Portrait of me hanging behind a ceremony honoring native americans . Again, my nickname was indian killer, not indian tickler, not indian honorer, indian killer. Literally, any other portrait would be less insulting to native americans the mascot for the cleveland indians, the lando lakes butter lady, the guy who dressed up like an indian who criedly in the commercial. Johnny depp as tonto, anything. But trump is the president so to show my respect for navajo code talkers. I will speak in code. Let them crack that one. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Plus, stephen welcomes Justin Timberlake and san Juan Carmen Yulin Cruz featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hello whats up, everybody . Thank you, please, sit down, everybody. Too kind. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert, i am one of the few money still allowed on television because today matt lauer was is let go from nbcs morning show, the today show, this morning, today. According to the chairman of nbc news, lauer was fired due to inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. Not to be confused with appropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. Because that does not exist. laughter we should have seen that lauer had a strange obsession with women. I mean, just look at any of his actual halloween costumes. Dolly parton, baywatch babe, paris hilton, and lucy from peanuts. Good grief. After looking at those photos, i think he could have been fired for sexually harassing himself. But he wasnt, because we have some details, and they are not great. Turns out, lauer once gave a colleague a sex toy as a present. It included an explicit note about how he wanted to use it on her. Its bad enough that he gave her a sex toy, but he also gave instructions . He found a way to mansplain Sexual Harassment laughter youre doing that wrong let me get in there. laughter this is why you like what im doing. laughter and it doesnt stop there. On another day, he summoned a different female employee to his office and then dropped his pants, showing her his penis. After the employee declined to do anything, visibly shaken, he reprimanded her for not engaging in a sexual act. Im going to say what that woman honestly could not at the moment what a dick. cheers and applause we dont have to blur that, do we . We dont have to blur that. We dont have to blur that. This morning, hoda kotb and Savannah Guthrie had to announce lauers departure on the today show, which must have been awkward for them, and even more awkward for the fans outside the window. Wooo go hawks wheres matt . Whys everybody so sad in there . Karen, will you marry me . Karen, look at my penis laughter it was the theme. It was the theme of the morning. While the news about lauer is shocking, there were some hints, like this 2012 interview between katie couric and andy cohen. You cohosted the today show with matt lauer for 15 years. What is matts most annoying habit . Hmmm. He pinches me on the ass a lot. Audience ooooh stephen well, that certainly explains their old reoccurring segment, where in the world are matt lauers hands . You laughter donald trump weighed in on the lauer story tweeting, wow. Wait a minute, wow . Im still not used to a president typing the word wow. Thats like if the first draft of the gettysburg address was holy guacamole, this war sucks. Wow. Wow. cheers and back to trumps tweet wow, matt lauer just fired from nbc for inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace. but when will the top executives at nbc and comcast be fired for putting out so much fake news. By fake news do you mean, more than a dozen women have accused trump of Improper Conduct or sexual assault. cheers and applause is that what you mean by fake news . Listen up you dont get to comment that is the pot calling the kettle at 3 00 a. M. And asking what shes wearing. Plus, remember the whole billy bush bus thing . Turns out, in private, trumps told multiple people that it may not have been him on the tape after all. And we dont think that was my voice. Quick tip if youre going to Say Something thats already crazy, dont refer to yourself as we. All the voices in our head tell us thats not our voice. Whats that . Yeah, they agree with me. cheers and applause what . Quiet. Theyre so loud. Theyre so they repeat themselves, but, lord, theyre loud. But you know what, lets take him at his word. Hes the president of the united states. Maybe it wasnt him stephen when you listen to it again, it cant be him because anybody who said that wouldnt get elected president of the united states. Hes got to be innocent theres no two ways about it. Jon wow stephen cant have both. And i guess this cant be trump, either. I said it. I was wrong, and i apologize. Stephen admitting he was wrong and apologized in the same sentence. The only way it could have been more untrump is if he said it while eating a vegetable. laughter not an onion ring. Meanwhile, theres amazing news out of a different crumbling empire. Because we just learned that prince harry got engaged im aplutter. And whos the lucky bridetobe, some third cousin from luxembourg with a prominent jaw . No, turns out its actress Meghan Markle, known for her 2011 breakthrough role as ambitious paralegal rachel zane in the hit tv series suits, but will be officially leaving after season seven, following her engagement news. See a couple of things from that. One, theres apparently a show called suits . I saw the ads, but i assumed usa network just got bought by mens wearhouse. And, two, its been on for seven years and Meghan Markle is a biracial, divorced american, which is great news for the gene pool of the royal family. They are a little inbred. Most of them have to be put down with canine hip dysplasia. No its sad. Its very sad. I agree. Its extremely sad. Theyre partly rotwieller. But, england, a word of warning we had a cool biracial leader for a while, too. And i can tell you, you need to savor it because the next princess. Is gonna suck. laughter applause suuuck. Suck. Here are the wedding details. In may, prince harry and Meghan Markle will marry at st. Georges chapel, windsor castle. Now traditionally its at westminster abbey, but it was booked for a harrypotterthemed bar mitzvah. