Installment of john olivers details of foreign metal pricing update. Wait, wait dont change the channel i promise this story is worth listening to. Maybe we can just juice up the opening a bit. John olivers arcane details of boron group metal pricing update. cheers and applause john heavy metal what, is technically classed as light metal. Ahhh no, sax has two Goldman Sachs has two separate ventures in aluminum. Had oans warehouse where aluminum is stored and also trades aluminum. See if you can figure out what happens next. The report claims goldmans warehouse creates bottlenecks, lengthening delivery times. The bank profit from extended rent and bets made on the future of those metals by their trading arm. John so lets get this clear if these reports are right, goldman can bet on the future price of aluminum while simultaneously having the ability to goose the future price of aluminum if thats something they find interesting and or profitable. laughter in the stock market, thats whats known as insider trading. In the commodities market, thats known as simply thursday. Or monday or tuesday, friday, or wednesday. laughter so how much is this scheme costing the american citizen . The Beer Institute estimating the higher premiums caused by the bottlenecks cost them an additional 3. 6 billion each year. John wait, first things first theres a Beer Institute . laughter applause john thats a party store right there. I assume their mascot is the fighting blaah. So Goldman Sachs is making us pay billions more for aluminum cans and profiting off the back of that, that makes he so mad. I think i need a cold drink. Oh, im playing into their trap every time i use a can, i make them money. You know what . Ive got to call my accountant. Hello, bear . Oh, no diit again get a phone, barry now, you might be thinking surely there is a rule in place to prevent aluminum hording. Well, relax, there actually is. The rules state 3,000 tons must leave the warehouse each day. However, that leaves a loophole big enough to drive several liewmladen truck throughs. On a daily basis a fleet of trucks move the aluminum around and around from one warehouse to another. A forklift driver calls it a merrygoround of metal. A merrygoround of metal. Coincidentally, the most popular ride at hurtsy park and family fun zone. And the Truck Drivers at those warehouses seems to realize how ridiculous this scheme is with one worker saying he would joke with his nephew at another warehouse asking, did you get all that metal we sent you . To which his nephew replied, yup. Did you get all the stuff we sent you. It all sounds like fun and games but i bet you theres a disillusioned aluminum deliveryman saying i got into this business to bring aluminum to the people, man. I just dont know what were doing anymore. laughter the problem here is that there used to be rules prevent, banks from controlling physical goods so that they couldnt manipulate prices for their own benefit. But, like marilu henner, those rules pretty much disappeared some time in the 1990s. But this is still enough of an issue that on tuesday, as many as four, maybe even five members of the 50member Senate Banking subcommittee gathered to hear testimony on the matter. The connection between banking and commodities is not a new development. It has very ancient roots. Physical commodities such as grand and salt were among the first forms of money in ancient mesopotamia, egypt, china. laughter . John yes, but then, they invented money. laughter by the way, if your excuse for serving, well, hamarabi did it, then i think youre on shaky ground. Do you see what im saying . applause now the counterpoint of the argument is this just because some banks somewhere in the past did something and it was okay, doesnt mean necessarily that its okay today. For example, i am sure that somesometimes some bank has amphibioused slave trade, right. That doesnt mean j. P. Morgan today should be financing Human Trafficking. John thats a fair point. Its a fair point. I get it. The problem is you know that someone at j. P. Morgan just saw that and went, wait. We were not financing Human Trafficking . Trafficking . Have you seen the Profit Margins on romanian sex slaves . Theyre right. I have to get into this myself. Barry, barry buy how is this line busy, barry hold oill use my cell. Barry barry cheers and applause good luck. Good luck finding a stupider aluminum canbased joke anywhere on television this evening. laughter if these allegations are true, this seems pretty objectively outrageous behavior. Or if you work for a Major Financial News Network i want to tell that you i did not understand that story. Okay, i read it three times. I had my producer, who is very financially literate, read it three times. I dont quite get the scam. I read that story how many timeses . I read it five times. Somehow they manipulated the price of aluminum. I dont know how. John how do you not get it youre a financial expert seemingly flummoxed by the easiest