Yeah its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, no moore plus, stephen welcomes nick jonas Dennis Rodman and musical guest jeezy, featuring tory laynze. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey stephen look what just happened. Hey, everybody. Please, have a seat. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. If youll excuse me, im a little shaky tonight because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls hope. laughter i hope im pronouncing that correctly. I havent i havent been saying that word that much this year because its been a rough year. We have buried under an avalanche of bad news, but through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, roy moore lost to doug jones in alabama. cheers and applause yeah. I mean its a good country. It just just need a little something. Just feels good. It islet best gift given on the first night of han what. Youre welcome, roy moores jewish lawyer. This is the deepest of the deep south. All rooteds lead north from this election. Jones is the first democrat to win an Alabama Senate seat in 25 years. applause so a quarter of a century. So the last time alabama elected a democratic senator, the biggest movie was aladdin, or, as roy moore calls it, the perfect date movie. What he calls it, not me. Thats what he calls it. Now, after winning by 1. 5 , jones, the winner, shared a message of hope for the whole country. The people in alabama had more in common than that divide us. We have shown, not just around the state of alabama, but we have shown the country the way that we can be unified. cheers and applause stephen yes we are unified against pedophilia, plus or minus the margin of error laughter so who can we thank . Well, it turns out African American voters made doug jones a u. S. Senator in alabama. cheers and applause yes. Yes yes yes thank you. Thank you. Thank you, black voters. It is the best thing African Americans have done for alabama since they built it for free. Just take a look im not in favor of it. Im just saying, they didnt get paid just take a look at these numbers. Jones got 30 of white voters, and 96 of African Americans. 96 i think, if im not mistaken applause i think i think that means African Americans get an a , while white voters will be held back to repeat the civil rights movement. Of course, last nights election wasnt just a loss for roy moore. Its a loss for all republicans, especially former trump advisor and laboratory monkey receiving the placebo in a syphilis trial, steve bannon. Bannon backed moore in the primary against establishment republican Luther Strange. Now, thanks to steve the wonder corpse bannon, republicans lost the reddest state in the country. And theyre not happy. Just listen to new york congressman and Grocery Store manager who doesnt like the look of those teenagers in the dairy aisle, peter king. This guy does not belong on the national stage. He looks like some disheveled drunk that wandered onto the political stage. Stephen perhaps it was john mccains daughter, megan, who had the most eloquent takedown. Suck it, bannon jon oh, wow stephen im sorry, didnt you hear Anthony Scaramucci . Thats what bannons been trying to do this whole time. laughter its an oldy but a goody. But the real loser here is donald trump, because he was all in on roy moore. A source close to the white house said, its devastating to the president. This is an earthquake, like virginia, but on steroids. Coincidentally, like virginia but on steroids is the Alabama State motto. laughter but to the president s credit, after moores loss last night, he tweeted something almost sportsmanlike congratulations to doug jones on a hardfought victory. The writein votes played a very big factor, but a win is a win. The people of alabama are great, and the republicans will have another shot at this seat in a very short period of time. It never ends laughter yes, it never ends. But roy moores political career . That appears to be over. cheers and applause but then this morning, trump took stock of his actions, took stock of the moral and ethical issues that motivated the voters, and graciously accepted his share of the blame. Im just kidding. Laugh no, he tweeted, the reason i originally endorsed Luther Strange and his numbers went up mightily is that i said roy moore will not be able to win the election. I was right roy worked hard, but the deck was stacked against him yes, the deck was stacked, and we also learned that Donald Trumps endorsement is a royal flush. toilet flushing applause weve got to remember one thing is true trump was a staunch backer of Luther Strange in the primary. But as soon as strange lost, trump deleted all his tweets supporting him. And hes going to do the same thing for roy moore. Because backing a racist, homophobic, teensqueezer is one thing. But backing a loser . Thats offbrand. Notice. Trump was so tied to roy moore that, in the last days of the race, he recorded this robocall. Hi, this is president donald trump, and i need alabama to go vote for roy moore. It is so important. We need roy to help us with the republican senate. We will win, and we will make America Great again. Stephen and you cant delete a robocall, but you can record a followup. Hi, this is president donald trump, and i need alabama to not go vote for roy moore. It is so important. We need not roy to help us with the republican senate. We will not win, and we will make America Great again. Not. laughter applause stephen yeah. He never supported him. Never supported him so it seems like alabama, specifically African American women in alabama, really dealt trump a blow last night. And trump reached out to them by firing his only female African American advisor, because omarosa is leaving the white house. Folks, this is huge with omarosa gone, whos going