We had a big rally on the mall on washington, d. C. It was 10 years ago. Stephen right i actually have the poster right here hold on one second. What . Stephen ive got it right here. Its this, this thing the rally to restore sanity and or fear. I remember that. 200,000 people showed up. We had so many great performers. Jeff tweety, mavis staples, ozzy osbourne, sheryl crowe, tony bennett sang america the beautiful wow, what a day it was. We really showed glenn beck. Stephen yeah, yeah. Stephen remember your part was to restore the sanity. And i joined in for the march to keep fear alive. Yeah, you. You won. Stephen yes, i did, yes, i did. It was a shutout. Stephen im sorry about that, i was hoping you a shellacking. I had no idea fear was that strong. Stephen well, i was hoping you would win. Man, you and me both. But you know what . We could do a rematch. Ill plan a new one. Theres a new anniversary rally coming, mavis, and tweety, and tony bennett. Were all going to come back. Were going to have so much fun were going going to celebrate and stephen jon, jon. Its going to be great and stephen jon. Yeah. Stephen theres no rally. No. Stephen jon no, no. Stephen jon, how are you . Im not good, stephen. Im not good. Im terrified. Im terrified. Im anxious. Im lonely. Im wishing it was 2010 again. I just i cant, the election and the pandemic. How much canned soup and ammunition can one man have, stephen . Stephen never enough, jon. Do you remember, i came on the show, it must have been 11 days after trumps inauguration. Stephen yeah. And it had already felt like he had always been president. I remember saying, the presidency is supposed to age the president , and not the people. Stephen i do remember. I do remember that. Do you know how long ago that was . Stephen uhm. 2 ston years, stephen. It was 271 stephen can we check that out . My factchecker says thats true. Jon, weve got you can feel better because weve got the election just four days from now. I just want to know what is gonna happen. I want to know how much longer we have to keep going through this, where we are in this in this marathon. You know . Is it on election day, are we at the Heartbreak Hill . Do you know what i mean . That all that effort and all that resilience is about to pay off . Were going to cross the finish line and finally be able to exhale. Or is this the, you know, halfway point, the 13mile mark, and when my nipples will stop bleeding. These are these are questions i need to know, stephen. Stephen well, as for where we are, that depends. Whats your finish line . The finish line for me is is this man not being president anymore and 1,000 people not dying every day from a disease we dont understand still. Stephen oh, so the finish line is your finish line. Yes. Stephen okay well the finish line is the finish line gli understand. I understand. I get i get it now. I dont i dont know for certain, but i know that well know on tuesday. Will we, stephen, will we. Stephen i dont know i dont even know if well know we dont even know if well know oned it. And for gods sake if an asteroid doesnt hittous monday because its been that kind of bleep year. Stephen there is by the way, you cant say bleep on cbs. I know you have the new deal with plu, and you can say anything you want over there . Thats only on peoples ipod s. Stephen the original ipod with the scroll wheel . Theres actually an asteroid coming on monday. Thats not made up. There is actually an asteroid buzzing by the planet on monday. Im going to talk to my guest Neil Degrasse tyson. Is that true . Stephen thats actually true. I was met for example. I was being met for example. Stephen judge jon, its 2020. All metaphors are real now. Did you ever imagine in your wildest dreams that this would be life. Stephen no, i did and i read a lot of science fiction. I read see, thats stephen a lot of distonians. And i never knew how stupid our leaders would be. Do you know how jacked up on soma i am right now . But this is why and this is what the people dont know about Stephen Colbert. This is where i look to you, because your frame of reference, you go from biblical edens to distonian futures and you have the whole breadth of that continuum at your photographic memory and mindset, so i ask you now, stephen, is it going to be okay . Stephen of course. And you can give me something from that from that role bex stephen yes. Lord of the rings. Give me lord of the rings. Stephen i always have lord of the rings. What do you want from lord of the rings . Do you want something hopeful from lord of the rings . Yes, gives me something that bears out resilience. Stephen give me a second. Im going through the old tol kin occip tol rolodex here, dark times but hopeful. Got it. Come on, come on, baby. Stephen return of the king. Over the mountains of shadow, theyre on the plane of gorgogorring on the. I know what the plain of gorgoroth is, stephen. Im from new jersey. You think i dont know that. Frodo is passed out from the stress of rings. He can barely drag himself forward. And sam is looking over him. And hes