Now for over 30 years. So performing on stage and screen is part of the course. But it is a journey ive done with a constant, unwelcome companion. I love myjob, i love being an actor, but its a real struggle because i suffer from a condition called ocd, obsessive compulsive disorder. For me, that means i can obsess about anything, from a stain on a page of paper to the fear ill injure myself from simply sitting down. Its not exactly helpful when youre trying to do yourjob. There are Tens Of Thousands Battling Ocd in wales alone. Im off to meet some of them, to see how it is taking over their lives, and how theyre fighting back. Deon gorle lives with his family near carmarthen. Hes had ocd for most of his life. For him, his ocd is particular painful. Hes overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts that his family will come to harm. Shes gorgeous whatever you do, dont fall backwards. Why are you doing these compulsions, deon . What will happen . Its an overbearing feeling of that something bad will happen to a loved one. For example, today, danielles gone swimming with school. If i dont do these neutralising behaviours, these habits, then shell drown. Hes compelled to carry out a series of rituals to prevent such thoughts coming true. I have a Counting Pattern of five and four. Being there were five people in my originalfamily dad, mum, brother, sister, and me. And then now four, being, dawn, me, dominic and danielle. So these checking patterns have to be done in a five and four pattern. And then, if anything goes wrong, i then have to do that five and four thing, five and four times, being nine times nine. Deon says that his rituals became so time consuming, it was taking up to 90 of his day. It was horrible to live with, only from the point of my frustration because there was nothing that i could do to help him. I had over 500 separate neutralising behaviours, 500 separate ocds. If i dont do this, what if something does happen . If it does, by pure chance, im going to blame myself. Ive come back to my home town of flint, where i spent my school days. Looking back, ocd was always there, hidden away, although i wasnt diagnosed until my 30s. Now, im keen to raise awareness. Great memories of kicking a ball around with my mates but it was also the time when i first probably realised that i was different to the rest of the lads. Because, for some reason, whenever i was passed the ball, i felt compelled to check my fly, to make sure that it were done up. I now realise that was, um, that was ocd. Back then, i just thought that i was different and a little bit odd. And with that obviously came embarrassment and huge, huge anxiety. Because as much as i loved playing the game, in a way, i hated being passed the ball. Ocd has a habit of hanging around. Sometimes, it can take control. Ive come to bridgend to meet compulsive cleaner and curry fan, lesley, and her daughter tuesday. Hello. Hi, lesley. Hiya. Tuesday. Hello im ian, pleased to meet you. I dont know if we should shake hands because. This is no hand shaking zone im happy with that weve been allowed to film in their house on certain conditions. This is how it works. If you lift one foot up and put your foot in, then you can put it down. 0k. And then lift the other one up, ill put the bag on and you can come in. Alright, you have to excuse my. There you go. Have to excuse the muddy boot there i was playing football with some kids the other day at my old school. So apologies for that. So you can come in with that one now. I come in with this now . Yep, yep. Lift this up. Brilliant. And then down. Now, i havent put the towels down yet because i dont know where we are sitting. Sure. But when we sit down, ill have to cover the furniture. Thats fine, yeah. How do you both feel now with me covered in germs . How is that making you feel, this very moment . Well, ive got, like, butterflies, but anxious butterflies. Yeah. I cant wait for you to go. Thank you very much i love you too. Despite their anxiety, theyve allowed us to put up cameras affects them. Both have been diagnosed with ocd. For lesley, the condition means shes compelled to constantly clean her house. Youre safe to sit down now. Tell me how your day unravels. Well, i dont go to bed i sleep on the settee, for a start because the obsessiveness is on my mind all the time. I dont relax enough to go to bed. Because, as soon as its light, i need to get up and start. And im emotionally drained before i start because i know what ive got to do. And start what, exactly . Well, theres the hoovering, the dusting, the dusting off the walls or cleaning a cupboard. No ones been but its got to be done. And what about outside . I looked outside and saw even that even the Paving Stones and the gravel look clean. Its been bleached. What . The gravels been bleached. You bleached the gravel . I bleached the gravel, yeah. When its raining, ill get the bleach a couple of bottles of bleach squirt it all over the stones, and then go out with a big yard brush, brush them all until theyre all bubbly and frothy. I mean, ive said this before, i said that you could eat off someones floor but im now saying you could even eat off your gravel. I know. Ive been in the shed with the Anti Bacterial inside the shed as well. Theres nothing in my shed. Where do i go, left, right, straight ahead . Tuesday is able to work and get out much more than her mother. Straight ahead, yeah. Straight ahead, my room is. But a trip to her bedroom shows the impact ocd has on her. Ok, well, the first thing i see is obviously your ordered clothes. I mean, are they colour co ordinated, or. . So, with the colour Co Ordination that doesnt bother me. Mine is, i like sleeve order. Sleeve . Sleeve order, sleeve order. So ive got like sort of my long sleeves and my hoods at the beginning, and ive got high necks and long sleeves still, then we go on to shirts, then i go to short sleeves and then no sleeves, so it goes up gradually. Makes sense to me. Yeah. And your bed. Yeah. Very well made. Well, my bed doesnt get slept in. I dont sleep in it. Because my mum doesnt sleep in her bed she sleeps for a few