to be in charge of laughter according to a white house statement, Omarosa Manigault newman resigned yesterday to pursue other opportunities. I didnt realize big brother was hiring. But this morning, reporter april ryan tweeted, sources say general kelly did the firing, and omarosa is alleged to have acted very vulgar and cursed a lot and said she helped elect president trump. And you gotta believe general kelly enjoyed that firing, because Everybody Knows he is a messy bitch who loves drama. Apparently, omarosa didnt want to hear it from general kelly because a little later on, she tried to go see the president. She tried to go into the white house residence. Bad idea. I mean, you could get shot or worse, see trump in his bathrobe. laughter and thats when bleep got real. She continued to try to go in, from what im hearing, and general kelly was called. And he came over, and he and told the secret service to get her out of there. Whaaat . Stephen whaaat . Thats awesome is there any chance theres footage of that . laughter and she didnt go quietly. According a white house source, omarosa had to be physically dragged from the white house. Oh, girl. Respect yourself. This is incredible the secret service physically dragging someone from the white house though, its Good Practice for when Robert Mueller finishes his investigation. cheers and applause whaaat whaaaat . But, folks, i got to say, i am livid about this, not because omarosa should be anywhere near the white house she should not but because donal trump let general kelly do the firing. What the hell . firing omarosa is literally the only job donald trump is qualified for meatloaf, if youre watching, stay by the phone. I think youre about to get an important call. Anyway, back to alabama is what trump screams at Jeff Sessions every day. The Alabama Senate race is finally over, and Everybody Knows who the winner is, except the loser, because roy moore refuses to concede and wants a recount. Unfortunately, math is not on roy moores side. He lost by 1. 5 , three times the margin required to trigger an automatic recount. But Moores Campaign hopes a review of writein ballots could narrow the margin enough to trigger a recount. Wait, why would people write in roy moore . His name was on the ballot what, did people get in the voting booth and say, yes, i could just hit this button, but id rather practice my calligraphy. laughter but roy moore has one more way he thinks he could still win this senate seat. We also know that god is always in control. And thats what we got to do, is wait on god and let this process play out. Stephen so, i cant help but wonder, is god really going to save roy moores candidacy . No way, jose stephen hey, its god, everybody stephen hey, people yeah. Happy hannukah, everybody. And happy toyotathon. laughter stephen so, lord, do you think roy moore is going to get a recount . I got two words for you, stephen not a chance. Stephen thats actually three words. Oh, yeah, im not so good with numbers. I still dont get that holy trinity thing. Im me, my son, and a ghost . Who wrote this, m. Night shyamalan . Stephen so just to be clear, lord, you werent guiding roy Moores Campaign from heaven . I dont have time for that. Besides, roy moore doesnt need me. He can perform his own miracles losing to a democrat in alabama stephen god, everybody thank you for stopping biker lord. Hey, great to see you, stephen. Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Nick jonas is here. But when we return, how about some puppies . Wouldnt that feel good . Automatic emergency braking. It stopped for you. Standard. On nissans most popular models. Hurry, the 2017s are almost gone. Lease the rogue family for 159 per month. See star wars the last jedi in theaters dec 15th. cough its just a cough. If you could see your cough, youd see just how far it can spread. Robitussin soothes in seconds and delivers fast, powerful cough relief for hours. giggling robitussin dm max. Because its never just a cough. Robitussin dm max. Directv has been rated number one in Customer Satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. But some people still like cable. Just like some people like wet grocery bags. Getting a bad haircut. Overcrowded trains. Turnstiles that dont turn. And spilling coffee on themselves. But for everyone else, theres directv. For 1 rated Customer Satisfaction over cable, switch to directv. And for a limited time get a 100 reward card. Call 1800directv and get 10 kohls cash wefor every 50 spent give the latest active and wellness gifts that will keep them on the move all year long and youll get kohls cash presents for them, kohls cash for you give joy, get joy at kohls cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, you know there are dog people and there are cat people, and then there are the dreaded mole people. Theyre sad and lonely and i dont think theyre allowed to have pets down there. Its sad. My favoriteses have always been dogs and if youre in the market for a dog, i do a segment called rescue dog rescue. Where a celebrity friend joins me to tell flattering lies about puppies to get them adopted. Most recently, Billy Eichner an i lied about some puppies in halloween costumes, and just like all the other times weve done the segment, every single dog was adopted. applause yeah sadly, we still havent found a forever home for billy, but you can still adopt him. We even gave him one of those i. D. Chip implants in case he runs away. Well, this holiday season, were opening a big box of puppies for you. This is rescue dog rescue. applause stephen all right, everybody, welcome to rescue dog rescue. Lets get these dogs some new homes. If only there were a famous celebrity willing to be appear on camera with some adorable animals. Im one of those stephen nick jonas good to see you. Thanks