We still want jim jordan. Were still going to vote for jim jordan. Perhaps you are a betting man or woman. So then at that point you say, what is the market telling about whos going to get the gavel . Another speaker of the house race is kicking off, and the best place to get in on the action is at draftkandidates. You can bet on jim dont mention ohio state jordan or steve whos this guy again scalise. At draftkandidates, everyone wins except Kevin Mccarthy. He always loses. You can also bet on matt gaetz. Does his head way less than 60 pounds . I wouldnt bet on it. But you can on draftkandidates. Where the house never wins. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. House of the rising dunce. First, stephen welcomes senator John Fetterman and Melissa Villasenor. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen oh ive got you. [cheers and applause] lively. Maestro. Lovely. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Welcome. Welcome one and all to the late show. Its electric. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, theres dramatic news out of washington. The rudderless republicans in congress have moved tantalizingly close to doing the bare minimum. Because today, in a narrow vote, they finally chose someone to be the nominee to possibly be speaker of the house. That nominee is, drumroll please. Louisiana congressman and gumball choking on a gumball, steve scalise. [horns wah wah wah] congratulations, steve. You are one step closer to having the worst job in the world. Its just one rung below emptying the portapotties at a chili cookoff. In a surprising development, scalise has already got the support of his chief rival, ohio representative and dog in a mansuit, jim jordan. Jim jordan scalise prevailed in this race despite jordan being endorsed by trump. When he heard the news, trump immediately endorsed a new candidate for speaker. Hannibal lecter. Stephen not a bad call. In todays g. O. P. , lecter is a moderate. Despite not gettin trumps endorsement, scalise is a true maga republican. Reportedly, he once described himself as david duke without the baggage. Oh, the man really knows how to sell himself. What am i like . Less pol pot and more pol hot. The g. O. P. Is still deeply divided, and things have been a little tense. Just last night, florida g. O. P. Congressman Carlos Gimenez described the situation like this. Ive already tasted chaos. And i dont want to taste it again. Stephen coincidentally, i have tasted chaos is also the slogan for tgifridays wings roulette platter. Wings roulette. So one of the wings will kill you. Republicans have been at each others throats ever since eight of their members voted to oust former speaker Kevin Mccarthy. One of those, South Carolina representative nancy mace, was so upset for how shes been trated for her vote that she did this. Can you explain the a on your shirt and why you wore it . Im wearing the Scarlet Letter after the week that i just had last week, being a woman up here and being demonized for my vote and for my voice. Stephen okay, that is no. The a just does not make sense. Unless you see the guy she was standing next to. That makes more sense. That makes a little. Little more sense. Thats really a dumb look. She looks way less hester prynee and way more alvin chipmunk. Scalises path to the gavel chipmunks fans here. Scalises path to the gavel was made a lot easier last night when Kevin Mccarthy told his colleagues not to nominate him this time. Instead, mccarthy read a poem from Mother Teresa. Naturally, Mother Teresa is mostly known for her poetry. I hope he read this one. Roses are red. Im up in heaven. Whatever you do dont vote for kevin. [cheers and applause] obviously. Scalises victory comes in spite of opposition from mccarthy. For months leading up to last nights forum, mccarthys allies whispered scalise wasnt loyal enough, while scalises allies whispered back that the speaker didnt trust the elected leadership team. To which jordans allies whispered, why are we whispering . The door is closed. Its just us chickens. One of the members who voted today is a real blast from the past. Its new york congressman george santos. [booing] seen here saying, i am a crook. As youll recall, santos might be the lyingest liar lying in congress. Back in may, he was indicted for fraud and misusing campaign funds. And now he faces 10 new federal charges, including wire fraud, aggravated identity theft, and false statements to the federal election commission. Let me just say thank you, george santos. Its been a really tough week in the news, and we needed a treat. [laughter] the bitch is back for a squeaquel, and i am here for it i dont really know what means. [cheers and applause] i dont actually know. Chipmunk reference . Second chipmunk reference. The latest round of charges brings the total number of counts against him to 23. Congratulations, george. 