financial story in a decade. This is something a child could understand. In fact, ill show you. Elliot, elliot. Come in here, elliot. Elliot. Yes . applause john elliot. Yes . John did you read that story about Goldman Sachs . Yes. Theyre artificially inflating prices through storage. John just to be clear, elliot, you understood it. Obviously, im eight and a half. John right, right. cheers and applause . Anything else . What Goldman Sachs is doing is worse than cooties. John it is worse than cooties, elliot. Thank you, elliot. By the way, when is john coming back. John jon stewart is coming back in a few weeks. Oh, thank god. cheers and applause . John ive got laughter shes just saying what america is thinking. Relax. Ive got to say, now that you think about it, the new version of monopoly is actually perfect. You just move pieces of metal around and around in a circle, collecting money whenever you want, and its guaranteed that nobody is going to jail. cheers and applause e righ be righ cheers and applause welcome back. Congress becomes the least productive in history, having passed just 15 bildz. What we wanted to know what, kind of person aspiers to be a member of this illustrious club. Amidst record low approval ratings, both parties are on the hunt for promising congressional candidates to head to d. C. So when lettiesia perez, an upandcoming democrat, captured the supervisor seat in a strongly republican california county, the d. N. C. Knew just what to do. I received an email from the chairman of the Democratic Party which said, weve heard a lot about you. We know that youre a rising star in california, and wed like to you consider potentially a run for congress. Its such a great job. You must have been really excited. Actually, i had to say no. You decided to say no to d. C. Thats right. I did. Resoundingly. Reporter and her resounding no effing way has become a worryingly common refrain. Across the nation, the parties are struggling to find anyone willing to run for congress. But why . Its no secret, there is remarkable gridlock in d. C. I dont want to be at a place where i have a good, fancy title but im not actually able to deliver for people. Wait a minute. Something isnt right. Okay, i see whats going on here. This hesitation of yourself to go to d. C. , is it scandal based . Absolutely not. Drug use . No. Youre not a citizen. Im absolutely a citizen, and proud. You have sent pictures of your penis over the internet. Never, wouldnt even consider it. Why wouldnt you consider that . Elected officials have a high duty of morality, of ethics, of personal, professional conducts. Does it have anything to do with the fact you dont have a penis . The question was would i consider sending pictures and i would not. Do you have a peens or not . I dont. No scandal, no peens, shes an amazing candidate. Clearly perez doesnt understand the honor and privilege of serving in the u. S. Congress. Luckily, stephen latourette, an 18year member of the house and subcommittee vice chairman knows firsthand the profound satisfactionave rewarding career giving voice to the american people. Give me three words that sum of your experience. Frustrating, maddening, gridlock. Okay. Three words that arent those words. Uhm, sad disappointing, difficult. Okay, forget about words. Im looking to inspire somebody to run for congress. Youd have to be crazy to run for congress. Why . The leadership in the house is more concerned about gaming the other party so that they can be in charge than they are in actually accomplishing something. Potential candidates shouldnt be motivated by accomplishing anything. Okay, this sound like an objectively terrible job. If we want to get someone like perez to run for congress, we are going to have to recalbright her expectations so she libraries to love d. C. , despite the 535 obvious flaws. Well, i dont see much compromise taking place in d. C. I want to talk. I want to find solutions. This is not about what you want. This is about what the broken machine of the u. S. Congress needs to keep limping along. Its not the right place for me. All you have to do is manage to kill the thing inside of you that thinks and cares and youre good to go. I could never kill anything inside of my thats cares about people. Its what fundamentally drives me. Wow, we have a real problem. Washington is too gridlocked to attract the kind of resultsoriented politicians we need to break the gridlock. So the question remains who will run for congress . I think people who are so blatantly partisan that this is fun for them. Theyre run. I think the goal is to find people that arent. But if youre asking me who i think would be most interested in the job, its probably the. So there you have it. The u. S. Congress 2014. Wanted. cheers and applause . John thank you. Welghtright cheers and applause john welcome back. My guest tonight is the former head coach of the u. S. Mens so, traem teamand is now the head coach of the Egyptian National soccer team. Please