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Justin timberlake is here. But when we return, i ponder lifes biggest questions with lifes biggest star. Stick around. What bad knee . Ull ask what throbbing head . Advil makes pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Guyyou know whatals arethat means. Et. Coming through, coming through, coming through this sunday only save 10 on target giftcards save big with weekend deals, only at target. All smartphones are more or less the same, right . But this is the moto z. Hello moto. Can your phone turn into a projector . Because a 70 inch projection beats any phone screen. And they might be bragging about portrait mode. But can your phone go beyond and transform into a real 360 camera . Its time to reinvent your smartphone. Its time to move on. Moto mods on the new moto z, from motorola. Available at all major carriers. When it comes to molding sarah is ayoung minds, teacher. Nobody does it better. She also builds her own fighting robots. Destroy. But when it comes to mortgages, shes less confident. Fortunately for sarah, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so she can understand the details and be sure shes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back to the show give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there. Jon hey hey hey stephen jon, jon. Jon whats you got over there. Stephen what do i have here over . Jon yeah. Stephen what do i have in my hand . As long as youre asking. What i have is my book Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. Check it out right there. You know, christmas is coming. Christmas is coming, and everybody young children, your aged grandparents. Jon right, right. Stephen people of intermediate ages. Jon all ages. Stephen everybody want wanto shear in the confessions. Jon right. Stephen that ive got in the book right now. Jon so much fun. Stephen you have to cleanse your soul before the coming of jesus on christmas day. Or if you dont believe in jesus, it doesnt matter, you have nothing to cleanse. I have some confessions you want to check out, i take salad bar sneeze guards as a personal challenge. I can still name all four of the teletubbies, and have done so in my will. Jon oh, wow. Thats impressive. Stephen buy it for someone you love. Buy it for someone you love. Jon thats impressive. Stephen not my problem. Listen, folks, i think you can tell from that and the conversations i have jon out here, just the basic vibe of the show, but im a pretty deep guy, which is why sometimes i have to ask lifes Big Questions, like why am i here . And what is the nature of existence . And, new phone, who dis . And sometimes i need to express these thoughts, thoughts that can only be understood by another very deep alist celebrity. So its time for yet another Big Questions with even bigger stars. applause stephen wow. applause wow. What a lovely night. Man, just just look at all those stars. There must be, like, 20 of them. Maybe even 30. cheers and applause cheers stephen oh, hey, Justin Timberlake. applause cheers laughter well, hello yourself, Stephen Colbert. Stephen you like to come up here and think profound thoughts, too . Of course. , of course, i do. Being profound is one of my favorite things to do, right after singing, dancing, acting, voice acting which is a totally different talent and wearing cool suits. Stephen that is a cool suit. Yes, it is. Stephen hey, justin . Yeah, stephen . Stephen if the universe is infinite, whats beyond . Everything other than bed and bath. laughter applause stephen thats deep. cheers hey, hey, steve . Stephen yes, just . If god made the universe, who made god . Stephen oh, like most stuff, i think a factory in china. laughter . You know, that makes sense. Stephen hey, jtothet . Yes, stothec . Stephen do you believe in fate . Like, do you think you were born to sing . No. I was born to cry and poop laughter singing came later. Then dancing, then acting, then voice acting which is a totally different talent stephen i get it i get it. I understand. cheers and applause hey, colby . Stephen yeah timby . laughter if you could have lunch with anyone living or dead, who would it be . Stephen thats a good one. I think gandhi. Because he was such a great leader and humanitarian . Stephen no, because if he was on a hunger strike, id also get to eat his sandwich, too. applause thats thats well played. Thanks. Hey, timber lake house . Yeah, colbair balloon . Stephen can i ask you really, like, really personal question . Sure, why not. I feel really close to you right now. cheers when you brought the sexy back, where had it gone . Wow. No one has ever asked me that. Sexy was actually just the name of my neighbors rabbit. You see, they were in nebraska for the weekend, and i was pet sitting, but they were worried i wouldnt return the rabbit, so i wanted to assure them, via song, that i was, indeed, bringing sexy back. laughter cheers and applause i mean, if you listen, if you listen closely, its all in the lyrics. laughter stephen oh, right. Take it to the bridge the bridge is where you met them to give the rabbit back. Wow. Hey, do you think its possible for our subconscious to reveal what were really thinking about . Of course, not, jimmy fallon. cheers and applause stephen yeah, me neither, jimmy fallon. Well be right back with Justin Timberlake i, jimmy we love you band playing band playing cheers