Hey, can you [beep] [beep] a little. Hello. Is this really tosh . Whats your question before i punch you in the face. Where are you based out of . Where am i based out of . Are you a maniac. My base camp is in california. Thats so toit. That is so tight. Hello. Its daniel, whats up . My mom is in the kitchen, drinking a beer, shes baking cookies. Five minutes under the baking time and let them sit on the pan for 34 minutes. You love a under baked cookie. I do. I went crazy under done last night and rolled them in fresh then put chocolate syrup and more. Then i pwhrou my mind and shortly after blew my b hole. Are you dating anybody not can i date you . I am not dating anyone. There is a chance you could date me. Are you into lebanese girls. No. That worked out pretty well. I met someone special and she is here with me tonight. See you next week. [cheers and applause] this is the daily show with jon stewart captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon ladies and gentlemen, my name is jon stewart, big show, Robin Williams going to be joining us, but first we meet on the cusp of a sea change in u. S. Iranian relation. Irans new president Hasan Rouhani touched down in new york. Rouhani was elected in june as a moderate candidate who advocated improving relations with the international community. Jon rouhani is a moderate as well as an accomplished mannedi patinkin impersonator. Down in the days of ahmadinejad and the hunt for stereotype of the crazy americahating antisemitic wearing jacket wearing president. But how different can this rouhani guy be. Though iran usually blocks iranians from twitter, now rouhani is tweeting. The surprising and unprecedented outreach that began with another tweet two weeks ago wishing the worlds jews a happy Rosh Hashanah holiday. laughter jon did not see that coming. Well that is different, finally iran has reached the same level of tolerance as your local ford dealership. Not that rouhanis wiped the whole slate clean. Let me ask you, president ahmadinejad said the holocaust is a myth. Do you agree . Hes a historian, im a politician. Jon missed it by that much. Heres a tip on the playing of the im not a historian card. If someone asking you, president rouhani, do you think the smooth hawley tariff contributed to the depression. You can bring out ot im not a historian. But when the question is was the holocaust real, i believe the proper response to that would be [bleep] yeah, yeah, it was real. You know what, forget the holocaust, that came out wrong. laughter all right, what i mean to say is perhaps what rouhani and obama both in town for the u. N. General assembly our nations can reach some sort of detant, a percentiastroika, if you laughter president obama, would you like to make our guest feel welcome. Iranians have long complained of a history of u. S. Interference in their affairs. And of americas role in overthrowing an iranian government during the cold war. Jon well, you cant really call iranians complainers for being mad about us overthrowing their government. I mean are you guys still whining about that was one coup, one coup its like 60 years ago. Move on dot rodev. Maybe rouhani will do better with the term offensive. The socalled iranian threat which has been employ odd as an excuse to justify a long of crimes and catastrophic practices over the past three decades. The bombing of Saddam Hussein regime with chemical weapons, supporting the taliban and al qaeda are just two examples of such cat os fees. Jon we can go back and forth all day about who supplied arms to Saddam Hussein and the taliban. Maybe it was us im not a historian. laughter all right, a little bit of tension in the room. Maybe were putting too much pressure on you guys. After all you havent been properly introdusd. Lets start way simple greeting. Will we see a historic handshake between president obama and irans new president. This is perfect. A handshake, the best way to meet someone and show them youre not holding a sword. The handshake, it could happen. Could today be the first time in 34 years that the president of both countries actually shake hands . You know, its a tantalizing prospect. Tantalizing. Fella, its a handshake, not a hand job. laughter so that would be actually quite tantalizing. Did they shake things out. Should i send them congratulatory pur el or what. That handshake that many were anticipating between president obama and the iranian president , well, forget it. In the end they say it was all quote too complicated for rouhani back home. Oh, too complicated back home. His hands have a fiancee in iran, i get it. Come on, man, havent you heard, this is a different time zone handshakes dont count. For more joined by Cnn International relations correspondent Jessica Williams from the united nations, jess ca, thank you so much for joining us. cheers and applause jon what does it is a about our relationship with iran that we cant even shake hands . It means were run by babies, jon. Just [bleep] shake hands. Jon all right. Have you checked in on the world lately . News flash, its falling part. Syria, iran, Jesse Pateman theyre all [bleep] laughter jon what does breaking bad have to do with this. It holds up a mirror to our society. Because when you think about it arent we all just just breaking bad . Jon i see myself as more of a new girl. Sorry t doesnt matter. Jon, were fever going to solve our problems if these guys cant even agree on the post basic gesture, its just so petty. I mean, jon, if chris brown and drake could make. Jon what, no, no. Yeah. Jon they made up. Yes. Jon no, when. In vegas this weekend. And they went way further than handshakes, jon, they hugged it out. And if they can go from nomance to bromance in one night why cant Obama Andrew Hani stand a little hand on hand contact. Jon by the way were drake in this right. Hell yeah, iran is chris brown, yeah. applause jon does that make ree hannah israel. Yes, exactly. Exactly. I mean she has the right to exist and all but she does some wacky [bleep]. The point