Up until now Rolling Stones covers always featured role models like roman polanski, o. J. Simpson or charles manson. [ cheers and applause ] why hent that dude put out any good music lately . He was my favorite beach boy. Now folks, im going to shock some people right now by defending Rolling Stone magazine. Theyre just using controversy to gain attention. Lets face it. The magazine industry is dying. I dont know why. I think it may have caught something from sitting in all those doctors offices. Now besides, Rolling Stone is not doing anything that has not been done by other magazines. I mean, we all remember when mens health had their controversial cover. Hitlers final solution for belly fat flew off the shelves and cosmopolitans 50 ways to make your man say americans must pay with blood for the death of muslims abroad. Warning. Number 5 is whvment whistling Rolling Stone, listen up. I am not going to bite on your controversy bait here and give you free publicity by holding up your magazine and talking about it. Nice try. You see, im not a guy who just buys whatever the latest hype is. No, im waiting for the next hype to come out because thats going to be great. I hear it has bluetooth. So naturally i also reject the lamestream media hype that the republicancontrolled house of representatives cannot get anything done. Congress is totally dysfunctional. The house has become a pretty dysfunctional place. The right Wing Tea Party crowd in the House Republican caucus seems to be running the place. The situation on capitol hill is dire. Congress doesnt know anything. And it cant get anything done. Stephen bill, i am disappointed. How can the house be expected to get anything done when many of the bills they vote on dont even repeal obama care . For instance, take the Immigration Reform bill. It is going nowhere in the house of representatives because it is full of problems. Sure, it mass i have beenly increases security on the mexican border, but as virginia representative and nordstrom makeup counter victim, Bob Goodlatte points out, the bill overlooked the need for Border Agents in the interior of our country. Yes, yes, thank you. Our interior borders are defenseless. And when. [ cheers and applause ] congressman, they are applauding for you. When will we build the border wall with florida . We cannot let. [ cheers and applause ] we cannot let those maniacs into our country. It is legal to shoot each other down there. And last week, just last week house of representatives proved that they are not donothings by done didding something. They passedded the farm bill. Now, that might not sound like much. Traditionally the farm bill is a routine piece of legislation which provides government subsidies for farmers while also setting aside money for food stamps. Its a winwin. Help for the folks who grow the corn and help for folks who live on nothing but corn syrup. Now the house had not passed a farm bill in two years because 60 House Republicans demanded deep can yous in food stamps. But last week House Republicans agreed to an historic compromise on food stamps by eliminating the food stamps. Jim . The u. S. House narrowly passedded a scaleddown farm bill after dropping food stamps from the measure. Food stamps can wait but farm programs cannot. Stephen yes, farm programs cannot wait. We need to grow the food that people can no longer afford to buy. See, republicans showed they were willing to compromise by eliminating the part of the bill they refused to compromise on. Its just like a cardiologist who is having problems with a patients heart. Instead of getting bogged down in complicated procedures he simply removes the heart. Problem solved. [ cheers and applause ] the best part. The best part, that patient no longer needs food stamps. And without this government handout, he is motivated to work. It keeps him hungry for success and, of course, food. Now the g. O. P. Breakthrough did not satisfy Mainstream Media stomach grumblers like cbs senior root vegetable bob scheiffer. You pass a farm bill in the house that gives billions of dollars, much of it to large corporations that own farms. Its almost like welfare for the wealthy. But you dont include a dollar for hungry people for food stamps. What kind of a message is that . Stephen ill take that one, bob. It is a principled conservative message based on the old adage, give a man a fish, hell eat for a day. Take away his food stamps and hell found fishco, a multinational seafood conglomerate that gets a massive subsidy in the next farm bill. [ cheers and applause ] besides, folks, lets be clear. Republicans are not ogres. Although if we can find a cheap way to grind bones into bread, theyre willing to listen. They just understand that providing subsist ens nutrition traps people in a state of poverty and thats not right. Is it, republican congressman mike kelly . Thats not right. Thats not american. Thats not way we worked in the past. And thats not what our future should hold for us. It should be one of blue skies and strong winds at our backs in a nation that has everything that god could possibly provide for us. We have tillable soil and Potable Water. As