On anybody. Host when did you write limping through life . Is that the first time people had learned . Grey surprised . Will they probably were because i tried to act like i was there prevails i suspect. My family was surprised by army friends thought i pulled wool over their eyes which i did. Professor emeritus your is the cover of the book limping through life a farm boys polio memoir by jerry apps we didnt worry too much because we have a great draw today. Im professor of sociology here at nyu and the is to for Public Knowledge we in the index base as the host this evenings event as part of n. Y. U. That tries to take a deal is the and intellectuals that may otherwise spend too much time inside the ivory tower and put them all into the world so be a to generate conversations with the people of University World we do many events like this we urge you to get on our mailing list said tonight is exciting for me for many reasons and one is that our distinguished guests tonight was usually helpful to me by recent collaborator with we were writing the book modern romance we drew heavily from the foundation of her knowledge she said so many things that were interesting to us but with the conversation and what to look belfour i will always remember one of the most amazing experiences that we had when writing the book we were doing a bunch of focus groups at the Upright Citizens Brigade and we wanted to talk to people of different generations that were involved with relationships so we gave an invitation to say you are welcome to come to the focus group basically the tickets were free and all you have to do it to come in the spring your parent or grandparent. So huge numbers of people did and we pulled a surprise and said the Younger Generation on one side of the auditorium in the older generation on the other and we separated them and right before i went onstage if we were standing behind a curtain every peeked out and we saw that on the left side of the stage all the total strangers were talking to each other. How did you wind up here . Huge you know, who this guy is . And on the right side everybody was on their phone. Every single person. But there was something that was happening about that conversation and how it has changed talking to those on the right side but a look different we didnt go deep in this issue because there was no reason to. We do she will not get the part dash she has. So tonight we are here for a conversation about reclaiming conversation instead of letting her do that Public Lecture it will be hard am pleasurable at the same time as a colleague ganda friend with communication here at generally the former editor of american in quarterly in the author of several books is and entangled memories with the politics of remembering and the coeditor of those technological visions the hope and fear that shapes new technology. And working on those truly one of the most influential professor of the Science Technology officer at m. I. T. Imparted several landmark books that continue to have influence working in many different fields today but i will list some of the most wellknown people the second self, life on the screen screen, stimulation and a discontent in the book were all here to discuss is reclaiming conversation. We are selling the book as well if we take pride having book begins where they have no books to carry home so youre here for free view have to do your part at the end of the night. The professor is unique to bring those psychological as well as sociological frame of reference and has real Historical Perspective because she is working in this area since personal computers and has observed a the arc of this culture. Some to say that she has changed her mind because she ran from. Technology to be antitechnology but if you read her work or listen closely you will know that is the character she isnt Antisense Technology but pro conversation pro facetoface interactiinteracti on and were all here to have a good conversation tonight so i just ask that if if possible, put down your device turned it off with duck your head and join me to welcome the professors said after the has been some time speaking with each other join them in conversation as well. We do have cspan here filming so that means money get to the questions and answers so we will wait for the microphone. So please welcome our guest. [applause] we are all microphone up. [laughter] i was remembering the other day i think i have known you 20 years is even though we havent seen each other that often each time that we have we have had a great conversation so the place that i want us so what makes a meaningful conversation . What is of a conversation that you are asking us to have in your book . It is such a wonderful question is different of course, if you think of children and parents develop the developmentally what makes a great conversation because a great deal is talking about the clear and present danger of parents not having conversations with their children and my we talk about our conversations i want to make a plug for the developmental importance for parents and children meeting face to face and eyetoeye as i have just become more aware as parents texting and at breakfast and dinner and children tugging at the sleeves of the parents who really are not paying attention to them in the park waiting to them from the jungle gym looked at me in cutting it short with the vacation because the wife died as a work and in the mall will breastfeed and text and a little place for a the ipad. I would like to Say Technology makes us forget what we know about life and what parents know is that they need to look at their children and make eye contact that is how you make a person. One of the most meaningful conversations i have had in writing this book was with the man who says he has a 11 yearold daughter it when she was a baby he gave her baths and talk to her and play with her and sing with her and he knew those conversations formed the bedrock of their relationship and now we have the two yearold he puts her in the bathtub to make sure the water is low and puts down the seat is its there to do email on the ice dont. He knows i know that its not right but that is what i am doing now. In just to begin with that motivation i think it is making us forget what we know about life but more generally declined and i am talking about because you dont live in a silent world we are talking to each other but where people make themselves vulnerable with a certain spontaneity where the conversation goes where it will and we will allow it to but it is the opposite the conversation with the union to city he doesnt like to have a conversation he said ill tell you what is wrong it takes place in realtime did you never know you are going to say. [laughter] when i talking