hours on the Sofa Downstairs i sleep in my mums bed because the sheets are so, so neat, its so plump, i cant bear to get in it. And even if i did get in it, i wouldnt be comfortable because i would be making it a mess and i would worry about the creases, i wouldnt be able to relax in my bed, so i dont do it. I still change the sheets, i still do everything, but i also like with my clothes i hoover the top of the bed as well because of the dust but i dont sleep in it. I havent slept in my bed for well over a year, maybe two years. Because i cant there to crease it. So, lesley, can you explain what would happen if you didnt carry out the compulsion . Its like theres a normal side of me saying why are you doing it . But the ocd bully makes you do it youre compelled to do it and if i dont do it, my mind is so messed up, theres not a word or a thing or a comment to describe what your mind is doing. To quell the ocd, you do it anyway. And it doesnt matter how tired i am. Its like polishing the sink i know its clean, so why am i doing it . Why cant i stop . But the ocd is like, its doing it, its doing it without sometimes, youre not focused because youre doing these things. Both tuesday and lesley are on medication for their ocd. The nhs guidelines say for ocd as well as drugs, there should be therapy. The recommended therapy is cbt thats cognitive behavioural therapy. I think the first thing to say is cbt is evidence based. Its backed up by Scientific Research that its effective. And over the last 10 20 years, weve begun to make inroads into ocd. And weve got really effective treatments for ocd now. Cbt is not a panacea. The charity ocd uk estimate that 75 of people with ocd are significantly helped by cognitive behavioural therapy. But it seems getting the right level of therapist is key. I think there are a lot of professionals going around claiming to do cbt who arent really qualified to do it. Particularly with ocd because i think, i sell it as the lamborghini of Mental Health problems. That you have to be good. You want that little bit extra for ocd, a little bit extra experience and expertise and experience. Six years ago, keith was able to deons 500 ocds to three or four. Deon was paying keith privately and didnt complete the treatment at the time. So hes now called keith again for help. I can straightaway see gaps here. Yeah, yeah. Lets go back. And what what may you want to do now . Uh, tidy up this drawer. Ok, ill get the spoon, put it in, ill then straighten these things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this. Make sure they are all extremely straight. I will then close the drawer. That doesnt feel like at the moment, i am holding, so Im Still Holding the drawer. Can you let go of the drawer then . Does it trigger a thought about anybody dying in a car crash already . Yes, its not right at the moment. It makes me want to open it again and do that, it again. So, stay with that thought now, that youre really uncomfortable about this thought of dan being in a car crash and being trapped in there. Being injured, maybe dying, because youve not done that. Does that make it more difficult . It makes me think that the moment you leave, ill do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have to, to save her . Yeah. Obviously, because i need to get better with this, im going to try and not do it. What im going to suggest is this drawer doesnt get five and four. Because we want to use this as an example so that we can transfer it to other things in the house. If its anything good goes wrong now, now its your fault. 0k. Its just i know we laugh about it, but its painful. Yeah. When theres literally hundreds of them surrounding me and its all around you, and occupies 20 hours a day. Yeah, yeah. Because you think the world is pretty dangerous, dont you . Itjust gets a bit much. Yeah. Do you feel bad now . Yeah. I dont like it. Deons on a waiting list for help from the nhs but from past experience, he says he has little faith hell get the level of help he needs. Even if youre lucky enough to find a Cbt Therapist on the nhs who is an accredited therapist, who has knowledge of cbt for ocd, if youre lucky enough, then you only get between six and eight sessions which is useless. Its utterly useless. Something youve had for 30, 35 years cannot be solved in such a short space of time. Deons health board said the average number of cbt sessions is 20. And theyre working hard to reduce waiting times. There we go. Cbt is available for ocd on the nhs and ive come to carmarthen to Hywel Dda Health board to see the results. Im meeting Therapist Amy and her patient whose rituals to control his violent intrusive thoughts just became too much. He didnt want to be identified. I was up to over eight hours a day doing rituals. Which, when trying to fit in a life, you know, drives you to the edge. I didnt want to go on anymore. And i actually. I actually put a load of tablets out, ready to finish the pain. After a couple of interviews with various psychologists or therapists, amy was assigned to me. And she saved my life. Do you really believe that . Absolutely, 100 . John has actually got to the point where hes been able to return to work. John was spending eight hours doing these repetitions. Were now at the point where john is actually spending one hour of his day. For him, thats a huge, huge. Enormous. Enormous improvement. It is great to hear that there is therapy on nhs helping those with ocd. But not everyone has had a positive experience. I have come to cardiff to hear a story of frustration and heartache as a family tried to get help for their teenage daughter, chloe. As a youngster she was a bubbly, bright cheeky young girl. She was always smiling, she had a cheeky sense of humour and she was the one who was playing practicaljokes, you know . Giggling, laughing. This is the chloe we remember from childhood. By 13, chloe had started to exhibit signs of ocd. She started becoming observed with her hair. Fiddling with her hair, but not for vanity. She was given support by the child Mental Health services and her ocd became so severe she was admitted to hospital