there at night, and theyre hiding like in a little crater on the plane, and sam looks up at the sky, and tolkien, right there, peeping, among the cloud rack, above the dark tor, sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end, the shadow was only a small and passing thing there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach. Oh, my god. Thats what im talking about. Im going to cry. I was like youre my dolly parton. Youre going it make me cry with that. What is the ring in that metaphor . Stephen your anxiety. Your anxiety. Because i was pretty sure my Irritable Bowel Syndrome is the ring. Stephen no, thats the volcano. Anyway, jon, this has been great. I got neil tyson in the wings. I have to go going. Thank you, though. Hey, happy happy anniversary, man. Happy anniversary to you. Oh, man. Stephen i would do it again in a minute. And the minute its safe to hold rallies again. I love you. I dont think ill ever do it again, but i really enjoy that sentiment. Stephen yeah, me, either. I was just trying to be nice. Hello, fellas. Stephen tony bennett jon tony oh beautiful for spacious skies were not doing it, tony. Were not doing the 10year annirsary. 10 years . Really . No wonder you look so old stephen jon stewart and tony bennett, everybody well be right back with Neil Degrasse tyson to talk about that asteroid America America god shed his grace on thee and crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea a capsule a day visibly fades the dark spots away. New neutrogena® rapid tone repair 20 percent pure vitamin c. A serum so powerful dark spots dont stand a chance. See what i mean . Neutrogena® special guest flo challenges the hand models to show off the ease of comparing rates with progressives home quote explorer. International hand model jonjon gets personal. Your wayward pinky is grotesque. Then a high stakes pattycake Battle Royale ends in triumph. You have the upper hands its a race to the lowest rate, and so much more. Only on the upper hands. Thplus, take an extra 20 off r, and50 off or more save big with 50 off fleece for her. Kids jumping beans. And fall home musthaves plus, get kohls cash. Plus, Free Store Pick up. Let the gifting start. Shop kohls and kohls. Com. This was the theater i came to quite often. The support weve had over the last few months has been amazing. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. If you are ready to open your heart and your home, check us out. We thought for sure that we were done. And this town said not today. They endorse yes on 25 to end money bail. Governor gavin newsom. Congresswoman karen bass. The western center on law and poverty. The Dolores Huerta foundation. Californians for safety and justice. And the California Democratic party. Yes on 25. Accused of rape. Accused of stealing 5. The stanford rapist could afford bail. Got out the same day. The Senior Citizen could not. Forced to wait in jail nearly a year. Vote yes on prop 25 to end money bail. Stephen hey, everybody, welcome back. He is the host of cosmos and the director of the Hayden Planetarium at the American Museum of natural history. Please welcome back to a late show, americas favorite astrophysicist, and teacher, id say, Neil Degrasse tyson neil, its good to see you again. Stephen, its been to go. Stephen it has. I threw in teacher because youre one of the greatest explainers i know. You make not only learning but the idea about learning interesting because you burn with such passion for knowledge that you infect all around you. You cough your knowledge at them, and it aerosolizes, and we breathe it in, and we want to know more. We catch the fever, neil tyson. The contagion of learning, yes, okay. Stephen the last time we were together was march 6, and we bugged out of this theater on march 12 . This is the last night, march 12, a week later, a little less than a week later, the last time you were on about the coronavirus, you said this it would be interesting if we all paid attention to what Scientists Say and maybe the coronavirus will just blow on by. laughter . Stephen so, neil, Neil Degrasse tyson, how did we do . laughing well, you know, had you asked me this a month ago, i would have given us maybe a cminus, but given that rates are theyre not only peak theyre spiking, theyre higher than ever before since the pandemic began. So id have to give it sort of an fplus. laughing . Stephen so fplus, so filure, but extraordinarily so. No, the plus part is there are many people who have new habits that they maintain. So you watch we all wash our hands not we all many wash our hands more often. You know, wash down the groceries, you do you do exactly. So, so once i give it a plus sign there. I think we have a new mental state. But the we is not everyone. And so, you know, my family has been covidfree, because we listen to medical professionals. Thats the secret. Thats the secret, okay . I dont want to tell anybody that. So thats really kind of all it takes. So, im disappointed, especially since weve all become triballized over this. Stephen right. And, you know, the