Transcripts For CSPAN3 An Intimate Memoir 20150117 : vimarsa

CSPAN3 An Intimate Memoir January 17, 2015

Community work and Martin Luther king day. We recorded his remarks in january 2003 in pasadena, california. It is about 50 minutes. [applause] first of all, i want to say how happy i am to be here in pasadena and romans primarily because this is really my inaugural booksigning if you will. So hopefully you will feel as excited as i feel about the first part of my book tour. Also, this is the very special time of year as we begin to reflect on my fathers birth, his actual birthday being january the 15th and, of course, celebrating as a National Holiday on the 20th next monday. So as we pause as the nation pauses to reflect on these teachings, principles and lifes work, i hope that we will all remember that the message he left for us is really truly rooted being our best selves. I always think of the fact that people compare my father to so many great icons, but i would like to think of them first and foremost as daddy. To me he was just simply someone i could seek refuge in. And i think that the book was for me a great opportunity to get some of these issues out on the table, to look back of the years and expand the rich legacy that im very proud of being a part of. And the fact that he was a very serious person in public, the public man that we all know, yet, in private he was very funloving, very playful. I saw him more as a playmate than i saw him as a father and he enjoyed having fun and being with his children. We didnt get a chance unfortunately, spending a lot of time, quantity time but quality time we spent was very memorable. And enriching. I talk about these many experiences that i will always cherish but i also deal with the fact that at a very young age, this great tragedy that struck america, that struck all of us affected all of us in some way left a very deepseated feeling of incompletion. So the book in a real sense helped me to bring this tragedy full circle because my family really had not dealt with my fathers death in a real substantial way, in a real sense we followed my mothers example of strength and nurturing. She was very courageous and stoic at the time of my fathers death so we really didnt a chance to grieve, if you will. And we moved on with our lives. So as an adult, a young man, i began to realize that there were some issues that i had not quite resolved that i had not fully put in perspective so i needed a means for addressing those feelings. And certainly having this opportunity to write this book to deal with the memoir gave me a sense of liberation, really, for lack of a better word and also being very cathartic and to really see our lives in an objective sense. So i also dont know that many people are aware of the string of tragedies that befell my family. Not just my father but my uncle, my fathers brother who was like a surrogate after my father left us and less than a im sorry, a year, im sorry, a little bit longer than a year, just barely a year after my fathers death, my uncle passed away. And then a few years after that, my grandmother and these were three of really the closest people to me in my growing up and the fact of the matter is, i was very confused with me grandmothers death because she was because of the way she was killed. She was killed in the Church Sanctuary by a deranged gunman and at that age i was old enough to really experience or understand what death in a very practical sense was all about. So it really had a major impact on me to the point where i questioned why i asked god the questions of why did this happen to such a wonderful person. And really the strength that i derived from my grandfather and the other family members was the thing that kept me going. The fact that i was with my grandfather as my grandmother was being operated on in the hospital, in the emergency room. My grandfather, my cousin and i walked over to the prison ward of the hospital because the suspect had been apprehended and also had sustained some injuries. And to witness my grandfathers testimony to say to this deranged individual that he actually would forgive him for the heinous act that he committed and as a 13yearold standing there witnessing this helped to lay the foundation for my sense of healing and my sense of openness and my sense of forgiveness. I also was brought back or rather it was brought back to mind that in the late 50s my father was actually autographing a book in harlem, new york, a woman almost took his life at that time, a story not many people know about. And he forgave the woman that almost took his life from a stabbing that occurred at a book booksigning in new york. What it taught me was that you really do have to live in such a way that you make the fullest of your life because you really dont know what tomorrow brings. And it also teaches me that its important to make sure that you have a Strong Spiritual grounding so that you know within yourself that youre being true to yourself and to your dreams. So i am very proud to, on one hand, have had such a rich legacy but also having tragedy and trauma and hopefully in the end can now say that i am triumphant over tragedy. So i dont see myself as one who should be in any way put on a pedestal. That was the one thing growing up that my father and both parents instill in us that we were normal, ordinary people. And i often tell young people that my father did do extraordinary things but he was an ordinary man and he was a human who wanted, like so many people to be a part of society believed in community, was a very compassionate person, a very warm person, a very giving person and i feel like all of those values and all of those qualities were instill in all of my family members. So im very proud, as i said, to have that rich heritage. And i would lastly say that having this opportunity to be in a real sense the first king sibling if you will, king offspring to have a book at this point to be presented is a real honor and privilege for me because it took a lot out of me to be able to go inside and reach deep down and tap into my innermost feelings and my vulnerabilities and be true to my own inner voice. And this process really has been liberating for me, so i thank all of you for your interest in my