[ theme ] stephanie okay. Here we go. Were not in any way hung over from inauguration festivities. I did not just get here 20 seconds ago. And Jacki Schechner look at you. Youre fully prepared. You were out until 4 00 a. M. Youre not supposed to tell people that i went home with you at 1 00 and wrote my news. Stephanie sure, you did. Exactly what i did. Not that i was posting on twitter at 4 00 a. M. Stephanie i think you saw from the pictures what i was doing. Hanging out with the Vice President. Well talk about that a little bit. In the meantime, here she is. It was a big fing deal. Here she is, Jacki Schechner in her current news hovel here on the road. At least you got out of captain americas underpants. Pup tent. Right now this hour former president s, house members senators governors cabinet members all start arriving for the inauguration. As do the crowds. The estimates have gotten as high as about 900,000 people at this point. This is minuscule however compared to last inauguration. 1. 8 million but of course were a little more subdued. The first lady will be seated at 11 14. Vice President Biden seated next then president obama then we get the invocation from marley evers williams. Eves widow. Justice sotomayor swears in the justice. John roberts swears in the president. Well hear his inaugural address around noon. All of this is just pomp and circumstance because the president actually was sworn in for his second term yesterday. He had a quiet ceremony in the blue room of the white house with family and some media. His first action of his second term was hugging his family and saying to sasha i did it. Isnt that sweet . There is a constitutional requirement that he has to be sworn in by noon on the 20th which is why they had to do it yesterday. Stephanie i didnt realize we were still here. Im not used to it. Hi. Just drink your coffee. Sit there and look pretty. After today this is an interesting tidbit, president obama will match president Franklin Roosevelts president of being sworn in four times because last year chief Justice Roberts flubbed the official oath and they had to do it again out of an abundance of caution. Yesterday he was sworn in. Today will be the fourth. So were going to hear the speech. We think its going to be hopeful tone. Optimistic. The about the has to get right to work. Deal with the debt ceiling immigration and of course, we know gun control. Agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. When the democrats are wrong, they know that im going to be the first one to call them out. They can question whether im right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. The only ones i could find that were any newsworthy. Announcer ladies and gentlemen, its the Stephanie Miller show. Im walkin on sunshine im walkin on sunshine and its time to feel good hey, all right now its time to feel good stephanie okay. If you say so. It is the Stephanie Miller show on the road live from washington, d. C. For the inauguration. Here we are in bill presss studio. This is so discombobulating. Stephanie it is like the regular show only with more drinking and less sleep. Jacki, how are you doing in there . Can you hear me . Im behind the glass. Im in the news team. Stephanie she looks like a lobster. I want that one you want the smallest lobster . Stephanie i want the smallest, boniest, spiniest lobster in the tank. The one from miami. I feel like weve overtaken bill presss fort. We have. Stephanie every time i have to take over, i say the same thing to him. Hes like hi, steph. Im like get out bill. Daven is out here on the floor. Dan henning his associate producer. Stephanie kids, where do we start . Wowee. First of all, i have been drunk stephanie i took the party plane out. I was telling you guys. You made a lot of new friends on the party plane. Stephanie the flight from l. A. , every Single Person on the flight was drunk jim. Im quite certain. Youve been in a drunken haze for four days. Stephanie now i cant remember whats happened. It is such a haze. The first night, we were drinking drunk. Stephanie in my room. It was me and Jacki SchechnerMelissa Fitzgerald, our truffle. Whats funny is you sent the text message to us to join you in your room. We walked in your room and you guys were already hammered. Stephanie chris and jim came. Roland was slurring his words. Stephanie sexy liberal tour director. We were drinking and trying on gowns. As you do. Melissa fitzgerald, she is a real girl. I dont leave my house. I wear this baseball hat and tshirt ul day every all day every day. I didnt own a gown until i lived in d. C. Its not something you might necessarily own unless you walk the red carpet like melissa does. Stephanie that you might have thought about the day before you left for the trip. Someone that was of higher intelligence. You work in radio. You dont dress up. Stephanie right. I called jacki. It has been a drunken fashion emergency for days now. Ball okay. So anyway, we were all getting drunk and trying on gowns. I said it was like a an edition of toddlers with tiaras only drunk. What about this one . Honey booboo a mixture of red bull and mountain dew. So you had your goto which was chardonnay. Stephanie right. I tell you what, all i remember, jim, this is the part youll enjoy. Because you may have had to make the apology calls after the bottle of vodka night. Koala latched on to Melissa Fitzgerald sucking on her like a eucalyptus leaf. Shes straight. Stephanie thats the reason for the apology call. Oh, my god. Stephanie like a screech monkey. Jacki was with me the next morning. Beep. Melissa, hi, its i apologize for attaching myself to your face like a facesucking alien. I know youre straight. Did that cause for any awkwardness the next day . Stephanie no. She enjoyed it apparently. She was hanging on my face during the show. That was stephanie the debauchery that happened this weekend. The best part is melissas going along