virus doesnt care what tribe you belong to. It doesnt care who you have sex with, who you worship, what your skin color is, what side of the line in the sand you were born oit can infect you simply because you are human. And by big disappointment is we as humans didnt band together to Fire Department common enemy. Stephen like in the movies when the aliens land humans band together and put our differences aside. The virus is the alien. The vie this is a dry run for when the ail yens come excuse me, if the aliens come. Stephen you just said when. You blew your cover, neil tyson. Lets talk about the sky a little bit here. Halloween treat. Tomorrows halloween. Blue moon tomorrow. What does blue moon mean again . Oh, yes, so, if you can squeeze two full moons in a month, then the second of those full moons is called a blue moon. The term has been around for since the early 1800s. And the moon isnt actually blue. All the moons all the full moons of the year have names. Some are familiar like the harvest moon. Stephen sure. And the moon in june, by the way, never gets too high in the sky so it takes on sort of an amble sunshine color, the whole trip, so thats called the honeymoon. So the june full moon is the honeymoon. So its fun, cultural facts. To try to squeeze it into a month you need a longer month, so february is out of luck here. It will never get a blue moon. Stephen this week, researchers found water and ice on the moon. Two things we already knew there was ice, right, on the south poll of the moon . Yeah, deep in the craters with forgive me where the sun dont shine, the crater rims stephen down south. Are high enough so the long sun casts a shadow, and theyre called coal traps. Water scatters on to the surface. If this lands into that cold trap its there for billions of years. If it hits anywhere else, the sun hits it and it evaporates yeah. You dont have to be in the cold trap and still find i dont want to call it a rez zor, but a suppository of high quantities. There are no skating rinks, but if you make a machine to do this, you can sift through the soilsoilssoils and gather the wr molecules. You want to do that, otherwise you have to carry the water to the moon with you, and why do that, if its waiting for you when you get there. Stephen obviously we need to drink water, but why else do we need water up there . Oh, oh, well, okay, so, water, if you build a little factory to make this happen, h20, remember, its h20 separate the hydrogen from the oxygen. And once you do that, these two, if they ever recombine, give off energy. You remember from chemistry, that would be called an exothermic reaction. The water you can drink, and you can use it as rocket fuel to get back. Its in situe resource to use that. It costs 10,000 a pound to put anything in orbit. If nasa wants to send you with a bottle of efian, its 10,000. If i can mine that water in space and sell it to nasa for 9,000, theyre buying it. So theres a whole future economy, space on space. Stephen is there any liquid water on the moon . Is there a chance for that . Or is the vacuum too hard and it would just remembering some chemistry for you there. With no atmospheric pressure, the water cant is not stable as a liquid. Plus, theyre just sort of molecules there embedded in the soils. So but if it gets too hot, it will fly away. Its that region around the craters. So this is more water than we thought. Stephen big day coming up. This is no surprise. Election day is on tuesday. You mentioned earlier this month let me get this right up here. There you go. Neil tyson warns asteroid could hit earth the day before the election. Dont panic. You can still vote. I heard about this. I heard about this asteroid thats whizzing by on monday. And jon stewarts freaked out about it, by the way. I told him i would ask you about this. What happens if it does hit . And whats the probability . All right, so, first, its about the size of a refrigerator, and so these are interesting and intriguing objects, but theyre not dangerous to us. So even by the way, when i tweeted about this, i didnt say it was going to hit. I said it may intuz cu buzz cute day before. Stephen it could hit earth. Thats in print. Youre calling the hill all right. Theres a one half of 1 chance it will hit earth. But even if it does, okay, its going 25,000 miles an hour, about seven miles per second stephen thats bookin. Totally bookin. Its at least that speed, if it didnt have extra velocity coming in. At 25,000 miles an hour, you hit earths atmosphere, its like a brick wall. It hits it, explodes, scatters into a zillion pieces, and some of those rocks reach earth. It will be a visible explosion if it hits, visible in the sky. You might even hear a shockwave. Its not going to hurt anybody. Theres no damage. Theres no excuse to not vote. Stephen how big good, go vote, everybody. All is not lost. How big you say the size of a refrigerator is not big enough to, like penetrate all the way through and hit me on the head. Correct. Stephen how big does it have to be . So the ones we are really worried about