about it is openended you can ask me anything where i allowed myself to let you take me someplace. So with that issue of trust with the means that we have today with the context of the family so if we think about the stakes involved with sat facetoface conversation i am thinking these are urgent times for anyone who doesnt feel we go from one crisis to the next there is a sense of urgency that there is the sense of urgency in the part with children has the most urgency in it. But also talking about the crisis in the state of the world also talking about vulnerability that we are unable to express politically or what you point to hear which is how to have the basic level conversation that isnt yet scripted so how do you think about that in relation to the question . One of the young women that i interviewed Just Graduated College shocked me with this answer. She said im glad to have any controversial opinions. [laughter] because of the Internet Everything is public and everything is kept forever and that is not a comfortable place to express yourself. Is our sense of portability of fluid is watching who was watching with the political environment with the feeling i am glad i dont have any controversial opinions that is different from saying i have a larger version opinions and i am a greek that the internet is a place site have to express them and how i will do that to strategizing to say i am glad i dont have any controversial opinions. And the silence is so profound that happens before she even allows herself so we are so afraid of how vulnerable we feel that it could silence us at the most basic level and i think that goes very deep. Because of new technology for so long part of what we are dealing with is the new technology and social media to 30 to further amplified you describe so many that people try to have the conversation with people aware of their phone. This sense you cannot get the attention of whoever it is that you are trying to have so i think we have that predigital media are at the Cocktail Party so part of my question is how do we make sense beyond amplification in the degree . There is a line in the sea and Research Shows if you put a phone on the table to things happen in the conversation becomes were trivial is you and the other person feel i owe less empathic connection with each other because it symbolizes that any moment you could be interrupted so the trigger for me getting involved feeling it was the right thing to write about was the development oldies technology where the tension is always divided that is that trigger technology that we dont know how to manage to get. So the urgency is not that we give up the phone at all they are here tuesday that allows us to be always in touch with each other but the social more a that make sense with this technology. For example, look back but i would never say to you hold on. Give me just a second i want to catch two paragraphs of madam of blue dash boveri. [laughter] i need to know. No matter how seductive the book we have developed ways that make sense we have been developed ways to be with our phone that makes sense and whether or not wearing that as a watch this afternoon so is your attention focused on the people you are with . He said no. I always think about what is on my wrist. Is that moving forward or not . Day is think of your book we are an agreement it has the urgent tone but doesnt have the moral tone . Yes. I in trade in that psychodynamics tradition i am trained to think that empathy is key to our humanity to put myself in your shoes from your point of view and i could have said you need to be able to do that. There is a 40 decline and everywhere we knew how to measure in College Students capacity in the past 20 years in the middle schools all over the country i can observe real problem with students ability to put quite simply as early as middle school put them in to the place of the other. So it is natural that this should happen if people dont get practice where empathy is bread which is by talking i like to save the conversation is the talking cure because you learn empathy by being here and imagine getting feedback so we are supposed to learn how to do that. Is talking and i contact but it is also unscripted . But my being attentive tells me where you are going in nonsense it is a collaborative aspect . A you have so many examples of young people saying i am comfortable because i cannot perfectly craft my words i would rather write in emails so i choose my words carefully which is ironic because that is a difficult experience with the tone through email that is known as the medium of misunderstanding that that sense to the unscripted is scary and potentially making more for verbal to wands own feelings in the sense of self. Interesting you should end up at the sense of self as i begin the book on conversation because this is the academic in the telling you what i want you to you take away that conversation begins with that capacity for solitude there is a stunning study that shows College Students were announced if they could be left alone without the device for six minutes will administer electric shocks to themselves rather than continue to sing along with their thoughts. Were losing the capacity for solitude because were so used to having the ability to go with our phone board of is one of the most important things for a child to develop. The capacity for boredom actually your brain plays down for the sense of self. And now those items that have a slot for the tablet or the phone these are the moments where your child needs to be bored and learn to have solitude. So were losing these capacities that are essentials for the conversations that we need to develop. I am thinking someone complained to me if theyre on their device. So now there is a context in which the altered in davos are not necessarily at the deep level conversation. So with that downtime walking in thinking. And then to think i just take bad experience in the b i learn more about science. [laughter] so yes there is a loss and so many students said they interviewed has said borden is something that my generation never pass to think about it again. I will never have to be bored or have a moment of downtime. I think this is not necessarily progress. That to embrace solitude it is not happy that after six minutes they were literally jumping out of their skin. And then i would love to have questions and also discuss later is the researchers who did the research on the College Students 40 decline they were very depressed even they were shocked at that number but that and that the gap and to the next thing that they turn to the start to write into the apps for the iphone. That is borderline between technology. What about using technology to increase our sense of the but the