Announcer this has been a response from a school teacher. Announcer this is the late show with Stephen Colbert. Stephen welcomes Christine Baranski, Constance Zimmer and musical guest bon jovi featuring jon batiste and stay human. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hi, everybody youre very kind whoo please have a seat please have a seat, everybody thank you very much please, sit down, sit down youre very nice, everybody welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The National Conversation continues to be, how do we keep our children safe from gun violence. Everyone knows this is a crisis, so, for the president , for the republican majority, for the n. R. A. , every option is on the table except fewer guns. Where to start . Yesterday, President Trump held a listening session with traumatized students, teachers, and parents at the white house. Its a good place to start, but it was clearly a test of trumps ability to listen, because he brought along a cheat sheet that included i hear you. laughter applause i mean, people have cheat sheets, but it is a little unsettling that the president needs a cheat sheet for reacting to other peoples emotions. I can imagine the notes he used when he left his wives. Hello. wifes name. its over. You were a nine and now youre a high seven. Thank you, and i hear you, but i dont want to see you. Well, we here at the late show got the actual list. Looks much bigger when hes holding it. laughter applause now, the reason we could see those questions in the photograph is because he was looking at the other side, which says, do this. He did his best. laughter but listening is not enough. Trump knows you have to take action, and hes got a lot of ideas. And there are a lot of different ideas. I can name ten of them right now. Does anybody have an idea as to how to stop it . What is your recommendation to stop it . Stephen oh, he could name ten solutions, but he doesnt want to hog the spotlight. I could name ten, and it would be fixed, but you go first, and ill tell you how many of mine you guessed. Oh, thats one of them. Thats one of them. Thats not one of them. N. R. A. Wont let me do that, but i hear you. laughter applause donald trump actually does have a suggestion to deal with the number of guns. He wants more of them. A teacher would have a concealed gun on them. If you had a teacher who was adept at firearms, they could end the attack very quickly. I think it could very well solve your problem. Stephen yes, arm the teachers im sure its in the budget. Sorry, your school cant afford enough copies of to kill a mockingbird, but, good news, were giving you something that can kill any bird. laughter piano riff yeah. Now, trumps idea didnt go over great with law enforcement, teachers, and people who are children. So this morning, he took to twitter to clarify his position, and doubled down. I never said give teachers guns. what i said was to look at the possibility of giving concealed guns to gunadept teachers with military or special Training Experience only the best. Yeah, trump never said to give guns to teachers willynilly. Can you imagine what this country would be like if anyone could get a gun . laughter cheers and applause that was actually hard to read. Trump tweeted on, if a potential sicko shooter knows that a school has a large number of very weaponstalented teachers and others who will be instantly shooting, the sicko will never attack that school. Cowards wont go there. Problem solved. Yeah, thats what sickos are known for logical reasoning. And what does he mean, weapons talented . Thats not a phrase that i want to associate with teachers. Boy, jim, you sure are handy with guns. Have you considered working with children . laughter he finished, must be offensive, defense alone wont work oh, sir, i think your suggestion is offensive enough. applause and, this afternoon, trump met with state and local officials to talk about school safety, where he tripled down on the idea of arming teachers. Frankly, you have teachers that are marines for 20 years. They retire and they become a teacher. Theyre army, navy, air force, coast guard, people who have won shooting contests and, you know, theyre for whatever. laughter stephen if theres one thing that reassures you as a parent about the safety of your children is when the president says, whatever. laughter cheers and applause piano riff i havent given it much thought. So, shooting contests or contests for whatever. I saw a guy at the carnival with a big mallet do the bangy thing, got the lil biscuit way up the pole. Maybe he could knock the bad guys over the head. Problem solved. Everybody gets a stuffed animal. I hear you. laughter cheers and applause as a matter of fact, he has one specific guy in mind for the job. Im watching john kelly, general john kelly. So hes a fourstar marine. Hes a tough cookie. If he was a teacher of mine, i wouldnt mind him having a gun. Because they know general kelly is the history teacher. Hes teaching about how we win wars, okay . And hes got a concealed weapon, but theyre going to know hes got a concealed weapon because we tell them the bullets are going to be flying in the other direction. Stephen so, parents, you can relax. Bullets wont be flying in one direction. Now bullets will be flying in all directions. laughter but hes a businessman, he knows you get what you pay for. And what i recommend we do is, the people who do carry, we give them a bonus. We give them a little bit of a bonus. Stephen im sure all thats in the school budget, too. Sorry, kids, we had to cut the music program, but you can still watch mr. Hutchinson polishing his glock in the darkened band room. laughter applause jon oh, my gosh stephen or he can play that thing. Yeah. Jon he can play it, huh. Stephen he can play that glock. And again, these tragedies can never be blamed on the 310 million guns in america. They always have