68 more and you can run for president. Apparently, apparently, reportedly, santos entire campaign was just a cashgrab. Among other things, prosecutors accuse him of running up thousands of dollars in fraudulent charges on donors credit cards and stealing their identities. Okay, thats just greedy, george. You already have so many identities. Anthony devolder, anthony zabrovsky, kitara ravache. Save some identities for the rest of us maybe i want to try on something new, like clarissa st. Tartare, wealthy widow to the inventor of mixing bowls. Charmed, im sure. [applause] more champagne the specifics outlined in the indictment are kookoo bananasplits. In one instance, santos allegedly stole a donors credit card number to transfer more than 11,000 to his own bank account. Zoinkers though people shouldve been tipped off by his slogan santos 2022 thats my pin number. Whats yours . Santos also reportedly swindled 50,000 from two other donors and then used the money to buy luxury designer clothing. Good for you, george you gotta dress for the job you want, which, based on this outfit, is Willie Wonkas accountant. Red tie with the purple jacket and the purple shirt. When confronted yesterday by reporters, santos did the honorable thing and lied. No comment. I did not have access to my phone. I have no clue. Prosecutors say you defrauded the american public. Will you resign . I have no clue of what you guys are talking about. No, i will not. Excuse me. Stephen yes, he didnt have access to his phone, he said. While holding his phone. Phone . I dont have a one. Bringbring hello, oprah . Yes, this is she. Speaking of shameless grifters, failed arizona gubernatorial candidate and woman who just rearended you in the target parking lot, kari lake. Last night, lake held a rally in scottsdale, arizona, where she launched her senate campaign, even though she never conceded that she lost last years race for arizona governor. Not to mention her failed quest lake is running for the seat currently held by arizona junior senator and pile of stuff you bought on etsy, kyrsten sinema. Sinema got elected as a democrat but later ditched the party to caucus as an independent, so if she runs, shell also be challenged by democratic representative ruben gallego. And right now, gallego is leading sinema and lake in the hypothetical threeway race. No surprise. As anyone whos ever been in a threeway knows, the guy usually finishes first. I dont know what that means. I work at cbs. I dont know what that joke means. But kari lake is trying to rally conservatives by leaning into trump. I dont know about you, but who else misses President Trump . I do [cheering] i do oh, man, i miss the mean tweets too. It was the mean tweets that was making us safe. It was making us safe. Stephen yes, shes right. The mean tweets are the key to safety, which is why our next secretary of defense clearly must be jimmy kimmel. [cheers and applause] thank you for your service. Strike force. Oh, theres some news about injured jets quarterback and chicago cop at the beach, aaron rodgers. Rodgers is antivax, and lately hes taken issue with chiefs tight end travis kelce for appearing in a pfizer ad. So last week, rodgers went on espn and derisively called kelce mr. Pfizer. Okay, thats not nice. You know very well his name is mr. Taylor swifts maybe boyfriend. [cheering] now things have escalated, and rodgers has challenged kelce to face off in the manly competition hes best at tv debate. Mr. Pfizer said he didnt think hed be in a vax war with me didnt think hed be in a vax war with me. This isnt a war, homie. This is a conversation. But if you want to have some sort of duel, debate, have me on the podcast. Come on the show lets have a conversation. Oh stephen oh thats right, its monday night talkball are you ready for rebuttals . Me and the whole debate team will come on. Now, we cover a lot of tough issues on this show, you know that. But ill admit, sometimes we fail to talk about the issue that matters most to you and your family bigfoot. I have incredible news, because a new bigfoot sighting shows clear Video Evidence of sasquatch walking. Walking . Well, that must be what the big feet are for its gotta be real which means its time for the latest installment of my cryptozoological segment squatch watch stephen on tonights episode of s. W. , we examine footage captured by amateur cryptozoologists you figure out that word. Its part of the mystery. It features sasquatch behavior neverbefore caught on film. Take a look. Elusive creature. All right, he just squatted down. Stephen my god squatting down harrys dropping the hendersons off at the pool this is the most important discovery in cryptid science since they caught the loch ness monster giving the chupacabra a dutch