Beer cans is going to go on display at the florida capital. Not kidding. Jon who gives a bleep . Cant you just pretend its a place for the wisemen to tie up the camels. How about that . You are turned about that pole. Its florida. You are lucky theres not a stripper named christmas swinging on it. Have you been to florida . I apologize you are upset ynch do i have to drive around with my kids to look for nativity scenes and be like oh, yeah kids theres baby jesus behind the festivus poll made out of pole made out of beer cans. Its nuts. [ laughter ] jon yes, that sounds relatively nuts. [laughter] why are you driving around [laughter] looking for nativity scenes in the car when you could just bring your kids to where you work where you put a giant nativity scene out on the plaza. [ laughter ] but as much as im used to gretchens yearly manger danger warnings a little surprised to see megyn kelly going full christmas nothing. On slate. Com they have a piece about santa claus should not be a white person anymore. For all you kids at home, santa is white but people want a black santa. But were just debating this because santa is what he is but were debating it because someone wrote about it, kids. [laughter] jon bleep just got real. Sabta santa is just white. And who are you actually talking to . [laughter] children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 00 at night, yet innocent enough to still believe santa claus is real yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isnt white. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] thats such a narrow yes, west virginia, there is a santa claus. [laughter] but since were pretending to debate this, carry on. The author seems to have, you know shes africanamerican and she seems to have real pain at having grown up with this image of a white santa. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesnt mean it has to change. Jon actually i think that is the official slogan of oppression. [ laughter ] oppression just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesnt mean it has to change. [cheers and applause] you know what is interest something in thats also the slogan of arbys. [ laughter ] i dont know why we do that they are perfectly nice people and they make perfectly nice food. I dont know why we continue to do this. You may wonder on this news channel they are making assertions of fact about a fictional character. Santa claus is based on st. Nick lus, who was an actually person, a greek bishop and was a white man. You cant take facts and try toll change them to fit a political april agenda or agenda or a sensitivity agenda. Jon theres so much crazy going on here. I dont have time to deal with a fox pundit saying you cant take facts to try to change them to fit a political agenda. Even though i cant say that thats how much crazy is going on here. [cheers and applause] shes suggesting you cant arbitrarily change the facts about the real historical st. Nicholas who was a white man even though he was from grease which is greece which is actually turkey today and that white man lives at the north pole and drives a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. But you cant change the facts. The real st. Nicholas is from a part of the world which is now turkey he probably looked Something Like this according to Research Done by the vatican. Who exactly is changing the facts to make themselves more comfortable here . Actual st. Nicholas, well, my guess is there would be no christmas if he looked like that dude because he is probably still on the no fly list. [ laughter ] and then things got really weird. Jesus was a white man, too but you know its like he was an historical figure its a verifiable fact. Jon ill give that you jesus was an historical figure but youll get pushback on the white thing. You do know he wasnt born in bethlehem pennsylvania right . Were joined by the senior christmas historical ak racy correspondent jessica williams. Merry christmas. Happy holidays. Jon merry, merry christmas. Happy holidays. The good news is that jesus is white thing is that jews are white now, congratulations, jon. Jon what about santa . Do you feel that santa is what about people insisting santa is white . Santa is white. Its a fact. Its miracle on 34th street not miracle on 134th street. [ laughter ] the only miracle on 134th street is that we get to participate at all. Half the time santa skips us on the way downtown just like a taxicab. Jon santa is fiction hes not real. Hey, man, what the hell are you doing . Kids, stop crying, santa is real bleep and hes really white. Really white. Jon jessica, if were talking history here and thats what they are saying were talking fact and history st. Nicholas was from the area of the world that is now turkey. He was no a cherubic Wilford Brimley type. That makes us uncomfortable. Jon meghan said theres no needle change it. She said if i feel uncomfortable then we dont have to change it. If white people are uncomfortable we have to change it. Thats how this became this. It works that way for everything like how this becomes this. Why people dont want to hear Jailhouse Rock from somebody who went to jail. Real jail is uncomfortable. Elvis jail is fun jon he looked like he was having fun. Aint nothing by a hounddog right. Jon, thats how its done. You fix history and lock that bleep down. Santa is not black just because a blogger says he was and megyn is not black because she spells her name creatively. The moment white men saw a black man with a bag coming down the jon welcome back. When a news story falls through the crack, lewis black catches it for a segment we call back in black. When i was a kid, i was constantly being told the future was going to be awesome. Id be jumping over helicopters with my jet pack. Id have glasses that would let me see through girls dresses and we would all have flying cars that fold up to a briefcase. This was supposed to be my car. Now its just a thing that holds my cigarettes and sex toys and im all out of cigarettes. [laughter] its 2013, you think we would be up to our necks in Amazing Technology but instead this is apparently the best we can do. The 3d printed robot that could be a complete game changer for the whole industry. Oh, it can twerk, too. Omg, it can twerk. Well, then ill take seven of them. I mean yolo, right, kids . Now, come on, twerk that hot robot ass. Can he move for us real quick before we run out of time . [laughter] look, if