is, jon, if those two can settle their hiphop beef so should we. Obama andrew hani didnt even shake hands. Just to extend a gesture it doesnt matter how small, like a high five, maybe pound it out. Jon fist bump, couple guns, ba boom. Totally. Even a sup would have been okay. Jon why is shaking hand so hard. I dont know. They consider a chance to gain strategic advantage with biological warfare, lick your hand, give the enemy some cold, hepatitis. Thats what drake did. Jon thats what drake did . Yeah. Jon really . I hope so. I hope he didnt just hugist chris brown for no reason. Jon thank you,aica. cheers and applause jon welcome back. God, yaweh, adunai. Whatever you call the supreme being i think everyone can agree its the sweet white beard dude that lives in the clouds. How can that be wrong . And that dude has really only two ways of getting his message directly to the people. The pope, gods infallible emissary on earth, gods incredible fallible emissary on earth, the republicans. And i think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that god intended to happen. Jon really . I think even if that situation gods like whoa, whoa, wait a second. I take credit for super bowl wins and latin grammies but im going it to go allen smithy on the rape baby thing am now traditionally these two holy conduits have been on the same page. But with the ascension of this new incredibly humble washing the poors feet, sleep on a convertible sofa, do you need a ride to the airport pope, things might be changing. In a blunt interview in the jess out magazine America Pope Francis says the church cannot be obsessed with the issues that divide it. We cannot insist only on issues related to abortion, gay marriage and the use of contraceptive methods. Jon oh, abortion, gay marriage and contraception. What could he be referring to. Republicans are calling the president s new rules on contraception a war on relige is lib ert. The amendment that maybe got the most attention is what let same sex couples sponsor their partners. The government say it could kill the bill. The government could should down on the issue of abortion. The issue of abortion. Abortion. Abortion. A Birth Control issue. Contraceptives. I would right now be opposed to gay marriage. Marriages between one man and one woman. The freedom to believe in traditional marriage, that was taught in the bible. Jon polygamy you know, forget it, by the way, a less humble pope would probably make himself the cover of every months issue of, you know, that magazine. laughter poprah. But back to my main point. Heres pope francis talking about poor people. The measure of the greatness of the society is found in the way it treats those most in need. Those who have nothing apart from their poverty. Jon wow. I guess that is one measure of a great society. I mean you could also go by how much you can bench. Or the number of twitter followers. But you know, its a good one. So republicans, the topic is the poor. Survey says the house voted to slash the Food Stamp Program by nearly 40 billion over the next ten years. My motivation is only been to introduce the blessing of work to ablebodied people. Theres been a lot of talk about scripture. And a lot of talk about gods plan. God created adam plachltsed him in the garden to work it. Work is not a penalty. Work is a blessing. Jon you know thats so true. It reminded me of the sermon on the mount. Consider the lillies. They toil not so [bleep] them lazy lillies. With their salomons stammens and businessols, those are only the only two parts i remember on flowers but coasting on government issues sun and rain. For some reason god has decided to give one message to the pope, and an entirely different message to the ways he works is so mysterious. Now i guess you could say boy, you know, your ideology is rigid and outdated when the head of the organization that just got around to apologizing to gal i will layo shows more flexibility than you but look, are you both gods messengers who is to say one of you is right and one of you is wrong. Different interpretations of gods will, as long as there is no fundamental discuss am between this pope and help cans. An offthecuff comment while visiting one of italys poorest areas pope francis denounced what he called adultery of money and big business. Oh no, now the [bleep] is on. You better watch it or were going to end up invading the vatican. Well be right ba female announcer the savings really stack up during sleep trains during sleep trains inventory Clearance Sale. Save 10, 20, even 35 on a huge selection of simmons and sealy clearance mattresses. Get two years interestfree financing on tempurpedic. Even get free delivery sleep train stacks the savings high to keep the prices low. The inventory Clearance Sale is on now guaranteed sleep train you ticket to a better nights sleep oh, welcome back, my guest tonight one of the best comedians, actors is coming back to the television with a new sitcom for cbs called the crazy ones, please welcome back to the program, Robin Williams. cheers and applause good night. Thats all the time we have. Jon how are you . Im good, brother. Jon let me say this, and you know i see this with the utmost, not to suggest at any other point in your life you did not look great. But you look like you are in the best shape of your life, my friend. cheers and applause i have just been riding my bike, its been pretty sweet. Riding my bike in new york is amazing because i ride on the west side bike path. I pass this guy and he said way to go, fat ass. Yeah, im on drug, its for my prostate. Jon you right ride your bike around the city. Its wonderful. Jon youre a mad man. Its wonderful, the greatest way to get around. People go no, that couldnt be mork no. Jon have you seen the new, they have the new bikes. That you can rent. Jon that you can rent but its people like from belgium that dont know the city and dont have helmets. Theyre like okay, were going to go now, here we go. And new york will be going get the [bleep] off that bike. Jon