Hit the earth than see either donald trump or Hillary Clinton be elected president. [ laughter ] larry to be fair, giant meteor did pick Elizabeth Warren as its running mate. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] people love her. People do love her. But speaking of extinctionlevel events, the Clinton Campaign avoided a big one earlier today when the fbi wrapped up its investigation into hillarys email scandal. All right, fbi, what are your findings . The American People are sick and tired of hearing about your damn emails. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] larry wow. Okay, well, i guess thats it. Im sorry. This is the fbi. We cannot find a case that would support bringing criminal charges on these facts. We are expressing to justice our view that no charges are appropriate in this case. [ cheers and applause ] larry yay. Yay. [ laughter ] because in this cycle, scraping just below the bare minimum for criminality counts as electable [ laughter ] [ applause ] all right. Whatever. Okay. So what exactly did the fbi find . There is evidence that they were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information. Larry our secretary of state was extremely careless. [ laughter ] okay . Thats bad news if hillary wants to be president but great news if she wants her own multicam sitcom. [ laughter ] [ applause ] anyway, the fbi not recommending charges. Its actually great news for the Clinton Campaign. For once it doesnt have that clinton stink on it, right . Her interview came after days of controversy over a private meeting between former president bill clinton and attorney general Loretta Lynch. Both have said they regret the meeting. [ laughter ] larry mm. Excuse me. Just adding Loretta Lynch to my list of women who regret privately meeting with bill clinton. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all right. Please tell me, how did this happen . Mr. Clinton got word that her plane was coming in. He delayed. He was running late. He stopped and waited for her to come onto the tarmac. Then privately met with her for 30 minutes. Larry he waited for her plane . And what, he just traipses across the tarmac and climbs aboard . [ imitating bill clinton ] hey, is that lorettas plane . [ laughter ] i gotta find out whats going on with her kids. [ laughter ] keep the engine running. Ill be right back. Yo, loretta [ laughter ] come on over. Yeah, park it over there. [ laughter ] no, not you, jetblue. [ laughter ] you over in larry okay. All right. So heres the problem. Because of bills meddling, hillary doesnt even get to really put the email scandal behind her. Right . Because it will always have a thin sheen of clinton corruption on it, which is different from a thin sheen of sheen corruption. [ laughter ] if youve got a thin sheen of sheen on you, see a doctor immediately. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ cheers ] jesus, this whole election has been like a contest to see who can [ bleep ] up their campaign the most. [ laughter ] right . And this weekend, hillary was clearly winning. Donald trump, all you had to do was lay low. [ laughter ] howd you do . Donald trump has fired off yet another tweet thats gotten him into trouble declaring Hillary Clinton the most corrupt candidate ever, over a sixpointed star and dollar bills. The imagery evoking antisemitic stereotypes and appeared ten days earlier on a white supremacist message board. Larry you had one job this week, trump, one job, thats to shut up [ laughter and applause ] thats all you had to do. And you went to antisemitism . [ laughter ] good lord. All right, citrushued vomitbladder, what was your excuse . [ laughter ] tweeting Dishonest Media is trying their absolute best to depict the star in a tweet as the star of david rather than a sheriffs star or plain star. [ laughter ] larry really, donald . You think this star represents sheriffs . [ laughter ] so israels just a country of sheriffs trying to keep law and order in the rootinest, tootinest middle east . [ laughter ] well, i guess in some ways, yeah, they kind of are. All right. All right, trump, who are you blaming for this . Daniel scavino, trumps former new york golf course caddyturned social media director for the campaign, now says he selected the star. Explaining he found it under microsoft shapes. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] [ applause ] larry all right. Your golf caddy is blaming microsoft, microsoft shapes. [ laughter ] now i can see why 13 of people chose death by meteor for president. [ laughter ] here to tell us more about this situation, please welcome retired Microsoft Office assistant clippy [ cheers and applause ] hey, clippy. We havent seen you in a while. I see you want to begin a chat. Larry oh, well, well, yeah. Thats kind of why youre here. So, clippy, the Trump Campaign is chalking this whole thing up to the default microsoft shapes, but that seems absurd. Right . It looks like you want to know more about my default shapes. [ laughter ] larry yeah, actually. I mean, that would be very helpful. Thank you, clippy. Do you want to create a circle . Larry no. Do you want to create a square . Larry no. I wanted to talk about the do you want to create a jew star . Larry whoa [ laughter ] hold on. Oh oh, my gosh. So it is a default microsoft shape. But, wait, did you really just call that a jew star . [ laughter ] clippy, thats awful. Oh, it looks like you find the jews awful. Larry no, no, no. Wait. Do you want to create a flyer telling jews to get out of your neighborhood . No, i dont clippy, stop undo cancel go back go back i heard you say black. Do you want to create a Party Invitation for your black friends . [ laughter ] larry i dont want to create a party for my black i think weve gotten way off track here, clippy. Lets decorate it with party snacks. Larry oh [ laughter ] what the [ bleep ], clippy . [ laughter ] shall i print off labels to invite all of your big booty hoes . Larry wait no what are you talking about . Im only basing this on your browser history. Larry okay, clippy. [ laughter ] stop it right now. And i dont know any big booty hoes. Thats why i was searching for them i mean, i wasnt searching for them. [ laughter ] would you like me to build a wall around your party to keep mexican rapists out . Larry no clippy delete, delete. No. I think i know why microsoft got rid of you a while back. Clippy, everyone. Make America Great again all lives matter larry well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] all lives aha cinnamon. Milk. Cinnamilk. Cinnamon toast crunch. Crunch crave those crazy squares. Cinnamilk [ tires screech ] flo [ ghost voice ] oooo [ laughs ] jaaaaamie, the name your price tool can show you Coverage Options to fit your budget. Tell me something i dont know oh ohhh she slimed me. Which i probably shouldve seen coming. [ laughs ] wevmajor delays. Ures, interstate closures, [sigh] i wish i had a president ial escort. [police siren] wish bold in the 2017 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. She could be my little frec me but miniaturer sleeping on the sofa till she tackles and i tickle her the whisperer i could be your listener telling me your stories while im showing her her signature, the scribbler [ cheers and applause ] larry welcome back. Youve probably heard of jack daniels tennessee whiskey, but you probably never heard this. Jack daniels founder actually learned a lot about making whiskey from a slave. The traditional story states that a preacher named dan caul taught the young daniel how to make whiskey. It was actually nearis green, a slave belonging to caul who taught daniel the proper technique. Larry jack daniels was invented by a slave named nearis green . [ laughter ] why are we learning about this now . [ laughter ] well, according to the new york times, a jack daniels historian says, when you look at the history of jack daniels, in the 1980s, they aimed at yuppies. I could see them taking it to the next level, to millennials who dig social justice issues. [ laughter ] millennials who dig social justice issues . [ laughter ] wait. So this isnt being revealed to us as a mea culpa . Its being used as a Marketing Campaign to sell millennials . Al jack daniels executive said he didnt think it was a conscious decision but with the onset of the anniversary milestone he admits it was something we could be proud of. Larry what the [ bleep ], jack done yells . [ laughter ] something you could be proud of . No, its not okay . For more on this story, were joined by our own grace parra. [ cheers and applause ] howdy, larry. The only thing hotter than the south in july is social justice. Were talking black stuff. [ laughter ] larry black stuff is hot . No, no, no, grace. Im not going to let you talk about slavery with your red carpet lingo. But, larry, 2016s hottest trend is acknowledging the contributions of those enslaved during americas darkest epoch slavery. [ laughter ] watch out, kunta kinte, cause theres a new slave in town, and his name is nearis green [ laughter ] larry grace, grace, stop it. Stop raising the roof for slaves. Okay . [ laughter ] please dont turn this into a competition for hollywoods hottest