i want to see something try to dance and fall flat on its face, i dont need a robot, all i need is a fifth of scotch, some music and a meric. And a mirror. [ laughter ] but maybe the best sign that were doing a crappy job of innovating is the fact that this is the Biggest Technology story of the year. These are octocopters. They are effectively drones but theres in reason they cant be used as delivery vehicles. Really, because i can think of eight razor sharp reasons they cant be used as delivery vehicles. Oh, good, my new waffle maker is here. Ow my hands. [ laughter ] come on, technology, this is the future that several different doctors told me i wasnt going to live to see. Give me something worth waiting for. Some say its a new breed of Crime Fighting machine. Okay, now were getting somewhere. This say is a its more of a Crime Prevention row boston. It eliminates that night watchman duty. You even mean the guy in evey movie who fall as sleep on his job . You need a robot for that . I want robo cop and all you are giving me is paul blart, mall, roomba. Tired of writing thank you letters, why not get a robot to do it for you. Perfect a robot that does something that people stopped doing 30 years ago. It organized my 8track collection. Clearly the future i was hoping for just has nothing for me. According to a pair of new zealand researchers sex robots are the future of prostitution. [ applause ] on second thought, i might need that robot to write me a thank you note after all. [cheers and applause] jon welcome back. My guest tonight the new film is called the hobbit the desolation of smaug. That woe it will him cross our bonders and kill our prisoners. Its not our fight. It is our fight. It will not end here. With every victory this evil will grow f. Your father has his way, we will be nothing. We will hide within our walls, live our lives away from the light and let darkness effect us. Are we not part of this world . Tell me when did we let evil become stronger than us. Jon you are part of this world. Please welcome evangeline lilly. [cheers and applause] a big fan. Please, have a seat. Enjoy. Very, very nice to see you. How are you . Im great. Im excited about the golden globes. Jon yes, congratulations. Thanks for all my nominations. Jon what happened . I didnt see the golden globes. Im not nominated for bleep . Jon really . No, no, im excited because this year the leading actress category is all women over 40. Jon really . Has that not happened previously. You should be the cliche was an actress over 40 is out of work. Jon right. And now an actress over 40 is an award nominated top of her game respected damsel. Jon have you seen some i kind of have a crush on cate blanchette. Jon when you see Jack Nicholson in a movie now hes great but its like look at him acting. You know what i mean but with cate she just inhabits whatever it is she z. Is there one you would like to work with, had work with . I would like to work i did a movie with cate and never worked with her for a day. Jon did she request that . Is that what happened . This woman is talking me. I did meet her on the red carpet. Jon how was she. Tiny. Shes wee. I thought she was statueesque but shes wee. Jon more wee than me . Its tough to be more wee than you. Jon people meet me sometimes and they think im tall and then they meet me and the disappointment in their eyes is often palpable. I get the same thing, you know. Jon i think you are tall. People think im larger than i am. People always say but you are small. I thought wait, you thought i was fat. Jon you get in fights . I just back off. They say i thought you were taller and i was like me, too. I thought i was taller and younger. Im just going to go, im going to walk away. Walk away. Jon how long when you shoot the movies because now theres a few of them how long did you live there . I lived there for a year. In nz. I lived there a year. The dwarfs were there for two years. Whraf lf. [laughter] jon its not a phrase you hear a lot. I wasnt talking about you. Jon i understand. But the dwarfs were there for two years. Why did they have to say . Was there another movie they were doing or were they being compacted . I dont know how Peter Jackson works. [ laughter ] i dont know if he is a method guy. [ laughter ] have you seen the first film. Jon did i . You loved it, didnt you. Jon three times. This one is different. How did you think i was in the first film. Jon you were not in the first film but ill tell you this the parts that i saw. I didnt seat first film. I wasnt in the first film so you answered correctly. Jon here is the thing. I was waiting for the whole time i was sitting there like but your character is not in the book. Im more familiar with the book. What was your favorite part of the book. Jon i like when they find the ring. [ laughter ] i was all like oh, thank god. Because i knew they needed it although for a while i was like he is going to get married. I didnt know what he was going to do with it. Were bilbo and gollum going to tie the knot. Jon settle down. I can understand the elves going for Orlando Bloom but why not gimley . He has a wife and child and both have a lot of facial hair. Jon really . I havent seen gimleys Christmas Card so i didnt realize thats how that went. Why cant elves and dwarfs they can be friends but why cant they . I dont know the anatomy of it all and how that works and fits together but my character jon you have a kid . Not an elf dwarf kid. Jon you know the anatomy. The anatomy of a human being but the elf dwarf anatomy but i know my character my test the boundaries of that and anya tom call danatomical boundaries. It might. Jon in this film you bang a dwarf . This one im going to. [ laughter ] the hobbit is in the theaters tomorrow. It it [cheers and applause] jorveg thats our show. Join us all next week at 11 00. Here it is your join us all next week at 11 00. Here it is your moment zen. owl hooting loud snoring alarm clock ringing hey alarm stops fry, mon, if youre going to be living in the office you could at least be on time for work. Im sorry. I was up really late poking through peoples desks. All right, people i will now outline todays 12point agenda. Well begin with point one. clattering . Concerning our pest problem. Somebodys been leaving food around and its attracting owls. And i, for one, am getting tired of cleaning those owl traps. metal snapping highpitched hoot now. As this shocking graph indicates