to be blamed on something else, like the sad fact that too many of our schools are not built to withstand the zombie apocalypse. We have to harden our schools, not soften them up. A gunfree zone, to a killer, or somebody that wants to be a killer, thats like going in for an ice cream. Thats like, here i am, take me. Stephen does donald trump imagine ice cream saying that to him when he eats it . Donald, im here, take me. laughter put me in your weird little mouth. laughter now, obviously, all of this sounds pretty grim. But dont worry. Donald trump had a message of hope. I think we need hardened sites. We need to let people know, you come into our schools, youre going to be dead. Stephen sure. laughter sure. There you go. Yeah, why not . Especially once you arm the teachers and you rig one of the janitors to explode on contact. Which one . Youll never know. And neither will he. Keeps everyone on their toes. Oh, and maybe change the mascot to gunny, the guntoting gun. Theres a happy image of americas future. And trump wasnt the only one listening to victims of gun violence last night. Cnn hosted a town hall on the aftermath of the florida shooting. It included some of the most outspoken survivors, and parents, but the real star of the show was florida senator and man who just received his cash from the n. R. A. , marco rubio. Now, the crowd wasnt exactly with marco rubio last night. And you know what they say if theyre not with you, youre marco rubio. laughter here he is, trying to explain what he sees as the perils of banning semiautomatic weapons. On the issue youve raised about your background checks, related directly to what you said about the assault weapons ban, its not the loopholes. Its the problem that once you start looking at how easy it is to get around it, you would literally have to ban every semiautomatic rifle thats sold in america. cheers and applause fair enough. Stephen that is a guy who can not read theco room. laughter look, wed have to get rid of guns and then its a slippery slope to dead people. Oh, you would like that . Fair enough. Guess it takes all kinds. laughter now, a lot of people are giving rubio credit for even being at this town hall. It was brave of rubio to show up. Credit to rubio for showing up last night. I commend senator rubio going. Hats off to him for showing up. Stephen heres the thing. Just showing up isnt that impressive he works for those people. If your boss calls you into their office, you cant say, yes, i hit a customer, turned the break room into a sex dungeon, and im currently very high. But i showed up even though i knew youd be mad. I should get some credit for that. Want to get high . laughter applause they do. They get high i know the feeling. Fight it. Fight it. The highlight of the evening was when rubio came facetoface with cameron kasky, one of the teenagers who survived the parkland shooting, and cameron had a particularly pointed question for the senator. Senator rubio, can you tell me right now that you will not accept a single donation from the n. R. A. In the future . cheers and applause stephen oh, thats going to leave a marco. laughter oh. Maybe a skid marco. laughter but rubio had an answer to the idea that the n. R. A. Paid him to follow their agenda no more n. R. A. Money . More n. R. A. Money . That that is the wrong way to look first of all, the answer is, people buy into my agenda. The answer to the question is that people buy into my agenda. You can ask that question, and i can tell you that people buy into my agenda. Stephen yes, people buy into my agenda. I dont ask who, or why, i just tell them to leave the money on the dresser. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. cheers and applause Christine Baranski is here. But, when we return, ill be right back here to talk about the n. R. A. s response. Stick around cheers and applause band playing ive always wanted to share a special moment with my mom. Ye i think surprising her with a night ski trip would just be the biggest gift i could give her. Lets make that happen. Shes gonna be so excited. Take me where i want to be. Let me dream, oh, let me dream. I like yours too. Hair. Can i have some . Its not cool to ask that. Thanks, captain obvious. Online dating isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Instant savings now, free nights later. Hotels. Com ohhhhhh, ou guess what i just got . 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Why not enjoy the go with charmin . cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody give it up for the band right there youre Beautiful People cheers and applause inside and out thank you, jon so, have a seat, everybody. Im still here because we had too much mon log before and well do the rest of it right now. So, before the break, i was pointing out that those who are bought and paid for by the n. R. A. Are willing to blame anything but the guns. Trump thinks its not the guns. Marco rubio thinks its not the guns. But on the other hand, the Florida Legislature also thinks its not the guns, because, after refusing to even debate an assault weapons ban, they took decisive whatever. House bill passed wednesday to have every state school and administrative building prominently display, in god we trust. Stephen thats right, kids, trust in god. Because your lawmakers arent doing crap. cheers and applause piano riff heres the thing, its not just them. The gun lobby also believes god has a role in all this. Just listen to n. R. A. Chief and grandma wearing a grandpa suit, wayne lapierre. And there is no greater personal, individual freedom than the right to keep and bear arms, and right to protect yourself and survive. Its not bestowed by man, but given by god to all americans as our american birthright. Stephen guns are bestowed by god . I guess were going to have to update the sistine chapel. laughter yeah. Less michelangelo, more quintin tarantino. Jon