with it all. Stephanie somehow we have sucked this person into the vortex. I was saying it a whole reality show. Melissa, im sorry. I know youre straight. Im sorry i blanked. It is like mad libs. Im sorry i burp. [ laughter ] stephanie jacki always calls it americas funniest lesbian pranks. Can you help me with the zipper on this gown . Oops i fell. Help me jackis straight as well. Stephanie listen, she knows. Shes gotten the apology call. Shes been on the end of it. Stephanie oh my god you deal with this. Find her a girlfriend. This is exhausting oh, my god. Stephanie all right. Inauguration. Obama four more years stephanie i was so excited about being here for inauguration weekend, i broke up with my fake internet girlfriend. Im sure i did something to the washington monument. I called and apologized. Oh, boy. Stephanie i think its straight too. Stephanie really straight. So that brings us to what can we say about sexy liberal saturday night . Oh, my god. It was amazing. Stephanie jim ward is brilliant, by the way as usual. You missed a whole thing there. You missed the big thing on saturday afternoon. The white house. Stephanie oh affair with vice President Biden. Oh, white house. Oh yeah. Stephanie thats right yeah. Stephanie how did i leave out that we got a private tour of the white house. Including the situation room. Which nobody sees. Stephanie i almost caused a situation in the situation room. As you do. Stephanie they forgot they were supposed to take our cell phones. We were like oh, my god how close are we to a sniper . Poor john said im fired. Stephanie we have a big fan, a proud out and gay air force fan hes been on the show before. He couldnt reveal who he was. Hes the founder of outserve magazine. When he was on dont ask dont tell was still in place. So he could not reveal what his name was or who he was. But now he can. His name is jonathan mills. We thank him so much. Stephanie seriously, you were the biggest geek. Even though we were all geeking out. I swear ive never heard a man gasp like that. Oh, is that the oh it is the oval office. Im sorry. I was like wow im glad they left the rug in there. They took ruggy out. Stephanie we were in the room when they got bin laden, we were in that room. Where the famous picture was taken where hillary went ahh stephanie what about that phone . Just give him a look. Do not touch that phone uhoh. Just launched a strike. Stephanie thats why you could never work in the situation room. You end to blurt things out. You would say guess who were going to kill tonight. Im sorry. Was that the thing i wasnt supposed to they had a bunch of televisions in there. All of the televisions could tune to any television station on earth anywhere. The local nbc station in abilene. It gets it. Could get it in there. Stephanie i always wanted to know what zulu time is. What time is it in abbottabad . There are clocks say what time it is where the president is. Tune into zambias funniest home videos. Stephanie can i play with the remote . We havent got ton me and the Vice President. Now, thats a tease. You know, hes straight. Stephanie i have to call and apologize this morning. We havent even gotten to the show and who we met yesterday. Weve got stories. Weve got stuff. 18 minutes after the hour. It is the Stephanie Miller show. For better or worse live on the road from the inauguration here in washington, d. C. Well be right back. Announcer shes your human tie depressant. Its the Stephanie Miller show. Every six months without an accident, allstate sends a check. Ok. [ voice of dennis ] silence. Are you in good hands . The chill of peppermint. The rich dark chocolate. York peppermint pattie get the sensation. Current tv presents special coverage of the president ial inauguration. The pomp, the circumstance the insight and analysis. Only on current tv. Ill keep Stephanie Miller my dirty little secret my dirty little secret who has to know stephanie yeah, yeah, yeah. No secret about you. Everyone knows everything. Stephanie blowing secrets out all morning. 23 minutes after the hour. It is live. From washington, d. C. Pet sexy liberal director. Petroland who we just discovered is dressed inside out. Stephanie they were out until 4 00. He walked to work this morning with his shirt inside out. They have cabs here. Didnt you have to walk. Stephanie im continuing my tradition of killing roland with exercise. Ill give him my headphones. Stephanie we walked because i dont you cant get anywhere close to here. Were right at the capitol. I took metro. Metro station right over here. So much easier. Than the 90minute death walk. Stephanie i bought you a breakfast sandwich. Hush. I want ado nut. Sounds so highstrung this morning. Stephanie well, listen, he pulled off, ladies and gentlemen, amazing sexy liberal show saturday night. It was the best. Stephanie thats what everybody said. It was the best. Stephanie i dont remember because i was drunk. Melissa fitzgerald kissed me on the mouth. Stephanie jim has wood. That was like two days ago. She came out in her jessica rabbit dress and sang to jim and kissed him. Here will be the scandal roland. Melissa fitzgerald wore that dress. Then she lent it to me last night for the green ball and then shes going to wear it tonight to the big ball. So. People are going to go how is she going to they keep trading that dress. It seems to attract Vice President s. Stephanie oh, look at you teasing. Were not to the Vice President story yet. He did not go to radio school like we did. Im a little tired this morning. [ laughter ] stephanie all right, we were still at saturday we got a private tour of the white house and the situation room and its like you see in the movies, the smaller situation runnel was the one where they actually got bin laden. Is this for smaller situations . Clearly not. This one was trouble in munchkin land. Stephanie only countries with little people. It is a tiny it is really small. Situation