far as providing food for people, my goodness, we shouldnt be vulnerable in this country any place. Stephen yeah, we dont need food stamps. Americas blessed blue skies and strong winds and tillable soil and Potable Water not to mention edible soil and drum stick wrappers with chocolate nuts stuck on them. Theres the old man in the park who just gives away bread crumbs. How hard could it be to elbow a pigeon out of the way and peck your way to a full stomach . Plus food stamps just turns being poor into some sort of poorgasboard. Who wouldnt want to stay home and not work when you can rake in an average of an 134 a month for food. Thats almost one 5 foot long a day. Three inches for breakfast. Four inches for lunch. Five inches for dinner. For dessert, the plastic bag. Dont worry, folks. Do not worry. House republicans are absolutely going to pass funding for food stamps at some point. And when they dont, if people are still hungry, well just combine the Food Stamp Program with the Immigration Program and let poor people eat mexicans. The best part is, the best part is, they are a Healthy Snack because they pick their own vegetables. Well be right back. Stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is a meade yen whom you may know from costanza. Please welcome Jerry Seinfeld. [ cheers and applause ] hey, jerry, good to see you again. Thank you for coming on. Good to see you. How have you been. Great, great to be here. Stephen so exciting to see you doing a show again. Yeah, thank you very much. Stephen yeah, yeah, yeah. Im talking about my show, of course. Exactly. Stephen but you had the tv show on the national broadcast. I did yes. Stephen now youre the executive producer and star of the web series meade yens and cars getting coffee. Okay. Okay. Stephen we dont have to talk about it. Its not really an executive producer. Stephen youre not . Who calls the shots, jerry. I do. Stephen youre the executive producer. You can call yourself what you want. You can call yourself grand vizzier but the guy who calls the shots is the exec. Im not really an exec. Stephen are you doing. Do you have a network behind you . I do have a network. Its called the internet. Stephen wow. Thats my network. Stephen tell me about this. Im intrigued. Its very popular with the kids. Very popular with the kids. Stephen you actually get in a car with every show. Thats right. Stephen and with a comedian. Have you seen the show. Stephen i have, yeah. Very simple. Stephen it is very simple. The idea of the title is so i wouldnt have to answer these questions. Thats the idea. Stephen im just making sure that theres not some sort of sub text i dont understand because, you know, a car, you know, a cigar is just a cigar but a car can often be a substitute. Okay. Stephen you describe the car. You describe the car. One of the things i like is i was watching the porsche one. With seth myers. And you take a long time describing the car that youre in. I do like cars. And i like to talk about them just for a couple of minutes at the beginning of the show. Just because its a weird thing to do. Stephen you always like to describe where you are and where youre sitting. Yeah, i like to talk about things that were all interested in. Stephen were at 151 west 54th street right now. That converted to the daily show. When he left i took it over. Were at a solid wood table that has a leaf right here. Were in two Herman Miller chairs. Do you want some coffee . Look at that. Is this really coffee. Stephen it is. Would you like some . Fox. Thats the best kind of coffee. Stephen basic cable. We spare no expense. This is great. Stephen so why those three things . I know you dont want to talk about. Why do i describe the car. Stephen why cars, coffee and comedians . Because. Because theyre the things of normal living. Stephen comedians are not normal living. Im not a comedian. Well, you are. Youre funny. Stephen theyre not normal. People at the club say im funny. For me theyre normal. This is my normal life that i thought might be interesting to show people in a strange internet kind of way. Stephen lets show people. Lets show them right now. Yeah. The ability to talk to a lot of people is freakish. Its more freakish to be able to run fast or dunk a basketball or any of those other things. Its freakish. Do you think superman could talk to a thousand people at one time . Yes. He can get their attention because he has to bend something first but to just get up in front of a thousand people and start talking. Give him a few minutes and then. They would lose the room. Burn something with his xray vision or something. He flies and comes back. Okay. Ive got your attention. [ cheers and applause ] stephen its beautiful. Weve got the beautiful car at the top. Beautiful photography. Thank you. Stephen the show at the top is like mixed with a nijella lawson kind of food porn photography. In the middle youve got two very entertaining people just talking to each other. Right. Stephen do you put any effort into the show at all . Yeah. Stephen you really look like youre just kind of bic r winging it in a beautiful way but total winging it. When im doing the