Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry whooo i can feel it. Welcome to the nightly show. So exciting such a great show, man im social sighted. The fightly show say completely g rated show. If any of you have been expecting some [bleep] or any of that kind of [bleep] we dont do that. We dont do that here. applause larry not what we do. All im saying. laughter we have a great so excited. The mad men Series Finale is this sunday and we got Pete Campbell himself Vincent Kartheiser son our panel tonight. cheers and applause very exciting. You know im a big mad men fan. And i got him to tell me how mad men ends, okay. I got four words for you. Don and vince the didnt see it coming. Did not see it coming. All right. So lets get to it o you know what, its time for a quick blackfest 2015. The black update. Man, weve been so busy getting our rubio on and hitting the Cruise Control and branding like theres no tomorrow. Man we forgot about jeb. Its like forget being dre but khakier. So jeb bush all right hes going to announce any moment right. I know it i bet hes going to do something cool right. Hes from texas. Maybe will come up on a bucking bronco right. Wait hes also from floor dax maybe he is riding a bucking manatee yeah thats right. Yee what im running for president yall come on. Im reasoning for approximately in 2016. laughter a hallway . Thats it . Wheres the man tee. Im not a political advisor but you could have fit a bull size manatee in that hallway. Guys if we werent meant to ride manatee y are they in the ocean. Thats just Marine Biology okay. All right but to you word is out, okay. So the High Court President ial questions are going to start coming so who first. After a town hall meeting in reno nevada he was confronted this time by a 19yearold College Student. 19yearold College Student. This is going to be easy. All right, what do you want to know about legalizing weed . Cost of ramen moodels huh . Yes and expenses. Come on show me what youve got. What i wanted to talk to you about is that isis was created was you part of the Iraqi Military were forced out they have to employment. All right now bush is going what . Your brother created isis. Larry duhdayum. Your brother created isis. Hey, jeb its going to have to be he my friend are got the burn notice. Clearly. Usa humor. No worries generalry jebbrey he has got president ial blood in his blood his dad put the serum in his blood. Okay knock this girl for high manatee. Okay technically you are right people asked the question. Just made it pretty cogeft point. More pornly the wrath the republican condition data and why is any of this relevant to jebs presidency. I mean thats not him. He is his own man. The Washington Post points out jeb bush has hired 21 people who worked for either his father or his brother to advise him on Foreign Policy all while saying though that he is his own man. Larry okay, but hes hiring everyone who got us into iraq in the first place . What is this like a heist movie getting the old crew back together for like one last destabilization of the region . I dont get it. And the worst part is not only did he get skunk by a College Student he got so flustered, he did this. Okay. Oh jebediah. I think its tame for one of my Larry Wilmore optic tips sponsored by warby parker, by parker glasses in the mail or something look that i done know the sling an. Okay. When anyone but especially a woman confronts you with a tough question on the campaign trail the number one thing you dont want to do is put your hand on her like shes been overcome with the lady his terics and needs to be escorted to a fainting couch. Thats not the look my dude. Okay. This has been Larry Wilmore optic tips sponsored by warby parker. Youre welcome. All right. Oh move on to some good news in the thrilling world of Blood Donations. On tuesday the food and Drug Administration released the outline of its new guidelines for Blood Donations from gay men. The drafted recommendations would make it possible for men who have had sex with men to donate blad for the first time in 30 years. The ban was started back in the 80s due to concerns of the hiv virus. Larry guys, i know this is a controversial statement but i have to say it aids you are the worst. Have at me twitter come on. I just slammed aids. Come on that was the 80s. It was such a long time ago. Thats when people thought gay still meant happy and transwas still just an am. laughter right . A long time ago. And thanks to improve testing hiv is not the danger to Blood Donation it once was so way to go fda. End of story right. Under the new rule proposal gay men would be allowed to donate after abstaining from sex for one year. Larry a year . Theres gay men, not the unsullied. [bleep] well when do these new results go into affect. The fda will finalize the new results after a 30 day review period. Larry you need 30 days to figure this out. Let me save you some time. Its stupid. All right look you know i think we need to get a little more perspective. To help us understand this et abouter please welcome bag of blood everyone. cheers and applause hey bag. How are you doing bag. Hey larry larry so bag help me understand what is going on here. Larry, it is insane that because of some 1980s aids phobia theyre asking gay men to be celibate for a year to donate blood. That is a lot of marching into a bloodmobile. Larry true, true i never thought of it like that. And at least it will be easier to find a vein. True. Ha, ha ha. You got jokes larry. But i dont think they thought this through. This would be torture a bunch of light he headed gay men who havent had sex for a area lying down next to each other on a bus . laughter well thats grindr on wheels. Thats true. Larry true. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Misblood. True true but here is what really boils myself. If you engage in the most highrisk freak nasty sex stuff you dont have to wait for a year. So you are all good, larry. Larry no, bag o blood no no no. Im just yanking your vein. Larry thank you, i appreciate that. Seriously this whole thing crazy do you know how much it you put pan back in 1938. Back then bill kosby had only raped 24 women. Larry wow. That was that was a long time ago. Actually bagging you got the jokes. Are you a little type a . Thats offensive larry. Larry oh okay. I dont find that funny at all. Larry im sorry, i apologize. Way to ab negative. Ha, ha ha yeah. Larry bag of blood everybody well be right back. See what it means to never settle. Try tmobile risk free for 14 days. This is the movie youve all been waiting for. This is your mission. Noo. This is an envelope. Thats actually. Were all gonna die . Not a movie. I dont know anything do you think im an idiot . ahhhhh but, really, just a commercial. Reminding people to eat m ms. Wait. What . This is just a commercial . . Um. Can someone shut off the missile . Youre all excited to book that vacation flight. Plenty of seats to choose from right . Buuut the minute you try to use reward miles from your Airline Credit card. Its slim pickins the flights you want sorry, they ask for a ridiculous number of miles. Time to switch to the capital one venture card. With venture, youll earn unlimited double miles. And using those miles is easy. Just book any flight you want, on any airline. Then use your miles to cover the cost. No blackout dates. Whats in your wallet . Our pizza hut big flavor dipper pizza is almost twofeet of pizza. Whoa. Youre gonna need a bigger car. Get the new big flavor dipper pizza with four flavorful sauces and a free pepsi 2liter with online orders. Just 12. 99. Only at pizza hut. Larry welcome back. Here is my exive producer rory albanese. Also joining me from inside the building is our nightly show head writer robin thede. And he plays Pete Campbell merchandise men Series Finale this sunday do not miss it acker Vincent Kartheiser. So every thursday we do something called bag o grab this time in honor of mad men we are doing briefcase of grab. Very nice. Larry so you open the briefcase and you cant look inside. And whatever you pull out will be our topic. Okay. So ladies first since it is mad men the ladies were treated horribly back then so vincent. Dont clap for that. Do not clap for that. Why are you before we start,. Larry okay. There you go. Larry so just grab. Where are the smokes. Under the. Theyre under. The first one is a dash hes the boss. Larry hes bot. Damn right. This is great. Larry so this is an article about mens view of women. They just did a survey by the Shriver Group and they said nearly half the men said it was harder to be a man today than it was for their fathers generation specifically because of the advancement of women. Yeah yes. Larry robin before you answer let me get a little scotch. Its i think thats a fabulous thing. Why not. You know and i think its hilarious. Men should be up set. Of course they should be up settle people in the majority are always going to be up set when they get a little competition and look i was a black girl that grew up in iowa i was glad to be the only one. Larry you grew newspaper a trailer park. I did. Larry robin grew up in a trailer park. I did, thanks. But its still roomier than her apartment in new york city. It was a double wide. Why is it harrer for a man. Here is the thing. I think its hard ear harder but as a white guy i can tell you it was easier for our grandfather they lives were a million times easier. Larry in terms of. Being a quite guy in america. For me as a white gienow its like 100,000 times better, you know what i mean. Its still so much better than it is to be anything else. Larry so white guys want from here to there everybody else is yeah yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. True. And youre messing up this. Because when you think about it, when you think about like when you think about the generation like our grandfathers generation everybody is like e o the greatest generation yeah like a plus on the whole hitler thing you know what i mean. But when it comes to like treating women and like the environment f minus, you know what i mean. So they werent really the greatest. Larry vince. That is such an embarrassing statistic. How you could possibly that men are so afraid of anybody having any sort of almost equality. Like even even the needle moving a little bit like makes us terribly insecure and well thats why things arent perfect in my world. Because someone else got something. I just like the image of the grumpy man with it. Really too, that nostalgia, back in my day it was better. One you were younger. And two two like of course it was better for new the 1950s. But if you were a gay guy or black guy what it was or a gay black guy. Forget that guy. That was the worse. Or a woman. Black lesbians have had the hardest. Who are these men . That like what is it about dow not watch fox news theyre all over the place. I do not watch fox news. Theyre everywhere. Lets pick another rory you want to pick one. I will pick one. Larry robin, you have to go last. Save the best for last. Go for it middle. Go grab. Larry what have you got there. This one is great. Larry that is what we covered cant this is the gay blood story. Okay. You probably a little tired. Larry so we did this story. The water boarding oh its legal. I swear its been a year. Its been a year. You havent had sex in a year you may need some kind of resuscitation. Yeah. He doesnt have any man parts. He doesnt have sex ever. Thats a good point. Larry here is what i want to know. What is the test to prove that someone hasnt had sex for aier. What is that test . I think if you can name more than ten Justice League characters in under a minute then youre probably good. You have had too much time. You are just kind ever a nerd,s thiss all. Larry are you surprised by that story. I am the same as you. I had no idea that was a law. Thats insane yeah. I agree. Larry i cant believe someone would write that. How can we do this. Hmmmm hmmmm. Lets make them not have sex for a year. And why why a year. Is there some soft, i know the test takes a couple of mondays and then you need another test but why a year . Nine months is for punishment. The last