Viewers. Men in trench coats who were counted as one but were actually three small people stacked on each others shoulders. Its happening. People possess bid demons, thats got to be at least two, right . Time travelers whove come back in time to warn us about trump. Aliens outside our solar system will get the video millions of years in the future. Still counts. People with quados. Again, half of all Trump Supporters have these things. Right . Dont worry, roger. Youre getting counted. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, stephen welcomes Michael Shannon, Meghan Mccain, John Mellencamp, jon batiste and stay human. Live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its stepheStephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen thank you very much thank you, everybody please, sit down ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. The president today is still basking in the afterbirth of his state of the union. This morning, he tweeted thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the state of the union speech 45. 6 Million People watched, the highest number in history. Okay. First, thats not true. Second, its a lie. 45. 6 million isnt the record, because obamas first state of the union had 48 Million Viewers and the most viewed was bill clintons in 1993 which had 66. 9 Million Viewers. audience reacts look, it doesnt matter how many people watched, but what does matter is that the president needs to lie about it, and then somehow get away with it. This is the new world we live in. So let me say, in advance, congratulations to President Trump on winning the super bowl laughter well played. cheers and applause so good. Also, you make a great black panther. laughter but the president did break one record, because this was the most tweetedabout state of the union in twitter history. Yes, twitter history. laughter its like regular history, but shorter and not true. laughter and somehow with more nazis. Trump gave a speech today at a republican retreat in west virginia, where he also talked about how great he did at the state of the union. African american and hispanic unemployment have both reached the lowest levels ever recorded and that is something very, very special. applause and when i made that statement the other night, there was zero movement from the democrats. They sat there, stone cold, no smile, no applause. Stephen yeah, youd think democrats would applaud, since thats all because of obama. laughter cheers and applause i tell ya what i tell ya look, i dont get why black people dont like me. Now, if youll excuse me, i need to call jayz a son of a bitch on twitter. laughter and trump gave his first year in office a pretty glowing review. But, now we fulfilled far more promises than we promised. laughter stephen i dont know. I dont know. I hesitate to drag logic kicking and screaming into this conversation, but you cant fulfill more promises than you promised. Thats just taking credit for stuff that happened. Look at the sun, rose again. Youre welcome. laughter most of the speech was just the president looking for people in the audience. It was the president ial see n say. Where is tim . Where is don young. Tim . Kevin, where are you, kevin . Where are they . Senator . Good senator . Where is orrin . Orrin . Orrin is i love listening to him speak. He said once that i am the single greatest president in his lifetime. Now, he is a young man, so it is not that much, but and he actually once said that im the greatest president in the history of our country, and i said, does that include lincoln and washington . And he said yes. Stephen trump says 83yearold hatch called him greater than lincoln and washington . Someones got dementia, and i wish it was me. laughter he also shared some inspirational words about the future of the country. For americans, nothing, absolutely nothing is out of reach. Because we dont know the meaning of the word quit. Stephen maybe not, but a lot of republican congressman know the meaning of not seeking reelection. cheers and applause and more time with their family they want to spend more time raising money with their family. And trump ended with his best toughguy impression. And theres one more very important promise were keeping. No longer are we making apologies for america. We dont apologize anymore. Stephen we also dont learn from our mistakes, we just barrel forward blindly without any reflection. Happy black history month, everybody cheers and applause see, theyre clapping. Theyre clapping. Why couldnt the democrats clap . You got to give me that. Right now, the hottest news item in america is about a three and a half page memo no one has read. Yet. Are you ready for some footnotes . laughter the memo was authored by house intel chair and man circling back to that lady at the Grocery Store giving out the sample pizza rolls, devin nunes, and his memo supposedly paints a picture of how the f. B. I. And the Justice Department abused their authority to obtain a warrant to spy on a former Trump Campaign adviser. Ugh, sounds a little dry. Cant another porn star come forward about spanking the president . Its been over a week. Daddy needs his juice. I need my num nums laughter no . No porn stars in this story . Okay. Have you checked . Okay. Clear your browser. laughter so cbs policy. So, who is this nunes . Well, the congressman has a reputation around the hill for being an overeager goofball who cant see the line between ingratiating and stupid. So he chose both. laughter you see, some people think this