slave. [ laughter ] isnt it cynical that jack daniels is giving credit to a slave so that millennials will buy their liquor . Laraldo, of course, is [ laughter ] jds thirst for that Millennial Money is more exposed than carey underwoods side leg at the cmas. That nashville star proved shes the real tennessee honey. Larry grace, focus please. Grace, arent people who care about social justice issues going to see through this black slaves matter pandering . Au contraire, mon chocolat frere [ laughter ] Harriet Tubmans on the new twenty. Wgns slave saga underground is a runaway hit, and nate parkers star turn in birth of a nation is enough to make anyone take off their klan hood get out of here, klan hood [ laughter ] ooh, ooh. [ laughter ] larry are you making out with yourself, grace . I am. [ laughter ] larry stop it. Stop it. I just want you to make sense of this. Can you do that for us, please . I can do it in two words, lalter cronkite slavery chic. [ laughter ] larry slavery chic . Grace, have you been drinking . Maybe. [ laughter ] look, were all slaves for slaves right now. Larry, you may be upset that this is a marketing tool, but america gets to learn about some of its finest forgotten figures in history. And if you get the truth out there, who cares if people are getting that sweet jack buzz while its going . [ laughter ] its still out there. [ laughter ] larry well, i guess you have a point. Oh, yeah, larry. Right now jack daniels is the Jesse Williams of liquors. [ laughter ] larry really . Oh, yeah. Its smooth. Its woke. And i want to take it into my bathtub and pour it all over my grace anatomy. [ laughter ] jesse, call me [ cheers and applause ] larry all right, grace. Youve been cut off. All right. Slave responsibly no, dont slave responsibly. Grace parra, everyone. Well be right back. When our troops dont come back, someone has to help their families move forward. My family lost so much. It was a shock. It was a void. Special Operations Warrior Foundation was there for me. Without special Operations Warrior Foundation, i dont know how we would all afford to go to college. Now through july 31st, a portion of each sale of specially marked cherry extra strength 5hour energy® shots benefits the special Operations Warrior Foundation. We hope you will join the fight. Larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. First up, nightly show contributor ricky velez, nightly show contributor grace parra. [ cheers and applause ] he stars in the show another period, now in its second season, airing wednesdays on Comedy Central at 10 00 p. M. , and hes an author whose latest book a childs first book of trump is out now. Comedian michael ian black. And for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter nightlyshow using the tonightly. Last week Abu Bakr Albaghdadi last week bill clinton and attorney general Loretta Lynch met privately on the tarmac of the phoenix airport. At the very same time, the Justice Department was still investigating hillarys private email server. She was pretty much exonerated today, but it still doesnt look pass the smell test. Im going to ask you straight up, is bill clinton trying to ruin his wifes chance of becoming president . [ laughter ] no. Larry no . No, think about everything we know about bill clinton,. Larry okay. Would he purposely keep himself away from the white house . [ laughter ] hes had some of the best sex of his life [ laughter ] larry in the white house . In the white house. Larry wow. I agree with that. You have guys i dont know if you remember the 1986 film first kid starring sinbad. [ laughter ] larry its in my netflix queue. [ laughter ] hes a secret Service Agent who loves the first kid. Clinton can be the first dude. So its basically the same movie bull with a lot more hand jobs. [ laughter ] larry im just so youre serious because of those reasons that hes not [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i dont i dont think i dont think he [ bleep ]. I think he went in there and made sure she didnt get indicted today. Thats what happened. Larry he took care of business. He talked about kids for a halfhour in details. No one talks about kids for a halfhour in details. [ laughter ] larry yeah. Unless its garrett fogel. Like, thats the only person. [ laughter ] oh. Larry have you met my mother . [ laughter ] shes got a dog about this big named jakey that she wont shut the [ bleep ] up about. [ laughter ] you think you would stop a plane for janky . Are you the resident conspiracy theorist because i just want to know. [ laughter ] its fourth of july weekend and whats more