story and the fact that i will always continue to uphold what i feel is a very important legacy and the book also touches on that fact that while ive always had to balance this duality of obligation, inheritance with personal ambition and desire and really in a true sense they become one because they both represent me in a true sense so maintaining my identity as my own self, as my own man but being truly honored by my fathers legacy i think is something to be very proud of. I tell a story in the book of how one of my bosses really gave me a tough, for lack of a better word, tough love teteatete where he was simply saying to me, you know, you cant be down on your luck so to speak. You cant feel pity for having lost your father at such a young age and he went on to tell me the fact that not only should i be proud of having one great parent or father, but also a great mother and having two examples, two parents that i can emulate and live up to. So, you know, having people like that in my life, influences who helped me to become the man that i am today is something that i have to be proud of. So i feel like this process has taken me to a point where i can now turn a new leaf in a real sense and i can start to focus on some of the things that dexter for dexter in a very healthy selfinterest way as my father used to say in one of his sermons, one of my favorites three dimensions of a complete life and he talked about the healthy selfinterest instead of unhealthyishness. So im now at a place write put this heavy burden if you will in perspective and i can truly say that i am being true to my calling and to myself. And i feel that its so unique. Its been such a unique experience for me to have had this opportunity, to really get into the meat of who am i as a human, who am i outside of just the son of Martin Luther king, jr. And Coretta Scott king but Dexter Scott King in my own right. So again i want to thank you each and every one of you on your interest and as we embark on this Great Holiday that we think of it and the new definition of what my father defined as greatness. He defined greatness through service to others, the greatest among youth shall be your servant so let us remember the king holiday is not a day off but a day on. And a day that we should be giving back to do the community so at the king center were urging everyone on that day to get involved in the community and do for those who cannot do for themselves. Again, i want to thank each and every one of you. Are we going to open this up so, i guess, at this point we will take some questions. And comments. Yes, sir. How is your mother. My mother is very and she travels and i dont know how she does that. Were trying to slow her town but at the same time i feel like thats what keeps her going and energizes her, so as long as shes happy i think thats the important thing. Thank you for asking. Do you have any im sorry . Do you have any fears in your life . Fear . No, not in a real sense. I try to live life without looking over my shoulder so to speak because that would be very frustrating and growing up, i talk about this, we were always in the threat of danger. I remember in school there were kidnap threats levied on my family and we had teachers going to school well, Police Officers posing as teachers and that type of thing. I kind of joked about the fact that my brother and i, when he got his license we were going driving around somewhere as teenagers do and we had this cop car following us around and it was like cramping our style. [laughter] we couldnt be kids. Danger was a constant companion. But you dont at least we didnt live our lives that way. We were always encouraged to just liv a normal life. Yes. How did your mom deal with the weight of the legacy of her husband . Im sorry, how have a how have you observed with her deal with it . Well, i think shes done very well. I mean and i expressed this in the book how it saddened or really brought tears to my eyes to see that when she and my father met and subsequently got married, they were in new england or boston at the time, and they had a lot of privileges that they didnt have coming back to the south. She was an artist when she met my father. She was in the conservatory, new england conservatory studying music, concert singer. So they had to make a choice, do we go back to the art type events without having the opportunity, like in the south you knew you would be sitting in the balcony or you would have to enter from the rear. These sound like very small things, particularly to kids today who have no real sense of that era. So it brought tears to my eyes for them both in their early 20s, i mean, think of, you know, what we were all doing at that point to say no, we have a contribution to make. We have to go back to our homeland in the south to make it better for all people. So for me, that inspired me to let me know that she actually in many ways inspired him and gave him a lot of the impetus. For instance, she was a peace activist at Antioch College long before she met my father. So the fact of the matter is she had paid her dues in many ways so when they met it was almost as if it was a natural partnership. And she cobted certainly after his death by institutionalizing and i feel in many ways popularizing because in america we are very much into symbols. And a holiday is the time that we can reflect. And all of the work she did to raise the consciousness of his work and his legacy is probably the greatest tribute she could pay in a lasting institutional sense. Yes, sir . How long did it take you to write this book . How much time . I would say probably about four years. About four years. Yes. Wow. Spent a lot of time on that. Yes, i did. What are your dreams and aspirations . Well, im a very creative person, always have been. I have a love for music. I have a love for any type of Creative Outlet that allows my voice to shine through. I think having grown up in a musical family, as i mentioned my mom and even my dad, i feel like he was an artist, a musician, if you will, his voice, his oratory was very melodic. And all of that resonated in our home. So for me, i have always tried to approach things in a more creative sense. For instance, im not an ordaned minister and did not follow the traditional