welcome back to the show, bob bradley cheers and applause u. S. A. u. S. A. u. S. A. john egypt egypt bob, thank you so, so much for being here. Im so ive been excited to talk to you because you are in an amazing situation. Youre not just an american. Youre an american from jersey. Thats turbo american. cheers and applause new jersey john and youre heading up the Egyptian National so, team i cannot believe im saying that word soccer. Every time the british person uses that word, somewhere in the world another british person dies. laughter you are in an amazing situation. You have a very divided egypt. You could qualify them for the world cup for the first time which could, in a way that nothing else could, unify that country. No pressure. laughter the only thing egypt agrees on right now is that we must go to the world cup gliewn and thats on you. Thats all on you. Its an amazing it was an amazing job to take on, and there was a key turning point in your experience and tha that wae port said massacre, wasnt it. Right. John and the fact you used that word is key. What people might not be aware. There was a game between two premiere league teams in egypt. At half time there was a riot. 74 fans were killed. Many believed it was oh, straight or at least assisted or enabled by the police. I came out and you called it a massacre. Thats a big statement to make. You marched with the families afterwards. You have been taken to the heart of the egyptian people. How was the phone cawls with president morsi after you said that . About what . About the m word. I didnt hear from president morsi. I think he knew i had been on the daily show in the past. laughter . John how are your players handling this situation at the moment . Theyre in a weird emotional spot. The players are amazing. Theyve been resilient. The league has shut down again so these guys dont know whose happening with their years. Theyre not getting paid. But still theres this dream of going to the world cup that drives them, and their belief keeps us going. John after port said comely was shut down, which your players, play in, and the games were in empty stadiums. So for a year and a day, the league stopped and it finally got is going again, and with recent events its been shut down again. John how does it feel for a team to play in an arena of 86,000 empty seats . Thats a weird psychological jump for an athlete. Its eerie. You can hear everything. But its not the right thing. Because the game needs fans. John exactly. So what do you say to the players . Its an emotional situation that theyre in. What do you say to them . The first time, i came up with something good. I said, we need to look into those stands and see all 85 million egyptians because if they had the chance theyd be here. But you can only give that speech once. laughter applause john thats right. You did your al pacino speech once and then went bleep . Get out thereof, ill slap you on the arse. Its impossible to overstate the frns and the relevance of football or so, everyday lives here. Thinking how in america its still seen as a minor sport. This is beyond sport elsewhere. In egypt its hours and hours of Television Programming about the game every night. They love their football. You know. And the two big teams are once again divided. Most People Choose between these two teams. But the only thing everybody still stands behind is the national team. John right. And at a time when america is viewed in egypt with such suspicion by both sides, really, its all on you. laughter the hope of egypt and the opinion of america is all on your head. Egyptians dont really have a problem with americans. Its more policy and government and all that other stuff. John you can stick around and well talk more about this on the web because its an amazing story. Id love to. John that would be great. Bob bradley, ladies and gentlemen, bob cheers and applause . John thats our show. Join us next week at 11 00. If youre not already seeing me on my television, my standup series starts its new season tomorrow night. It will be on every friday at 11 00. It will be lovely if you watch it. I will understand if you dont. Please join us again next week. Here it is, your moment of zen. Tourists dont know how to walk. It is if you come here, go faster. Figure out where youre going first. Yes, the buildings are tall. Step over to the videos from the internet and intended for a mature audience. Enjoy. Oh jesus. Get up. Woe. [applause]. [laughter]. What will that kony guy do next . Welcome to tosh. 0. If you enjoy the show send me 5. My spring colors are brought to you by e tro. We talk to a third grade er and her husband and see how hard core you can par core. Watch that stair mast er again. That is a good grab, now mop up your spinal fluid. He did reach the foryeah in record time. Drunk games are way better than hunger games. That joke is for the seven girls that watch this show. Who doesnt like going to a rave . I give black people the same look when theyl