oven. Now, skeptics will say that there cannot be real footage of bigfoot squeezin out his yeti spaghetti. But look again. Look again. Now freeze freeze it, jimmy enhance hes got a newspaper now, i told you it was important. This is a particularly historic sighting because the squatch is native to the great woods of the pacific northwest. But this video was captured thousands of miles away in colorado. Yes, colorado, which means i have to issue a rare squatchwatch alert. Bigfoot is high gentlemen, ladies, we got a stoned squatch hes out there, hes got the munchies. Colorado residents, guard your jerky. We got a great show for you tonight our guest is americas highest ranking sasquatch, senator John Fetterman. Well be right back. 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And its refill reminder light means ill never miss a day of freshness. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] stephen late show band, everybody. Right over there. Louis, in just a moment, im very excited because this guy does not do talk shows very often. Senator John Fetterman is going to be out here. Third time. Third time ive interviewed him. Twice at the colbert report over in the day. Nobody knew who he was and i knew who he was because im cool. Then the wonderful comedian Melissa Villasenor will be out here. Folks, its hispanic heritage month, the time of year we celebrate the incredible contributions of hispanic americans, which is important because, according to recent studies, while hollywood is more ethnically diverse than ever, latin presence in tv and film is declining. Its so bad that dora the explorer is getting replaced with braylynn the tri delt doing study abroad. But perhaps the Biggest Issue we need to focus on this hispanic heritage month is what to call it. No one can seem to agree. Representative alexandria ocasiocortez calls it hispanic heritage month. Pbs calls it hispanic latino heritage month, and the New York Public Library calls it hispanic latinx heritage month. I dont know all nuances, but i did recently learn that latinx refers to latinos of all genders and not, as i thought, latinos who have adamantium claws. So just what are the differences between hispanic and latino . Here to explain is my writer, Felipe Torres medina. Felipe. Good to see you. [cheers and applause] hola, Steve Stephen hello in spanish, felipe como estas . Stephen thank you, i am. Felipe, could you please explain the difference between latino and hispanic to everyone at home of course. The term hispanic means a person who is from or has ancestors from a spanishspeaking country or territory. So, anywhere from cuba to spain. Stephen and youre colombian, so that would make you hispanic. Correct. Stephen what about latinos . Latinos are people who come from latin america, regardless of spanish culture and origin. So that would include brazilians or haitians. Stephen okay, so youre also latino. I understand. Do you . Lets put that to the test in the game we like to call hispanic or latino stephen felipe, are you taking over my show . You cant do that si se puede. Stephen okay. Okay. Steve. Im gonna name a celebrity, and youre gonna tell me if theyre hispanic stephen jlo not yet, stephen. I say the name, and you tell me if theyre hispanic, latino, or both. Are you ready . All right, here we go. Lin manuel miranda. Stephen his family is from puerto rico, so. Both [ding] correct pele. Stephen just latino [ding] correct next one, antonio banderas. Stephen hispanic. In puss in boots. Stephen uh. Still hispanic . [buzzer] incorrect. He is a cat. Stephen el gato . [ding] correcto [cheers and applause] george santos. Stephen well, hes brazilian. So latino. 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Nows the time to see what americas largest 5g network can do for your business. To give your teeth a dentist clean feeling. Start with a round brush head. Add power. And youve got oralb. Round cleans better by surrounding each tooth to remove 100 more plaque. For a superior clean. Oralb. Brush like a pro. [cheers and applause] stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is the junior senator from pennsylvania. Please welcome back senator John Fetterman. [cheers and applause] nice to see you again. The first time i interviewed you, you are a mayor. Now youre a senator. Every part of your life is public, including your health. In may of 2022, you had a stroke. Senator fetterman i did. Stephen first question is how are you feeling . Senator fetterman i was actually on my way to a Campaign Event and i was walking into anyone know. Anyone . I am a sheets guy. I was walking out of the bathroom and my wife gisele was like oh, my god, youre having a stroke. I was like, what are you talking about . I feel fine. There were some signs, my face was drooping little bit. Youve got to get to the hospital.