so much for being here. Happy to be here. Stephen awesome awesome. Okay, nick, obviously, you know how this works. Yeah, im going to vote so many dogs off the island, its going to be amazing. Stephen not how this works. Whats going to happen is were going to make up somealize, some big ones, about these puppies to make sure they get good homes. Beautiful, lets do it. Stephen here we go, first puppy up. Who do we have here . Everybody, yay this is jack. Jack has a come on, jack. Dont eat my tie. Jack has a bartenders license, but considers himself more of a mixologist. Hell create custom Craft Cocktails at your next party, but dont call him a booze hound. Becasue he hates lazy wordplay. applause this is rocky. Hes a very lucky dog. In fact, he has won the powerball six times for a total of 18 million but because hes a dog, he doesnt really understand how money works, so its all yours laughter applause stephen next up, weve got logan. Logan is a certified hot Yoga Instructor and can get you in shape for beach season. Train with logan, and soon you, will be able to lick yourself in places youve never imagined. applause audience oooh say happy holidays to minnie. Minnie loves you. Yes, you, Martin Johnson of des moines, iowa. Who, if that is a real person, basically you have to adopt this dog. Stephen here we go. Oh hey there this is lucy. Lucy is politically active and went door to door to get out the vote in the Alabama Senate race cheers and applause her work helped put doug jones over the top. But full disclosure she only volunteered because she thought his name was dog jones. laughter applause this is vixen. Vixen knows all the important commands, including sit, stay, and keep the car running while i rob this bank. laughter yeah stephen who do we have here . Oh, yes. Oh this this is kringle hello hello kringle is a dog you will love. With a dog like kringle, youll get plenty of puppy love. And you dont have to worry about his evil eyepatchwearing twin brother ignacio showing up in the middle of christmas dinner and declaring his love for your wife. And so you also wont have to worry about kringle then shouting, ignacio how dare you try to tear apart this family which means you definitely dont have to worry about the two of them erupting into a magnificent sword fight that carries out onto a windblown cliff because that would never happen. Twice. applause say hello to noelle. Noelle once saved j. J. Abrams life, which means anyone who adopts her gets to be in the next star wars as chewbaccas brother, frankbacca. laughter applause stephen well, that does it for rescue dog rescue. Head to the late shows website, colbertlateshow. Com, for info on how to adopt these dogs from north Shore Animal League america. Nick jonas, everybody well be right back with more nick jonas. applause thank you, nick nice man cave nacho . [ train whistle blows ] what . stop it mmhmm. Weve been saving a lot of money ever since we switched to progressive. This bar is legit. And now we get an even bigger discount from bundling home and auto. I can get used to this. It might take a minute. Swing and a miss slam dunk touchdown together sports touchdown nothing smells greater than the great outdoors. Especially when youre in accounts receivable. Only one detergent can give you a sniff like this. The irresistable scent of new gain botanicals laundry detergent. Bring the smell of nature wherever you are. band playing cheers and applause Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody, right there come on now, ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a musician, actor, and hands down, the cutest jonas brother. He now stars in jumanji welcome to the jungle. Shhh i need you to follow me and do exactly as i say. Lets move. Oh, my god. You guys, i am so stoked you are here you have no idea. You are . So stoked. Backs against wall watch your step in here. Stephen please welcome nick jones. You can get higher stephen nice to see you. They sound good. Thats great. Stephen theyre incredible. Theatre best. Stephen unlike a lot of people you had an incredible 2017. You starred in jumanji. You just earned your first golden globe nomination. Thats for a song, right . I had a chance to write this song home nerd nand. Stephen fer nand, the bull with the delicate ego, yes. So basically, i tried a bunch of times after i spoke to the director, carlos, who is an amazing guy and did a brilliant job with the film and they gave me a brief of what they wanted and i couldnt get it right. I put a lot of pressure on myself, and i teamed up with justin cantor, a good friend of mine, and we went into the studio to talk about what it feels to be accepted, to be loved, and what that is for each of us. To both of us it was home, our family, our friend. I woke up in a panic on monday morning because i thought something had gone terribly wrong because my friend was banging on my door with the phone out like this. Thats the problem. He could have just come and been excited when he handed me at the time who i didnt know at the time was my manager on the phone telling me i was nominated. He looked like this. I was like, okay, somebody died. I grabbed the phone, hello. Im half asleep. And my manager said, you did it youre nominated for a golden globe. I and i did laps around my house. I was so excited. Stephen have you been before . I have been once before. Ive been to some of the parties and things but the other time i went was back with my brothers and we were sitting at i think it was the kids table. At the time stephen you were kids. Youre right. That does make sense. Stephen now, the Golden Globes are famous for people being able to drink there. Yes. Stephen people get lit at the Golden Globes, and it really improves the acceptance speeches. Yeah. Stephen did you guys indulge at all . We did