I dont want to hear noise its a scam. Youre an idiot. Bing, bing. Dingaling aling aling aling. Bing, bing, bing, bing. Bop, bop, bop. Bing, bing, bing. Badabadabada. Give me a chance. I told you to shut up and listen. I cant do that. You want me to help you . [mumbling] thats better. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Bond villain first, stephen welcomes Savannah Guthrie. And Tim Blake Nelson. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hello, my friends. [cheers and applause] thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Please have a seat. Thank you so much. Mark. Thank you, thomas. My darling. Welcome. Welcome o one and all to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] its a huge day. You can sense the excitement. Everybody knows its a big day here in new york, because it is primary day which is why all around new york, people are wearing stickers that say i forgot. Of course, i knew it was primary day ever since i read it on the prompter right there. This year, the election is just merely a side show to Donald Trumps legal problems. And he got plenty of em. Yesterday, the judge expanded the gag order in trumps hush money case. Makes sense. Because for me, the order goes think about trump, then gag. Now, specifically. [retching] specifically the judge expanded the order to bar trump from attacking his family members, because last week, trump went after the judges daughter on truth social. And he got a lot of heat for this despicable personal attack. So he paused, listened to his critics, and launched another attack on the judges daughter, this time with photos. First of all, what a tool. Second, how does he believe this is in any way gonna help his case . Its like a baseball player walking up to the plate, hitting the umpire in the nuts with his bat, and then saying, your son is next. The d. A. And the judge are still fair targets for trump but the new order does now cover their families. Challenge accepted. Listen, folks. Judge merchans very overrated dog was seen digging in the garbage like a dog. People, many people are also saying his cat, mr. Whiskers, speaks a language no one has ever heard of before. Hes clearly a secret agent for chairman meow. [cheering] i didnt even know i spoke chinese. Look. In expanding the order, the judge cited recent attacks against his daughter, and rejected mr. Trumps argument that his statements were core political speech. Yes, donald trump wants us to believe that attacking peoples family members is core political speech. But we know its not. Its why jfk never said this. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask why yo mama so fat stephen yeah. Unbelievable. Moving on to his civil fraud case, yesterday, trump put up a 175 million bond so he could appeal his 454 million judgment. Hes been searching for weeks for someone to put up the cash, and he finally got a company to agree to do it. Knight specialty insurance, which is run by its chairman and fouryearold who freakyfridayd with a ceo, don hankey. Hankey is kind of famous for taking on risky bets. In the insurance world, hes known as the king of subprime car loans. Yes, hes the king now, but one day, the throne will return to its rightful heir, lord floppy noodle. We hail you, lord. Hankey explained why he put up the money, saying, i heard that he needed a loan, and this is what we do. Yes, this is what they do. You know their slogan turned down by the banky . Dont get so cranky. Call me, don hankey. Youll say, why thanky don, good luck with the case about the porn star spanky. [cheers and applause] between the 175 million trump put up in this case and the 91 million in the e. Jean carroll case, trump somehow still posted way less money this week than he lost on wall street. Because reportedly, truth social just lost 4 billion in value in one week. [cheers and applause] wow. I am actually surprised that truth social had value. The downturn happened after truth social posted a loss of 58 million in 2023. Coincidentally, trump has Just Announced the release of the 58 million kid rock bawidaba, dabang, dabang bible. Its got the old testament, the new testament, the declaration of independence, and kid rocks family recipe for crystal meth. Bawidaba . Okay. Its not getting much better any time soon. This morning, the stock opened at 48 bucks, which was a 39 plunge from the stocks high of 79. 38 on march 26th. Truly an historic failure. No one has seen a loss this big since the trump taj mahal, trump plaza hotel, trump steaks, trump airlines, trump university, and trump comma eric. Total loss. Total writeoff. Cant get insurance. Of course, trump has another way to hoover up some money. He put his cronies in charge of the rnc, including his daughterinlaw and 50foot Woman Holding a giant novelty check, lara trump. Lara isnt just a bad fundraiser, shes also a terrible musician. You see, last year, she released a cover of tom pettys i wont back down that hit number one on billboards hot 100 ways to torture tom pettys ghost. Well, last week, lara dropped a new single. Obviously, this is just bait to get folks like me to talk about her singing career on tv, and i refuse to miss my chance. Hit it, jim dont think just jump stephen okay, thats enough. Thats just fine, jim. cause just four words in, i think im ready to jump. Now, contrary to the will of god, and the geneva convention, theres more. Talking to that little girl riding on the pegasus in this hurricane life you still gotta spread your wings and fly stephen let me see if ive got this straight. The little girl is riding on a pegasus in a hurricane, and she also has her own wings that she will use to fly off the pegasus and then later jump. Its that sort of Crystal Clear metaphor you get on a song that is credited to four lyricists. One to write the song, the other three to look up what time the bank opens so they can run and cash their checks. That song is titled anything is possible. And you know, its true. Anything is possible. For instance, its possible to have a voice even