show, no. I put no effort into it because we dont have an audience that you and i are very aware of right now. Stephen i dont know what youre talking about. And we know we have to please them to keep you on the air. [ cheers and applause ] stephen can you stick around. Sure, why not. Tephen well be right back with more Jerry Seinfeld. [and aps and ap bb0f[pp4dpn medy central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [ cheers and applause ] stephen welcome back to my eightpart series with Jerry Seinfeld. Jerry, let me ask you this. Why did you do this show . Its a very personal little thing. I did it as an experiment last year, and i put it on the internet without telling anybody, no press, no interview, no ads, nothing. People started to like it. Stephen do you have to pay . To be on it. Stephen no, to watch it. No, its free. Its free. Stephen do you get paid to do it . Were making enough money to keep doing it. At this point. Thank to the accura car company after we made the ones last year, they said well pay for you to make some more. Stephen would you like me to put a graphic of accura up right now. Yes. If they hadnt said well do this. That would be the end of it. Stephen if it wasnt for fat pockets, we wouldnt be talking right now. By the way, accura and hot pockets are made out of the same material. Im not a comedian but im interested in comedians. Who did you like . Who were the people that you wanted to be when you were younger. Youre just sitting here talking to comedians. If you could put any comedian in that car who influenced you, who would it be . Almost every comedian i saw when i was a kid influenced me just because i didnt understand, i guess most people do, when you see comedians on tv and they come out on these shows and any stand there and they just keep talking in a series of jokes. And i thought, what is this . Who are these people that can do this . And i thought they were some kind of, as chris says, freakish people that can just talk in a series of jokes. But you cant do that. You have to. Its a profession that you learn how to do. Is any of this news . Stephen all of it. All of it is news to me. But youre yelling it at me, you realize. Youre yelling it at me. Youre dominating me right now. See, im back. Youre forward. Youre yelling this at me. That is step one. Stephen is this a defense mechanism because a lot of people use anger or jokes as a defense mechanism. No, i use it to control others. Stephen which is another form. Tehrans do that. Tyrants are afraid of their own people. They control them because theyre afraid of being overthrown. Basically standup is a rally in an egyptian square for money. Stephen answer my question. Who were the people that you liked . I loved alan king, richard pryor. Anybody that came out and stood there and just talkd in a series of jokes, i just thought who are these people who can do this . Cosby. I love cosby. Stephen my favorite. Very funny fellow. Bill cosby is a very funny fellow, right. Cosby and carlin and robert klein. Stephen are you satisfied with being Jerry Seinfeld . Well, if im not, im going to need some serious help because that guy. Stephen some of the performers, some performers arent satisfied with being themselves. They always have some sort of need to be Something Else or to prove themselves as a performer. Well, i would say, you know, that really is the difference between comedians and people who play other people. Come on. Stay calm. Stephen but youre like the biggest, you had the biggest show of all time. Is there anything left for you. Please, please, finish your thought. [ cheers and applause ] stephen i dont usually drink coffee with a guest. Comedians. Stephen you know none of this is going on the air, right . Really. Stephen were like an hour and 15 at this point. Im actually taking time from your show on the internet at this point. Jerry seinfeld, thank you so much for joining me. My pleasure. Stephen comedians, cars getting coffee. The man is Jerry Seinfeld. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] stephen thats it for the report, everybody. Good from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] john welcome to the daily show. I am john oliver. Jon stewart, im afraid, still not here. He is currently waiting to emerge from Kate Middletons vagina. Push, princess, push our guest tonight, author of the new look zealot about the life of jesus, the fantastic reza alsan is with us. [cheering and applause] john yes, indeed, yes, indeed. Friend of the show. But we start tonight in new york city, where it is so hot and this is a true story, that on my way to work this morning, i saw a squirrel stab a pigeon over a piece of ice. [laughter] it is so hot here, you can cook an egg on the sidewalk, assuming that you like your eggs over hepatitis. [laughter] seriously, it is unbelievably [bleeped] hot here. Now, to take our minds off the heat, we have a very exciting election looming in the city, and this is why tonight were going to start off our special campaign coverage. Yes, oh yes. [applause] thats the big question. Who will be the next new york
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