memo shouldnt be released. For instance, the entire department of justice, including the f. B. I. Yesterday, the bureau issued a rare Public Statement about this memo warning it has grave concerns about material omissions of fact, which is f. B. I. For this is horse bleep . Nunes wouldnt even let the f. B. I. Testify about the memo about them, explaining his committee is not going to be briefed by the people that are under investigation by this committee. Yes, theyre under investigation. Explains this flyer i saw at the post office wanted by the f. B. I. The f. B. I. for conspiracy to stop a conspiracy. laughter so why is this memo the biggest story in america right now . Well, partially because friends of the president tell cnn that trump sees the nunes memo as a way to discredit the russia investigation. Yes, its like when youre losing at basketball, so you shoot the ref. I guess i win. Theres nobody to tell me i didnt. Who wants to be the new referee . laughter apparently, trump believes the memo would expose bias within the agencys top ranks and make it easier for him to argue the russia investigations are prejudiced against him. They are prejudiced against you because you said you did the thing theyre investigating you for. Their deep throat is lester holt laughter piano riff cheers and applause hes not the original. No. Clear your browser. Clear your browser. And dig this, daddio theres suspicion that Trumps White House helped nunes write this memo. Because, remember, nunes last supposedly shocking memo was written by the white house. That they gave to him to give back to them. So, during their closed door hearing, illinois congressman mike quigley asked nunes if he or his staff had been talking to white house while they wrote the memo. Nunes made a few comments that didnt answer the question, before finally responding, im not answering. I think you just did. laughter the ultimate target of this memo appears to be Deputy Attorney general and houseelf with a law degree, rod rosenstein. laughter you see, rosenstein appointed Robert Mueller, and under Justice Department regulations, only rosenstein can fire mueller. Yes, he who hires, fires. I believe its latin legal maxim, smeltus dealtus. laughter i think. I think im pronouncing that correctly. Anyway. Trump doesnt trust him. Reportedly, back in december, trump took rosenstein aside and asked him whether he was, on my team. Its all part of a pattern. He also asked comey for his loyalty. And he once asked Jeff Sessions to keep an eye on Robert Mueller by hiding in his pocket. laughter jon pocket b. Pocket b. laughter stephen but now almost certainly this memo will be released. We get reports that there is a rising fear in the white house, that the nunes memo is a dud, and some in the white house are questioning whether its worth angering the f. B. I. Director and Intelligence Community by releasing it. Sir, i know we promised sean hannity wed slather ourselves with honey and run through the bear cave, but its starting to feel like a bad idea. laughter but, mr. President , even if the memo doesnt prove that the f. B. I. Is out to get you, look on the bright side after you release it, they might be laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Michael shannon is here. But when we return, to be even more monologue stick around. We cant stay here why . Flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. avo charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. To everyone else, ieveryone else. But on the inside, i feel chronic, widespread pain. Fibromyalgia may be invisible to others, but my pain is real. Fibromyalgia is thought to be caused by overactive nerves. Lyrica is believed to calm these nerves. Im glad my doctor prescribed lyrica. 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Works for me for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Use pantene shampoo together with 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. Their prov formula is like a multivitamin. Making your hair 2x stronger see the difference when you add 3 minute miracle daily conditioner. I. Prilosec otc 7 years ago,my doctor recommended. 5 years ago, last week. Just 1 pill each morning, 24 hours and zero heartburn. Its been the number 1 doctor recommended brand for 10. Straight years, and its still recommended today. Use as directed. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back to the late show, everybody thank you very much cheers and applause please, have a seat thank you so much please, thank you very much. Welcome back to the late show, everybody. I continue to be your host Stephen Colbert. Now, where were we . It looks like the republicans other attempt to undermine the f. B. I. Is crumbling. Remember f. B. I. Agent and guy who looks like an f. B. I. Agent, peter strzok . He was fired from muellers investigation for antitrump texts and emails where he called trump an idiot and an enormous douche. laughter applause look, look hold on. Hold on if youre going to fire someone for portraying donald trump like a douche on the internet. Maybe start with donald trump. cheers and applause piano riff lets be fair. Republicans have hypped story as evidence that there is a deep state conspiracy within the f. B. I. To bring down trump. Remember, in october 2016, comey sent congress a letter saying hes reopening the investigation on clintons emails just days before the election . Remember that . The Inflection Point that shattered our universe into two timelines and were stuck in the bad one . But yesterday we