It will not be long before there will be no firsthand survivors alive. During the holocaust. I saw the word auschwitz. The doors opened. Terror hit us immediately. Narrator they were just children then. How many people have seen a gas chamber in action . Narrator now, they are the last generation to have witnessed the horror first hand. I remember looking at the flames and thinking, which is my mother . Narrator now on frontline, intimate stories from the last survivors. We are the last ones. You want to hear . Here it is. Frontline is made possible by contributions to your pbs station from viewers like you. Thank you. And by the corporation for public broadcasting. Additional support is provided by the abrams foundation, committed to excellence in journalism. Park foundation, dedicated to heightening Public Awareness of critical issues. The john d. And catherine t. Macarthur foundation, committed to building a more just, verdant and peaceful world. More at macfound. Org. The heisingsimons foundation, unlocking knowledge, opportunity and possibilities. At hsfoundation. Org. And by the frontline journalism fund, with major support from jon and jo ann hagler. And Additional Support from koo and patricia yuen, committed to bridging cultural differences in our communities. And from the frederic j. Ridel living trust. Narrator most survivors of the holocaust who are still alivtoday were just children when they were sent to concentration camps. For decades, many were unable or unwilling to speak about their experiences. This film tells some of their stories. Sitting in the car coming here, it began to dawn on me that this would be a first for me. And i wasnt quite sure just what i had let myself in for. I did feel a little nervous, yes. Im here today to record some testimony of my experiences during the holocaust. Time is marching on and it will not be long before there will be no firsthand survivors alive. And it is important to record this testimony as evidence for future generations. Why did i survive while my parents and my brother didnt . And i feel i have to talk. Im glad that now i can do it, but for 50 years, i couldnt. There are some people who are unable to speak about their experices. And i can well understand. But its not possible to, to actually to. To reject the past. I cant really communicate with others properly because they dont know what im talking about. I mean, how many people have their parents murdered or, or seen a gas chamber in action . It has affected me, yes. birds chirping, wings flapping would you like a cup of coffee . That would be lovely. Frank, can you put the kettle on . Oh, dear, this is marvelous. cynthia laughing we have divided our work, and my wife cooks, i shop, i wash up, and my wife does the garden. And im upstairs sending emails or getting ready for talks and things like that. Was there a point where you wanted to go over the details of what fnk had experienced . No. Did you talk about that together . No, it just came out gradually. We saw the film, at the end of the war, they showed us a film of belsen being liberated, didnt they . And that, that came as a shock. And that was, that was bad enough. And i still think people well, certainly this generation havent got a clue. printer whirring we start in may 1942, thats when the class picre was probably taken. Thats me. What do you call this picture theyre all classmates . I call it red for dead, which is pretty crude, but its to the point. I took this photo, i put numbers against each child, and if you take number one, that is pick hanus, he was born on the 21st of january, 1929. He was sent on from the ghetto, he was sent to auschwitz, he did not survive. And that of his transport of 2,038 people, 144 survived. Number nine, kurz edita very pretty girl, i think i had a crush on, on her, but from a distance. Was sent to auschwitz, did not survive. Its a tragic photo, really, isnt it . Yes, it is. And not only is it they died, but they obviously had no descendants, they never lived a, a life at all, they were murdered for no particular reason. But youve got to just wear blinkers. You just cant afford to get too involved. Why not . Well, because you wouldnt do it you couldnt. stammering i would be i would be sitting here crying my eyes out. children playing in distance i thought as a child that my mother was very beautiful, i always admired her. Before the war, she decide to take me to see film, to the cinema, and that was my first experience. upbeat music playing, tapping and i remember it was shirley temple. I remember her dancing, and i remember her curly hair. When i arrived in the cinema, and it became dark, and i was a bit frightened by the darkness. singing, music fading before the outbreak of war, we used to get all kinds of gossip about the darkness out there. So we didnt like going out. When my mum occasionally, very