are the ones that are half a mile across. Smaller than that will still hit the earth but they wont disrupt civilization. When you get to half a mile across you do things like disrupt the transportation grid. It will hit, cause fires. Stephen sure. So a fullup disaster, and that and up is where you really need to worry. And fortunately, the bigger asteroids are easier to detect. So we want to get as complete a catalog as we can, down to the smallest that we can. The problem is when theyre little and they go away from us after they come near, we lose them. So we have to sort of project their orbit and look for it on the back side on the way back. Thats the problem with the election day asteroid. It was discovered two years ago. We only had a few days of its orbit in order to calculate the entire orbit, and then it went and got disappeared, okay. So we should be recovering that any minute now, actually. Stephen we have to take a quick break, neil. But stick around, everybody. When we come back, im going to ask Neil Degrasse tyson about this asteroid out there that hubble is studying that is worth 10 quintillion dollars. Daddy wants a piece. Well be right back. Im running as a proud democrat, but i will govern as an american president. Ill work with democrats and republicans. Ill work as hard for those who dont support me as for those who do. We will act on the first day of my presidency to get covid under control. Well act to pass an economic plan that will finally reward work, not wealth in this country. Well act to pass my Healthcare Plan to provide affordable, accessible healthcare. Well act to restore our faith in democracy and our faith in one another. With our voices and our votes, we must free ourselves from the forces that pull us apart, hold us down, and hold us back. And if we do so, well once more become one nation, under god, indivisible. A nation united. A nation strengthened. A nation healed. Im joe biden, and i approve this message. I never said it but. dramatic crying whoa did svenrod just die . Yeah can you do it again . Sure, sure i always loved you. Oh man. Missed it again. Alexa, rewind 10 seconds. It provides property tax fairness for disabled homeowners like cynde, stuck living with a broken elevator. Nineteen helps wildfire victims, like ellie, one of 24,000 whove lost their homes to fire. And seniors like pam who need to move closer to family or medical care, without a tax penalty. Prop 19 limits taxes on our most vulnerable. Yes on 19. Stephen hey, everybody, were back with americas sweetheart, Neil Degrasse tyson. I want to ask you about another asteroid. The hubble recently pointed at an asteroid that i think was discovered a while ago, but now its sort of investigating it. Its an asteroid thats described as rare and worth 10 quintillion dollars in raw materials. Whats going on here, neil . Should i invest . laughs no, and ill tell you why. Okay, so that calculation by the way, so this is an asteroid that has iron, nickel, gold, silver, platinum stephen how big are we talking here . Its about 250 kilometers across. Its a big chunk of rock. Its one of the largest asteroids in the Asteroid Belt which is why it was discovered 150 years ago. I think it was the 16th asteroid each discovered. ,000 there are hundreds of thousands of them as our telescopes got better. Heres the thing many asteroids, we think, are fragments of planets that had tried to form and got most of the way there, and then got slammed, and then broke into pieces. If you are a newly formed planet, your fluid and heavy things fall to the middle. And light things float. So gravity presifts the heavy elements for you. Then it sliddifies, breaks apart, and you have an entire asteroid made of just the core of that object that once was. Stephen yeah and that core, in this case, is all metal, all metal. So heres the thing you can say whats nickel worth and silver worth and gold and platinum, all of this, and add it up, you get 10,000 quadrillion dollars, as long as it stays out there. So, steve, you want to lasso this and bring it back to earth. Thats the end of the economy for every one were those elements because it will be well have so much of it, the price will drop to near zero. Stephen if something that size hit the earth . Oh. Stephen not good, hey . Really bad. Stephen hard, and hard, too. The dinosaurs the one that took out the sign dors, this would make that asteroid look like a pebble. Stephen okay. You made this really lovely post on what day was this . Yesterday. Here is you posted about a very special person voting this week. Whats going on in this photo here, Neil Degrasse tyson . Okay, i posted that. Thats my 92yearold mother who wanted to make sure her vote was heard, and went to the polling station, and she lives in westchester. And she was second in line, all right, and got in, and in the back of that photo, you can see its 8 03. The polls opened at 8 00, and she voted. And you can see her with her sneakers on, shes got her mask, bcause she listens to medical professionals as well. And i just said, this is my mother voting in person, voting early sm of thats all i did, i didnt it was just an offering. Shes 92. Whats your excuse. Stephen neil, thanks so much for being here. Always great to talk to you. As soon as this damn election is over, the first thing im going to watch is cosmos possible worlds. It airs tuesdays on fox. Neil Degrasse Tyson, everybody. When we come back, some tips for a safe halloween. Stick around. Get ready our most popular battery is now even more powerful. The stronger, lastslonger energizer max. To Severe Plaque Psoriasis uncover clearer skin that can last. In fact, tremfya® was proven superior to humira® in providing significantly clearer skin. