Must you confess to an affair On Kindly Share This Story: Most people want to keep their affair secret because they want to have both the marriage and the affair. According to Zelda West-Meads in her book: The Trouble With You: “Many people claim that an affair helps sustain their marriage, or provides a part of their needs that are not being met in the marriage. They are unhappily married, and they may recognize that the person with whom they are having the affair is not offering what they want on a full-time basis, but just providing something which is important at the time. There are some people who want their affair to be discovered, as a way of signalling to their partner that for them, the marriage is over.