rarely, left us my brother and myself we went under the table, cause we were fearful of what might happen. birds chirping, dog barking mower whirring my mother and her father on their holidays. When you think what, what was about to happen, its kind of surreal. My mother gave this to me on christmas day, and at the time i was really disappointed, because i thought, what sort of a Christmas Present is this . She wrote us a letter and this is the letter. Dear children, i have written and compiled this document with one thought in my mind, namely that im dedicating it to you and to your children. We have never talked much about those dark days, and how it came about that you do not have any grandparents. At what point does one start explaining to ones child that there are people in the world who had as their ideology the total annihilation of jews and other undesirables by murdering them in the most sophisticated manner . But this is not family conversation, that sort of thing, you know. Would you talk to your children about things like that . No, exactly. Exactly, i mean, yeah. Who can make sense of it . Theres no sense in anything that happened. I wanted to have a normal life, so the holocaust doesnt fit in there. You know, i dont want to be pitied or whatever. No, its different times now. And hopefully we dont. Revert too much into disaster again are you feeling all right, enjoying lunch . Yeah, well, im not mad on the vegan business. Yeah, i thought it was delicious. Yeah, its delicious. Now, i was interested to talk to the two of you about what kind of role you feel maya has Going Forward after youre gone in terms of. Maya has more of a role than the others, because shes very interested in the Second Generation trauma. What do you feel that Second Generation trauma is . That you must not ask me. That you must ask her. No, but, no. I dont know what the trauma is. But i guess you raised the Second Generation, so maybe you were a witness to. No, im, im sorry. I am not i will not elaborate on secondgeneration. To me, anybody whos got a roof over their head and enough food, forget the trauma, you know . But thats a really important answ. A lot of my difficulties were to do with trauma. Why was i so disturbed . Why was i picking my face when i was two . Yeah, well, i can answer that because your mother was always absent. But the reason you were always absent was because of the holocaust. She will have kind of well, she did sort of project into me this, this sort of feeling, an idea that, yes, there was something wrong with me, there was really something wrong with me, and well, you know. Why couldnt i be grateful that no one was trying to kill me or. At least i had parents, and so on and so forth. So, there was absolutely. There was. There, there was no connecting going on in terms of, this was my history and this was. Nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. Do you think being the child of a survivor can be problematic . Im sure. Im sure. In what ways . Well, i think, im sure im, i was a problem to them because i can never see what people need absolutely for their happiness. I have provided for them what i think is necessary for survival, you know . birds chirping ill start you off with a little one, around the back. Yeah. Right, this one is, uh. Its called awakening. The face very skeletal. Um. What am i gonna say to that . Just an observation. Yeah. Well, is it skeletal . I suppose it is, yeah. Shall we move on . When i was six years old, i thought that im gonna be a doctor and heal people. And it wasnt till i faced the reality of that, that it occurred to me that, you know, if i went into medicine, and i would be dealing with dead people, corpses, and so i didnt go that way. I wanted to give life to things. Maybe this is a sort of rather curious way of recreating life in sculpture, trying to resurrect these corpses, as it were, which is a crazy idea. I still dont know exactly what happened to my father. I know he was taken to auschwitz. My fantasy is that, you know, maybe he was the sort of person that got killed trying to escape, i, ive no idea. And so its always been a struggle, you know how do you deal with that loss and my need to somehow bring my father back to life . birds chirping people that dont know will, will say, oh, yeah, no, maurices sculptures, theyre, theyre him, arent they . They, they represent him. And, but actually its not it represents his father. Have you seen the photograph of his father . That is the head of all of maurices sculptures. Because maurice does look terribly similar to that. They just think its him, but its. That is, you know, look at those cheekbones, look at that nose. Im not one of these artists who are dying to get into the studio and make the next thing. Its always been a, a struggle, in a way, to get around my initial feelings about making a sculpture. I