learned that strzok cowrote that letter. Uhoh so the guy they accused of conspiring to take trump down, helped get him elected. Its the perfect ending to a perfect waste of time. It turns out this whole conspiracy was just a long, pointless strzokfest. But despite all of this chaff, muellers investigation grinds on. One thing mueller is looking into is the Infamous Trump tower meeting during the campaign, when russians promising dirt on Hillary Clinton met privately with don jr. And jared kushner. Thats how you bond in the trump family. Hey, jared, lets grab some brews and aid a hostile foreign power. Dont tell ivanka its dude collude night you got to have the boys night. Ladies dont understand applause when news of that meeting leaked last year, all the trumplings had to get their lies straight. So, on air force one, President Trump and his advisers raced to cobble together a news release that described the meeting as being about an obscure russian adoption policy. Makes sense. Trumps been interested in adoption ever since eric was born. laughter sorry. Stop it. Jon whoa stephen i know. Someones little boy. Now were learning more about that coverup, and it involves White House Communications director and wax figure of nancy kerrigan, hope hicks. laughter because now a former member of trumps legal team, is planning to tell mueller about a previously undisclosed Conference Call with trump and hope hicks. What a thrill ride memos Conference Calls still no porn star . Still laughter okay. Take the safe search off. Still no . Nothing. laughter remember, before meeting with the russians, don jr. Said in his emails that he loved the idea of colluding with the russian government . Well, this former legal guy is going to say that hicks told President Donald Trump that the trump jr. Emails will never get out. Theres no way. How could they . Unless donald trump jr. Does the stupidest thing possible and tweets them out himself on july 11, 2017. laughter so, good luck, ms. Hicks. These are the trumps you work for. Youre literally the only hope they have. Well be right back with Michael Shannon cheers and applause band playing oh, bababy hey babababy oh, babybaby look, look so good oh hey oh, bababy hey babababy oh, babybaby look, look so good oh, bababy look so good oh, bababy your heart doesnt only belong to you. Bye grandpa. And if you have Heart Failure, entrusting your heart to entresto may help. Entresto is a Heart Failure medicine that helps improve your hearts ability to pump blood to the body. In the largest Heart Failure study ever, entresto was proven superior at helping people stay alive and out of the hospital compared to a leading Heart Failure medicine. Dont take entresto if pregnant. It can cause harm or death to an unborn baby. Dont take entresto with an ace inhibitor or aliskiren. If youve had angioedema while taking an ace or arb medicine, dont take entresto. The most serious side effects are angioedema, low blood pressure, kidney problems, or high blood potassium. Ask your doctor about entresto. And help make more tomorrows possible. From far away. But they harryonly see his wrinkles. If only harry used some. Bounce, to dry. He would be a less wrinkly, winning guy. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea heres pepto bismol ah. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea its not just something we say when you arrive. The warmth of an irish welcome stays with you long after you leave. So come on over. Well give you the inside track. And let you into some Little Secrets that will take you back through history, bring our landscapes to life, and make your evenings last longer. Welcome to ireland. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody, welcome back to the city cheers and applause you know my first guest from boardwalk empire, nocturnal animals, and the shape of water. He now stars in the new miniseries, waco. Please welcome Michael Shannon. cheers and applause its so nice of them not to act like they feel that they have been robbed. Stephen because its you . Because its me. Stephen youre an oscar nominee. Why wouldnt they be excited . cheers and applause exactly yeah, you reeled that fish in and then you milked it. Yes, yes. Stephen nice to have you on. I got to meet you this afternoon when we were working on a very special psa that will be shown tomorrow night that were really excited about. Very important work. Stephen thank you for helping me raise awareness. No problem. Stephen im a big fan of yours from boardwalk empire you are a member of a cult in a movie, a kind of divided and separated sect. Now youre in the new series, a limited series called waco on the paramount network which used to be spike, and its about waco. Its about the tragedy that happened at the standoff between the f. B. I. And david koresh at waco. I was going to ask if you played david koresh. laughter thats what everybody asks. Stephen why do you think they ask you that, michael, shannon . Because i have such long, curly hair. I really dont know. I guess they assume. But i think david was a little bit younger than me. But, honestly, david is a very charming and fascinating individual. Stephen to be a leader of a cult you have to be charming. Yeah, you cant be grumpy and be, like, get over here time for prayers heres your porridge time to go to bed no, it has to be more than that. Stephen who do you play in this. Gary nesner, a wonderful human being who was the head negotiator for the f. B. I. For a number of years. He has a wonderful book, i believe its ca