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms or if you had a vaccine or plan to. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Janssen can help you explore cost support options. fisherman vo ce how do i register to vote . Ential election. Tremfya®. Uncover clearer skin that can last. Hmm . Hmm . Hmm . woman on porch vo can we vote by mail here . grandma vo youll be safe, right . daughter vo yes four girls vo the polls voted grandma vo go out and vote its so important man at poll vo woo grandma vo its the most important thing you can do blackdeals gone in a flash. That was black friday then. This. Is black friday now. Target has deals all november. With new deals each week, instore and on target. Com. Its black friday now, at target. Uber and lyft are like every big guy ive ever brought down. Prop 22 doesnt help their drivers it denies them benefits. 22 doesnt help women. It actually weakens Sexual Harassment laws, which are meant to protect them. Uber and lyft arent even required to investigate Sexual Harassment claims. I agree with the la times no on 22. Uber and lyft want all the power. So, show them the real power is you. Vote no on prop 22. The support weve had over the last few months has been amazing. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. 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Well, saving on Homeowners Insurance with geicos help was pretty fun too. Ahhhh, its a tiny dancer. They left a ton of stuff up here. Welp, enjoy your house. Nope. No thank you. Geico could help you save on homeowners and renters insurance. Stephen oh, hey, welcome back. As you might be aware, tomorrow is halloween. Its the spookiest day of the year, right after every single other day this year. Of course, due to the pandemic, halloween will be very different this year. In order to be safe, people are canceling activities like trickortreating, costume parties, and bobbing for apples. Actually, why dont we just cancel that one for good . Im never really in the mood for a Red Delicious covered in a strangers spit. But just because some raditions are off the table, doesnt mean you and your family cant still enjoy halloween at home. In fact, the late show has put together some helpful tips. Take a look. Halloweens here and even though theres nothing scarier than a mismanaged pandemic, you can still have a spookalicious good time with the late shows creepy covid stayathom halloween tips we put together some terrifying outfits that reflect our uncertain present, like spooky medical professional and scary princess, cause she wont wear a mask. I thought this was a free country and, of course, a guy in a ghost costume who doesnt realize he has covid. I got tested two weeks ago. Remember, outdoor trickortreating is off the table this year. Instead, go door to door visiting different rooms in your own home maybe the boiler rooms got some candy. Trickortreat cheapskates yay theres nothing scarier than watching a spooky movie. So plop down on your couch and host a spinetingling vieing of the 2011 drama margin call. This boardroom thriller details the reckless behavior responsible for the 2008 financial horror show and look out for a scary appearance by kevin spacey screaming it may be bedtime, but the frightfest can still continue with updates from americas leading pandemic expert. Dr fauci says vaccines cant be distributed until the Second Quarter of 2021. screaming happy halloween happy halloween stephen well be right back. Whos supporting prop 15 . Governor gavin newsom. The governor says prop 15 is, fair, phasedin, and long overdue reform, that will exempt Small Businesses and Residential Property owners. Join governor newsom. Vote yes on 15. Whos supkamala harris. 5 . Harris says, a Corporate Tax loophole has allowed billions to be drained from our Public Schools and local communities. No more. Im proud to support prop 15. Vote yes. Schools and communities first is responsible for the content of this ad. Stephen thats it for a late show. Our thanks to jon stewart and a special thanks to tony bennett you are beautiful dont forget to watch our live showtime special on tuesday at 11 00 p. M. Now lets say good night with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Why dont we. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show oh, oh the late late show, ooh the late late show oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show