mean, i have to go back to when i was in the camp and, and i had. My little sister was born there, and uh. She was coming up for her first birthday, and, um. I mean, so, as you can imagine, there wasnt somewhere where you could go and get presents and things, and food was very tight, you know, very hard to get hold of. And anyhow, it was, it was coming up for her birthday, and id found a, a carrot, which was a bit bent, and i made it into a little boat, id put little sticks for masts in it, and i was gonna give this to her for her birthday. And i you know, i was, what, fiveandahalf or something, and i kept asking my mother, you know, is it her birthday now . And it wasnt. And, soon, and, not now, soon. So, this, this buildup to when her birthday was, when i could give her her present, and. She didnt get there. She didnt make it to her birthday, you know she died and i couldnt give her this present. And years later, when i had therapy, you know, the therapist said, well, this was your first sculpture, and in a way, thats stayed with you ever since, you know. And consequently, ive put down the fact that it was always a struggle for me, although i wanted to make sculpture, you know, it was never a lovely experience it was a struggle, it was a torment. Your sister, what was she called . Milly. You know, more or less after my grandmother my grandmothers name wasmilia, and she was called, my little sister was called milly. In belsen, when people died, i mean, i remember taking them out. I mean, it was bizarre, you know, just in the morning, you know, you get up and thered be a dead body there. So, what do you do . When my little sister died, clara, my older sister, tells me she took her out and put her on the heap, you know . Children grew up on experiences. Some of the experiences which may have been horrifying to adults were just part of life. But once we were incarcerated in the camps, i think we tended to grow up pretty fast. Both i, who was in the mens camp, and my mother, who was separate in, in the womens camp, were both selected to be moved, at the same time to the same camps. So we spent the whole war together and we were liberated together. So, my mother survived, as i did. My youngerrother, who was four years younger, he almost certainly did not survive. Im saying almost because, to this day, we do not know his fate. He just disappeared. I, as a 13yearold, had to go out and do sort of a days slave labor, but he was four years younger and he was permitted to stay in the camp. One day we came home from work, and he and three other young kids who were allowed to stay in the camp had disappeared. During the day, they had been picked up by some ss members that had orders to pick them up, and since then, appears to have vanished from the face of the earth. Speed camera reported ahead. You always held onto a small hope that he might have survived. Yes, yes. But. It doesnt look like it. Exit to the left onto junction to b550. There was a point in, in my development where i went through a quite severe crisis of faith. I was really torn between believing in a god, and to believe god to be just and righteous, and at the same time reflecting on the horrors and injustices which i and millions of others suffered. I could not reconcile it. praying quietly and i began to doubt the existence of a god. But i looked around me and it became clear to me, crystal clear, that there had to be a god, an almighty creator, and i concluded the almighty has given us finite minds which just cannot comprehend the events we went through. And therefore, it must have been the almightys will that we do not understand, that we do believe in him purely through faith, not logic, and on, on that basis, i have remained a faithful and believing jew. praying quietly when you come here and stand over your parents graves and think of them, do you also think of your brother . I do. One hears of miraculous reunions where members of the family find each other after 60 years or more, by pure chance. And therefore. I have never recited any memorial prayer on his behalf, always making myself believe that maybe hes still alive. But i certainly think of him when i stand there in front of my parents grave, yes. What was his name . His name was hermann. Hermann goldberg. After the war, because i didnt see my mother, i had this fantasy that perhaps she did survive by some miracle, and that she was in one of those displaced peoples camps. Now, the fact that i never went to look for her testifies to the fact that i knew she wasnt alive. But i somehow needed to keep her alive in my mind, in my fantasy, so that i didnt actually have to deal with this terrible trma that she had been gassed. I wrote a poem about it once when i was at a very low point in my life. It was very short, it said, mummy, who held your hand when you were dying . Who closed your eyes when you were