three months are necessary. I also think too how do you tell. And theres got to be like the guy in the waiting room which is humping the chair you know. Lets take him first. Lets get you know what, you get in here now. Where is all your blood. Its in my. Larry all the blood. Okay well be right back with a couple more of these in a secretary [music playing] this beer. Light beer. Is one of the hardest beers in the world to brew. Mainly, because there are no heavy flavors to hide any imperfections. And it just so happens that miller lite has won more gold medals than any other light beer. Now theres some bar room trivia for you. Its miller time. I see stories in peoples faces. In their hands. In their eyes. People tell me stories without saying one word. So i listen. Then i give it back. What are you chasing . Hennessy. Never stop. Never settle. Only pull n peel lets you pull it, peel it, play it. Fun never tasted so good with chewy, fruity pull n peel candy from twizzlers. If unsightly tartar buildup is giving your dog bad breath. Try doggie dentures. Now available in extra white umm, youre kidding right . Just give me dentastix. The dog treat thats clinically proven to reduce tartar buildup. With xfinity from comcast you can manage your account anytime, anywhere on any device. Just sign into my account to pay bills manage Service Appointments and find answers to your questions. You can even check your connection status on your phone. Now its easier than ever to manage your account. Get started at comcast. Com myaccount. Larry welcome back. My panel rorkey albanese, robin thede an Vincent Kartheiser. With very one more briefcase o grab. Robin. Finally. Larry what have we got. Oh. Larry okay, so this is a mad men. Very good. Larry all right so actually there is like a lot of mad men conspiracy theories out there. So robin,. I absolutely have one. Larry about the last episode. I cannot take credit for this but this is author named lindsay green who says that don draper is actually dd cooper. Larry have you heard this . No one in the audience knows who bb cooper is. They will google it. Theyre going to google it. It is lighting up right now. What do you think about this . I dont think its true. Oh. All right. I done think its true but im not its above my pay grade that question. Fair enough but i got half an answer. Do you have security clearance over there. No, no, no. But you only have some of amount of time on set and i havent ever asked that question. I have been more interested with how my hair looks. Thats fair. They really mess with your hair a lot in that last scene. Larry do we have enough time for were clearly on okay we have enough time for a quick one. So. If not everybody else. All right so robin. Yes. You want to go first here is your question robin if you can ask i thought i withs going to ask one for a moment. Larry if you could ask Vincent Kartheiser any question what would it be . Okay. All right. Keep it pg. How does mad men end. Thats good. You asked if. Good question. Larry he wont do it. I cant answer that. Yes you can you know why. Everybody dies. Eventually. Larry that somehow it ends. This is what i would ask. I kept it 100. Larry here is your rory keep it 100. If you could ask Vincent Kartheiser in i question what would it be. I would say how does yeah how does mad men end, whats the how is that last episode just what happens. Everybody lives. It is happily ever after. We have time for one more question. This is for vincent. Vincent this is how does mad men end . Hold on hold on hold on. Here you go. Pay attention to this how does mad men end . Because we can to the wait until sunday how does it end. Just tell us once did you know how it ends . I do know how it ends. You do. Would you tell us . You hear that. You do know how it ends. You know how tends you said you didnt know how it ends. You do know how it ends. Yes i do. Tell us how it ends. I will tell you the last three words of the show. Fade to black. Larry well be right back right after this. [basketball crowd noise] voice of Michael Jordan we love sweat. We love sweat. No, we love a certain kind of sweat. Because while we all sweat not all sweat is created equal. We love the sweat that comes from pushing yourself, the kind thats made at the edge of potential. The kind thats made from getting up, and getting back up. Because thats where sweat lost, becomes strength gained. Thats the sweat that helps us beat yesterday. That turns setbacks, into the backstory. Yeah, thats the sweat we love. Thats the sweat we live to replace. Thats the sweat that comes out, when greatness goes in. Everything you need to keep sweating. [ male announcer ] cats will do anything for the irresistible taste of temptations treats. What are you doing . Oh, here check this out. [ meows ] temptations. Cats cant resist. Heineken light. The best light beer youve ever tasted. Or ill give you your money back. Not me. I wont. Someone will give you your money. Someone at heineken. Im guessing. Is it . can i play too . she asked strong can tell a bedtime story. From gate 9. At ts network has the nations strongest 4g lte signal. Okay thats our show i want to thank you our panelist, railroady Albanese Robin thede an Vincent Kartheiser. Give them a round of applies applause. Dont forget to like us on facebook, and keep track of everything yen line. Since we are not doing shows next week i want to say to David Letterman who is doing his last show on may 20th. Thank you for changing the game, dave you truly are an icon you have inspired so so many of news this business. Will you be missed some of. Have a great final week my friend this is to you mr. Letterman. Its 121 5 the and 59 seconds this happened on reddit today look everyone knows your friendly neighborhood spiderman he has been in am couldics cartooned maguire maguired garfielded gone latino. Named on broadway to the music of you2 we thought there were no new angles until a redditor named fuddle posted the following video to quote the caption nothing about this toy makes sense
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