here. Very tiny situation. Stephanie situation in oz perhaps . In that picture the famous picture that was taken, it looked a lot bigger. Its not. Its tiny. I furtherly examine bin laden. Stephanie we got to find out all sorts of white house fun facts. Yes, we did. Stephanie the president of china gave us these. We gave them one of these leftover im like you regifted . Oh, there is a dove here in the cabinet where the president ial papers im like the president panicking. Where is that crappy ashtray Angela Merkel gave me . Miller fillmore paperweight. Yes, we did drink white house water. I think it was tafts bath water. Stephanie surprisingly substandard. So that was saturday. Saturday night was amazing. Sexy liberal. Every sexy liberal in the universe was there. Tom hartman was in the audience. Joe madison. We had Rocky Mountain mic and daniel and sue in rockville. I cant even we did the show. Road flare mary was there. Of course im lying about that. You people stephanie i cant afford it because the blacks stole all my sons food stamps and filled their escalades up with groceries. I dont have the money. Show me a poor jew. Stephanie all right. Groceries and corves a yea. Stephanie good morning mary. Dont get me started. Stephanie alan grayson who of course was our surprise celebrity guest and who once again got a standing ovation for walking. When he walks into the theatre. Those boots he was wearing stephanie they were made for walking. He always wears those boots. Stephanie and the patriotic tie. Hes 1,000 feet tall. Hard to miss him. Hes a rock star. Hes a wonderful man. Stephanie i love him so much. We got stiffed by alec baldwin again. He was the second. Stephanie he was kind of the bell of the ball here. Traffic is you cant get anywhere. He was hosting the comcast ball or something. He kept we were emailing. How big were the flowers roland . I will say alec baldwin sent me like a forest. And lily tomlin. Greatest person in the world. Stephanie i know it. They sent us which of course we drank out of dental cups backstage. That was expensive champagne that you drank out of dixie cups. Shes just classy. Stephanie right. But anyway, we were unfortunately what do you call it . Alec baldwin, we were emailing back and forth and he was stuck in traffic. Well do a reality show, right waiting for alec baldwin. You have enough episodes now. Stephanie one day my prince will come. See what you do . This is what we do, roland. We went right up to the break before i say oh, and i met the Vice President. Thats a tease this aint my first time at the rodeo. Right back with the Stephanie Miller show. Right have, about the heavy hand of government. I want to have that conversation. Lets talk about it. Really . Youre going to lay people off because now the government is going to help you fund your healthcare. Really . I want to have those conversations, not to be confrontational, but to understand what the other side is saying, and id like to arm our viewers with the ability to argue with their conservative uncle joe over the dinner table. Youll always be Stephanie Miller the nicest, sweetest, coolest girl at the pageant and this years miss congeniality. [ cheering ] stephanie okay. It is the Stephanie Miller show. Live on the road from washington, d. C. For inauguration today of the president barack obama. Please and thank you. 1800steph12 the phone number. Sure. Yeah. Travis can text me whos on the line. Stephanie look at roland jacki spooning in the other thing. Cutest thing ive ever seen. Weve become one person over the course of the last 48 hours. That is totes adorbs. Stephanie weve only been here since friday. We havent got ton yesterday. I forgot the other thing have we been tweeting pictures . I cant tell because youve been drunk. Everything that you sent to me is on your facebook page. Stephanie okay. It has been irmagird weekend. There are pictures with me and senator Elizabeth Warren. Thank you very much. For political geeks Kenny Loggins was playing. Oh, my god, Elizabeth Warren. Unless hes doing footloose i dont care. I wanted to meet Elizabeth Warren and did i. Senator al franken. Pictures of me. Those are all up on your facebook page. Stephanie yes. How radio is. Not the same not as good as the senate apparently. What was his review of the show . This has not been your best show. Stephanie he wasnt at sexy liberal. It was great to see him. I know. Actually you remember last time i felt like we were here, we launched the Washington Station with him. When we started. Thats right. Stephanie like eight or nine years ago. It was me and him. The first Washington Station. We arrived in a horsedrawn carriage. Stephanie we almost got run over by john mccain. He looks angry for some reason. Where does that take us to . I dont know. Yesterday. Yesterday. What did you do yesterday . Stephanie we went to the green ball right jacki . Oh, wait, hold on. My mic was off. Stephanie sorry, were you busy . Were having a moment. I had to get roland to turn his shirt right side out. Stephanie were live on the air. Is that how that works . Live . Stephanie all right. We went to the green ball. We all got dressed up in hur fancy duds. Roland and jacki and Melissa Fitzgerald and ron that owns the show and is trying to kill me for the Life Insurance money. Went to the green ball. It was amazing. It was at the newsseum. It is an amazing building. We talked about some of the things that are there. They have the Pulitzer Prize winning photos. Hal sparks and i had a conversation about doing the whiter in his tux. We had a moment of discussing how to be a newscaster in that environment. Stephanie i think roland has drunken video of you and Melissa Fitzgerald and i of singing ive got a feeling. There is a picture of you with will. I. Am. Stephanie we look like two peas in a pod in that picture. So cute. He was totes adorbs. Jacki, i do remember that. I remember you and melissa and i dancing a