autotune cant fix. Laras song may be rough, but at least it had brilliant marketing, because she dropped the new music on the same day as beyonce. [laughter] so sad. So sad that beyonce released Country Music on the same day that Country Music was strangled to death. Theres hope for anyone at maralago forced to listen to that song, because yesterday, the Florida Supreme Court approved a ballot measure to legalize recreational pot. Thats right. [cheers and applause] floridians out there tonight. Florida could soon have legal pot. Which is why i want to issue a psa to floridians. sup, florida . I know smoking the reefdoobs might sound cool and jazz, but before youre gonna legalize weed, i just hope youre prepared to spend a lot of time laughing with your friends. Florida may be getting high, but deustchland beat them to the pipe, because yesterday, Recreational Cannabis became legal in germany. Good for them. [applause] but maybe they shouldve done it sooner. Imagine how the world would have better if theyd done it in the 1930s. We could annex the sudetenland or we could just blitzkreig the cinnabon. This makes germany the biggest e. U. Country to legalize marijuana possession. Personally, i feel bad for amsterdam. Up till now, they were europes pot dealer. You had to go to go all the way to their place, pretend to care about their canals oh, its like a road, but its wet, yeah and then say look, man, ive been here for an hou. Can you give me the weed . Germans rang in the news at midnight on monday, with thousands lighting celebratory joints at the brandenburg gate. Its the very first time it hasnt been terrifying to see a big group of germans gathered together to burn down. Health minister Karl Lauterbach also celebrated the new law, saying cannabis use already existed yesterday. Now its exiting the taboo zone. Of course, the taboo zone, also berlins number one nightclub for group sex and angular dancing. We go to make the disco yeah, yeah, yeah1 youve never been . Downstairs, knock. In biblical plague news, scientists are predicting that this spring, trillions of cicadas will descend on the u. S. In the biggest bug emergence in centuries. Its a nearly unprecedented event in entomological history, or as one trillion cicadas might say. [crackling] [applause] the sound guys love me. This year will be even buggier than ever, because the cycles of 13 and 17year cicada broods will overlap. Why cycles of that amount of time specifically . Well, researchers suggests periodical cicadas are less likely to be killed by predators that have 2 or 3year life cycles by emerging on these primenumbered years. To which math teachers everywhere said, i guess prime numbers arent so lame after all. Whats your favorite class now . Still recess . Okay. As to the where of it all, while the two broods will span parts of 17 states, theyll overlap in a small portion of illinois, around chicago. Its a phenomenon known as daaaaa bugs. We got a great show for you tonight my guests are the today shows Savannah Guthrie and actor Tim Blake Nelson. But when we come back, you wont believe the hottest new youth trend. Come on back. Announcer the late show with Stephen Colbert sponsore by allstate. Youre in good hands. Its your time to cache in. So dont just play. Stay at northern californias premier casino resort. Book your getaway now. At cachecreek. Com. Stephen whoo louis cato and the late show band. Mr. Jon lampley on vocals tonight. [cheers and applause] louis. Oh, my friend, louis. Louis my friend, stephen. Stephen we have two lovely guests tonight. From the today show on the nbc network, Savannah Guthrie is here. Shes got a lovely book. Mostly what god does. Well get to that in a little bit. One of my favorite actors Tim Blake Nelson will be out here. Hes got a new book called city of blows. Folks, im sure it comes as no surprise that i like to stay current on what the youths are up to. Unfortunately, these days, its mostly tweeting that i look mid. But theres a hot new youth trend sweeping the youngs, and ill tell you all about it in my segment, thats yeet. Dabbin on fleek, fam now, actually, ive just been informed that weve been doing this segment for so long that every word in that title is now out of date, so thats yeet dabbin on fleek, fam is being brought into 2024 and rebranded as. Thats gyat. Spill the tea, babygirl, skibidi toilet dont know what any of that means. Now, the word on young peoples minds is. Words. Because gen z is bringing back reading. [cheers and applause] thats great. Thats great. I was not aware that reading ever stopped. It says right here on the teleprompter im reading. Now, apparently, a viral corner of tiktok called booktok has made reading cool again. As one bookfluencer described it, i think people my age are craving something more authentic. Whats more real than books . Exactly. What could be more real than this wardrobe that contains a door into a magical land, where time stops and theres a lion whos also jesus . You know, real. But young peoples novel obsession, ha ha, might be less about the reading and more about looking like youre reading, cause for single men hot guy books are the hot new accessory. Heres the deal. If guys carrying around books is hot now, a lot of People Better apologize to this guy. Its gonna be okay, buddy. Just not, like, for 44 years. Guys are even using books on the dating apps, where men are ditching selfies with puppies to pose with femalecoded books. You hear that, guys . No more tigers, no more fish. The hot tinder pic now is showing the ladies you caught a really big are you there, god . Its me, margaret. Gen z and Millennial Women are also getting booky wit it. Kendall jenner recently posted this picture of her reading on the beach, and this one with a joan didion book. Is this how the kids are reading now . On all fours . Hey, can i read your copy of odyssey . Sure assume the position. In fact, according to a recent study, both men and women find reading to be the biggest green flag behavior. Well, as a lifelong bookworm, and a lover