right, right. Stephen it really makes you wonder, is god pro gun or not . Youre darn tootin, stephen. Stephen hey its the lord, everybody. Give it up for god hows it going, stephen . Stephen well, not great, god. Have you seen the news . Yeah, were testing a new version of hell in the american market. Would you say youve abandoned all hope, or some hope . Stephen were hanging in there. Thanks to these students. So, god, is it true that the right to bear arms comes directly from you . Yup. In the garden of eden, they bared everything im talking full frontal, with snake. laughter its a metaphor forpenis, stephen. Stephen i understand that, hence the fig leaf. So you created the Second Amendment . I did. But, like everything i write, you people get it wrong. I said, a wellregulated militia. Does that sound like getting an ar15 should be easier than buying sudafed . Stephen so, people are just misinterpreting it . Yup. Just like when i wrote, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors property. I didnt mean everything. My neighbor just got a sweet new tesla. I covet the heck out of that. I live next to james cameron. Stephen really . Yeah, the titanic guy. Stephen so does he live in heaven or do you live in bel air . Well, we live on the border of bel air and brentwood. Stephen so, you support gun control . Yeah. You know how easy it was for me to get one of these . Say hello to my little friend. No background check. And im a vengeful loner with a messiah complex. Stephen god, everybody thank you for stopping by. Check out these guns stephen always great to see you. A great show for you tonight. Back with Christine Baranski from the good fight cheers and applause band playing atneed different food. Thats why were always adding new brands like Rachel Ray Nutrish so our wide assortment including science diet blue buffalo and pro plan just got even bigger why shop anywhere else . Petsmart for the love of pets. Lackluster lips . Dont think so. Lips lose natural color over time. Chapstick total hydration moisture tint. Our 100 natural moisturizing formulas enhance your natural lip color. Chapstick. Put your lips first. Tmobile keeps your family connected with new iphones. Which is great. Unless your parents thought you were studying. Somebodys busted. Join tmobile, buy an iphone 8, get an iphone 8 on us. And now, bring your family to tmobile and get a 4th line free. Hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec®. Muddle no more®. And try childrens zyrtec® for consistently powerful relief of your kids allergies. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey welcome back stephen my first guest tonight is an emmy and Tony Awardwinning actress, now starring in season two of the good fight. I have been asked to be a partner at another firm twice the size of this one. And youre wondering if i should go. The offer came from someone who betrayed me. Well, someone who betrayed you once will betray you again. Thats a given. Yeah, but isnt it better to go with the devil you know. I never understood that expression. Why not go with no devils . I just dont like hustling every day to keep this firm afloat. Yes, you do. You love it. Stephen please welcome Christine Baranski cheers and applause band playing thank you thank you stephen hi, nice to see you again. So god is a hard act to follow. Stephen yeah, he sure is. Just ask jesus. laughter thank you for being here. Im happy to be here. Stephen i know youre a busy lady. Youre literally stopping by for a moment on your way to broadway. Yeah, i hope this doesnt take too long. Im on my way to Bernadette PetersOpening Night in hello dolly. Stephen i cant wait to see that. Shes a good friend. Can i wish her a good opening . Stephen yeah, sure. Break a leg, bernadette stephen thats nice. Where does that come from, the break a leg . Thats a good question. You say it in the hope no one will break his or her leg. I actually broke a leg. Stephen when . I was preparing to do mame, another jerry herman musical, and it was february, and i had to go into rehearsal in april, and i was going between a ballet and a jazz class, and i was walking on the streets of new york to a bus stop when i slipped and landed straight on this kneecap and smashed it. This is early february. I had to go into rehearsal in april. So i did crazy rehab. And we kind of renamed the musical lame o or maimed. laughter it was like hello dolly one of the musicals where we descend the staircase and all the fabulous boys are waiting to pick you up and swish you around. I would come off stage at intermission and my knee would be the size of a grapefruit. But i did it. Stephen is it like a broad way dr. Feel good . No, but i got through it, it was amazing. Pure grit. But doing eight shows of a musical is so challenging. Stephen i cant imagine. But you dont have to go down a staircase. Stephen everything is one level because of grandpa shambles. That was actually my stripper name, grandpa shambles. laughter applause i was young and needed the money. You went to oxford and studied . I did. Stephen okay. Well, its a summer program. Oxford has a summary program. Stephen oh, you had to go to Summer School and be held back at oxford. My daughter did a graduate degree at oxford. When i took her there, i went, oxford i went to juilliard. Its like trade school, its like a plumber but its acting. Stephen you go to juilliard and you become a plumber . My plumbers here laughter i love doing libraries and doing homework and raising my hand and getting the right answer, so oxford has adult courses in the summer, and two years ago i took it on t. E. Lawrence, lawrence of arabia. Stephen sure. Last year i did oscar wilde, and this summer i think im going to do the b. B. C. During the war years. Stephen were you always a good student . Yes. Stephen yes. Yes. Because i worked hard. I was raised by nuns, you know, catholic girls school. Stephen ok