dead . I did meet my father in auschwitz, surprisingly enough. But. I feel so sad, that i remember walking with him, holding my hand and my brothers hand, and was talking to my brother. He hardly said anything to me. And i felt as though i wish i could ask him or talk to him. T then i thought to myself, what must he have felt, holding my hand, 12 years old there, not being able to protect him . And those were the last moments you shared together . Yeah. Yes. Right, were gonna be going for a nice long walk now, you behave yourself, all right . exhales i was in a satellite camp of dachau in germany in 1945, february. My birthday is in february, and i was bar mitzvahed, which mean you were 13 years old. And i remember going to the barbed wire, across the border in the forest the camp was cut out from a forest and seeing the birds fly by, and thinking to myself, speaking to god, said, please, god, please, god, let me, let me get out of this hellhole, absolutely naked, and ill never ask another thing from you from your life. And as you could see, god answered my prayer, but im afraid i still keep on talking to god and asking for further, for further, further help. Afbut, of course, thats theng to problem with being a, aher, survivor everything tends to remind you of something. Seeing the trees right at the edge of the forest and the sunshine, its very, very clear to me. birds chirping bell tolling its a lovely room, isnt it . Lovely views. Beautiful. Im usually making my usual jokes, when, t first time i came to poland, i didnt have this room. No, i know. Well, were gonna see today, arent we . Your arrival at auschwitz. Well, thats, thats supposed to have been the, the purpose of the holiday. Its not a holiday is it, dad . I mean, well, exactly, its a. Youre right, youre so right. Can you remember the first time you heard about what had happened to ivor as a little boy . Uh, mum told me when i was ten years old. Um. I, i just remember going into a corner of the room and just sobbing my heart out. And from that moment on, i did not feel i was able to go to him when i was upset, because i didnt want to, and, and it and it was also, mum would often say, as well, she would she would say, you know, dont upset dad, you know, dads been through enough. I do understand, and ive accepted that i wont be able to release my demons because i cant until he has. Thats what im hoping ill get from today. I certainly dont feel the need to go back to auschwitz. I was at the conference in krakow. And i was staying in a hotel and there was a notice in the hotel, sightseeing tours to the salt mines and to auschwitz. Now, that really offended me, that its become a sightseeing event. A lot of people have taken their children to see auschwitz. I think perhaps maybe because its easier to show it to them than talk about it. What was the trip like . About six to eight days, i suppose. Many of us babies and children died along the way. There was no water to drink. I just huddled up to my mum. It will be over soon. Keep hoping. train rattling bkes hissing every morning, the train stopped and they used to throw out dead bodies. How can a child of 14. Hope people should die so hellt down . What has become of me . Eventually, one early morning, the train stopped. Through the slits of the truck, i saw the word auschwitz. I dont know what it meant, even auschwitz . Didnt have a clue. None of us jews actually who had been transported could realize what was awaiting. Evil rages, evil rules. And this was totally alien to our minds. So we just hugged each other, closely. train wheels squealing papa, is that is this all how it was, or have they redone the wires . No, we didnt, we didnt, because the trains, you see, the train came in here. And all these electric wires . Yes, oh, yes. Is that how it was . Yes, yes, yes, this is how it was. I remember the arriving very clearly, when the doors opened up. And the terror and the aggression hit us immediately, and the shouting, get out speaking german the germans were waiting. I wont go in, when they show you the pictures and. Why . Well, i find it very, very hurtful, and ive seen it. You know . Yeah, but i, i kind of feel that i need you to i need you to be there with us. Oh, i see, okay, right, yeah. Do you mind . No. No. There was a hungarian speaking victim, warning us, quietly, dont say youre younger than 15 years old, and i just nodded, not understanding y. That was what saved me from being sent to the gas chamber on arrival. Wead been so traumatized by then, i think i had lost the ability to express myself. We were dehumanized from the beginning of arrival in auschwitz. Oh, my god, the size of it, huh . Jesus christ. Oh, my god. Is, is this actually real, though, from. Yes. Oh. Well, you can imagine, for four days, being on a train like that, with 70, 80 people, we arrived to weather like this, absolutely