Theyve become as indispensable toilet paper. Hes also capable of writing letters in which he he plays with gender by substituting masculine names for feminine names signing himself for the girls name and writing to his brother in a girls name his brother modeste is also gay and they have a little code between the first. We know a lot about tchaikovskys behavior his fluctuating moods his changing attitudes to what he goes up to and there is a period where he writes very frankly about being cut off from society and what cuts him off from society is his sexuality. And he cautions particularly modest about following messiah pos its unthinkable of course that a young gay youth in modern day russia let alone in the middle of the Nineteenth Century would be able to escape entirely some kind of. Negativity. Ranging of course from mild persecution or mild psychological problems to certain death i mean we know that thats happening even today. I have decided to marry a woman its not a joke what who doesnt matter i need to be able to show that i have a wife in public im not doing it for myself but for you. From. Home. Im selfassertion was touched on homosexuality was illegal and czarist russia if a homosexual couple was caught in the act they were exiled to siberia if you know if it involved a minor then theyd be sentenced to hard labor that was the law thats out of this its. But i also believe that over chekhovs the it was less the fear of punishment and more about harming other people with his reputation. Thats what really mattered to him and. To think it may have gone but i shot more a question of shame and he was a person who was ashamed of his many many things and try to hide those things he was prepared smalling ruin upon himself and upon others you can see on going on that in two thousand. She is one of my students she wrote me a love letter and to nina i made it quite clear that its futile but that made no impression on her she even threatened to commit suicide so i told her to her face the di do not love her and the best we can be friends well then i had an idea i made it brutally clear about what she was getting into i described to her my awful character my nervousness my temper my reclusive nature and also my financial situation then i asked her if she wanted to be my wife and she she said yes now i feel terrible me with my innate aversion to marriage suddenly forcing myself to marry a woman i do not love with that is i can no longer undo this we are to be married in a few days. There is. Need to add the affects of his private life from Public Knowledge because hes so value is his public career his successful career which was a source of pride for him and something he felt he was doing for his nation and felt very strongly that he was creating a russian musical tradition thats right of course that is another reason for marrying was financial here urgently needed money and he urgently needed a wife as a kind of alibi and he desperately wanted to be a role model for his youngest brother. But i will shortly be married bothers me more than i thought i cannot put aside my ingrained habits so easily since we last spoke i have given in to my natural impulses at least three times guess what i recently visited bullet of whose house is nothing more than a brothel. As if being there wasnt enough i fell in love with the driver hes very attractive and his hands make my knees go weak so you are absolutely right when you say it is impossible to keep your urges under control what ever you might have vowed to yourself by the way i am up to my ears in debt but who cares. We didnt we didnt hear we didnt talk we didnt see it is like a three monkey. You can be gay but they dont want to talk about and i think in the time of the chick watsky they knew something is going on. And they close their eyes. How can you possibly think i could have recovered from the custard wedding in just two days it was a never ending moral torture first we sat beside each other in silence i wanted to scream
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