of books on tape so im also a bit of a tapeworm i am so excited that the younger generations are falling in love with the written word. Here to explain this literary youth trend is my writer and boardcertified young person, eliana kwartler. Eliana kwartler, everybody. Eliana. Eliana. Hi eliana hi, steve or as they say in books, hi, steve, she said. Stephen eliana, youre young. Eliana and single stephen ive heard that. So tell me, what is the book that all the kids are into . Eliana great question, steve. Books slap. And the hot book that we kiddies simply cant help but stan is war and peace. Stephen really, tolstoy . Thats impressive. What do you think of it . Eliana well, obviously i loved the war. But also, like, do not sleep on the and peace. Stephen okay. But what. What do you like about it . I mean, its pretty heavy stuff. Eliana it is really heavy. It made my arms look so toned when i posed with it for my tinder profile. Stephen eliana, thats kendall jenner. Eliana no. Thats me, steve. Remember . Single me . Stephen oh, right. Did you just buy war and peace so you could take pictures with it on the beach . Eliana um, no, professor. I also took pictures with it on a ski slope and on the marquee of the beautiful ed sullivan theater stephen eliana, are you even reading this . Eliana this is just a hollowed out book with your phone in it. Eliana no spoilers stephen are you just using books to try to find a date . Eliana no, steve im also using the late show. Why do you think im out here . Its a real green flag to be kind to the elderly. Do you need me to help you sort your medicines, sir . Stephen no, i need you to focus eliana id love to. On whether anyone in the audience is hot and single. Stephen you cannot hit on my audience eliana youre right. Youre right. That would be unprofessional. Hot singles should just scan this qr code. [laughter] stephen can we please talk about reading . Eliana right reading i love reading. I never knew about it before. Stephen you went to yale. Eliana so did brett kavanaugh. You think that bitch can read . Stephen okay, its a fair point. Eliana, do you have even a single thing to tell me about young people and books . Eliana i do, steve. For as leo tolstoy famously wrote in war and peace the strongest of all warriors. Stephen you did read it. Eliana should scan this qr code. The stronger the better. Kind of like to be carried around. I really need this, Steve Stephen my writer, eliana kwartler. Well be right back with Savannah Guthrie. The right age for neutrogena® retinol . Thats whenever you want it to be. It has dermproven retinol that targets vital cell turnover, evens skin tone, and smooths fine lines. With visible results in just one week. Neutrogena® retinol [ ] did you know, theres a way to cut your dishwashing time by 50 . Try dawn powerwash dish spray. It removes 99 of grease and grime in half the time. Dawn powerwash has 3 cleaning boosters not found in traditional dish soaps that remove food and grease 5 times faster. And, because it cleans so well you can replace multiple cleaning products for counters, stoves, and even laundry stains. Try dawn powerwash dish spray. Brand power, helping you buy better. We really dont want people to think of feeding food like ours is spoiling their dogs. Good, real food is simple. It looks like food, it smells like food, its what dogs are supposed to be eating. Limu emu and doug hello, ghostbusters. Its doug. Of doug and limu. We help people customize and save hundreds on Car Insurance with liberty mutual. Anyway, we got a bit of a situation here. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. [ metal groans] sure, i can hold. Only pay for what you need. Liberty Liberty LibertyLiberty Ghostbusters frozen empire. In theaters now. At tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. With the quality, styles, and prices you love. Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is the coanchor of the today show and nbcs chief legal correspondent. Shes now written a new book called mostly what god does. Please welcome to the late show, Savannah Guthrie. [cheers and applause] lovely. Thats a lovely first bring. Thank you for being here. Savannah thank you for having me. Im so delighted i didnt trip. I was a little nervous. Stephen millions of people know you, have seen human daily on the today show. I recently learned that your first tv gig was not as successful. Savannah he didnt go as planned. I started in butte, montana. I grew up in tucson, arizona. I never lived away from home and after i graduated from college i got a job in the Television Market in butte, montana, one of the smallest markets in the country. I was hired sight unseen for the tidy sum of 13,000 a year. This was 25 years ago. I brought all my stuff up there, i was my own camera person, my own editor. I would love the stuff around i was excited because it was my big break. I was butte, montana,s diane sawyer. Stephen you have been called. Savannah for ten days when they called a staff meeting which was like for people in the newsroom because it was so small and they close the station. Stephen so you didnt lose your job. Everyone lost their job. Savannah offered ko of us, yes, and the newsroom. I was devastated. Its kind of as crappy is that job was i was so lucky to get it. I thought maybe this is that, im not going to do it. I drove home, tragically and i started sending tapes around again and moved up getting another job and local news. A short 25 years later, here we are. Stephen one of the big stories about nbc and about nbc news recently was the hiring of and firing of ronna mcdaniel. It used to be head of the rnc. My question for you is why did you, Savannah Guthrie, personally make that decision to hire her . I want you to answer for your crimes. Why did you think that was the best idea . Savannah im glad you have given me this platform hey let me see if i can make this as boring as possible. This answer. I do still work there, you know that, right . Do you have any openings around here . I mean, look, i