path people would expect for the son of Martin Luther king jr. Ironically, my sister was the one. And i always say god works in Mysterious Ways because that was, i think for her, her spiritual grounding. She was only 5 years old and did not know my father, never really got a chance to know him. She only knew him through photographs and other memories so she needed that outlet for her, i think, to bring her closer to his spirit. For me, its really about the Creative Outlet. Yes . Why dont you go first and you second . Ok. Thank you. Dexter, you mentioned that sort of in passing that to a lot of younger people having to enter a theater through the back door might seem rather trivial. I grew up in new orleans and i was actually 11 years old when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 act was passed. And i remember very well not being able to go into certain movie theaters and having to drink from different water fountains than white americans and not being able to sit down at lunch counters and eat a hamburger for lunch. I remember all of that suff very well. However, when i try to have discussions as just a simple History Lesson to young people these days both white and black and other, so often im met with a response that im wallowing on it, its in the past, get over it, why do we have to keep revisiting this, thats the trouble with america. We cant let it go. I was wondering if you might share your thoughts with on those sentiments that in my experience, not all, but many young people seem to have. Sure, well, first i think we have to do it again in a creative way. The traditional way sometimes can be somewhat intimidating and to some kids condescending. So i think we do have to be careful not to seem as if were forcefeeding this important message. And secondly, the sad fact of it is that we should not have to dwell or harp on it. The reason, i believe, we still are doing that is because we really have not dealt with it at the core, root level, so were dealing with it superficially and not sacramentally. Until we start to deal witness with it at the heart and spirit level, then we will begin to understand. The first argument is well, i didnt do it. The thing about spirit is that it passes on generationally, so until we deal with it at that level, its not about words. Its really about whats in your heart. So i think thats the way we have to approach. And make sure were doing it with love in our hearts and not again trying to beat someone over the head with a stick of selfrighteousness because no one can hear a message packaged or presented in that fashion. Thank you. I was going to ask about the book itself again. You talked about going deep within to write this story and being that you had to grow up very much in the public eye and your whole family, im wondering what kind of either collaboration or response your family has toward the things youve written about. I obviously havent read it yet. But youve probably written stories and i dont know if you took them from a point of being loyal to the family or being very honest with how dexter felt about the things and pretty much how they feel about the stories and the books and things youve done there. I wrote from a Vantage Point of honesty. My editor, first thing he said to me and my collaborator was, you know, you really have to put everything out on the table. And then its up to us, the editors, to figure out, you know because you cant put everything. It hopefully ties together in a narrative sense and hopefully it flows in a way that everybody can follow. I do believe the first half of the book was most emotional for me. And i think it comes through that way because that was the part dealing with the tragedies. But the stories for instance, i tell a story about the only time i really saw my dad get upset was the time that my sisters and brother or really my sister and brother hid his cigarettes. And people are, like, well, i didnt know your dad got upset. I didnt know your dad smoked shame on him. And, you know, the fact of the matter is i remember as a youngster or a younger man someone swearing me down in public, your dad did not smoke. And im holding a picture of him holding a cigarette. You know, and its like, he was a human being. Now granted, he did not smoke until the latter part of his life when the movement became so stressful and that was an outlet. And sure, we dont like to think about anyone that we put on a pedestal having flaws. But he was a human being. So the reality is i was very honest first because i was told that that is the only way youre going to get through this process, and its the only way that people will understand the story. If they can identify with it. If you write from a again a superficial Vantage Point, people see right through that. So i, for many reasons, needed to put it out there. But i dont think theres anything in the book thats so alarming that people will say gosh, im appalled by that. But then you never know, people have different opinions and thats their prerogative. Yes . If your dad was still alive today, do you have any thoughts on what he would feel about Race Relations in America Today . Gosh, thats thats a hard one. I think in many respects he would be very alarmed and disturbed, but i think he would also acknowledge that weve come a long way. The fact of the matter is his work was not complete, and his life was cut short. So the continuum or the full circle part of reconciliation did not occur. And if you really understand his philosophy, it really was rooted in the love ethic. And he talked about the importance, he often talked about i was inspired by christ and i got my technique from gandhi. So when you look at the way the Civil Rights Movement happened there was a methodology, it wasnt just ministers feeling the spirit and saying oh, were going to march today. You know, that was part of it, but they thought about very methodically and strategically where do we get the most mileage whether we do a sitin today or a boycott, and they really thought about also, how do we do this in a way that we allow our opponent to save face so that after all of the tension clears up, we can come back together and join hands. So thats the problem today as i

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