but im amazed that no one has been hurt. Theyre doing wonderfulfully. There really is this thing it works itself out. You see them, even angels are flying by and im like please take care. It is basically europeans going how do i get downtown . Follow the numbers. The numbers get lower, okay where are you, brooklyn, welcome so you are right no helmets. There should be some sort of safety device. Bubble wrap. A small like a little maybe a condom, something fun. Jon dont you think new yorkers theyre just like its so hard every day not to just go you know what i mean, like uh. I ride my bike in l. A. That is where it gets crazy. I will be riding, the weird thing i have been living in l. A. Now because of the show. I dont do very well, i got stopped by a cop once in l. A. And he gave me a script instead of a ticket. He was like here, mr. Williams, how are you. If you dont like this please give it to eddie murphy, thank you. Riding a bike in l. A. Is dangerous because you will be, all of a sudden, they really do, because everybody, theyre all talking and texting and you just have to be like. Jon but youre for real. You take this very seriously. You have done bike treks, like youve done like two weeks going across continents. No, no, im not that serious jooz. Jon really . Didnt you train with the guy who won the Tour De France greg lamond or Something Like that, a and road with him. I rode with him one time and i used to ride with lance in the old days. Jon oh, really. Used to ride behind the unibalancer. Jon did you really, you rode with lance armstrong. I rode with him once but he would be on the phone, he would be doing other stuff. Hes hand free. Im like you bastard. Jon but he tears it up. What is this, you are back doing a series. Yes. Jon in l. A. Why . Its a job, brother. Its a job but also david e kelly. I had a meeting with him. Hes unbelievable. A wonderful guy to work with and hes a tough laugh though. He doesnt laugh as much. You will do something really funny and this is all you get, ha. Jon nothing. Like you know, ha, ha, thats like a standing ovation but hes a great writer and i thought okay i will take a shot with you and give it a go. Jon is it hard, with a guy like that i think thats probably hard. When i did morning and mindy years ago, you go back 232 years ago when i did morning and mindy. Jon 32 i thought it was tape back then there are only three networks and the only thing that was wired was me. I was on everything but skates but it was crazy. Jon i know, i know. I know. Ive read the story. Yes, i went to rehab in wine country to keep my options open. cheers and applause jon how did you feel now, do you feel like this is the sobriety and the learning that youve done s it a new lease on life, does the brain, were you worried, i remember when i quit doing drugs and smoking. You remember that now. Jon yes, i do. But i remember being very fearful that i would lose my ability to work, to be funny or to write, that i thought that they were somehow connected. I think there is like a higher part, also a lower power. There is the lower power that goes text that girl, would you, and show her pictures of your junk, its okay. Yeah. Shes not going to share that with anybody. And the same you know, you need this, come on now, i was up in alaska and i had been sober for 20 years and all of a sudden i walked in a store and saw a little bottle of jack daniels, i want that will be fine, that will be okay. The moment hi the first sip it was like welcome back, [bleep]. A week later i was walking down the street with ten little bottles of jack daniels. I sounded like a [bleep] wind chime. It was like, and i got really, i got down so quick, so i went right to blackouts, a misnomer, they call it blackout os, its not. Its like sleep walking with activity. Your brain is going were going to do stuff youre not going to know. You wake up in a small field going where am i. Feed me. Its crazy but i think thats the illusion. You come through it and be like yes, you can krot better, you can get back into it, the main op rattive word is fear. Like you said, the fear is there and youre trying to overcome it with that but if you can deal with the fear and realize some of it is real, some of it isnt and then come through that, you get deep, deep. Jon and will lifestyle is so conducive to that because we are generally board individuals and were working 40 minutes a night in winnipeg for two straight weeks. No. That is dont make them angry, theyre canadian. Canada youre the nicest country in the world, youre like a sweet apartment over a meth lab. Its like but it is. Jon so during the day you dont have anything to do with yourself and you think like i bet coy make a crack pipe, you know what i mean. Its like hey, why dont we have a project. When did your voice have activities. Im making a crack pipe. Jon you send to camp and see what happens. Im so delighted for you. And im so excited to see it. You too, can i tell them what you showed me. Jon well, yeah, we were looking. I just saw a movie that my brotherman directed. Jon we were looking at it in the back. Yeah, boss. Jon its getting there. Its good to see you, man. The crazy once, thursday at 9 00 on cbs. The great Robin Williams, ladies and gentlemen. kkkknknknkn nasss our show, join us next week at 11 00 when my cold should be gone. Here it, your moment of zen. I call them the blue mass republicans. In reference to breaking bad. The point is that theyre obsessed with purity. Theyre obsessed with the purity of their views. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen tonight, cable news brings back a classic series. Could it be a rock 3. A rock harder. Then i review an exciting childrens book. I dont care how hungry that caterpillar is. Its not getting food stamps. And my guest chris fisher is a conservationist who tracks great white sharks. A flight was grounded because there was a snake on the plane. Its just like the samuel l. Jackson movie, django unchained. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central