Should your gift reflect you or the recipient? Shirley M. Mueller Filed on December 11, 2020 For example, for years, I gave anything, and everything related to butterflies to a friend who was taken with them. Until I read this study, “Give a piece of you: Gifts that reflect givers promote closeness”, I thought it was better to give a gift that mirrored the recipient’s preferences. For example, for years, I gave anything, and everything related to butterflies to a friend who was taken with them. At first, she seemed enthusiastic about receiving them. But, later, not so much. Of course, the novelty of a butterfly-related gift from me must have worn off after a couple of years. She knew what to expect and thereby the surprise and dare I say, joy, at receiving my gift diminished. That meant both of us felt a bit deflated.