as an inpatient. In desperation, her parents asked the nhs for a second opinion. They say it took 18 months. Chloe was assessed again, by one of the leading Cbt Specialists in the uk. Immediately he was able to engage her and question her in a way that she could answer and after being here for about three hours he took us into the other room and said yes i have seen worse but i can treat that. That must have been music to your ears. The health board does not need to follow specialist advice. They develop their own strategy for chloes ocd. As her condition became more challenging, a difficult decision had to be made. After consultation it was agreed by everyone, including chloe, to try foster care. They took her somewhere else to give her a chance to rebuild. So a hard decision, probably one of the hardest i have done in my life. She went into voluntary care for a period. It seems incredible to me that a young girl suffering from ocd should have to end up in hospital and foster care. In bridgend there has been a crisis. Tuesday popped out to buy a Takeaway Coffee for her mother and spilt it in the car. This must be horrible for you. It is. I have pulled the whole carpet out. I am not certain how i will get a clean enough for me to be satisfied so i am a little bit worried. I will wipe as much as i can and then maybe we let it dry then i will get this Steam Cleaner and antibacterial spray. My mind is going at 100 miles an hour. I can hear it spinning. I am thinking of things i can do to make me satisfied that the coffee is gone and my car is clean again. Despite the smiles, the incident is stressful. Keeping her car and herself clear of germs must be a constant stream. I noticed you are holding on to your wet wipe. Is that with you much of the day . It is. For my right hand. I have one in my hand constantly, my skin peels and bleeds. I went to uni and got a degree and i was hoping to have a career and everything and i have wanted to travel the world. But that in itself is a different problem because i could not imagine getting on a bus, let alone an aeroplane or a train and things like that. Lets talk about social life. Fun and laughter. Boyfriends. Do you have a boyfriend . I do. He sees more of my condition than i have ever let anyone see before because i feel comfortable with him and he does notjudge me. I keep it to myself because i am embarrassed and i do not want people to think that it is weird or i am not that. Obviously one day in the future i would like to live with him and that worries me. I see this in my daughter and it is so sad. She needs help, some good help. It is torture. They are being tortured by this condition. As we have seen, it is no quality of life. Speaking to them now after we packed up and i asked what their day was like now and they said they were going to go back to cleaning. Tuesday will spend four hours in the car and leslie will return to where she left off in the house. I found it quite upsetting. Tuesday and leslie have had therapy in the past but say it did not work for them. Could the correct level of therapy be the key to free them from their ocd bully . Here is the thing. There is a shortage of accredited Cbt Therapists in wales. In england they have three times as many per head. People with Mental Health problems in wales have been done a disservice. They have tried to get it right but it is not perfect. Wales isjust waking up now and people are starting to say that we need more psychotherapists. It is starting to seep into the culture that we must do it. Ten years ago in england, around £200 million was spent training more therapists. There are signs that things are changing in wales as well. Many of you who will be working with people who have ocd. This course at Cardiff University is a step in the right direction but it is the only one of its level in wales. It will take more courses like this to ensure that the nhs has enough Cbt Therapists to meet the needs. Many sufferers like dion pay for private treatment. The temptation then, of course, is to finish early because of the cost. That can increase the chance of a relapse. Ocd comes back with force so quickly. So quickly. You have no idea. It is like the plague. It just takes over you. Trying again. A fresh time again now. Hoping to get completely free this time. A lot of hard work. And cost, unfortunately, because as i say there is little help on the nhs for this, believe me. I have tried. What he would like would be for the nhs to pay for keith. But there are no Health Boards in wales currently using private practitioners for ocd. And how about chloe . Her foster care did not work out and she came home. This january she was admitted to hospital again. If only somebody could have seen her right at the beginning who knew what they were talking about and knew what they could do, they think she could have been saved from a lot of the suffering. She could end up relying on the nhs care another 50 years. Im sure that that will cost far more. It is so cruel that the illness is so cruel. What gets me is that it has been five years. Five years of suffering and it is frustrating because there is treatment out there for them. That was heartbreaking. It is so cruel to listen to them. Chloes health board cannot comment on individual cases but do recognise there is a need to increase Cbt Provision and say they have a robust Investment Programme to improve access to these treatments. The Welsh Government said they spent £3 million on therapies like cbt over the last few years. And while there is progress, there is more for Health Boards to do. So is the political mood changing in wales . I have come to speak to a spokesman. It is not words that we need, really, i think it is positive that people are talking about Mental Health now as being something that is recognised as an area of healthcare in wales that absolutely needs changing. We need to make the investment. Unless we have the therapists we can not give the therapy. And without the therapy, people with ocd and other Mental Health conditions are not going to be able to get the help that i think and you think they should. Thing