american than being lied to by the clintons . Come on. [ laughter ] larry so youre saying he did a patriotic act. Yeah. [ laughter ] larry is there any chance that he did do you honestly in your heart of hearts, do you think he talk to her about that or do you think he was telling the truth . In my heart of hearts, i think he is more or less telling the truth because i because i dont trust him, but i trust her. I have no reason not to trust her. Larry right, but why would he get on that plane . It still doesnt make sense. Why would he do that . Exactly. Thats the problem. [ laughter ] thats the problem. It doesnt make sense. I dont know. Of will very possible. I could only imagine larry go ahead. I think he was trying to put on a charm offensive. Larry what . But but but but without directly talking about the case. Larry thats tampering. Sure, its tampering but in the sweetest possible way, larry. [ laughter ] larry really . Yes, in the chrming big dog way we enjoy from bill clinton. Larry her people must have known this was not good. Oh, [ bleep ] bill clintonens coming here, what do we do . Is anyone surprised when politicians are politiciany . I feel like theyre always doing this. Were not politicians im not a politician. Politicians larry [ bleep ] tsa . [ laughter ] [ applause ] the clintons are always doing things that its hard for us to understand and to yes. Larry [ bleep ]. So clintons closest aide huma abedin revealed that hillary burned thats not her issue. Shes burning her schedule. Larry shes close to issues. Okay, right. But hillary burned her daily schedules. Who does that . It is on her schedule to burn her schedule. [ laughter ] you know how corrupt you have to be as a person . Larry all right so trump, of course, he did the can we show the tweet in trump. He called her the most corrupt candidate. Do you guys think trump is antisemitic . I was saying earlier, i dont think he has enough thought process going on to really be antisemitic. Hes if hes antisemitic, hes the worst one. Shes not even jewish. Right . [ laughter ] at least with bernie, come on. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] is it makes more sense. Hes not even good at it. Do we know shes not jewish . Have you seen her [ bleep ] because i have not. [ laughter ] i am jewish. [ laughter ] and i would say it doesnt matter if hes an antisemite or not. It doesnt matter if hes a racist or not. What hes doing is hes blowing the show farr, which is the the horn that we jews well, we blow horns. [ laughter ] and hes assembling the jewhaters and assembling the white supremacists. Larry its a dog business his. No, its a marching band. Its not a dog whistle. It is the full orstra. He took the meme off someone else and took the credit for it. Larry lazy racism. Yes. [ laughter ] its lazy. Thinking it through racism. Whatever happened to that . [ laughter ] whether or not hes an antisemite, to me it doesnt matter. Larry i have to keep disagreeing. It does matter. It doesnt because [ laughter ] no, it matters huge if youre an antisemite and you want to be president of the united states. Weve had president s who hated jews. [ cheers and applause ] yes. Larry but we dont want to keep doing that. Im not advocating for the guy. Larry yes, you are. [ laughter ] i am a little bit. I am a little bit. [ laughter ] larry youre saying it doesnt matter. It matters. Im saying what he says is more important to me than whats in his heart. Like, if i say, for example, i think black people are terrific. I dont mean it. But im [ laughter ] but im oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. Larry all right. Michael ian negro, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back. Larry if you live in the new york city area or planning to visit, grab some free tickets an upcoming show of the the nightly show. Welcome to stouffers fit kitchen. Prime cuts of meat. 25 grams of protein. And savory, mouthwatering sides. Its the perfect balance of delicious and nutritious. Making it just the right fit for you. Stouffers fit kitchen meals. This is fit. Larry all right. Thanks to the panelists, michael ian back. Goodnightly, everyone [ cheers and applause ] from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show thank you so much, everybody im trevor noah. Tonights guest, im so excited, a great comedian and aficionado of food. Jim gaffigan, everybody cheers and applause but first, happy belated fourth of july, everyone. I hope you had an amazing weekend because mine truly was. I actually got asked to join taylor swifts squad. laughter yeah. She gives you the flag bikini when she