and applause stephen oh, hey, everybody. Welcome back. Oh, ladies and gentlemen folks, gentle viewer, my first guest tonight is an actor youve seen in alpha dog the social network and inside lou and davis. I hear he can also sing. Please welcome Justin Timberlake. applause cheers and applause thank you. That that, stephen is what pandering will get you. laughter stephen i was going to say i slipped a 20 under everyones seat. Stephen did you really . That was very nice. Thank you. Stephen no, but thats the true star, the true star takes a long time to walk out. Oh. Stephen the biggest star in the world i have i have a sore back. Thats the only reason i laughter . Stephen you have a star back is what youve got. Now, listen, we had your lovely wife jessica biel on here a couple of months ago. The bar is very high. She did a lovely job. The bar is very high. Yes. She is lovely. Stephen yeah. And until you came on just now, she was the one we liked. laughter now we like both of you. Oh. Stephen but youve never been on before. Thank you for being here. Im so happy to cheers and applause stephen she said that your son is messy. Hes two. This seemed to surprise her. laughter yeah. I i i saw her interview on the show and i said, honey, you went a little hard on sielus. Hes not even three yet. Stephen yeah, he needs something to talk to his therapist about in 20 years. Well, apparently, her compassionate home is a reflection of getting her demons out on the colbert show. Stephen maybe so. She must have been a neat kid if shes surprised a twoyearold is sloppy. Were you . Does he get the messy gene from you . Where is ah. Stephen you were a degenerate as a child. Ah, he again, i feel a little like i dont want to make judgment on him. Yet. laughter but stephen what are the chants hes watching this . What are the chances hes watching this, this laughter . If moms not home very good. I will say this, i will say this stephen say it, put it out there. Silas is a boy and naturally messy, and he got that from me. And i will admit that. Stephen okay. But he also he is also very judgmental, which he also got from me. laughter and stephen children dont like things to change. They dont. Stephen they like to be the same. Neither do musicians. Laugh. Stephen but youre more than a musician. Youre also a dancer, an actor a voice actor. Stephen which is a which is a totally different thing. laughter . Stephen you started off singing you started off singing in the church, right . I did. Stephen now, is that a good place to start because god will love you, even if you miss the notes . Its the only place for all you aspiring singers out there, its the only place to start, best place to start. Stephen sure. Do you have a favorite hymn or anything . Old rugged cross is a good one. Stephen sure. The National Anthem, the worst place. Stephen what, the worst place to sing is the National Anthem . Its a tough song. Its its very high expectation. Stephen hell of a range. And so thats your thats your stephen i know the harmony of the National Anthem. Do you want to lay it down real quick . I know the bass. If you want to do the whole thing oooh do you want to try it oh, say can you see by the dawns early light what so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming whose broad stripes and bright stars what is happening right now cheers and applause . Stephen play ball thats whats happening right now speaking of playing ball, okay, listen, super bowl, super bowl. Hold on a second. Stephen hold on what . You just whriew blew my mind. Stephen i was in the choir. I was in the choir. I was the base line in the National Anthem. So you know church is the best place to sing because you can go up there and completely botch anything, and at the end everyone says, amen. Stephen yeah they have to forgive you. Amen. Stephen they have to forgive you because jesus is watching. So for thinking about it stephen thinking about it . If we are thinking about it. Stephen i think we are. Church is the first place you learn how to lie. laughter applause stephen super bowl. Youre going to be the halftime show at the super bowl. Congratulations, thats really exciting. Third time, right . Yes. Stephen third time. Pretty exciting. Now, i remember the last time you did it, kind of remember a few things about that. laughter any big any big plans . You need. Im available. You want to come out there and be a dance partner, or anything like that. laughter uhhh. Its it will be great. It will be a great show. Stephen i have no doubt it will be fantastic. Im very excited about it. Stephen Justin Timberlake, it will be fantastic. Im very excited to stephen whats that like . Its got to be the biggest audience you could possibly play. It is. Every year, apparently, a lot of people watch the super bowl. Stephen yeah, i hear i hear i hear good things. Yes. And like you alluded to, i have learned a lot of people watch super bowl. Stephen we have to take a break. Dont go nowhere. Neither do you. Well be right back with more Justin Timberlake. applause i saw the change in rich when we moved into the new house. But having his parents over was enlightening. You dont like my lasagna . No, its good. Hmm. Oh. Huh. [ both laugh ] here, blow. Blow on it. You see it, right . Is there a draft in here . Im telling you, its so easy to get Home Insurance on progressive. Com. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. But we can save you money when you bundle home and auto. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. Un poquito mas rapido, no . [instrumental music playing hthroughout] [wheel squeaking] beautiful bike, just beautiful. Ha,ha,ha. [pumping of bike tire] [pumping of hospital ventilator] [rain falling] [wheel squeaking] Carlos Carlos dr. Brad needs to see you in room 3. 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